Okay, all guys, pay close attention 'cos this is a very important lesson! If your wondering what the last two lessons of life were, number one is that needles are very scary (FACT!) but not actually that bad when it comes down to it (and if you've got someone to hold your hand). The second one is...not really a lesson, but Team Vincent is the best. So yeah, read on. :)

I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Yuffie's POV.

No.3-What Women Look For.

Ugh, Reno is so...indescribably annoying! Argh! He will not leave me alone today! And he just doesn't get the fact that I only want to be his friend, nothing more! Just friends! And he's even making that difficult!

"Another pint please princess." That indescribably annoying person said, smiling and winking at me. Gawd. He was rubbish at flirting really. And he doesn't even know it. So clueless, bless him. I pulled a pint for him and set it down on the counter.

"Thanks darlin'."

So, as you've probably guessed, Im working behind the bar for Tifa today. Yup. It's quite easy really. Basically, you make drinks for guys who stare at your chest and try to chat you up. And most of them fail miserably. Including Reno. In fact, if my sense of time is correct (and it will be, 'cos im an incredible ninja.), he should be coming out with one of his cheesy chat up lines right about...

"Hey princess, I've lost my phone number...can I have yours?"

Now. I sighed. Then put on the best fake smile I could muster. "No Reno. Im pretty sure you haven't 'lost' your phone number." I said sweetly, playing along, "As I saw you give it to the last five women that came into the bar."

He grinned, unfazed. "Just so you know, those women had nothing on you babe." Well duh! No one compares to the White Rose of Wutai, Yuffie Kisaragi! Wait...urgh; did he just call me babe? Believe me, it doesn't sound nice coming out of Reno's mouth.

"Don't call me babe." I told him, narrowing my eyes. I don't think I can take much more of this. My patience with him has been limitless all afternoon. I've put up with his horrible jokes, him grinning and staring at my ass every time I turn around, and his pathetic and crappy chat up lines. Speaking of chat up lines, he should have another go in…three seconds, two...one.

"Your father used to be a thief right? 'Cos im pretty sure he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."

I burst out laughing. That one wasn't as bad as the others he'd told me, actually it was sort of cute. But still...please.

I think Reno's best quality is that he could really make people laugh. Then again, that might be his only good quality.

"What?" he said, "I thought that was a good one!"

"I guess." I replied, still laughing. He frowned.

"But your still not going to go out with me are you?" he asked.

"No." I told him through my giggles.

I heard the door open, but I was laughing too much to look up.

"You'll come round darlin'." Reno said confidently, sipping his pint. I continued to giggle. "I always did like a challenge. Makes it all the more fun." I shook my head slowly, my giggles dying down. There was just no discouraging him!

"Reno, im never going to go out with you! Get that into your head!" Now I was getting mad at him. He just does not know when to give up.

"Red wine please Yuffie."

My head snapped up. Oh for...eff's sake! How could I have not known it was him? You need to pay more attention Yuffie! It was Reno's fault anyway, distracting me.

"Vince!" I exclaimed, hiding my irritation towards Reno, "Your back!" I poured him a glass of his favourite red wine and put it in front of him as he sat down.

"How did your mission go?" I asked him, placing my elbow on the counter and resting my chin on my hand, giving him my full and undivided attention.

He sipped his red wine before saying: "Fine."

I noticed Reno watching us closely, probably analysing my sudden change of mood when Vinnie walked in. Hmm...how strange.

"So princess, why won't you go out with me?" Reno asked, smiling at me. I stood up straight, looking over at him as if he needed his head checked. Was it not obvious? Perhaps he didn't realise that he was an obnoxious, big headed, good for nothing son of a-ahem.

"Because Reno, you're a womaniser." I said bluntly, "You only want one thing, and you're not getting it from me!"

"That's not true!" he said, pretending to look hurt, "What if I asked you to step away from the bar, 'cos you're melting all the ice."

I started laughing at him again. And Vinnie actually rolled his eyes. That was poor! Honestly...

"No? Okay then," said Reno, "How about-"

"Stop!" I cut him off, "For the sake of my sanity, do not say another of your rubbish chat up lines!"

"My chat up lines are not rubbish! Im using them to express how much I admire you!" he argued falsely, he was about to say more, when Vinnie spoke.

"You shouldn't say anything if you don't mean it."

Reno blinked at him, and I myself took a couple of seconds before my brain kicked back into gear.

"Exactly!" I said, "Vinnie is so right! You," I pointed an accusing finger at Reno, "don't mean anything you say. For example, you didn't really mean it when you said my eyes were like stars."

Reno looked vaguely shocked, and Vinnie looked, sort of annoyed for some reason.

"I did mean it princess!" he defended himself, narrowing his eyes at Vinnie, "Your eyes are beautiful." he told me, smiling. "In fact-"

"No Reno!" I said, holding my hand up to stop him. Please no more chat up lines! "That's not how you get a girlfriend, 'cos any female's going to think you're a total jackass!" I told him. He is a jackass anyway but…

"Okay Reno, listen very carefully." I said, leaning across the counter towards him, "Women look for certain qualities in a man, many of these you fail at." I told him. He opened his mouth to protest but I cut him off.

"No, listen! Basically, men look for…well, looks. But women are more complicated. We look for protection, money-or in my case, materia-personality, and finally looks. I can't speak for all women, so it might not be in that order, but that's the basic criteria you have to meet alright?"

Reno looked dumbstruck for a second, and Vinnie looked, actually, Vinnie looked slightly interested. Weird.

"I do meet the criteria!" Reno argued, "Im a Turk! Of course I could protect a woman, and I get paid loads. And please, I can't believe your making me question my personality, or my looks. That's just insulting."

I rolled my eyes. "Reno, you have to be…gentlemanly. And that's just so not you." I laughed at him, and he frowned.

"Sure I am, I held open a door for Elena just the other day." he said. I smiled.

"Yeah, you work on that." I replied, before looking up at the clock hanging on the wall, "Now go! Gawd, it was closing time like, twenty minutes ago!"

Reno got up and handed me some gil for his beer.

"Keep the change darlin'." he said, winking at me. I laughed and shook my head as he left the bar.

"So Vinnie, are you staying tonight?" I asked him. I hoped he was, it was better when Vinnie was around. He didn't answer for a second.

"Vince? Hey! Don't ignore me! What did I do?!" I asked. I remember the last time he had ignored me for like, three days straight. It was not a pleasant experience. Vinnie was sooo mad at me. I had only borrowed Cerberus for a second! I was trying to get the materia attached to it! But gawd, it was not worth it. He was really angry! But he forgave me...eventually.

"Yes, I'll stay tonight." he finally said.

"Yay!" I squealed in delight. I went upstairs to get the spare room ready for him-'cos I was nice like that-when a realisation hit me.

Holy shi-ugar!

Vinnie met all my desired criteria!

That is actually true you know. Women do look for those qualities, I read it somewhere. So yeah. It actually does make sense when you think about it.

Thanks for reading. :)

xoxo