Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded
Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it
Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway Train, Soul Asylum
Chapter 13
The trip into the city took nearly a week. They had to piggyback on other carriages, chartered by the wealthier travelers. The girls spent much of their time crammed into the back seats or storage compartments of various carriages. At night, they slept in makeshift beds above inns, taverns, or the occasional brothel. It was not the safest mode of travel, Galinda knew, and she spent a great deal of the time wide-eyed and fearful. Elphaba tried to calm her, keeping a constant nighttime vigil and haggling with the drivers and innkeepers.
On one particularly cold night, they tried to light a fire in a dusty, ill-kept fireplace above a seedy restaurant. Elphaba struggled with the flint and some damp wood, which was all they could find. After some time, she finally cursed and gave up.
"We'll be cold tonight, I suppose," she grumbled.
Galinda tried to smile. She pulled her cloak back around herself underneath the threadbare blanket they had been given. Elphaba pulled on her cloak as well and climbed into the tiny bed next to her friend. They huddled together, trying to stop their shaking and find a measure of rest. They were quiet for some time, shivering together and feeling altogether exhausted.
Finally, Galinda spoke up quietly, "Elphie...the other night, before we left…Lurelinemas Eve…what happened?"
Elphaba was very quiet. She studied her hands, and then looked out the one, murky window for some time. When she finally answered, her voice was low and strained, "I received some bad news, but I think I've worked through it. I know what to do."
"But Elphie, can't you tell me what it was? We've become good friends, I think. And you seemed so…sad…"
Elphaba heaved a large sigh, "It's not important, Galinda. It won't be important. And you know too much already. You're into my mess deep enough. I love you too much to burden you with this."
Galinda stared at her for some time before asking, "Do you mean that?"
"What?" Elphaba returned.
"That you love me? Truly? You don't just tolerate me, for lack of better company?"
Elphaba's face softened a little, "Yes, I mean it. I have great hopes for you, Galinda. You don't give yourself enough credit, at least, where it matters…"
Galinda looked a little happier, but she chewed her lip thoughtfully, "Then, can you promise me something?"
"What?" Elphaba was once again guarded.
"Promise me that you won't lie to me. I know I don't have your courage, or your strength, but just…don't lie to me. Please?"
Elphaba furrowed her brow, thinking. When she finally answered, she held Galinda's eyes as she spoke, "I will not lie to you, but I cannot tell you what bad news I received. That I must handle on my own."
Galinda pouted a little, but sensed she couldn't win this argument, "But Elphie…it's not dangerous, is it?"
Elphaba smiled a little, "No, my sweet. The hurt has and come and gone. Now, it's just a matter of doing."
Galinda slid down under the blankets then, trying to make a pillow out of some rolled up cloth. Elphaba followed suit, and they began to feel a little warmth, from each other.
After a few minutes, Galinda whispered, "Will you ever tell me? Why you were crying? Because I never imagined admitting it, but I do love you…too."
Elphaba seemed to stiffen a little, and then she was quiet for a moment. Finally, she answered, "Perhaps. Someday. But I'm afraid you may not think so highly of me, then…"
Galinda studied Elphaba, as she lay there staring at the cobweb-strewn ceiling. She hesitated for a moment, and then wrapped her arms around her friend, resting her head against one of Elphaba's slender shoulders. The green girl did not push her away, and Galinda felt her heavy eyelids begin to close. She fell asleep amidst the scent of Elphaba's hair, which was something between crisp pine and heady lavender.
Even without answers to all of her questions, Galinda felt safe. She felt that, should their room be raided in the night, Elphaba would protect her. Illogically, she was certain that Elphaba could take on the world and win. Galinda smiled in her sleep, and did not see her friend fight the tears as she lay awake, wrestling with what must be done to guarantee her future.
It was just two more days before they arrived in the City of Emeralds. It wasn't much to behold, at first. Elphaba scanned the crumbling brick and masonry structures that cropped up on the outskirts of the city. The roads were paved with uneven stone, and an odd assortment of people gawked at them or passed on, unawares. To her, it looked like the same poverty and lack of education that existed in every corner of Oz.
Galinda huddled close to her friend, having never been without a chaperone in such a questionable place before. The rickety carriage that had been available to take them on the last leg of their journey certainly did not offer much protection from the elements, and Galinda was afraid.
Elphaba patted her hand and tried to look encouraging. The driver took them past the outskirts of the city and into the warehouse district. Here, the streets were crowded with vendors selling cheap merchandise and workers slugging to and from jobs in the towering buildings that surrounded them. At the edge of the district, just before they entered an area of tenement housing, the driver stopped and forced them out.
"This is as far as you go," he barked.
Galinda's eyes widened and she looked as though she might squeak out an argument. Elphaba grabbed her arm and their few satchels and pulled her out of the carriage. Thanking the driver, she hauled Galinda out onto the street. Then they stood there, as Elphaba surveyed the scene and tried to decide what to do.
It took them most of the afternoon to find a restaurant owner who was willing to let them rent the room above the kitchen for a few nights. He clearly was in need of the money, since he accepted the meager amount the girls could afford to pay. They stashed their things and took an inventory of what they had in terms of supplies. Their funds, mostly drawn from Galinda's allowance sent to the school by her parents, were dwindling. They had a little food and a quilt to fend off the cold. This would certainly not be a pleasure trip, they realized, but they were beginning to believe they would survive it.
The next day was spent trekking into the heart of the city, trying to get an appointment with the Wizard. As Elphaba had imagined, his schedule was both full and mostly closed to commoners. However, when Galinda tossed around her parents' names and threw in a vague reference to a research project for the University, they managed to score ten minutes, two days hence. Elphaba wanted to question it, wondering if perhaps it had been too easy. She couldn't help but imagine Madame Morrible having set them up for this all along. She banished the thought, though, wanting to believe that the Wizard would see them without their headmistress' bias.
So they had two days to pass, and Elphaba was up at dawn, dragging Galinda out of their room and back into the city.
"Where are we going?" Galinda whined, already exhausted from the rough travel and all the walking.
"I need to find something," was all Elphaba would say.
Elphaba led the way into the garment district, where the streets were a colorful spread of clothes, perfumes, jewelry, and trinkets. Galinda was mesmerized by the blown glass from Quadling country. As she admired it, Elphaba slipped inside a tiny shop.
She was studying the tiny bottles that lined the closet-sized store when a voice echoed from behind the counter, "Need something in particular?"
Elphaba took a deep breath, knowing this would not get any easier by putting it off, "I'm looking for…a tonic, or potion perhaps. I believe it used to be stored in little green bottles with a label that read 'Miracle Elixir'."
The voice, that was not clearly male or female, asked, "And what is its purpose?"
Elphaba swallowed hard, "It…eliminated unwanted pregnancy, I believe."
The voice was quiet for a moment, and then said, "Got yourself into some trouble, eh?"
"No!" Elphaba denied vehemently, "It's for my sister. My sister…"
"Ah…" the voice grunted, "Ain't got nothing quite like that. Got some other things that might take care of the problem, but can't rightly say what else would happen to you if you took them. Or, if your sister took them, as you say…"
Elphaba grit her teeth, "Then, do you know where I might find this elixir?"
"Apothecaries are a dime a dozen 'round here. Each specializes differently. Me, I deal in the healing tonics. Got something mighty strong for gout, should you be afflicted…"
Elphaba stood there, annoyed.
"But I can't say who might have drummed up that particular concoction. You'll have to ask around, but there's plenty of us to ask…"
Elphaba clenched her fists in frustration, but managed to choke out a thank you before turning to leave.
The voice piped up again before she could escape, "There's other ways, you know, if you want rid of it. But you's better be brave…"
Elphaba shook off the words, refusing to turn and acknowledge them. She had been labeled, for the first time, as the young, irresponsible girl she was. She didn't like it, and she itched to be done with this ordeal.
Dragging Galinda with her, she visited every apothecary on twelve blocks of the garment district. None had anything quite like what Elphaba was searching for, and by the end of the day, they were both dirty, hungry, and rather ragged looking. They drug themselves back to their room and made a meal of some questionable bread and a jug of rather poor wine the restaurant owner had left them. Exhausted, they fell asleep just after sunset.
The following day, Galinda refused to be coerced out of the room, saying, "No, Elphie! I'm exhausted, and you must be, too! I can't wander aimlessly today while you look for things you refuse to explain to me! If you must go, go. I'll be safe enough here, with the door barred and those books you brought to keep me company."
Elphaba raised an eyebrow, unable to imagine that Galinda would be occupied for long with reading Ozian Law and Fundamental Anatomy. Still, she gave in to Galinda's request. She dressed warmly and listened for her friend to bar the door before immersing herself in the city once more.
Today was sunny and a bit warmer, and Elphaba sloshed in puddles of melted snow as she crossed the garment district. She made her way into an eclectic neighborhood of cafes, markets, and the occasional jewelry store. The housing looked a little better here, and she doubted she would find an apothecary dealing in less than legal tonics here. However, Elphaba knew that a rare tonic was most likely a valuable one.
Sometimes it's not the poor who deal in the most questionable merchandise. Sometimes it's the wealthy, who can afford it, she told herself.
So Elphaba kept on, making her way out of the colorful neighborhoods of the south end of the city and into the wealthier business district. The buildings were a bit taller here, and sprayed clean with new, water pumping systems. Some even boasted electric lights and indoor plumbing.
A few streets over, she found the theater district, with huge, hand-painted signs and colorful draperies adorning the marquees. Elphaba could imagine the spectacle it would be at night, with the sulfurous glow of the street lights and the bustle of well-dressed people.
She scanned the scene, trying to choose her next move. Wandering a bit aimlessly, Elphaba turned down an alley and surveyed the tiny stores tucked into the compact space. There was a small sign advertising a tailor, and a tiny Munchkinlander hawking his shoe repair services. Just past a lunch cart, Elphaba stumbled on a tiny store advertising fortunes and herbal medicines. She slipped in and was overwhelmed by the smell of incense and very old books.
No one appeared, so Elphaba browsed amongst the trinkets. There was some cheap jewelry and a few rather murky pieces of Quadling glass. She decided that it must be a novelty here, since few citizens ventured as far south as the wetlands. Elphaba studied the books, most of which were old, Lurelinist spell books that were mostly dismissed as ineffective. There were also rows of tiny bottles, some full, some nearly empty. They were old, dusty, and labeled with scraps of torn paper. She ran her hands over them, wondering about what they might cure or cause. Suddenly, she spotted something in the back behind several taller vials. Elphaba plucked it out and turned it over in her hands.
It was dusty, and its label faded, but it was unmistakably green in the dim light. Elphaba's pulse surged as she squinted at the faded writing on the label. She could just make out the words 'Miracle Elixir' in scrawling script. The bottle was corked, as though it had been sitting idle for quite some time, waiting for her. She had no idea what was in it, or what exactly it might do, but she had to take the chance. Elphaba knew this is what her mother had downed like cheap liquor, and it seemed to have worked for Melena.
Suddenly, a voice from behind startled Elphaba. She jumped, nearly dropping the bottle she held.
"Find something you like, Missy?" the voice hissed.
Elphaba turned to see an elderly man, bent and shaking as he hobbled about with a cane. His eyes were cloudy, but his smile seemed genuine.
She took a breath and said, "I believe…I'll just take this," she held out the bottle.
The man took the bottle and inspected it, peering through a large eyeglass hooked to a chain. Finally, he said, "This is a rare one, for sure. Stumbled upon this in a traveling merchant's cart. Might be Quadling, or even more foreign. Haven't seen another since…"
Elphaba smiled, trying to look nonchalant. She didn't want to appear desperate, or hint at what she thought the contents might do. She just wanted the bottle for the cheapest price the man would take.
"I'd like it, as a souvenir, if you'll take a fair price," she offered.
The man turned the bottle over in his hands and scratched his sagging chin. He finally threw out a price, and after a little haggling Elphaba walked out with the bottle in her hand.
She surveyed the alley before her, and then turned into the shadows. Picking her way amongst the trash, she found a corner away from prying eyes. With only a moment's hesitation, she uncorked the bottle and downed its contents. It was strangely sweet, with a warmth to it like old whiskey. Elphaba's head spun for a moment, and then she felt no different.
She corked the bottle and started to walk, waiting for whatever was to come.
Galinda was starting to panic by the time Elphaba rapped on the door to their room. She had been cooped up all day, and every sound on the street had made her nervous. So she gratefully unbarred it and let her friend stumble inside.
"Elphie? You don't look so good…" Galinda said, helping her friend to the bed.
"I'm just a bit dizzy," Elphaba offered, "I'm sure I'll be fine after I rest…"
So Galinda helped her to bed, and then managed to wrestle some soup from the stingy restaurant owner. They ate in silence, with Galinda wondering what Elphie had found to do for so many hours that day. She wanted to ask, but she terribly was worried about their meeting with the Wizard the following day. She didn't think she had the energy to argue about Elphaba's travels as well.
Before they went to bed, Galinda asked softly, "Do you know what you'll say tomorrow, to the Wizard?"
"Yes, my sweet. And I'll be glad to have you there," Elphaba whispered.
Galinda closed her eyes then, deciding it made her feel happy and warm, to be called 'my sweet'.
Some time later, when the moon was high and the night was deep, Galinda woke. She lay still, realizing Elphaba was not in the bed. She opened her eyes and peered around, alarmed. Then she saw her, bent over the washbasin, vomiting. Galinda started to move, but Elphaba looked as though she'd rather be left alone.
Galinda was concerned, thinking, She's been terribly sick lately…
She watched Elphaba, trying to compose herself, with her arms wrapped around her abdomen. For just a moment, before she fell back into sleep, something struck Galinda, and she wondered. She wondered…
The following day, they arrived at the palace just as the clock struck noon. They were given just ten minutes with the Wizard, and Elphaba refused to compromise even one. They were sent through the expected beauracracy, and answered the same questions what felt like ten times over. Finally, drained and frustrated, they were sent down a long, winding hallway into the Wizard's chamber. They stood there, in a large, open room facing a platform, waiting.
Galinda jumped when a booming voice asked, "Who are you?"
Galinda was struck dumb, but Elphaba called out, "I am Elphaba Thropp! And this is Galinda Upland of the Arduennas!"
There was another silence, before the voice said, "I thought you might come."
Elphaba's was thrown off by this, because she wanted to believe she was acting on her own, without anyone's knowledge. She pulled out her sheaf of papers then, and started to explain what she'd found in Dr. Dillamond's notes. It was compelling, Galinda had to admit, and Elphaba explained it well. The voice was quiet, either listening or ignoring them for some time.
Finally, when Elphaba took a pause, the voice interrupted, "Your speech is…interesting, Miss Thropp. But are you sure you're up to presenting such material? That elixir is strong, and can render one…confused."
Elphaba stopped and paled slightly. She said nothing, and Galinda shook her a little.
"Elphie?" she whispered.
"It's a strong potion, Miss Thropp, but I don't know that it works the way you hope it will. I fear you may be disappointed…" the voice offered vaguely.
Elphaba looked sick then, and Galinda took her hand. Elphaba tried to continue, but the voice cut her off.
"That's enough for today. You quite bold, the two of you. You could both do very well, with direction. Go back to Shiz. Study. Madame Morrible is quite the teacher. She can direct your efforts into something more…useful."
It was clear that they were dismissed then, and Elphaba's shoulders slumped. Galinda pulled her out by her elbow, wanting to put this place far behind them. When they were back out on the street, Elphaba dropped onto a bench. Galinda sat next to her, unsure of what to do next. After a time, they wordlessly made their way back to their tiny room. Elphaba looked pensive and agitated, and Galinda was afraid to ask what their next move would be. She hoped they might just go back to Shiz, but she doubted Elphaba would be satisfied with that.
In their room, Galinda dug out some fruit and few crackers and nibbled listlessly. Elphaba refused to eat, and started pacing the room instead. It was disturbing, and after some time, Galinda said, "Come eat, Elphie. You can't change the world in one day. You have to eat."
Elphie crossed the room and sat, taking Galinda's hands. Her voice was intense when she said, "I promised you I would not lie to you, Galinda, because I do love you. So you must understand what I have to do next. It's the only way. It's the only way not to lie to you…"
"Elphie?" Galinda whispered, feeling very afraid.
Elphaba would say no more, however, no matter how much Galinda pleaded. She also refused to come to bed, when Galinda climbed under the quilts. So Galinda slept alone, and when she woke in the morning, the room was empty.
Her clothes were neatly folded, with a satchel of food and the rest of their money on top. In the buttery, first light of the day, Galinda snatched up the piece of parchment that had been rolled up and placed on the pillow next to hers. She read the scratchy handwriting with a mounting feeling of dread.
Go home, my sweet. I love you too much to lie to you.
That was all it said. Galinda felt fat tears begin to fall as she realized she was alone. All traces of Elphaba were gone, and she knew her friend would not return. She knew Elphie well enough to know that she meant what she said. She meant that she loved Galinda, but she also meant that their time together was over. Galinda felt absolutely hollow as she gathered her things and, trembling, asked the restaurant owner to help her charter a carriage home.
And all the way home, she pictured Elphaba, pacing and mumbling to herself. She saw her eyes all lit up with purpose and promise. She saw her kneeling in the dark, obviously not well. Galinda thought of it, and she wondered. Her heart ached, and she wondered.