Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you,
caught up in circles, confusion, is nothing new,
flashback, warm nights, almost left behind,
suitcases of memories,
time after…
Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead,
you're calling to me,
I can't hear what you've said,
Then you say, go slow, I fall behind,
the second hand unwinds…
If you're lost you can look, then you will find me,
time after time,
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting,
time after time…
Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper
Chapter 19
Elphaba sent Mia upstairs that morning to occupy herself with a stack of pencils and paper. The little girl had been particularly boisterous, and had stood on a chair and attempted to serenade the breakfast crowd with a song she made up. At the time, Elphaba had been mortified. Now, she shook her head, unable to believe there was blood between her and such a spirited child.
She was sweeping among the chairs to prepare for lunch when the door swung open. Elphaba looked up, surprised to have patrons so early. When she realized who was staring back at her, her heart skipped. She froze, clutching the broom handle until her knuckles turned white. Elphaba turned to run, but Galinda reached her before she could unlatch the door that led behind the counter. Galinda grasped her hand, and Elphaba stopped. They stood that way for a long time, not speaking, just staring into each other's faces.
Finally, Galinda choked out, "Elphie?"
Elphaba just nodded, although she wasn't sure how Galinda could mistake her for anyone else.
Galinda crashed into her then, nearly strangling Elphaba as she hugged her with such a force that they both almost lost their footing. After a moment, Galinda pulled away as quickly as she'd approached, and there were tears in her eyes.
She sputtered, "Elphie? I just…I don't understand…how could you?"
Elphaba struggled to answer, and she stood there sputtering for several moments. As she struggled with what to say, Galinda's face changed from shocked to hurt and angry. Suddenly, she slapped Elphaba hard across the face.
Elphaba stumbled back, clutching her face, "Oz sakes, Galinda!"
Avaric stepped forward then, as though he thought there might be a fight to break up. The movement caught Elphaba's eyes, and she realized he had come in with Galinda.
"What are you doing here?" Elphaba snapped at him, her eyes cold.
"I brought Galinda…and I was not given the option of saying no," Avaric answered.
"Get out of my restaurant!" Elphaba barked at him.
"Elphie…he escorted me here," Galinda tried.
"I don't care if he escorted the Unnamed God on his way to the afterlife!" Elphaba's voice was high and shrill. She turned back to Avaric, "You are not welcome here!"
"Elphie, please! Can we just talk? Alone?" Galinda begged.
Elphaba looked from Galinda to Avaric. After a long, tense moment, she finally conceded, "Fine. You come with me," she pointed toward Galinda, "You," she glared at Avaric, "get out of my restaurant."
With that, she turned on her heel and Galinda had very little choice but to follow. Elphaba led the way through the kitchen, where she called out to Gervais to watch the front for a few minutes. Then, she took Galinda down the back hallway to the base of the stairs. They stood there for some time, neither one speaking.
"Elphie," Galinda finally started, "I…thought…I thought you were dead."
"Perhaps it would have been better to go on thinking that," Elphaba replied.
Galinda looked deeply wounded, "I thought…I thought we were friends…" she whispered.
"So did I," Elphaba answered flatly.
Galinda didn't respond, and Elphaba stared at her, trying to determine what six years had done to her friend. She was certainly much the same, with shimmering blonde hair and a perfect smile. Her features were a bit more defined, her eyes a slightly darker, impossibly more beautiful blue. Yet she was different. Galinda was dressed impeccably, in expensive fabrics that were well-tailored to her figure. Her skirt was starched and brushed good walking boots. Her collar was pressed and her buttons perfectly done. She was beautiful, but she wasn't the fluffy, soft girl Elphaba remembered. This Galinda was all perfect angles and smartly coiffed hair. It was a touch too perfect, and Elphaba felt a pang of longing for the loose curls and taffeta party dresses she remembered.
"You're staring," Galinda broke into the silence.
"I just…what happened to you?" Elphaba asked.
"I should be asking that of you!" Galinda scoffed, "You disappeared! You left me alone to travel back to Shiz and you simply…vanished!"
"I know" Elphaba's tone was even, "but I had good reason."
"Good reason?" Galinda squeaked, "What possible reason is there for abandoning your best friend!"
Elphaba's temper flared, "I should be asking what reason you have to be working for the Wizard! If we were such good friends, why would you throw out everything we discussed and become his…handmaiden!"
Galinda's mouth fell open in shock, "Handmaiden! Elphaba Thropp, if that word means what I think it means, then I am certainly no handmaiden!" she shrieked.
"You might as well be, Madame Press Secretary!" Elphaba hollered in return.
"You know nothing about my life! You didn't care to be part of it for the last six years!" Galinda retorted.
"And you know nothing about me!" Elphaba shot back, "You couldn't possibly understand what choices I had to make!"
"It seems to me that you tend to make whatever choice suits you, and to hell with everyone else around you!" Galinda was screaming now.
Elphaba whipped her arm back and slapped Galinda across the face this time. Galinda let out a little shriek and raised her arm, but before she could reciprocate, they were both stopped by a tiny voice from the top of the stairs.
"Mama?" Mia asked, looking quite afraid.
Galinda froze. She dropped her hand from where she'd started to defend herself and stared at the child standing in the shadow of the stairway. The girl was wearing a little black dress, her gangly legs poking out from underneath. Her jet-black hair tumbled out of its pins and down her back. Her eyes were wide and uncertain. And, the thing that caught Galinda's breath, she was a green as Elphaba.
Galinda turned and stared at her friend, the argument forgotten. Elphaba looked terrified, and she stood there with nothing to say. Galinda flashed back six years, trying to fit together this new piece to the puzzle. Suddenly, some of her questions were answered, and yet she found she now had a host of new ones.
"Mama?" Mia said again, sounding close to tears.
"Elphie?" Galinda managed to ask.
Elphaba brushed past Galinda then and climbed the stairs. Galinda followed on her heels, refusing to be put off again.
When they reached the top of the staircase, Elphaba pulled the little girl aside, "I thought I told you to stay upstairs!" she scolded softly.
"I was afraid…of all the yelling," Mia whispered.
Elphaba pushed the hair back from the child's face, "It's all right. Now go back to your papers."
Mia was silent for a moment, and then brought her hands up to Elphaba's face. She held her mother like that for a moment, and then wrapped her tiny arms around Elphaba's neck in an unsolicited hug. Elphaba, having yet to become accustomed to the affections of a child, touched Mia's arms in return.
Galinda was still standing, open-mouthed, as Mia scurried back over to her artwork. She could think of no words to say. She couldn't even formulate what question to ask first. She stumbled over to the couch and sat down, uninvited.
Elphaba finally threw out, "She's mine, if that's your first question."
Galinda thought back six years to when she and Elphaba had come to the city. She had always assumed that Elphaba's disappearance had something to do with not wanting her involved in her plans. She'd imagined that her friend had grown tired of using Fiyero, and saw Galinda as too silly to be of much use. She'd assumed Elphaba had outgrown them all and wanted to try her hand at revolution on her own. That, or perhaps she'd wanted to steal something and hadn't wanted Galinda as an accomplice.
Now, Galinda remembered how erratic her friend had been. She clearly remembered sitting with Elphaba in their room while she cried painfully silent tears. She remembered the desperation she'd seen in her friend as they had trekked around the city. It was as though she were finally looking at all the pieces to a puzzle she'd been trying for years to solve. But it still hurt. She still felt the terrible sense of loss. When Elphaba had not returned, she'd spent years wavering between bitter anger and horrible sadness. When there had never been any word, ever, she'd assumed something horribly tragic had happened. Never had Galinda imagined this. Ever.
There was a long, palpable silence before Galinda finally asked, "Is she…is she Fiyero's?"
Elphaba looked a little sick, and she crossed slowly to the sofa, "I…I don't know," she finally admitted softly.
"You don't know?" Galinda looked confused.
Elphaba averted her eyes and said, "No…I don't know."
"Who else might she belong to?"
Elphaba looked as though she might've swallowed a lemon, "There were only two, Galinda."
Galinda thought back again, and suddenly she pieced together the problem, "So she could be…?"
"Avaric," Elphaba answered tightly, glancing toward the stairs.
"But how will you ever know?" Galinda looked horrified.
"We won't," Elphaba snapped, "And it doesn't matter. And I cannot believe I'm discussing this."
"But Elphie…it's her father…"
"She has no father," Elphaba stated.
Galinda chewed her lip for a minute, unsure of how to proceed. She felt as though she'd been hit with a wave of information, and the impact had left her dazed. Eventually, she asked, "So you left me, because you didn't want me to know?"
Elphaba shook her head, "No. I left you because I wanted to get rid of her, and I knew you would stop me. Or at least pitch a fit."
Galinda's mouth dropped open, "Get rid of her?"
"Don't be naïve. You know what I mean. And I tried, believe me. I nearly drowned her. But she won. She's got a will like mine, but with a smile that would melt Vinkun rock."
Galinda looked over at Mia again, who was blissfully drawing, "She's beautiful," she finally said, "And yes, I would've stopped you…"
Elphaba studied her hands for a minute, looking troubled. Finally, she said softly, "I have missed you terribly."
"Elphie…" Galinda's eyes welled up, and she started to reach for her friend.
Elphaba pulled back though, her eyes dark, "No. Galinda…I'd like to pretend that nothing has changed between us. But…you're Press Secretary to the Wizard. The Wizard. And you know how I feel…how I've always felt. You stand for everything I hate."
Galinda sat back, her expression unreadable. For the first time in their friendship, Elphaba could not tell what she was thinking. Galinda sat up straighter, her face losing some of its doe-eyed innocence.
When she spoke, Galinda's tone was even and controlled, "Do you really believe you had no effect on me at Shiz?"
Elphaba looked absolutely baffled.
"Elphie," Galinda started again, "I want you to know, I never intended to share this with anyone. However, I also never imagined I would see you again," she took a deep breath, "I'm working for the Wizard, because it affords me the opportunity to know his administration from the inside. To perhaps stop some of the inequality. It was to be my tribute to you. I did it for you."
Elphaba sat absolutely still. Her face was frozen in utter disbelief. She started to speak, but no words would come. Finally, she managed to sputter, "But Galinda…I never expected you to…"
Galinda stood and began to pace then, which was such an Elphaba-like reaction that Elphaba herself was even further stunned. Then, Galinda's words came out in a torrent, "I know you never expected. I never expected anything, either. I had absolutely no expectations. I came to Shiz shallow, vain and terrified of being less than perfect. But Elphie…you made me think. You made me care. You made me want to expect something."
Elphaba stood and crossed to Galinda. She took her friend's hands to still her pacing, "Galinda…you cannot take on the Wizard yourself. If he discovers your disloyalty…you'll be killed."
Galinda looked at their hands, entwined, "Elphie…I had to do something. I didn't know what else to do with my life."
Elphaba's head snapped up to meet Galinda's eyes, "You could do anything! I never wanted you to be caught up in this mess!" she reached out and touched Galinda's face, "You would make a beautiful bride, my sweet. You would have beautiful children…"
Galinda didn't move for a moment, and then she reached up and put her hand over Elphaba's, which still rested on her cheek, "I tried, Elphie. I tried to court the young men and settle down. I tried to be happy with what I thought I'd always wanted. But…I love you more."
"Me?" Elphaba whispered.
"Yes, my sweet. After knowing you…it all just wasn't enough. I thought you were crazy and moodified and frighteningly intense at Shiz. I didn't think I was brave enough to help you. But, when you disappeared, I understood. I loved you. I love you."
There was a long, tangible silence. Elphaba studied her friend's face, which was frighteningly intense. Suddenly, she understood. She took a long, deep breath, "Galinda…I love you, too. I love you more than life, but…I don't think I can…"
"I know. I understand. You love him," Galinda smiled sadly.
"What? No!" Elphaba shook her head fervently.
"Elphie…you can't deny it forever. I know you love your cause, but when you were with Fiyero, you loved him."
"No," Elphaba denied, "I loved what he could do for me."
Galinda smiled a sad smile, "And now it's my turn to say that you need to examine yourself."
"I never loved him—"
"Although," Galinda continued, unimpeded, "I'm not sure that you'll be all that impressed with Fiyero. From what I saw last night, he's become somewhat irresponsible and shallow."
"Galinda," Elphaba cut her off, "I truly don't want to discuss him. Or Avaric for that matter. It's over and done now. One of them hates me, and the other disgusts me."
"Perhaps Fiyero's reaction was wrong, but it is a terribly difficult thing, to love someone and know they'll never love you back," Galinda's voice was full of meaing.
After a moment, Elphaba said, "You'll always have me. You do know that, don't you? I do love you, my sweet."
Galinda nodded. She studied her friend for a moment, and then wrapped her in a tight embrace. She pressed her face into Elphaba's hair and breathed in the achingly familiar scent of it. It was both terribly sad and wonderful at the same time.
Just then, Matvei entered the room, clearing his throat. Elphaba turned, and he looked both confused and concerned.
"Elphaba…there's a young man downstairs who claims you've taken his friend hostage."
"Avaric…" Galinda whispered.
Elphaba's face clouded, "Tell him to get out of here. Now."
"Elphie…no. He has to take me home," Galinda stated.
"I'll take you home. He's a pig, Galinda. Don't go with him," Elphaba snapped.
Galinda smiled a little, "I'll be fine. He claims to be reformed, and I've almost started to believe him."
"Reformed?" Elphaba scoffed.
"We've all changed, Elphie. And you said yourself it's over, it's done. Maybe he's not such a pig," Galinda tried.
Elphaba snorted, "Fine, go with him. Tell him I said he's an ass."
Galinda pressed a kiss to Elphaba's cheek, "Don't stay angry. I'll be back in a few days and we'll talk more. I love you always."
With that, Galinda turned and brushed past Matvei to descend the stairs. Elphaba didn't move for a moment after she was gone, still a bit in shock that she'd been there at all.
Matvei tossed his cloak onto the bed and asked, "Who was she and what has been going on?"
"That was Galinda," Elphaba explained, crossing back to sit on the sofa again.
"Galinda? From Shiz?" he asked, remembering the handful of conversations they'd had about her friend. Galinda was the only subject from her past that Elphaba had been willing to discuss with Matvei over the years.
"Yes," Elphaba admitted, "she found me, somehow…and…"
"What?" Matvei came to sit beside her.
"I'd forgotten…what she meant to me…" Elphaba admitted softly.
Matvei smiled, somewhat surprised at the admission. When Elphaba said nothing else, he reached out and took her hand and squeezed it. He rarely touched her, but he needed her to know he cared.
Elphaba suddenly stood, brushing off her skirt, "I should get back to work. There's much to be done," she threw out, dropping Matvei's hand and heading for the stairs, "Please keep Mia up there," she threw back once she was out of sight.
Matvei shook his head, glancing over at Mia and wondering if the world could really handle another little Elphaba Thropp.