You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair.
You were fashionably sensitive,
But too cool to care.

Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

Foolish Games, Jewel

Chapter 22

About a week hence, Galinda made her way through a blustering windstorm to the café where she knew she could find Fiyero. She was in bad spirits, because she would rather be doing anything than convincing Fiyero to further complicate their lives. She had a press conference that afternoon and an interview with one of the social papers, and she needed time to prepare her responses. It required twice as much effort, she'd learned, to play for both sides of this political game. So she was glad to find Fiyero at his usual table, looking predictably miserable.

"I see you're as happy to see me as you were last week," she tossed out dryly when he looked up.

"Are you here to lecture me a bit more?" Fiyero snapped.

"Will that work?" Galinda snapped back.

Fiyero rolled his eyes and she sat down across from him. This time, Galinda tried a different tactic, "Why not just go yell at her? Tell her how she ruined your life and how you feel. Get it all out. Why be miserable over a relationship that lasted what, two months?"

Fiyero paused, as though he might be considering it, "You want me to yell? At your friend?"

"If it helps the two of you get past this."

"I doubt you'd let that happen. And it wouldn't change what she did," Fiyero replied.

"I think Elphie can hold her own. And have you never considered that getting it out might be enough to let you move on? Both of you?" Galinda tried.

Fiyero eyed her suspiciously, "I don't know…but why do you care so much? We haven't seen each other in six years, and suddenly you're analyzing my life. What's the motivation?"

Galinda looked away, struggling for an answer and silently cursing Avaric.

In a twist of irony, it was Avaric who came through the door and approached the table just then. He looked troubled, and said to Galinda, "Can I speak with Fiyero for a moment? Alone?"

Galinda stood, gathering her coat and handbag, "You can have him. I've got much to do today. This can wait," she strode away then, leaving them alone.

"Did you put her up to that?" Fiyero asked sharply.

Avaric sat down and didn't answer. He pulled off his coat and stared at Fiyero, trying to decide what to say. He wondered, now, if involving Galinda was the best decision. He'd acted on impulse, which was what came most naturally to him, and now the situation was far more complicated than he'd anticipated. He'd hoped to get Fiyero off his back, to perhaps reconcile his conscience and move on. Now, though, there was Mia. He'd spent the greater part of the past few days trying to decide what, if anything, to tell Fiyero. Now, he hoped he had the courage to act.

"Did you?" Fiyero asked again.

Avaric avoided the question and got right to the point, "Fiyero…Elphaba has a daughter."

"Good for her," Fiyero said, studying the newspaper he held.

"She's five years old," Avaric continued.

"So she's not just a whore, she's a careless whore," Fiyero shrugged, although he looked a bit shaken.

"Fiyero," Avaric took the paper, "This child is too old to belong to anyone she met in the city. So, unless you know something about her that I don't, from before she met you, then that means…"

Fiyero looked sick, "Is this some sort of horrible joke?" he asked.

"That would truly make me the ass everyone says I am."

"Well, if the boot fits…" Fiyero sneered.

Avaric's expression darkened, "It seems that I'm the only one trying not to be an ass, here."

"So, you're saying this child is mine? And I need to go be the hero and claim it?" Fiyero spat.

Avaric leaned in, "I'm saying I don't know whose child she is…"

Fiyero looked as though he'd been slapped. When he answered, his voice was shaking, "What you makes you think Elphaba wants us involved? She's never bothered to contact us, in six years, to demand that we come claim her baby. How can we ever know for certain what she was doing at Shiz, when she wasn't with us? Certainly, she's demonstrated that she wasn't much for modesty, or discretion. Why are you determined to be involved in a situation where you're not wanted?"

Avaric stood then, tossing the newspaper at Fiyero, "Honestly, I'm starting to wonder what the value is in doing the right thing. Clearly, for most everyone around me, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone be miserable. Maybe I should rethink some things, because I was much happier being an ass."

He walked out then, slamming the door behind him.

Fiyero didn't go out that night. He sat in his flat, as he had all afternoon, and didn't bother to light the lamps when it grew dark. He was more sober than he'd been in some time, because he hadn't even had the energy to go out in search of liquor. He lay back on the sofa, trying to stop the maelstrom of thoughts running through his aching head.

He wanted to block it all out, to pretend Avaric had never come to him this morning, or seen Elphaba in the first place and thrown a stick into the cogs of his life. Fiyero was angry, because he'd spent so much time finding a routine that allowed him to run on hatred and alcohol. Now, mostly sober and alone, he felt the depth of the emptiness within himself.

Fiyero couldn't help but wonder if this child Avaric had seen was his. He hadn't answered Avaric's question that morning, but he clearly remembered what Elphaba had said to him at Shiz.

I suppose this is as innocent as I'll ever hope to be in this life.

She'd had no reason to lie, at the time. So that left him, and Avaric. The idea that Elphaba had born Avaric's child made him nauseous, and he closed his eyes to try to get rid of the thought.

But if it's mine…he considered.

Fiyero wasn't sure what that meant to him. Could it make him forgive her? Did it explain the things that had hurt him the most?

No, he decided.

So what choices did that leave him with? He placed his hands on his head, trying to stop the pounding. Fiyero stood and crossed to the window, to stare out at the twilight sky. He was tired, he realized, tired in a way that made him want to fall into a sleep that would never end. Underneath all the anger, he wasn't sure that he had the strength to confront all the demons of his past. He didn't know that he could face Elphaba and handle being told that he had a five year-old child. He couldn't imagine what he would do then. Would he raise it? Love it? What difference would it really make?

Fiyero also didn't know that he could handle it if the child was Avaric's. As much as he'd been able to forgive his former suitemate, that was salt in his wounds. It seemed far better to leave it all alone. Elphaba was clearly happy. She obviously had Galinda, and that's all that had truly mattered to her at Shiz.

We should stay out of it, he told himself.

Still, he was restless. The more he thought, the more he wanted to disappear from the entire situation. Perhaps there was some truth in what Galinda had said. Maybe he should just tell Elphaba how he felt, and then disappear. He was tired of this life, and Galinda was also right about his apparent unhappiness.

Maybe I should see her... he considered. He could tell Elphaba how he felt, how she'd destroyed him, and then he could disappear. He could buy a good horse and disappear into the deserts of Ev. He could leave the rest of his life up to the Unnamed God or Lureline, or whomever. Or he could die in the wilderness, and mostly like be content with that. The more he thought about it, the more resolved Fiyero felt. He set his jaw in a firm line, and watched dusk become night before crossing to lie back down on the bed.

The night was restless, and he woke at dawn to dress and go retrieve Avaric. Avaric was understandably confused, at seeing Fiyero before noon, but he dressed quickly when Fiyero demanded, "Take me to her. Take me to Elphaba."

Elphaba was tired that morning, and she trudged heavily through her chores. She noted that the sky was gray, with rolling clouds that hinted at a late-winter storm. She pulled the outdoor tables closer to the storefront, to protect them from the weather, and then set about straightening the tables inside for the day's patrons. After a few minutes, the door opened quietly. Elphaba looked up to see Avaric, and for the first time, she didn't immediately react. She just looked at him, questioningly, and then noticed who was with him.

It was Fiyero.

He was different, she noticed, but the difference had done him good. He was no longer a boy at the end of adolescence. He now had the broad shoulders and strong jaw of a Winkie tribal hunter. He stood several inches taller than Avaric. The blue diamonds were bright on his skin, and his eyes were dark and brooding. He was dressed neatly, more like a society brat than a visitor from the west, but it only made him more imposing. Avaric's typical good looks paled in comparison to Fiyero's exotic façade.

Elphaba's heart skipped so drastically that for a moment, she forgot to breathe. Somehow, even after six years, after all the anger and heartbreak and absence, the urge to run to him was hard to overcome. It was almost instinctive, carnal even, as though they were bound by some power from the most elemental parts of their world. It scared her, because she didn't want to love him. She didn't want to admit, after all this time, that she'd been terribly wrong at Shiz. She didn't want to admit how badly she'd hurt him.

"Fiyero?" Elphaba managed to whisper. She dropped into a chair, stunned.

"Elphaba," Fiyero sneered.

Avaric took hold of Fiyero's arm, and Elphaba sensed that Fiyero was not glad to see her.

"I'm sorry to come so early, but Fiyero insisted we come this morning," Avaric offered.

"All right…" Elphaba answered, still not trusting her voice.

"Fiyero wanted to talk with you," Avaric offered.

Elphaba offered them both a seat, realizing her hands were trembling as Fiyero came close enough to touch her.

They sat there, then, and Elphaba looked at Fiyero expectantly. He looked as though he wanted to say something, like he was angry and tired. He looked like he wanted to maul her, or run from her. There was a long silence, as Fiyero clearly couldn't find the words.

Before he could speak, Matvei came through the kitchen door. He had Mia with him, and she was still sleepy-eyed. Her hair was wild, and tumbled in disarray to her waist. She still wore her nightgown, which showed her long arms and legs.

Elphaba stood up instinctively, "Matvei, she'll be cold, with nothing on like that!"

"No Mama," Mia yawned, "It's hot as a Quadling swamp upstairs. Mat stoked the fire too much."

"Well, it's not hot down here," Elphaba grumbled.

She crossed and took Mia by the hand. Hesitantly, Elphaba crossed to Avaric and Fiyero, sensing what they wanted. She knew why they had come and she decided to get it over with. She stood before them, and said, "This is Mia."

Avaric smiled, and Fiyero looked completely deflated. The oppressive, empty sadness in his eyes was hard to look at.

"Is she mine?" Fiyero finally choked out.

"Does it matter?" Elphaba threw back.

"What does he mean?" Mia asked, tugging at Elphaba's skirt.

"Nothing, child. Now go put some clothes on before you freeze," Elphaba gave Mia a little push in the direction of the kitchen.

Mia pouted a little, and turned around once to study Fiyero before scurrying through the kitchen door towards the stairs.

"So, is she mine?" Fiyero asked again.

Elphaba looked away, and Matvei came up behind her, "She doesn't know," he said softly.

"How can you not know?" Fiyero challenged.

"Fiyero," Avaric tried, "I think you know…"

Fiyero's tone was angry as he stated, "She has to know. There has to be some way to know!"

"And what difference will it make, to you, to know?" Elphaba spoke up.

Fiyero had no answer.

"I think we're all adults here," Matvei interjected, "And I think we all know how unlikely it is that we will settle this. And, as we've just seen, I don't think a five year-old child is ready to hear this argument. So what do we do here?"

After a moment, Elphaba said, "Fiyero…I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry?" he spat, "For what? For having a child who we will spend a lifetime wondering if we fathered? For using me for some ridiculous scheme? For using sex to keep me coming back to you, when you knew how I felt about you? For not telling me that you were also sleeping with my suitemate?"

Elphaba pulled herself up to her full height, and pointed a finger at Fiyero, "I never led you to believe that I loved you, or that we had a committed relationship! Not once!"

Fiyero stood and stepped closer to her, "You took my virginity, Elphaba. It belonged to my bride, and you seduced me and took it! And left me with nothing!"

Elphaba stepped so close she could feel his breath, "I didn't take anything you weren't willing to give! And if you'll recall, it was you who kissed me!"

Fiyero looked shaken, and frighteningly angry. When he answered, his voice was a low growl, "I hate you."

Elphaba reeled, shaken by the malice in his voice, the same voice that had whispered in her ear and called her Fae. The same voice that had said he loved her. And then she felt a pang of regret, because he had indeed said he loved her, and she'd ignored him.

"I hate you," Fiyero said again, balling up his hands into fists.

Matvei stepped in then, not sure whether Fiyero would stoop to hitting a woman in his current state. He pulled Elphaba away, and Avaric tried to convince Fiyero to calm down. Fiyero shrugged him off and crossed to sit at one of the stools at the counter.

"Fae," Matvei said, "Why don't you bring some coffee?"

Elphaba begrudgingly obeyed, because she knew Matvei was only trying to protect her.

As she went behind the counter, Fiyero looked at her with wounded eyes. He asked in a low voice, "Fae?"

Elphaba looked away, because she knew he remembered the intimate moment when they'd coined the name. She knew that Matvei's use of the name was just another way that she had managed to hurt him.

She set some coffee to brewing and pulled out mugs for each of them. She pulled the milk and sugar from the icebox, not sure what each of them wanted. After a few minutes, as she poured the coffee, Matvei spoke up.

"This is a mess, obviously. But I won't have either of you threatening Elphaba, or Mia. If we can't agree on our differences, especially the questions we can't answer, then you gentlemen might as well leave and not return. Either settle this, or don't come back."

Elphaba set mugs down in front of each of them, and then offered the milk and sugar, from where they sat on the counter.

Matvei took his coffee black, and Avaric shook his head, "No, not for me. I've never been able to stomach the milk."

Elphaba froze. For the second time that day, her heart skipped into her throat. It felt as though the world slowed down, as she turned to see Fiyero pouring a generous serving of milk into his mug. She must have paled severely, because Matvei stood abruptly and came to her side.

"Fae?" he asked.

"I…" she tried to speak, but no words would come. She knew that Matvei was speaking to her, but she heard nothing but the pounding of her own heart. It seemed utterly and absolutely impossible, that such a small gesture could mean so much. What were the chances, of such a mundane exchange occurring just now, with just the right people present to answer an impossible question? Yet somehow, Elphaba had an answer.

I've never been able to stomach the milk.

Avaric had no idea what he'd actually revealed.

Elphaba turned and fled up the stairs then, stumbling once onto her knees and then crawling the rest of the way up. She found Mia in her room, trying to pull on stockings backwards. Elphaba collapsed to her knees and wrapped the child in a hug. It was so out of character, Mia was startled.

"Mama?"

"It doesn't matter child," Elphaba said into the little girl's hair, "I'll never tell them, because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter…"

Mia did not understand, but the thunder rumbled outside, and she was afraid.

The next morning, Galinda tried again to visit Fiyero. She felt as though she might be close to convincing him, and she was ready to have this whole matter over and done. The streets were slick with rain from the day before, and she pulled the hood to her cloak over her head to shield her hair from the mist that still fell. Looking down as she walked, she didn't see Avaric until she nearly plowed into him.

"Sweet Lureline's ghost, Avaric! Are you trying to kill me?" she shrieked.

"No," he looked frazzled, "Are you going to see Fiyero?"

"Yes…" she said impatiently.

"Don't," Avaric stated.

"What?" Galinda looked baffled.

"Don't go. You don't need to go."

"Avaric, what in Oz name? You blackmail me into doing this, and now you're trying to stop me?"

Avaric ran a hand through his hair, "I know…I didn't think that all the way through…"

"You…didn't think it through? Avaric, you are trying my patience!"

Avaric stepped back, realizing for the first time that Galinda could be quite intense when she was angry.

"I…well, Fiyero went to see her. He did it on his own," Avaric admitted.

Galinda stopped, looking shocked, "And?" she asked.

Avaric looked troubled, "We saw her. We both saw her."

"Who?"

"Mia."

Galinda stared at him, trying to gauge his reaction.

"Why didn't you tell me, that she has a child?" Avaric looked genuinely hurt.

Galinda took a breath, "Avaric, I do not want to see Elphaba hurt anymore. She has a decent life."

Avaric studied her, "You do love her, don't you?"

She met his eyes, "Are you planning to use it against me again?"

"That was wrong. I'm sorry," Avaric offered.

"I suppose it's good, that you've become so good at apologizing, since you can't seem to stop meddling in people's lives," Galinda shot at him.

"Maybe that's true," Avaric admitted.

"Maybe you should stop blackmailing people, as a rule," Galinda suggested.

"Point taken," Avaric said.

"So how did it go, this reunion you've been trying to stage for weeks now?"

Avaric shook his head, "Not great. There was yelling, and Elphaba…"

Galinda was in his face again, "I swear to Lureline herself, if she's hurt--"

Avaric stepped back, "I don't know what she is. We'd just reached the point when I thought there might be a rational conversation, when she ran away and refused to return. Absolutely refused. Perhaps Fiyero got to her, telling her he hates her…"

"He said he hates her?" Galinda looked stunned and angry.

"Yes. He hates her, Galinda. I'm sorry…"

"You are both awfully good at being sorry!" she threw over her shoulder as she stormed away, disgusted.

Elphaba had spent most of the same morning wringing her hands and being absolutely unable to concentrate on anything she needed to do. Matvei had tried to talk with her, had tried to deduce what was going on, but she refused to explain.

Finally, just after the lunch patrons had filtered out, he stood beside her and said, "I will not let those two men back in here again. This can't go on. I don't care who they used to be to you. I don't care if one of them is Mia's father. You've been a wreck for more than a month now over this, and I won't let it continue."

Elphaba just shook her head, "Mat…you cannot understand…"

"I understand that every time they come here, you end up angry and distraught. I won't allow it, Fae, unless there's some sort of decent conclusion coming out of it all soon," Matvei insisted.

Elphaba didn't answer. She went back to stacking glasses and staring out the window as though she were lost.

She had never been happier to see Galinda than when she walked through the door that afternoon. Elphaba gave her a troubled looked and pulled her friend upstairs. She made sure that Mia was drawing happily in at Matvei's table, and then continued all the way up into her bedroom. Elphaba pushed the door shut, and Galinda looked concerned.

"Elphie…Avaric told me what happened here yesterday," Galinda started.

"Fiyero was here," Elphaba said softly, crossing to sit on the bed.

Galinda followed, "I know. I heard about what he said…"

Elphaba looked away and picked at the quilts.

"Elphie, it's just terrible, to say something like that…to anyone. Fiyero's chosen to be angry and hateful, and it's not worth—"

Elphaba shook her head, "I expected as much. I'm no stranger to being hated."

Galinda took her friend's face in her hands, "Stop that! The Elphie I remember would never have let someone walk all over—"

Elphaba pushed her away and stood. She started pacing, saying, "Believe me, Galinda, I nearly hit him for saying it. But then…oh sweet Oz Galinda…I figured it out…"

"What?" Galinda looked utterly confused.

Elphaba twisted her fingers together as she paced, "I know who Mia's father is," she choked out.

Galinda's mouth hung open, and her eyes were wide, "How?"

Elphaba stopped, "Don't you want to know who?"

Galinda shook her head, "Yes…but…"

"It was the milk," Elphaba rambled, "Mia can't have milk, and when Avaric refused it…"

"Avaric?" Galinda looked sick.

Elphaba nodded slowly, "She's his. Avaric is her father."

Galinda took a long, deep breath and stared at Elphaba with a worried expression, "You don't have to tell them, Elphie. She's yours. Neither one really has any vested interest in raising her. If they're coming around and saying they hate you, then just let them go."

Elphaba stood there for a minute, with her arms wrapped around herself. She finally crossed to the wardrobe and leaned against it, so that she was facing away from Galinda. From there, she said, "I love him, Galinda…"

"What?" Galinda snapped softly.

"Fiyero. I love him."

Galinda crossed the room and took Elphaba's arm. She turned her friend around and tried to meet her eyes, "Elphie! He said he hates you!"

"I know. And he has every right…"

"No one has the right to hate," Galinda corrected.

Elphaba pressed her hands to her face, "Galinda…when I realized who Mia belongs to, I just…knew. Because if I didn't care, it shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter who her father is. I should be able to just send them on their way. But for all my raving and plotting and scheming, for all my goals of revolution and convincing myself I'm made of iron, I have not managed to escape the messiest of all emotions. I love him."

"But Elphie…he's behaved horribly…" Galinda tried.

Elphaba shook her head, "I thought it was planning a revolution that made me so motivated, inspired, and courageous at Shiz, but it wasn't. It was him. It was Fiyero."

Galinda reached up then and brushed some loose hair behind Elphaba's ear, "That's how you know you love someone, Elphie. When they make you want to be better."

Elphaba just stared across the room, her face a picture of torment, and whispered, "I can't tell him, Galinda. I can't tell him she belongs to Avaric…"