She will promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
She's Always a Woman, Billy Joel
Chapter 5
Later that evening, Elphaba sat on the soft grass at the edge of the canal, leaning back against a tree with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her books lay beside her, mostly forgotten. She pulled up blades of grass, tossing them haphazardly. She considered the water, flowing in a choppy rhythm down the same course it had followed for decades. She envied it, rolling on in endless, undulating continuity, so sure of its destiny. The water was master of its course, and slave at the same time. Slowly, but assuredly, it carved its banks out of the hardest stone, knowing that freedom lay where the river's mouth opened into the vast and limitless sea. At this moment, Elphaba would have paid handsomely for a glimpse of where the currents of her life were trying to take her.
She refused to dissolve into history, eventually only to be vaguely remembered as the 'green girl' by her elderly, drooling acquaintances. She wanted to do something that would cause the name of Elphaba Thropp to be spoken with reverent awe, and perhaps even a touch of fear. It was not about the celebrity of it, or the spoils of fame. She would happily be martyred tragically, if only to be remembered. Elphaba wanted to change something, to take her last breath knowing that someone was better off because of her. It was a dream she never shared wholly with anyone, for fear of how impossible it sounded. What she'd shared with Fiyero was the closest she'd come to laying out the things that burned deep within her soul. She'd let her guard down with him and revealed more than she'd intended. Now, she believed that choice was complicating the current decision she had to make.
Fiyero was clinging to her, if not physically, then emotionally. Clearly, he was unlike most boys, in that he'd wound his feelings up in the physical act of sex. Or perhaps, she considered, this was how all boys felt, and most of them spent a great deal of time behaving likes boars in order to cover it up. Elphaba then wondered if Avaric's utterly revolting behavior was somehow rooted in a pathetic attempt to be loved. If that was true, it still didn't change the fact that Avaric had reached a new level of obnoxious.
Elphaba let out a heavy sigh and tugged at her hair, wishing she had some sort of clichéd crystal ball to tell her how this should all play out. Should she risk having Fiyero walk away in order to obtain what she felt would be crucial information from Dr. Dillamond's office? She recognized that risk, because she was certain Fiyero would not take her sleeping with Avaric nonchalantly. He often didn't see things the way she did. He would not understand it was simply what had to be done.
"You look sad…" a voice interrupted Elphaba's maze of thoughts. She looked up into Fiyero's dark and brooding eyes.
"I'm thinking," she mumbled, not wanting the distraction.
Fiyero didn't take the hint, and plopped down beside her. After a long, quiet moment, he commented, "You know…this is the same tree."
"What?" Elphaba snapped.
Fiyero looked a little wounded, "This is the tree where I nearly stumbled upon you…the night we first…"
"Oh dear sweet Lureline! Just say it!" Elphaba huffed and rolled her eyes, amazed that no one in all of Shiz seemed mature enough to put words to what so many of them were doing behind closed doors.
Deflated, Fiyero tried again, "It just seems as though it's been longer than just a couple of weeks…"
"If you're less than satisfied, we can part ways now. I'm sure you won't dare try this with any other girl. So by the time you marry your pristine, Winkie bride, your virginity might have grown back."
Fiyero looked shocked, and then a touch angry, "Elphaba Thropp, has anyone ever told you that a vast majority of the time, you are just plain mean?"
Elphaba's expression rolled through anger, and landed on panic. She looked around quickly, her eyes scanning their surroundings. Seeing no one, she leaned over and kissed him, long and hard, as though she were trying to convince him of something terribly important.
She finally pulled away and breathed, "I'm sorry. I need you. We need each other. You understand that, don't you?"
Fiyero, who was too young and male to read into it too deeply, said, "Forgiven. And there's no chance of my virginity growing back, it's yours. Forever. No Winkie bride can change that."
Elphaba sat back on her heels and bit her lip, "Fiyero, we don't own each other. We can't. There is so much to be done, so much we can do if we both really want it. You can't own me. You must understand that the cause comes first. I have to do whatever it takes, and you have to be willing to let me."
Fiyero furrowed his brow, unsure of how to respond when she talked this way. Surely she knew he would never stand in her way.
Unless someone tries to hurt her, the thought overwhelmed him suddenly, and surprised him, I will not watch her be hurt…
"Whatever it takes, Fiyero," she repeated ominously, "You must let me do whatever it takes."
Elphaba met Avaric the following morning. She waited for him outside the History building and fell in step beside him as he left class. She intentionally led them toward a quiet grove of trees, out of earshot.
"So you've considered my offer?" he asked.
Elphaba bit back a scathing retort, "Yes," she spat.
"And?" Avaric raised an eyebrow, stopping and turning to face her.
"The answer is yes."
"Yes…you will share my bed?"
"Yes! If that's what it takes! If that's how disgustingly carnal and self-serving you are, then yes!" Elphaba threw the words at him.
A smile spread over Avaric's face, "I'm glad to hear that. Come to my room, at dinner hour, tomorrow. Don't be followed, and don't bring company."
"As though I'd want witnesses to having slept with you," Elphaba growled.
She turned to leave, but he caught her arm. She twisted away, and he added, "Don't think you can make this a passive encounter, either. I don't want to have sex with a frigid crone. I want the Fiyero treatment. I want whatever it is that makes him pine for you like a drooling puppy."
They stared at each for a moment, the air between them crackling with unspoken hatred and Avaric's selfish lust. Elphaba finally stormed away, praying to every god there might be that this would be worth it.
The following day the skies opened up and unleashed a steady torrent of rain on Shiz and the surroundings towns. It fell in thick, heavy drops that soaked immediately through clothes, and seemed to penetrate skin and saturate the soul. Elphaba appreciated the sentiment of it, since she felt anything but sunny. However, by the end of the day her books were damp and wrinkled, and her clothes smelled like wet grass. She stoked the fire in hers and Galinda's room, tossing her wet clothes over a chair. She stood by the fire, warming her bare skin, when Galinda clamored through the door.
The blonde nearly tripped herself, trying to close the door with an armload of books, bags, a frilly umbrella, a rain cloak, and her shoes. She dropped the mess by her bed and shook her damp curls, hoping they were not too damaged for dinner. She finally noticed Elphaba and yelped.
"Elphie! Put some clothes on!"
Elphaba looked down. She was wearing stockings, undergarments, and the short shift she'd worn under her dress. It barely skimmed her hips, but still revealed little.
"I am wearing clothes," she deadpanned.
"Those are not clothes! Aren't you afraid someone will see you like that?" Galinda squeaked.
"Other than you?" Elphaba looked quizzical, "Who else comes in here? Have you started bringing boys to our room without warning me?"
Galinda let out a little shriek of annoyance, "No! I am not you!" she pointed an accusing finger.
Elphaba bristled a little, but didn't engage in the argument. Instead, she crossed the room and approached Galinda. She stood very close, reaching up to shake a few droplets of water from her roommate's blonde curls. Galinda was very aware of how close they were, of how Elphaba smelled of rain and fire smoke.
"No," Elphaba finally answered, "You're not me. But you could be. You could be with me, anyway."
Elphaba whisked herself away then, throwing on a dry, dark dress and hurrying out the door with a purpose Galinda could only guess at. She was left alone, standing very still and feeling an unusual warmth that could not be blamed on the meager fire. Galinda shook it off, wondering what on earth Elphaba had meant.
Elphaba sloshed across the campus, her boots quickly becoming waterlogged and her dress hanging heavy from the rain. She nearly broke her ankle scaling the wall separating her from Avaric and Fiyero's dormitory. Cursing, she slipped behind the shrubbery to the window and rapped on it.
Avaric raised it carefully, offering an arm to help her. She pushed him aside and swung herself in of her own accord.
"You could accept basic chivalry, Elphaba. I'm not entirely without manners," Avaric chided.
"I believe you left manners behind when you began bartering with sex," Elphaba's words were caustic.
"I'd like to think there's something in this for both of us."
"All I want is the key."
Avaric pushed the window closed and studied her, not answering. Her efforts at drying herself had been in vain, as the trek across campus had left her drenched again. Her clothes clung uncomfortably, and her hair was heavy with the rain.
The green really could be pretty, Avaric determined, especially with the sheen from the water…
He wanted her. He was sure of it now. And he was used to getting what he wanted, one way or the other. He crossed the room and pressed himself into her, letting his lips graze hers hungrily.
"Let's get you out of these wet clothes," he whispered.
"Cliché," Elphaba snapped.
Avaric kissed her again, greedily, yet with practiced skill. He ran his hands over her body, pulling the buttons to her dress open. Elphaba stood, somewhat frozen, and let him.
"Don't make me do all the work," he whispered, "That won't earn you the key."
"I want to see it. I want to know you still have it," she demanded suddenly.
Avaric looked slightly annoyed, but crossed to his bookshelf anyway. He pulled the heavy key out just enough for her to see it, "Happy?" he asked.
Elphaba nodded.
"Now for what I want…" Avaric leered.
Elphaba glanced toward Fiyero's bed, suddenly vividly remembering him whispering Fae into her ear. Again, something twisted oddly within her. Mostly just to rid herself of the feeling, she whipped her dress over her head and tossed it to the floor. Avaric's eyes widened at the bold gesture, and his hands hungrily groped her body. Elphaba turned her full attention to Avaric, if only to distract herself from the nagging sight of Fiyero's bed. Avaric relished the attention.
He was attractive enough, Elphaba supposed, with sandy hair and piercing eyes that were somewhere between blue and gray. Yet, as Avaric pulled the rest of her clothing away, she couldn't help but be overcome by the memory of blue diamonds on skin the color of rich coffee. So Elphaba doubled her efforts toward him, forcing the image away. She stripped off his clothes and dared to let her mouth roam over his body. Then, Elphaba pushed him toward the bed. He groaned in appreciation and pressed her back against his pillows.
Avaric was not gentle, and he was clearly as selfish in his lovemaking as he was in his everyday dealings. He held her roughly and pressed himself inside of her without regard for foreplay. He shut his eyes, focusing on his own pleasure, and roughly pulled at Elphaba's hair. She let her fingernails sink into his skin, thinking he might take a hint, but it only seemed to spur him on. Just as Elphaba's discomfort started to become pain, Avaric reached climax. He thoroughly shut her out, turning his face away as he focused on himself.
Suddenly, Elphaba realized she had never felt so very used in all her life. She had entered into this knowing that's what she was doing, yet she hadn't imagined it would feel quite like this. This had to be the most selfish thing one person could do to another, to lay them open, naked and vulnerable, and simply take without regard. And then, feeling a sudden stab of regret, she wondered if that wasn't exactly what she was doing to Fiyero.
Elphaba couldn't shake the feeling, and it was making her nauseous. When Avaric collapsed beside her, she bolted from the bed and starting to throw on her clothes. He protested mildly, but was clearly too spent to really care. After shoving on her shoes, Elphaba started to reach for the key on the shelf. Avaric was on his feet suddenly, and snatched it before she could.
"Not just yet," he sneered, "you've given Fiyero what, two weeks? I have needs too, you know. Come back in two days, same time. If, after that, I'm satisfied, then you may have the key."
Elphaba's mouth dropped open in shock. She started to lunge at him, perhaps to claw out his eyes and wrestle the key from his filthy hand, but something else overcame her instead. A sudden torrent of tears pricked her eyes, and she turned her energy toward stopping them. Not one who usually spent much time crying, Elphaba clenched her teeth in frustrated anger. She spat at Avaric and bolted for the window, refusing to let him see the tears. Not even the key was worth that humiliation.
When she was a safe distance away, she stood in the driving rain for some time, wanting to melt into the ground, to let the grass drown her. Fiyero had been right on one account. Espionage was terribly messy. For half a heartbeat, Elphaba questioned whether it was worth it.