I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

Derek crawled out of bed, the light was still bright as July slowly crept closer, and his thoughts went to Penelope and how his and Penelope's relationship had become somewhat more playful, so much so she was now asleep in the guest room after spending the night.

The previous night they'd had a barbeque with the rest of the team, Penelope had sat on the side of the pool with JJ and Emily for most of it, letting the sun reflect and tan their skins some. He'd smiled as every time he looked up Clooney was near; he never left Penelope's side. As the day wound on and cocktails were shared and the group dispersed Penelope had remained and they'd gone for a late night movie marathon. Come 1am they both just felt the need to crawl into bed and he wasn't having her going home, even if they'd both sobered up.

He looked at the clock, it was just coming up 7 and he didn't want to sleep anymore, getting up and pulling on some cargo shorts and a plain top he headed downstairs. He wasn't thinking straight and it showed as he saw the coffee table covered with scattered notebook paper and felt his heart falter. He rushed over and pulled the box down in haste, knowing what this all was, he started picking it all up in a hurry. He noticed that not all the paper had a complete sentence on; some were the beginning of a letter then scribbled out. He finally sank down with the complete letter and read intently.

They always say the easiest way to start a letter is with Dear, or To but when it comes to you they seem to formal, too thought out, too obvious. And when I look at you there's nothing formal, or thought out or obvious. So to put Dear Penelope, or even To My Baby Girl, would go against my view of you and I can't do that. So I'm starting it like this and I'm going to keep it like this.

9 years is how long I've had you in my life and even now I can't express the one thing I've needed to. It's like every time I want to the world takes over or I lose my voice or I become a coward. I don't know what you see when you look at me but it's not me, it can't be me if I can't step up and get what I want.

Over the last couple of months I guess my love for you has been wreaking havoc on me. It all started with dreams, dreams that felt so real my heart stung when I woke up, soon I had emails and texts saved for you. Then the trees in my garden were covered in carvings, to top it all photos of you were everywhere one morning and I had music written down. Lyrics that spoke my feelings. Everything reminded me of you, was all to do with you but you'll never know because I'll never tell you.

You said last night that you was happy being single but now you want to get a man that's like you and that someone like Kevin would do again but you see I might not be into computers and I might not quote Star Trek but I am just like you because when it comes down to it, I know you best. I know when your beautiful eyes are about to shed a tear or when you're hurting from a case or when you're getting ill. I know you like the back of hand baby girl. Just like you know me. Whether you do it on purpose or not you're my guardian angel when I need you most and you give more to me than anyone else ever has.

I watched you sometimes when you put your hand to where Battle shot you and I know it's a subconscious thing but those markings he left were the finalisation for me that I loved you. That you were the woman made me, that my life without you wouldn't be worth living because a world without is too consuming, the prospect is too dark. Those marks aren't anything bad but more the opposite, they're my love engrained into your skin.

I guess Battle is one of my reasons for not telling you. I told you once that I love you and you met Kevin Lynch and it went from there. You were so happy with him that I doubted I could ever make you that happy and so I just took the steps back. Once my anger subsided I left you to it. You deserved happiness, it had been a hellish time for you and I wanted you to do what you felt you needed to get back to you. Then it ended and you were still you when he left. You were still Penelope Garcia, the life of the party, the smile in the pain, the light in the dark and you came back to me.

We bonded again, after so much separation we found us in it all. It was never too late and it won't be. You forgave me for dropping out on us and you came back to me with your normal pizzazz and that makes me love you more with each passing day that I have you back in my life.

Penelope Garcia, my baby girl, my Goddess, my sweet thing, my sugar mama, you mean more to me than you'll ever know and the thing is I don't think I can ever tell you because I'm scared of being rejected. That every joke or tease or smile or touch you have ever given me is just a part of friendly banter that I look too far into.

I want nothing more than to have you as mine, to take you to my mom and show her the woman that completed me after so much heartbreak. To show her the one woman that has ever made me feel love, that has ever just loved me for me. Loved me for Derek Morgan the guy, not Derek Morgan the stud or the agent but for me and me only. You didn't even change towards me when you found out about Buford and for that I cherish you more, after Battle, after my attitude I hoped it'd be a door to telling you how I felt but I was wrong. Telling you then just seemed completely wrong and I felt like I was using you when you weren't completely on board and I didn't want that to happen. I wanted you to know the extent of my jealousy that day before it happened when we were ready but we haven't had the chance since.

I've been in love with you since our first meeting, it was through your forgiveness that something exploded, like fate meant we were meant to collide in such a way to kick start our far from normal relationship. I'll forever love you and I'll forever understand if you don't feel the same. I just never want to lose you from my life and that's it. I need you to live in my life, you're my breath and you're my reason for loving life. You've restored me so many times and I'll never forget it.

I love you baby girl. Forever.

Derek.

He sucked in a harsh breath as he completed the letter and just stared at his hands, they were shaking, rolling the letter in his grasp he heard Penelope's door opening. He quickly folded the letter and put it in the box before closing the lid and getting into the kitchen to get a pot of coffee started.

Penelope breezed into the room and smiled at him but frowned at his faraway glare. 'Morning Morgan.' She said as she slipped onto a stool. 'Mooooorgan.' She drew out and Derek looked at her. 'Good morning.' She said and smiled at him.

'I'll show you a good morning.'

'That's my line.' Penelope pouted at him playfully and he laughed, taking in her full 'first-thing-in-the-morning' look.

'Switched roles for the day.' He told her and stood opposite her, the counter keeping them apart. 'Coffee or juice?'

'Coffee please Hot Stuff, you know me, I can't live without the stuff.' She told him and then turned to look at the room; spotting the box she felt her curiosity peak. 'What's in the box?'

'Oh that, nothing, some old junk my mom sent me. Photo's, CD's, letters, just some reminders.' He told her and put a cup of fresh coffee in front of her before going and putting the box up.

'Looks heavy.'

'It's a lot of stuff.' He told her, hoping her interest was now peaked and she wouldn't want to know more. He pushed it right back and stepped back and turned to her. 'I'm gonna go for a run. You gonna behave and stay here?'

'We've got a lunch date handsome; I'd be a fool to run from that.'

'Good girl.' He said and kissed her forehead before heading to the stairs, he ran upstairs and moments later came back to find Penelope enjoying her coffee as she spoilt Clooney. 'I swear that dog loves you more than me.'

'It's 'cause he wants a mistress.' She said and winked at him, he laughed. Penelope looked down at the sloppy dog at her feet. 'You gotta go for a run now boy.' She said adoringly and the dog whimpered. 'I'll be here with a biiig treat when you're back.'

'Come on Clooney let's leave the crazy lady alone.' He said and Penelope laughed as he put the leash on the dog and headed for the door. 'See you in a bit princess.'

'Bye!' She said and settled back to finish her drink. She thought that'd be it, but the box was screaming at her to look at. She wanted to see little Derek Morgan, she wanted to know about the old him so she went and found the step ladder and climbed. Meticulously and carefully she pulled the box and nearly fell on the way day but keeping her balance she successfully put the box on the table top.

Peeling the lid off she looked inside, she was confused as she saw part of a photo of her glaring at her, she started to pull the things out as reality spun around her.

It was as she pulled more things out her knees went weak and she had to sit down.

A/N: Thanks to Kricketwilliams' and hubby for help with the Justin Timberlake!! I forgot to add that and thanks to Emzypemzy for helping me briefly =P

So now the secrets out!!