AN: I love caps lock, I really do. It's the only way I can show how frustrated Raito is, because Matsuda's narration leaves what the characters are actually doing to your imagination. I also love making Raito frustrated! My oh my, being an author is such fun. I think we all must be sadists. :)
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"So are we sorted?" Matsuda asked everyone. Most of the cakes had already disappeared but Watari walked around patiently refilling cups with what seemed like an unending supply of tea.
"I think we're good," Mogi replied. "And is our prince ready to continue?" he turned to Raito with a smile, who promptly glared at him, not bothering to answer.
"Great," Matsuda said and began again.
Having taken some time in the middle of their discussion to finish their tea, the royal family noted how good it had tasted and thanked the royal butler, Watari, for all his hard work in brewing it for them. "Oh, did your highnesses enjoy it? I'm quite glad. That tea took a considerably long time to make, as it required a special tea leaf from across the seas that I had acquired to be boiled in water for many hours. With your permission I will certainly order some more to be held in our storeroom for the next time this particular taste catches your highnesses' royal fancy. Now, if you will, I shall take my leave," he told them.
"What a surprisingly long and pleasing speech, butler," Queen Soichiroko said, "If you'd just take a seat I think we might be able to get you another part in just a bit, after my son has finished telling us all about his problems."
And so the butler sat down beside the king and queen as they waited for the prince to complain to them a little more about his love life. Yes, yes Watari, please sit down. You can be a helpful gardener or something; we'll work it out. And Prince Raito, whose earlier fever had been miraculously cured by the foreign tea we hope, went on.
"Mother, Father, I've told you this twice already but I need to find someone to fall in love with and then marry, preferably in that order. And if we could hurry up with that, I'm not exactly getting any younger here," Prince Raito appealed to them.
"Of course son," Queen Soichiroko said, "We all know that. But while I am happy for you with all this finding-you-one-true-love business, I need to remind you that you are royalty. You can't just go off and marry any young girl that takes your fancy. Or that Duke's daughter, because despite all your obvious flaws like your inability to get up in the morning and your bland taste in clothing I as your mother still like to think you can do better."
Beside her the king, who had until now not said anything because he pretty much agreed with everything the queen had been saying, decided to become a part of the conversation and get his character introduced. He was a very good king because the kingdom he was ruling was doing pretty well under his rule, but he was also very good with the ladies, who he had wooed successfully and often with his charm, wit and excellent hygiene before he had finally married Soichiroko. The two had met one magical night at a ball some guy they both kind of knew was holding, and danced and then fallen in love as one tends to do in that kind of setting. Then they had gotten married and been very happy together. This king's name was Mogi.
"I would just like to say," King Mogi began, "That you are looking particularly beautiful today, my dear."
"Oh, stop, you," Queen Soichiroko blushed.
"But how can I, my love," King Mogi told her, "When I just find you so enchanting. I could sing your praises from dusk to dawn to dusk." And as he said this he took her hand and kissed it, drawing her closer.
"Oh my God..." Prince Raito said, in awe of the love that his parents shared and wishing he could find someone of his own to have such a happy marriage with. He felt almost reluctant to interrupt them, but knew he had to get started on his own mission as soon as he could. "Spare me...stop! Stop it! Quest, you need to give me one already!" he told them.
"I can do that, and then once I have I can go on ravishing your mother in your absence," King Mogi said, pulling away from his queen to address Prince Raito. "Son: find a woman. Now, where was I..." he turned back to Queen Soichiroko, who blushed even deeper at the look in her husband's eyes and-
"STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW OR I WILL RIP THAT BLANK-PAGED BOOK OUT OF YOUR HANDS AND TEAR IT INTO FREAKING UN'READ'ABLE TINY BLANK PIECES."
"That's not very polite, Raito," Matsuda told him.
"Yes, you should never insult a man's book," Mogi said with his arm around Yagami-san's shoulders.
Watari rose from his chair. "Perhaps I should get us some more refreshments while we're at an interval."
"Oh no, don't worry about it. Very good job, by the way," Matsuda complimented him.
"Yes, very good," Yagami-san and Mogi agreed. "On par with the tea."
With that they remained silent for a couple of minutes until Raito finally spoke up. "...do I get to be outraged now?"
"I don't know..." Matsuda hesitated. "I think we should be moving the story along a little faster..."
Scowling at him heavily as he spoke, Raito attempted a compromise, knowing that reacting violently to the deliberate provocation of the two men would just egg them on further. "Can I at least sit between them, then?" he asked through gritted teeth.
"But then L would be lonely," Matsuda told him, apparently surprised by this oversight.
L promptly reached out to thread his arm through Raito's and looked up at him with look on his face that no one else could read. With a sigh and a quick glare at both his father and his conspirator, Raito sat back down.
The narrator cleared his throat and went on.
Though King Mogi's words were very good and accurate ones, Prince Raito was still unsure of what he should be doing. He expressed this uncertainty to the king and queen who agreed that some further details should be added to make the quest a little more interesting and fulfilling for the prince. After ruling out specifying the hair colour or dress size of his prospective bride, they decided that with Prince Raito's blandness of fashion sense and tendency to be very irritable in the mornings they should probably work on how he'd get the girl, rather than who the girl would be.
"It's not wrong to have low standards, son," Queen Soichiroko assured him. "It's better to be realistic about this whole thing."
"Wow. Thanks. I really think I'm growing as a person thanks to the fantastic influence of you two in my life, Mother and Father," Prince Raito said gratefully. He thought again how much he loved his parents, who had raised him so well and so kindly and paid him far more attention than most of those princes you hear about who get locked in basements or ignored or whatever to the point of maybe becoming really evil and then having their skin turn green until they spend the rest of their lives going around trying to steal people's dragonballs.
"Well, we can't fix your awful taste in clothing or complete inability to use sarcasm without weeks and weeks of effort, which we don't have since you're turning eighteen in some number of days," King Mogi pointed out.
"Ten days," Queen Soichiroko said.
"Really? I think he could manage it in less," the king told her.
"Seven, maybe?"
"I was thinking more like five..."
"Three would be better, if we're going that way-"
"SEVEN DAYS. I turn eighteen in one week, okay? You should know that, loving and attentive parents that you apparently are," Prince Raito reminded them politely.
"That long, huh? Well, we still don't have enough time to sort out these problems of yours. Maybe you should have come to us about this a little earlier, rather than putting it off so long," King Mogi said, "Another flaw of yours, I suppose. Well then. What do you think we should do, butler?"
The butler Watari lowered the cup of tea he had been sipping and looked over the prince. "I believe I may have a solution to your problem. What should be done is simply this-"
"Oh, sorry, it's my phone," Matsuda put down his book abruptly and fumbled around in his pocket for the source of the beeping noise that had interrupted Watari. Finding it finally, he brought it to his ear. "Hello! Ah, you can make it? No, no, it's fine. Please, come and join us. Huh? How's it going? Well enough, but Raito's dragging down the team a little. Yes, we'll be here. See you soon!" He pressed a button and slipped the phone back into his pocket, beaming at the others who had been watching him.
With a thump Raito's head hit the table.
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AN: So, who have we got. Matsuda, the narrator with selective hearing. Yagami-san, the beautiful queen, attentive mother and loving *cough* wife. Mogi, the wise king with excellent hygiene. Raito, the physically weak and apparently flawed prince who has so far got very little to redeem him. Watari, the competent butler who can make many a pleasing speech. And L, making up the audience. What will happen to this cast of characters? Well I know, and if you keep reading, you'll get to find out. ;)