Some say love it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love it is a flower,
and you it's only seed.

When the night has been too lonely,
and the road has been too long,
and you think that love is only,
for the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter,
far beneath the bitter snows,
lies the seed,
that with the sun's love,
in the spring,
becomes the rose.

The Rose, Bette Midler

Chapter 12

The following day was Lurelinemas. Elphaba woke before dawn, still on the floor. She had a pounding headache and didn't feel at all festive. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin felt raw from crying. She was mostly numb, emotionally, but she was the slightest bit grateful to Galinda for staying with her on the cold floor. Noting that her friend was sleeping soundly, Elphaba carefully slipped from beneath the quilt and stood, stretching her aching body. She still felt nauseous, and a bit dizzy, but she could not stay in the room any longer. More than ever, Elphaba felt like a caged Animal, unwillingly captured and clawing to be free. She knew she could not run from what was truly shackling her, because it was within. However, she would settle for getting out of the room for now.

She pulled on her oldest dress and wrapped herself in her warmest winter cloak. She jerked on her boots and wrapped her scarves around her head without bothering to tie up her hair. Somehow, it didn't seem to matter today. Then Elphaba crept from the room without a word to her roommate.

She wandered across campus, kicking at the leftover, crusted snow. The air was strangely calm, and the school was utterly still in the murky light of dawn. The sun threatened to split the clouds later, perhaps warming the ground enough to melt the snow. For now, however, it was frigid and dim as Elphaba walked.

She left Crage Hall and crossed the main courtyard, which was usually filled with bustling activity. She shuffled through the grove of trees beyond the library and kept going, crunching through the frost-laden grass until the pond came into view. For some reason, she was drawn to this place. Elphaba wanted to believe it was because it was calm, quiet, and it felt separated from the chaos of University life. She didn't want to believe that her time here with Fiyero had anything to do with her feelings. Still, this morning she wrapped her arms around herself and remembered how he had made love to her. She wondered, with a touch of bitterness, if that might have been when this thing inside her had been conceived. Then, she remembered seducing Avaric, however unwillingly, and her stomach turned as she considered again the possibility that it was his.

Elphaba dropped to the ground in the clearing just before the pond, still feeling weak. She pulled her knees to her chest and stared blankly at the water. Yesterday, she had felt so purposeful, so alive and ready to take on the world. She had been desperately hoping to be well so that she could get back to work on her dissertation. Elphaba had so many dreams, and she usually had the raw, unflinching drive to see them through. Today, however, she felt absolutely numb. It was as though someone had uncorked her pool of energy and drained it bone dry. She couldn't imagine giving up her dreams, but she couldn't think of any possible way out of this mess. No one would rally behind a young, unmarried, pregnant girl. No one from the Vinkus or the grasslands would partner with a whore. How could she possibly get the Wizard, or any political leader, to take her seriously when she would soon be unable to hide the visible evidence of her irresponsibility?

The complication of it all made Elphaba's head start to throb again. Adding to her steadily growing panic was the fact that she would soon be expelled from the University, and she would have nowhere to go when it happened. She knew her father would never allow her to come home. She would be the greatest of disappointments now. The most she could hope for from Frex is that he might demand that the father of the child take responsibility for her. Since she couldn't even answer who that was, Elphaba knew she had no chance with her father, or Nessarose for that matter.

She thought back to her mother again, wondering why, considering Melena's obvious lack of modesty, she had never bothered to help her daughters understand the realities of sex. Instead, Melena had chosen selfishness and drowned herself in potent drugs to escape the monotony of the Unionist life. Then suddenly, out of the depths of her chaotic thoughts, Elphaba remembered something,

I used to get all sorts of tonics for her, Nanny had once said, Your mother seems to think there's a magic potion out there for everything. Even one to get rid of pregnancy. It's a cryin' shame that she'd try to get rid of a baby, but she swears some lover in her past used to give it to her by the pint…

Elphaba mulled the memory over for some time, not sure whether to be grateful or terribly hurt. She remembered going through the trinkets her mother kept in a chest by her bed. She had admired the glass beads and bottles she kept among the few gold rings and scarves she owned. Elphaba specifically remembered several labeled Miracle Elixir, but she'd dismissed it as just another one of her mother's mind-altering substances. Now, she wondered.

Maybe there's something out there that can get rid of this. Maybe that's how Melena managed not to have children for so long. After all, it's certainly no secret that she was no virgin on her wedding day. Maybe…

Elphaba stopped shy of wondering whether her mother had taken this elixir when she was pregnant with her. She'd never had any trouble feeling awkward and disappointing as a child. She didn't want to believe her mother might have tried to get rid of her. She would rather continue to think that the disappointment had come after her birth, and was due to an aversion to her color, rather than being altogether unwanted.

Elphaba shook herself out of that pattern of thinking. Instead, she focused on what she could do. Her mind raced as a rudimentary plan began to take shape. She would go to the Emerald City, like she'd told Galinda. She would take her research and the rough idea for her dissertation, and she would present it to the Wizard. She would also find that Miracle Elixir, or the closest thing to it. Surely someone in such a large, diverse city could get rid of this parasite trying to grow in her body.

I'll be rid of it, she told herself, and I'll start my revolution. This will not be the end of my life.

Elphaba sat there, oblivious to the passing time, planning her trip and subsequent freedom from this hideous predicament.

Galinda woke mid-morning with a horrible cramp in her neck. She sat, trying to rub it out, as she pulled herself from sleep. Finally, deciding it was not going to improve much, she stood up slowly and looked around for Elphaba. She surveyed both the beds, and then padded down the hall to inspect the washroom. She even peeked into the vacant room that belonged to Nessarose. Elphaba was nowhere to be found.

Galinda was troubled, wondering for a moment if perhaps she'd dreamed the whole incident from the night before. It seemed implausible now, in daylight, that she'd come in to find Elphaba crying so tragically. Still, she had, in fact, slept on the floor, so that part of the night must have been real.

She continued to agonize over it as she dressed and trudged to the dining hall for some breakfast. The food wasn't so great between semesters, but Galinda wasn't very hungry this morning anyway. She looked around for Elphie before grabbing a little fruit and settling into a chair. She ate listlessly, growing more worried as the minutes ticked by in silence. Most of the other students had plans today, each celebrating Lurelinemas in their own way. Galinda felt terribly alone, eating by herself. She had at least hoped that she and her roommate would find a way to make the best of the holiday together. Instead, she had a growing feeling in the pit of her stomach that something awful was on the horizon. Something had upset Elphaba terribly, and now her absence was frightening Galinda more and more.

She sat for some time, picking over the fruit and hoping Elphaba might come strolling in. Galinda finally gave up when the kitchen staff started to shoot her strange looks as they bustled about, preparing for a faculty holiday dinner that evening. She finally trudged from the dining hall and checked the room once again. There was still no sign of Elphie.

Wrapping an extra scarf around her head, Galinda decided to take a walk into town. She was a tad nervous, not having ventured very far without a chaperone, or at least a friend. It was clear at this point, though, that Elphie wasn't going to be found. Galinda refused to sit in her room alone on Lurelinemas, and she was becoming as angry as she was worried. She couldn't imagine why Elphaba would do this to her, knowing how upset she'd been about spending the holiday alone.

Galinda wallowed in self-pity as she made her way to the usual café. It was full of activity, with many students who'd stayed on choosing to celebrate there. It smelled festive, like peppermint tea and hot chocolate with a hint of rum. She sat in a corner by the fireplace, warming her hands and ordering some of the sweet smelling tea for herself. She sipped slowly when it came, deciding that the musicians were quite good today.

Elphie's voice would fit beautifully, she thought.

Galinda hadn't felt this alone in quite some time. She shook her head wistfully over her tea, wondering how in such a short time she'd changed so much. Just this semester, she'd gone from tolerating her roommate to wishing desperately that she would appear. She knew the old Galinda would have called it ridiculous, but she grew more devastated as the hours passed and Elphaba did not appear. Her emotions faded from hurt and angry to worried and finally panicked. Finally, unable to sit still any longer, Galinda gathered her things and hurried through the cold back to Crage Hall. The sun had appeared in the afternoon, but it had only served to melt the snow into freezing puddles that would become dangerous ice by nightfall.

She entered the room cold, tired, and disappointed once again. She stoked the fire and curled up beside it in the quilt she'd left on the floor. Feeling utterly alone, Galinda swallowed over tears. She wasn't sure how long she sat there, watching the flicking firelight and listening to the lonely chime of the clock.

The sound of the door being thrown open finally broke the palpable silence. Galinda jumped, turning to see Elphaba jerking off her cloak and scarves. She kicked the door shut behind her as she spoke.

"It's time, Galinda," was all she said.

"What?" Galinda was utterly confused.

"It's time to go. We have to hurry, though. We need to be gone before lock-up."

Galinda stood, still baffled, "Go where? Elphie, what are you talking about?"

"There isn't time to explain. Just get your things."

"What things? Elphie, stop it right now! I am not going anywhere! You left me here all day, alone! On Lurelinemas! And after last night…"

"Forget last night. It won't matter soon. But we have to go now, and I need you with me," Elphaba pleaded, pulling out a satchel and stuffing clothes inside.

"Elphie, where are you going?" Galinda squeaked.

Elphaba stopped and took Galinda's arms. Her eyes frightened Galinda a little as she breathed, "To the Emerald City. You and I."

Galinda took a step back, "What? No! Elphie, that's no place for us! We're only schoolgirls! You can't possibly be serious!"

"I've never been more serious. We have important things to do. We need to see the Wizard," Elphaba's voice was deep and smooth, like rich chocolate, pulling Galinda in and making it impossible to refuse.

"But…where were you, Elphie? You left me alone today. Today! And now you expect me too…" Galinda pouted a little, not ready to forgive her friend just yet.

Elphaba sighed and pulled Galinda over to her bed. She pulled her friend down next to her and said, "I'm sorry. I had…an unexpected development. If it helps, I've been alone as well. But I see what I need to do now, and I need you. And we have to go tonight!"

Galinda shook her head frantically, starting to panic, "Elphie, I can't! I just can't…run off like that!"

Elphaba moved closer, taking Galinda's face in her hands. She stilled the frantic shaking and said, "Yes, you can. You're smart and strong, but you're also blue-blooded enough to get us where we need to be. You're as frustrated with this school as I am, because you're more than what everyone thinks of you. You're more than your parents think of you. You are more, Galinda."

Galinda wanted to refuse. She was terrified, and she had no idea what Elphaba really hoped to accomplish in the city. Somehow, though, she could not say no. Elphaba had fixed her with those wide, dark, brooding eyes that could be both horribly sad and devastatingly beautiful. Galinda remembered the tears that had flowed so freely the night before, and she knew her friend needed something desperately. What it was, Elphaba might not confess, but Galinda did not have the heart to refuse.

So they hastily packed up their things and slipped into town to catch the first carriage that would take them. They were off to the city, come what may and hell to pay.