Castle Guards: A Naruto, Harry Potter crossover
Castle Guards: A Naruto, Harry Potter crossover
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own neither Naruto nor Harry Potter.
AN: Well here's another chapter. I hope you all enjoy it, it is rather long. I'm also sorry it took so long, I got stuck at one point and decided to read some other fics for inspiration and got lost in them. Also in this chapter there are large sections from the book, I mean no disrespect for J.K. Rowling by borrowing them. By the way, this is kinda AU for Naruto timeline, cause I've not watched any shippendun, but I know bits and pieces of it, so some things might not fit in with what happened in those episodes.
"blah," Kyuubi
'blah' thoughts
"Blah" Japanese
Chapter 5: First Day of Lessons
The following morning, Naruto woke with the sun. He tried to go back to sleep, but the unfamiliarity of his surroundings prevented that feat. He growled quietly and rolled over. He finally crawled out of bed and got dressed.
"Hey Neji," he called quietly so as not to wake anyone else.
The brunette turned his head and opened one pale eye to peer at the blonde, "What is it?"
"Morning," Naruto said, nodding toward the window. "Wake the others and meet me in the common room. I'll get the girls."
"How are you going to get past the stairs?" Neji asked curiously.
"Sexy jutsu," Naruto shrugged.
Neji rolled his eyes as Naruto left the room. He went first to Kankuro's bed and roused the puppeteer. Before he could figure out a way of walking the other two Akamaru bounded out of the curtains, followed closely by Kiba.
"Oh, hey guys," he greeted quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping wizards. "What are you doing up so early?"
"Naruto wants a meeting in the common room," explained Neji.
"Why's he up so early?" Kiba looked over at his captain's bed, trying to disprove the pale eyed brunette.
"New mission, strange place, take your pick," Neji shrugged. "Anyway, wake up Shino and meet us in the common room. Naruto and the girls should be there by now."
8888888
When Naruto reached the common room, he waved to Gaara, who was sitting in front of the window, watching the sun rise. He then made his way over to the stairs to the girls' dormitories. He made a quick hand sign and the next moment a girl with long blonde pigtails stood in his place.
"At least you're clothed this time, Naruto," Gaara smirked at the blonde.
Naruto stuck his tongue out before taking the stairs two at a time. He found the room labeled Fifth Years and silently opened the door.
The inside was similar to the room he slept in, except there were fewer people in here. There was also a definite feminine air to this room, but that was to be expected.
Naruto shook his head and quickly located the chakra signatures of his female teammates and made his way over to their beds, which were right beside each other. He stood indecisive for a moment, debating which one to wake up first. On the one hand, Sakura packed a pretty mean punch, but on the other hand Temari was just plain scary. He decided on the lesser of two evils and went first to the pinkette's bed.
"Sakura," he called quietly. "Time to wake up, Sakura."
The pink haired kunoichi's hand shot out and smacked the blonde upside the head. He grunted in pain but managed to grab her arm and yank her out of the bed. He caught her before she crashed to the floor and alerted the others to his presence.
"Wake up already," he hissed in her ear, as he placed her feet on the floor.
"Naruto?" she opened her eyes just a crack. "What are you doing in here?"
"Trying to get you up for an emergency meeting in the common room," he rolled his eyes and let go of his friend.
"Oh, alright," she shrugged. "You should go, I'll wake up Temari and meet you guys down there."
"Okay," he beamed at her and left the girls' dormitory.
Naruto made it back to the common room just as Neji and Kankuro descended the opposite staircase. Kankuro stopped in his tracks when he spotted the blonde.
"Oy, Kankuro, stop checking me out, it's kinda creepy," Naruto gave him a funny look. "Don't make me send Gamakichi to TenTen and tell her you've suddenly switched sides."
"God, dude, you need to stop using that thing," Kankuro shook his head in disgust.
"Why?" he countered, removing the jutsu. "It's not my fault if you've got wandering eyes."
"It's not my fault you look damn sexy as a girl," the puppeteer shot back.
"Enough," Gaara said quietly, as the other four shinobi entered the common room.
"What's the big emergency, Naruto?" asked Sakura, taking one of the chairs closest to the fire.
"Some things were discussed last night in our dormitory," Naruto paced in front of the fireplace. "And I'd like to know what happened after I left the feast."
"As for what happened during the feast," Neji said before anyone else could speak, "I shall discuss that with you in private later."
"Okay," the blonde nodded. "What about in the dorms? What was all the yelling about?"
Kiba spoke up, "Well apparently Harry witnessed something last year with a guy named Cedric Diggory, and the Daily Prophet is lying about it."
"Here's what I got," Kankuro cut in. "Both Harry and Dumbledore say some guy has come back, they didn't say a name they just called him You-Know-Who, but anyway both the government and this Daily Prophet thing are trying to cover it up by making Harry out to be a liar and Dumbledore an old fool."
"You-Know-Who, that sounds familiar," Naruto scratched his cheek in thought. "Oh I remember," he snapped his fingers. "Back in June I was following a lead that led me to this old guy who calls himself Vol-Voldy-Voldemort, that's right. Anyway no one I talked to would call him by his name, they called him either You-Know-Who or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."
"What lead was that?" Neji asked curiously. "And why were we not informed?"
"There was a rumor of a snake bastard appearing in a foreign country," Naruto shrugged. "Grandma Tsunade gave me a week to look into it, we figured it might be Orochimaru. Turns out it wasn't. He looks a lot like Orochimaru though, but he doesn't have hair, he's just creepy, and he's got the chakra of a civilian."
"So I take it we're protecting these kids from this Voldemort character," Temari shook her head. "Or are we supposed to be protecting them from the government?"
"Either, or both," Gaara replied. "We'll have to wait and see how far the rulers are willing to go to keep Harry quiet. So we need to keep an extra close watch on our charges around Umbridge."
"Okay," Naruto nodded. "So Shino, I want you to put a plant on Umbridge, and all of us need to keep our ears open for any information on Voldemort. Now all we need to do is wait for our charges to make an appearance and we can begin our day."
About an hour later Harry, Ron, and Hermione made an appearance in the common room.
"What's the matter?" asked Hermione, as she, Sakura, and Temari caught up with Harry, Ron, and their guards halfway across the common room as they all headed toward breakfast. "You look absolutely—oh for heaven's sake."
She was staring at the common room notice board, where a large new sign had been put up.
GALLONS OF GALLEONS!
Pocket money failing to keep pace with your outgoings?
Like to earn a little extra gold?
Contact Fred and George Weasley,
Gryffindor common room,
for simple, part-time, virtually painless jobs
(WE REGRET THAT ALL WORK IS UNDERTAKEN AT APPLICANT'S OWN RISK)
"They are the limit," said Hermione grimly, taking down the sign, which Fred and George had pinned up over a poster giving the date of the first Hogsmeade weekend in October. "We'll have to talk to them Ron."
Ron looked positively alarmed, as Naruto snatched the poster from Hermione.
"Why?"
"Because we're prefects!" said Hermione, as they climbed out through the portrait hole. "It's up to us to stop this kind of thing!"
Ron said nothing; Harry could tell from his glum expression that the prospect of stopping Fred and George doing exactly what they liked was not one that he found inviting.
"What's so bad about it?" Naruto asked curiously. "They warn about the risk, and they're paying. I'd be game for it, just as long as it doesn't affect my awareness level. What about you Kankuro, you up for it?"
"I don't know, I'd have to ask them about it first," the puppet master shrugged. "Besides, I really don't need the money, and who knows what we'll need to be doing in our spare time."
"True," Naruto nodded, crumpling up the paper and tossing it over his shoulder, where it landed in a nearby trash bin.
"Anyway, what's up Harry?" Hermione continued, as they walked down a flight of stairs lined with portraits of old witches and wizards, all of whom ignored them, being engrossed in their own conversations. "You look really angry about something."
"Seamus reckons Harry's lying about You-Know-Who," said Ron succinctly, when Harry did not respond.
Hermione, whom Harry had expected to react angrily on his behalf, sighed.
"Yes, Lavender thinks so too," she said gloomily.
"Been having a nice little chat with her about whether or not I'm a lying, attention-seeking prat, have you?" Harry said loudly.
"No," said Hermione calmly, "I told her to keep her big fat mouth shut about you, actually. And it would be quite nice if you stopped jumping down Ron's and my throats, Harry, because if you haven't noticed, we're on your side."
There was a short pause, in which the shinobi shared a knowing look.
"Sorry," said Harry in a low voice.
"That's quite all right," said Hermione with dignity.
"Idiots, all of them," Neji shook his head.
"I agree entirely, Nej," Naruto sighed. "Listen Harry, you can't let what others say about you affect you like that or you'll end up like Gaara here. So most people don't believe you that this Voldemort character's back, when they lay there dying by his, or his followers', hand, they'll realize you were telling the truth."
All three wizarding students looked at him in amazement. Not only had he spoken so casually about death, but he had said Voldemort's name.
"What?" the blonde looked at them in confusion.
"You said You-Know-Who's name," Ron shook his head.
"And?" Naruto rolled his eyes. "Saying You-Know-Who is too confusing."
"If I know Naruto at all," Neji chuckled, "he's already got a nickname for him."
"Not yet," he shrugged. "I haven't decided whether Moldy-Voldy suits him best or snake-face. Either one would work, too bad snake bastard is already taken."
"Already taken?" Harry looked confused, remembering how the blonde had mentioned his best friend joining said snake bastard and how he'd assumed he'd meant Voldemort.
"Yeah, back home there's this guy who once attacked our village using snakes," Naruto said casually. "I got eaten by one but managed to get out and save Sasuke and Sakura from another."
"You were allowed to fight?" Hermione looked shocked.
"At that point, no one else knew they were there," Sakura answered quickly, before Naruto accidentally blew their cover with his bragging. "Naruto we need to talk."
She grabbed his arm and dragged him into a deserted classroom. She gave the others a smile over her shoulder and waved for them to go on without them.
"What's up, Sakura?" he asked once the door was closed.
"You almost blew our cover Naruto," the pinkette sighed. "You're supposed to be an ANBU, put what you learned in training to good use."
"I wasn't giving anything away," the blonde pouted. "I didn't even mention we actually fought Orochimaru, I just said the snakes."
"That's not the point," Sakura said in exasperation. "Here they aren't allowed to use magic outside school until they're seventeen."
"What the fuck?" he said loudly. "How are they supposed to get better if they can't train outside school?"
"I don't know," she shook her head. "But that's the way it works here, and I'm assuming it's like that in all wizarding communities, so just keep that in mind before running your mouth, okay?"
"Okay, okay," he held up his hands placatingly. "Now let's get some breakfast, I'm starving."
They left the room and made their way to the Great Hall. They had just taken their seats with their fellow shinobi when Professor McGonagall handed them their schedules.
"Look at today!" groaned Ron. "History of Magic, double Potions, Divination, and double Defense Against the Dark Arts… Binns, Snape, Trelawney, and that Umbridge woman all in one day! I wish Fred and George'd hurry up and get those Skiving Snackboxes sorted…."
"Do mine ears deceive me?" said Fred, arriving with George and squeezing onto the bench beside Harry. "Hogwarts prefects surely don't wish to skive off lessons?"
"Look what we've got today," said Ron grumpily, shoving his schedule under Fred's nose. "That's the worst Monday I've ever seen."
"Fair point, little bro," said Fred, scanning the column. "You can have a bit of Nosebleed Nougat cheap if you like."
"Why's it cheap?" said Ron suspiciously.
"Because you'll keep bleeding till you shrivel up, we haven't got an antidote yet," said George, helping himself to a kipper.
"Cheers," said Ron moodily, pocketing his schedule, "but I think I'll take the lessons."
"The lessons don't seem that bad to me," Naruto shrugged. "I mean come on it's only four classes, and nothing too taxing. It seems pretty easy actually."
"You don't know the professors," Ron grumbled.
"And speaking of your Skiving Snackboxes," said Hermione, eyeing Fred and George beadily, "you can't advertise for testers on the Gryffindor notice board."
"Says who?" said George, looking astonished.
"Says me," said Hermione. "And Ron."
"Leave me out of it," said Ron hastily.
Hermione glared at him. Fred and George sniggered.
"You'll be singing a different tune soon enough, Hermione," said Fred, thickly buttering a crumpet. "You're starting your fifth year, you'll be begging us for a Snackbox before long."
"And why would starting fifth year mean I want a Skiving Snackbox?" asked Hermione.
"Fifth year's O.W.L. year," said George.
"So?"
"So you've got your exams coming up, haven't you? They'll be keeping your noses so hard to that grindstone they'll be rubbed raw," said Fred with satisfaction.
"Exams?" Naruto looked up in shock. "They never said anything about exams!"
"Calm down, Naruto," Neji laid his hand on the blonde's shoulder. "We'll do fine, like always."
"Half our year had minor breakdowns coming up to O.W.L.s," said George happily. "Tears and tantrums… Patriticia Stimpson kept coming over faint…."
"Kenneth Towler came out in boils, d'you remember?" said Fred reminiscently.
"That's 'cause you put Bulbadox Powder in his pajamas," said George.
"Oh yeah," said Fred, grinning. "I'd forgotten…. Hard to keep track sometimes, isn't it?"
"Anyway, it's a nightmare of a year, the fifth," said George. "If you care about exam results anyway. Fred and I managed to keep our spirits up somehow."
"Yeah… you got, what was it, three O.W.L.s each?" said Ron.
"Yep," said Fred unconcernedly. "But we feel our futures lie outside the world of academic achievement."
"We seriously debated whether we were going to bother coming back for our seventh year," said George brightly, "now that we've got—"
He broke off at a warning look from Harry, who knew George had been about to mention the Triwizard winnings he had given them. The shinobi all caught it but continued eating as if they hadn't.
"—now that we've got our O.W.L.s," George said hastily. "I mean do we really need N.E.W.T.s? But we didn't think Mum could take us leaving school early, not on top of Percy turning out to be the world's biggest prat."
"We're not going to waste our last year here, though," said Fred looking affectionately around the Great Hall. "We're going to use it to do a bit of market research, find out exactly what the average Hogwarts student requires from his joke shop, carefully evaluate the results of our research, and then produce the products to fit the demand."
"But where are you going to get the gold to start a joke shop?" asked Hermione skeptically. "You're going to need all the ingredients and materials—and premises too, I suppose…."
Harry did not look at the twins. His face felt hot; he deliberately dropped his fork and dived down to retrieve it. He heard Fred say overhead, "Ask us no questions and we'll tell you no lies, Hermione. C'mon, George, if we get there early we might be able to sell a few Extendable Ears before Herbology."
Harry emerged from under the table to see Fred and George walking away, each carrying a stack of toast. He watched as Shino gave them a funny wave but thought nothing much of it.
"What did that mean?" said Hermione, looking from Harry to Ron. "'Ask us no questions…' Does that mean they've already got some gold to start a joke shop?"
"You know, I've been wondering about that," said Ron, his brow furrowed. "They bought me a new set of dress robes this summer, and I couldn't understand where they got the Galleons…."
Harry decided it was time to steer the conversation out of dangerous waters.
"D'you reckon it's true this year's going to be really tough? Because of the exams?"
"Oh yeah," said Ron. "Bound to be, isn't it? O.W.L.s are really important, affect the jobs you can apply for and everything. We get career advice too, later this year, Bill told me. So you can choose what N.E.W.T.s you want to do next year."
"D'you know what you want to do after Hogwarts?" Harry asked the others, as they left the Great Hall shortly afterward and set off toward their History of Magic classroom.
"Not really," said Ron slowly. "Except… well…"
He looked slightly sheepish.
"What?" Harry urged him.
"Well, it'd be cool to be an Auror," said Ron in an offhand voice.
"Yeah, it would," said Harry fervently.
"But they're, like, the elite," said Ron. "You've got to be really good. What about you, Hermione?"
"I don't know," said Hermione. "I think I'd really like to do something worthwhile."
"An Auror's worthwhile!" said Harry.
"Yes, it is, but it's not the only worthwhile thing," said Hermione thoughtfully. "I mean, if I could take S.P.E.W. further…."
Harry and Ron carefully avoided looking at each other, while the shinobi looked between the three curiously.
"What about you guys, what do you want to be when you finish school?" Ron asked trying to avoid the topic of S.P.E.W..
"ANBU," Kankuro shrugged, looking over at the others, most of who nodded.
"I'm interested in the medical profession," Sakura smiled.
"I'm gonna be the leader of my village, believe it," Naruto gave the thumbs up, causing all the leaf ninja to shake their heads.
"That's a really big dream," said Hermione, giving him a worried look.
"It has been since I was like seven," he beamed. "And it's finally gonna come true."
Naruto's head suddenly jerked forward as if he'd been hit and a lump formed on the back of his head, but the wizards couldn't see what hit him.
"Ow Gaara, that hurt," he rubbed his head, glaring at the redhead, who just shrugged.
"What's an ANBU?" Harry asked deciding to change the subject.
"It's similar to your Aurors," Neji explained. "The ANBU are the elite warriors, no that's not right, fighting force I guess would be the best way to describe it, of our villages."
"So we basically want to be the same thing," said Ron enthusiastically. "That's cool. Maybe we could end up working together sometime."
"Doubtful," said Gaara as they entered the History of Magic classroom.
They all took their seats and waited for Professor Binns to arrive. Naruto sat tapping his wand on the desk, much to the annoyance of Neji and Gaara, who were on either side of him. Finally, the teacher glided in through the blackboard.
The wand fell from Naruto's hand and clattered to the floor as he went rigid and stared at the ghost professor.
"N-N-Neji, it's a g-g-ghost," he whimpered, clutching the brunette's arm tightly.
"Calm down, Naruto," Neji winced slightly. "Yes, he is a ghost."
"Kit."
"You're not supposed to say that, Neji, you've failed me!" his grip tightened.
"Kit."
"You're supposed to shoot off some scientific bullshit and tell me that it's not real."
"KIT!"
Naruto jerked back, straightening up in his seat, his eyes unfocused on the wall in front of him. His hand was still clutching Neji's arm, but it loosened marginally as his fingers extended into claws.
He turned to the brunette, a smirk on his whiskered face, revealing elongated canines. His now red eyes met the pale silver of the lieutenant.
"Thanks, Nej, I've got it from here," he said in a voice much deeper than anything the wizards had heard from the blonde.
"Naruto?" Harry leaned forward to talk to the blonde. "Are you okay?"
"Just fine," he didn't look at the wizard. "You can continue now professor, sorry about my interruption."
"Now kit," Kyuubi asked the blonde tied up before his cage. "Are you going to calm down and take this like a man, or should I just stay in control till this lesson is over."
'I'm fine,' Naruto rolled his eyes. 'I just panicked is all.'
"Ha," the fox laughed. "You almost took off your lieutenant's arm, blew your cover, and made me take over, which I might add made that dark haired boy very suspicious."
'I didn't force you to take over,' the blonde scoffed. 'You did that on your own, and that boy's name is Harry.'
"Like I really care, kit," Kyuubi shook his head. "I don't see what the big deal is anyway, it's just a ghost. I personally would've been more worried about that werewolf we met."
'I hate ghosts, Kyu, and you know it,' Naruto sighed. 'I wish I didn't but they just creep me out.'
"Are you quite through, yet?" Red eyes rolled in annoyance. "Cause I'm getting bored. I'm gonna untie you now, but if it ever happens again, I won't let you go for a whole day, and I can't be responsible for what I do to that sexy little lieutenant you've got."
'Gods, that's Neji you're talking about,' he shuddered slightly, 'he's like my best friend at the moment.'
"If you say so, kit," Kyuubi retreated back into his cage, freeing the blonde from the ropes binding him in his mind.
"Stupid, perverted fox," Naruto muttered under his breath, causing Neji to give him a curious look and Gaara to smirk.
History of Magic, at least the way Professor Binns taught it, was so boring, after a few minutes Naruto began wondering what he was so scared of. He started tapping his wand on the desk again, until Gaara slapped his hand still. After that, he tried to talk with Kyuubi, but he was ignoring the blonde. He finally settled on twirling his wand rapidly between his fingers under the desk, just for something to do. He also decided that next time he was going to pick a different seat, one that wasn't between two boring people.
Finally the class ended and they all headed to break. The three wizarding students were arguing about something, but the shinobi didn't really care, they just wanted to be outside as fast as possible. Once in the courtyard, the shinobi scanned the area, making sure nothing was amiss, before heading a little ways away from their charges and engaging in a relaxed form of training, mostly it was Kiba and Naruto racing each other from one end to the other, with the others watching them.
When the bell rang, the shinobi followed Harry, Ron, and Hermione to their next class, the latter two of the three were having a rather heated argument about something or other that the shinobi could really care less about. They entered the dungeons and found seats, this time Naruto sat with Neji, who he couldn't shake off, and Kankuro, figuring he would be more fun than his younger brother.
"Settle down," said Snape coldly, shutting the door behind him. There was no real need for the call to order; the moment the class had heard the door close, quiet had fallen and all fidgeting stopped. Snape's mere presence was usually enough to ensure a class's silence.
"Before we begin today's lesson," said Snape, sweeping over to his desk and staring around at them all, his gaze lingering on the shinobi, "I think it appropriate to remind you that next June you will be sitting an important examination, during which you will prove how much you have learned about the composition and use of magical potions. Moronic though some of this class undoubtedly are, I expect you to scrape an 'acceptable' in you O.W.L., or suffer my… displeasure."
At his words Naruto's hand shot into the air.
"Yes, Mr. Uzumaki," Snape gave him a cold glare for daring to interrupt him.
"Um, by displeasure, do you mean you're gonna torture us?" the blonde asked curiously. "Cause if you are, I'd like to know now, just to be prepared."
The eyes of the wizards in the room turned to look at him incredulously. Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Hey, it's a fair question," Kankuro shrugged. "I mean if we have to scrape by in this class it'd be nice to know we are getting out of a torture session."
"Silence," hissed Snape. "I will not be mocked in my own classroom. Ten points from Gryffindor, five for each of you. And know this, I am being lenient only because you are foreigners and it is your first day."
Snape continued talking to the class, but Naruto got bored and started fiddling with the short knife in front of him. Finally, Snape set them to making the potion. Luckily, for Naruto at least, Neji was sitting next to him. The brunette kept stopping him from putting in the wrong ingredients or missing a step. And it was also lucky that Snape was too busy picking on Harry and Neville to notice this.
After Potions the shinobi followed their charges to lunch, while Shino got a report on the doings of his and Kiba's from three small beetles that flew to him from their seats among the many Gryffindors.
Halfway through the meal, Harry left the table angrily. Naruto shot Neji a look and got up to follow him. Neji sighed and quickly caught up with the blonde.
"We should probably give him some time to calm down, Naruto," Neji said quietly as they followed the wizard up to North Tower.
"We can't Nej, and you know it," Naruto hissed back.
"You know I can hear you guys right?" Harry stopped his progress and turned to look at the two shinobi. "Why are you following me?"
"You shouldn't be alone when you're like this," Naruto shrugged, lying easily. "As I said before, if you brood too much you'll become like Gaara."
"Don't you ever get angry and want to be left alone?" the wizard sighed.
"A lot actually," the blonde smirked. "But I'm never allowed to be alone anymore. I don't even live on my own anymore, Grandma Tsunade forced me to move in with a friend, so that he could keep an eye on me."
"If you can count Shikamaru sleeping in whatever room you happen to be in, or gazing at the clouds while you are out and about," Neji rolled his eyes.
"Your boyfriend?" Harry questioned as they continued up the stairs, remembering that that was acceptable with the new students.
"What? No!" Naruto shuddered. "He's just my housemate, nothing but a friend. And the only reason we even share that much space is cause of Grandma Tsunade."
"Who is this Tsunade you keep talking about?" Harry asked confused.
"She is the leader of our village," Neji said, clamping his hand firmly over the blonde's mouth to keep him from saying anything. "I'm afraid Naruto has little proper respect for her."
"That's not true," Naruto protested, pulling the brunette's hand away from his mouth. "I respect her plenty, I just think she could do better, shit, I could do better."
"Anyway," Neji rolled his eyes, "Harry, what is this next class about?"
Harry spent the rest of the lunch hour explaining to the two shinobi all about Divination; how he thought the professor was an old fraud, how much he hated it, he even mentioned how two years ago he had actually heard her make a real prediction and how Dumbledore had said that it was her second. The shinobi took it all in and filed it away in their minds for reference at a later date.
They were the first ones into the classroom when the bell rang.
Divination was Harry's least favorite class after Potions, which was due mainly to Professor Trelawney's habit of predicting his premature death every few lessons. A thin woman, heavily draped in shawls and glittering with strings of beads, she always reminded Harry of some kind of insect, with her glasses hugely magnifying her eyes. She was busy putting copies of battered, leather-bound books on each of the spindly little tables with which her room was littered when Harry, Neji, and Naruto entered the room, but so dim was the light cast by the lamps covered by scarves and the low-burning, sickly-scented fire that she appeared not to notice them as they took a seat in the shadows. The rest of the class arrived over the next five minutes. Ron and the other male shinobi emerged from the trapdoor, looked around carefully, spotted Harry, Neji, and Naruto and made directly for them, or as directly as they could while having to wend their way between tables, chairs, and overstuffed poufs.
Ron sat down next to Harry and began talking to him, while the other four shinobi sat at a table next to them.
"Naruto," Gaara leaned over and whispered to the blonde.
"Yeah, Gaara?" he looked over at the redhead curiously.
"What is this class?"
"Divination; sounds like a load of shit from what Harry says," the blonde whispered.
"What is that smell?" Kiba whined piteously. "It hurts my nose."
"It's coming from the fire," Naruto shook his head. "And I have to say I agree there Kiba."
"Good day," said Professor Trelawney in her usual misty, dreamy voice. "And welcome back to Divination. I have, of course, been following your fortunes most carefully over the holidays, and am delighted to see that you have all returned to Hogwarts safely—as, of course, I knew you would.
"You will find on the tables before you copies of The Dream Oracle, by Inigo Imago. Dream interpretation is a most important means of divining the future and one that may very probably be tested in your O.W.L. Not, of course, that I believe examination passes or failures are of the remotest importance when it comes to the sacred art of divination. If you have the Seeing Eye, certificates and grades matter very little. However, the headmaster likes you to sit the examination, so…"
Her voice trailed away delicately, leaving them all in no doubt that Professor Trelawney considered her subject above such sordid matters as examinations.
"Turn, please, to the introduction and read what Imago has to say on the matter of dream interpretation. Then, divide into pairs. Use The Dream Oracle to interpret each other's most recent dreams. Carry on."
Gaara's hand raised slowly into the air.
"Yes?" Professor Trelawney turned her gaze to him.
"I cannot do the assignment," the Kazekage said in a flat voice.
"And why not, Mr.?" She trailed off, flipping through some papers on her side table searching for his name.
"Sabaku no Gaara, Kazekage of Suna," he rattle off on instinct. "And to dream one must sleep, I do neither."
"Everyone sleeps, Mr. Sabaku," her voice lost its misty tone. "It is impossible for one to go completely without sleep."
"I have not slept in nearly thirteen years, and if I did I did not dream, Shukaku saw to that one," the redhead stared at her in annoyance.
"Mr. Sabaku," Trelawney drew herself up and her voice went even mistier than before, "I foresee a violent young death for you at the hands of your enemies. Be careful who you cross."
At her words all the wizarding students turned to look at the redhead.
"Too late for that one," Gaara crossed his arms over his chest, causing all the shinobi to snigger.
"Excuse me?" she blinked at the shinobi through her glasses. "Do you all find something amusing about death?"
"Nope," Kankuro shook his head, "just that you predicted Gaara's." He then turned to his brother, "Calm down, Gaara, I'll help you come up with some shit to do the assignment with."
Gaara nodded and proceeded to open his book to the first chapter.
The one good thing to be said for this lesson was that it was not a double period. By the time they had all finished reading the introduction of the book, they had barely ten minutes left for dream interpretation. The shinobi paired up in their teams, who'd have thought, and began trying to remember any dreams they had had recently.
"You know, I had a dream last night about an argument," Naruto shook his head. "Oh wait, that wasn't a fucking dream."
Neji bit back a smile and shook his head.
"Oh wait, I know, I have this recurring nightmare that a fox lurks in the back of my mind," Naruto chuckled, winking at his lieutenant, as he felt Kyuubi stirring within his cage.
Neji pretended to consult The Dream Oracle, then said with all seriousness, "It says that means you have a demon fox sealed inside you somewhere."
"Ah, damn it," the blonde shook his head sadly.
"Ha, ha, very funny kit," Kyuubi growled. "And you can tell that lieutenant of your, that if he doesn't shut that pretty mouth of his, I'll do it for him."
'Kyuubi!' the blonde shouted in his mind, while he blushed furiously and buried his face in his book. 'Would you stop being such a perv? You're starting to make me feel uncomfortable around Neji.'
"Hey, I said nothing wrong, kit," Kyuubi chuckled mischievously. "You're the one who took it wrong."
'You may not have said anything wrong, but I know what you meant,' Naruto scowled.
"Are you alright, Naruto?" Neji placed his hand on Naruto's. "The bell rang, we need to get to our next class."
"Oh, yeah, right," Naruto shook his head, pulling his hand away quickly.
He and Neji joined the other shinobi, along with Harry and Ron at the bottom of the ladder, Ron grumbling loudly.
"D'you realize how much homework we've got already! Binns set us a foot-and-a-half-long essay on giant wars, Snape wants a foot on the use of moonstones, and now we've got a month's dream diary from Trelawney! Fred and George weren't wrong about O.W.L. year, were they? That Umbridge woman had better not give us any…."
When they entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom they found Professor Umbridge already seated at the teacher's desk, wearing the fluffy pink cardigan of the night before and the black velvet bow on top of her head. Harry was again reminded forcibly of a large fly perched unwisely on top of an even larger toad.
"Oh my god, Neji," Naruto whispered as they took a seat in the row in front of Harry and Ron, "I think one of the toads got out. Think I should call Gamabunta and ask if he lost one of his family? Maybe it's Gamakichi's girlfriend, he's always going on about how he's got one now."
Neji chuckled slightly as the rest of the class filed in. The rest of the class was quiet as it entered the room; Professor Umbridge was, as yet, an unknown quantity and nobody knew yet how strict a disciplinarian she was likely to be.
"Well, good afternoon!" she said when finally the whole class had sat down.
A few people mumbled "Good afternoon," in reply.
"Tut, tut," said Professor Umbridge. "That won't do, will it? I should like you, please, to reply 'Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge.' One more time, please. Good afternoon, class!"
"Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge," they chanted back at her.
"There, now," said Professor Umbridge sweetly. "That wasn't too difficult, was it? Wands away and quills out, please."
Many of the class exchanged gloomy looks; the order "wands away" had never yet been followed by a lesson they had found interesting. Harry shoved his wand back inside his bag and pulled out quill, ink, and parchment. The shinobi saw nothing wrong with the command given and stowed their funny little sticks away and sat back to listen. Professor Umbridge opened her handbag, extracted her own wand, which was an unusually short one, and tapped the blackboard sharply with it; words appeared on the board at once:
Defense Against the Dark Arts
A Return to Basic Principles
"Well now, your teaching in this subject has been rather disrupted and fragmented, hasn't it?" stated Professor Umbridge, turning to face the class with her hands clasped neatly in front of her. "The constant changing of teachers, many of whom do not seem to have followed any Ministry-approved curriculum, has unfortunately resulted in your being far below the standard we would expect to see in your O.W.L. year.
"You will be pleased to know, however, that these problems are now to be rectified. We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year. Copy down the following, please."
She rapped the blackboard again; the first message vanished and was replaced by:
Course aims:
1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.
2. Learning to recognizing situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.
3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.
For a couple minutes the room was full of the sound of scratching quills on parchment. When everyone had copied down Professor Umbridge's three course aims she said, "Has everybody got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?"
There was a dull murmur of assent throughout the class.
"I think we'll try that again," said Professor Umbridge. "When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply 'Yes, Professor Umbridge,' or 'No, Professor Umbridge.' So, has everyone got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?"
"Yes, Professor Umbridge," rang through the room.
"Good," said Professor Umbridge. "I should like you to turn to page five and read chapter one, 'Basics for Beginners.' There will be no need to talk."
Professor Umbridge left the blackboard and settled herself in the chair behind the teacher's desk, observing them all closely with those pouchy toad's eyes. Naruto flipped open his book and stared at the page in front of him. He paid absolutely no attention to the words but let his eyes roam the classroom. He noticed a pattern to Umbridge's scrutiny and decided to use it to his advantage and quickly scribbled a note to Neji when she wasn't looking.
This class is boring, wanna make it more interesting?
Neji scanned it over and waited for the teacher to look away again. He then scribbled a quick No, and returned it to the blonde. Naruto was busy writing back a response when he noticed Hermione's hand in the air. He also noticed he wasn't the only one looking at her either.
When more than half the class were staring at Hermione rather than at their books, Professor Umbridge seemed to decide that she could ignore the situation no longer.
"Did you want to ask something about the chapter, dear?" she asked Hermione, as though she had only just noticed her.
"Not about the chapter, no," said Hermione.
"Well, we're reading just now," said Professor Umbridge, showing her small, pointed teeth. "If you have other queries we can deal with them at the end of class."
"I've got a query about your course aims," said Hermione.
Professor Umbridge raised her eyebrows.
"And your name is—?"
"Hermione Granger," said Hermione.
"Well, Miss Granger, I think the course aims are perfectly clear if you read them through carefully," said Professor Umbridge in a voice of determined sweetness.
"Well, I don't," said Hermione bluntly. "There's nothing written up there about using defensive spells."
There was a short silence in which many members of the class turned their heads to frown at the three course aims still written on the blackboard. The shinobi all gave Hermione an encouraging look.
"Using defensive spells?" Professor Umbridge repeated with a little laugh. "Why, I can't imagine any situation arising in my classroom that would require you to use a defensive spell, Miss Granger. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class?"
"We're not going to use magic?" Ron ejaculated loudly.
"Students raise their hands when they wish to speak in my class, Mr.—?"
"Weasley," said Ron, thrusting his hand into the air.
Professor Umbridge, smiling still more widely, turned her back on him. Harry, Hermione, and Naruto immediately raised their hands too. Professor Umbridge's pouchy eyes lingered on Harry for a moment before she addressed Hermione.
"Yes, Miss Granger? You wanted to ask something else?"
"Yes," said Hermione. "Surely the whole point of Defense Against the Dark Arts is to practice defensive spells?"
"Are you a Ministry-trained educational expert, Miss Granger?" asked Professor Umbridge in her falsely sweet voice.
"No, but—"
"But I am, at least in my country," Naruto stood up, angry at being ignored. "And if you don't teach how to—"
"Well then, I'm afraid neither of you are qualified to decide what the 'whole point' of any class is. Wizards much older and cleverer than you both have devised our new program of study. You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way—"
"What's the use of that?" said Harry loudly. "If we're going to be attacked it won't be in a—"
"Hand, Mr. Potter!" sang Professor Umbridge.
Harry thrust his fist in the air. Professor Umbridge promptly turned away from him again, but now several other people had their hands up too.
"And your name is?" Professor Umbridge said to Dean.
"Dean Thomas."
"Well, Mr. Thomas?"
"Well, it's like Harry said, isn't it?" said Dean. "If we're going to be attacked, it won't be risk-free—"
"I repeat," said Professor Umbridge, smiling in a very irritating fashion at Dean, "do you expect to be attacked during my classes?"
"No, but—"
Professor Umbridge talked over him.
"I do not wish to criticize the way things have been run in this school," she said, an unconvincing smile stretching her wide mouth, "but you have been exposed to some very irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed—not to mention," she gave a nasty little laugh, "extremely dangerous half-breeds."
"If you mean Professor Lupin," piped up Dean Thomas angrily, "he was the best we ever—"
"Hand, Mr. Thomas! As I was saying—you have been introduced to spells that have been complex, inappropriate to your age group, and potentially lethal. You have been frightened into believing that you are likely to meet Dark attacks every other day—"
"No we haven't," Hermione said, "we just—"
"Your hand is not up, Miss Granger!"
Hermione put up her hand; Professor Umbridge turned away from her.
"It is my understanding that my predecessor not only performed illegal curses in front of you, he actually performed them on you—"
"Well, he turned out to be a maniac, didn't he?" said Dean Thomas hotly. "Mind you, we still learned loads—"
"Your hand is not up, Mr. Thomas!" trilled Professor Umbridge. "Now, it is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be more than sufficient to get you through your examination, which, after all, is what school is all about. And your name is?" she added, staring at Parvati, whose hand had just shot up.
"Parvati Patil, and isn't there a practical bit in our Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L.? Aren't we supposed to show that we can actually do the countercurses and things?"
"As long as you have studied the theory hard enough, there is no reason why you should not be able to perform the spells under carefully controlled examination conditions," said Professor Umbridge dismissively.
"Without ever practicing them before?" said Parvati incredulously. "Are you telling us that the first time we'll get to do the spells will be during the exam?"
"I repeat, as long as you have studied the theory hard enough—"
"That's not true—" Sakura began but cut off as Harry started to speak.
"And what good's theory going to be in the real world?" said Harry loudly, his fist in the air again.
Professor Umbridge looked up.
"This is school, Mr. Potter, not the real world," she said softly.
"So we're not supposed to be prepared for what's waiting out there?"
"There is nothing waiting out there, Mr. Potter."
This caused all the shinobi to give her a queer look.
"Oh yeah?" said Harry. His temper, which seemed to have been bubbling just beneath the surface all day, was reaching boiling point.
"Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?" inquired Professor Umbridge in a horribly honeyed voice.
"Hmm, let's think…" said Harry in a mock thoughtful voice, "maybe Lord Voldemort?"
Ron gasped; Lavender Brown uttered a little scream; Neville slipped sideways off his stool; the shinobi all nodded in agreement. Professor Umbridge, however, did not flinch. She was staring at Harry with a grimly satisfied expression on her face.
"Ten points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter."
The classroom was silent and still. Everyone was staring at either Umbridge or Harry.
"Now, let me make a few things quite plain."
Professor Umbridge stood up and leaned toward them, her stubby-fingered hands splayed on her desk, and Naruto could tell this wasn't going to end well for Harry.
"You have been told that a certain Dark wizard has returned from the dead—"
"He wasn't dead," said Harry angrily, "but yeah, he's returned!"
"Mr.-Potter-you-have-already-lost-your-House-ten-points-do-not-make-matters-worse-for-yourself," said Professor Umbridge in one breath without looking at him. "As I was saying, you have been informed that a certain Dark wizard is at large once again. This is a lie."
"It is NOT a lie!" said Harry. "I saw him, I fought him!"
"Oh shit," Naruto muttered under his breath, knowing what was about to come.
"Detention, Mr. Potter!" said Professor Umbridge triumphantly. "Tomorrow evening. Five o'clock. My office. I repeat, this is a lie. The Ministry of Magic guarantees that you are not in danger from any Dark wizard. If you are still worried, by all means come and see me outside class hours. If someone is alarming you with fibs about reborn Dark wizards, I would like to hear about it. I am here to help. I am your friend. And now, you will kindly continue your reading. Page five, 'Basics for Beginners.'"
Professor Umbridge sat down behind her desk again. Harry, however, stood up. Everyone was staring at him, except Naruto, who was banging his head on his desk; Seamus looked half-scared, half-fascinated.
"Harry, no!" Hermione whispered in a warning voice, tugging at his sleeve, but Harry jerked his arm out of her reach.
"So, according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord, did he?" Harry asked, his voice shaking.
"Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident," she said coldly.
"It was murder," said Harry. He could feel himself shaking. He had hardly talked to anyone about this, least of all thirty eagerly listening classmates. "Voldemort killed him, and you know it."
Professor Umbridge's face was quite blank. For a moment he thought she was going to scream at him. Then she said, in her softest, most sweetly girlish voice, "Come here, Mr. Potter, dear."
"I've seen him too," Naruto stood up once again, wishing he could just disappear into thin air, but knowing he had to do this to keep doing his job. "Voldemort is back, who else is gonna have to die before you people realize that?"
"You can come up here too, Mr.?"
"Naruto Uzumaki," he shrugged and followed Harry to the front of the class.
Professor Umbridge pulled a small roll of pink parchment out of her handbag, stretched it out on the desk, dipped her quill into a bottle of ink, and started scribbling, hunched over so that neither Harry nor Naruto could see what she was writing. Nobody spoke. After a few minutes or so she rolled up the parchment and tapped it with her wand; it sealed itself seamlessly so that they could not open it.
"Take this to Professor McGonagall, dears," said Professor Umbridge, holding out the note to Harry.
He took the note and the two of them left the classroom, Naruto glancing over his shoulder at Neji, his eyes filled with regret. They walked in silence all the way to McGonagall's office, only being stopped shortly by Peeves the Poltergeist, who ended up following them.
"SHUT UP!" Harry shouted.
A door to his left flew open and Professor McGonagall emerged from her office looking grim and slightly harassed.
"What on earth are you shouting about, Potter?" she snapped, as Peeves cackled gleefully and zoomed out of sight. "Why aren't you and Uzumaki in class?"
"We've been sent to see you," said Harry stiffly.
"Sent? What do you mean, sent?"
He held out the note from Professor Umbridge. Professor McGonagall took it from him, frowning, slit it open with a tap of her wand, stretched it out, and began to read. Her eyes zoomed from side to side behind their square spectacles as she read what Umbridge had written, and with each line they became narrower.
"Come in here, Potter, Uzumaki."
They followed her inside her study. The door closed automatically behind them. Naruto listened with half an ear to what McGonagall said but pretended he was more interested in looking around her office. He finally tuned in just as the bell rang.
"It says here she's given each of you detention every evening this week, starting tomorrow," Professor McGonagall said, looking down at Umbridge's note again.
"Okay, whatever," Naruto shrugged. "Can I go now?"
"Uzumaki, if I were you, I would watch yourself, already today you have gotten yourself in trouble in two classes," McGonagall shook her head. "I would hate for you to do poorly at this school."
"I was never much for school," the blonde headed for the door, "don't believe me, just ask Iruka sensei. Bye now."
He left the office without a backward glance, but he felt the two magic users staring incredulously at his back.