Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Twilight or any of its characters

AN: I decided to change it up a bit and put Edward in Chapter 2 instead, it just made more sense. Also, this chapter will contain my first ever lemon. It is from a third person perspective, so it's probably not as hot as it will be later on. ;-)

Chapter 2 - Through the Looking Glass


Edward's POV:

Turn around; you promised her!

I just need to check on her - see that she's all right.

You're not doing this for her, you're being selfish.

I'll keep my distance; I just need to see her!

My desperate, internal chatter went on and on. You'd think that being alone in the woods would ensure some silence for once. My better side had lost the final battle in a war that had been reigning for almost a year and a half now. Some part of me had always known it would end like this. I wasn't good, I didn't do the right thing; I was – I am – a monster.

I could hardly remember who I was anymore. Even who I'd used to be, what I'd used to do, before her, had become a blurred, tainted ghost of a memory. Months, days, hours, seconds – had all blurred together, lost all meaning as life held no variation. There was only Bella. And Bella meant excruciating pain, endless torture as I went over every wrong choice I'd made, every word I'd said and everything I'd done to lead up to this. I really, truly, deserved what I got.

The forest was lifeless; animals usually sensed us coming and hid, holding their breaths as we passed by. Of course, the beating of their hearts - the smell of their blood pulsing invitingly through their veins – was impossible to disguise from a vampire. Even the air was still, stagnant, as if nothing had changed in these woods since I'd last been here.

I was approaching the small city of Forks, and if I'd had a heart, it would have been beating furiously, lodged in my throat right about now. As it were, my pace quickened and in a moment of suspended anticipation, I broke through the last small patch of tree branches. Stopping abruptly as if I had run into a solid, brick wall, I found myself in front of a small house, nestled close to the forest line.

Bella!

The internal voices were in unison for once.

The most delicious, intoxicating scent hit me like a swarm of bees, stinging everywhere. I smiled wistfully. I had yearned for this familiar, scorching pain for so long now. My steps were careful as I slowly crept along the side of her house to reach the back lawn. The burn in my throat intensified and I could feel the monster stir restlessly inside - feel his growing anticipation. In stunned surprise, I realized I had to struggle to keep him from seizing control.

This really was a bad idea.

Being away from her for so long had obviously made her blood more potent, more impossible to resist. I felt cold as I realized what the decision to come here might actually cost me. If it hadn't been for the incredibly unappetizing smell of a wet dog-carcass that lay like a thick blanket everywhere, I may not have been able to continue.

"Oh Jake…" Bella's pleasant moan cut through the night. For a second the world stopped and I was overcome by joyous relief. I felt my whole body relax; my muscles released their tight suspension as the constant agony that held me cramped up into a misshapen caricature of a man, lifted its veil. I sighed, Bella was here and she was okay.

That's when I heard his thoughts.

In the time it would have taken a pin drop to the floor I climbed up the wall and hung, suspended in one arm from the ledge above her window, involuntarily captivated by the scene in front of me.

Bella's naked back was towards the window, coated with a thin layer of moisture. Her beautiful thick, mahogany hair clung to her shoulders as she arched her head back while moving her hips in the most mesmerizing way; up and down in a low, steady pace. From his mind I watched the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed play out. A small, pale face, framed with dark tests of disarrayed locks. Her big brown eyes, almost black with desire burning deep within, looked right into mine - stunning me. Full red lips were parted slightly as a low moan escaped them, and she slowly licked the bottom half with her tongue.

His gaze lingered on those lips for a second before trailing down, caressing her with their stare, finally coming to rest on her heaving chest. A flash of light pink blushed on her creamy skin, trailing up to a much darker shade around her tight nipples. I saw a dark russet-colored hand that wasn't mine reach up and caress one of her soft, luscious breast, teasingly circling her hard top. I heard his mind enjoy the heavy feel of it, the soft, delicate skin and the resistance of the flesh to his touch. It felt cold to him, which almost made me snap out of his head in shock. Bella was warm.

Her response however, was intense and immediate. I heard a short gasp as she pulled me – him – towards her, crushing her lips to his in a passionate, wild kiss. He playfully responded, grasping her hips with both hands and in a swift, almost graceful movement, tumbled around and pushed her back against the cover of the bed, without disentangling their connected limbs or stopping the steady movement of their bodies.

Now, she let him be in charge, leaning back entirely with one hand tracing intricate patterns on one of his muscular arms. Her eyes were closed and she looked completely happy and content, with the underlying current of desire.

That's when I finally snapped out of his head. The sharp, excruciating pain that went through me in that moment made sensing anything else impossible.

During our time apart, I had played every version of Bella over and over in my head like a twisted slide show. Every look she'd ever had, every expression in her eyes - I knew by heart and cherished.

That's how I knew that she had never – ever – looked like that with me. I felt something fundamental break inside me.

The monster roared with fury and jealousy, pain and regret clawed themselves through the sane part of my mind. I suppose I should be glad, my plan had worked; Bella had obviously moved on, found someone to make her happy and she was probably better off for it. But who was he to deserve her?

That thought stunned me for a second. Who was he? Trying to see through the red haze, my eyes focused on the image before me.

The man was huge. The way his body was built and moved suggested at an age a lot older than Bella's, even so, there were something eerily familiar about him. His thoughts didn't help much as they were entirely focused on her; how she looked, the intoxicating smell of her arousal and how it felt to be with her. I winced. The voice of him triggered something though. My head felt sluggish as a memory slowly surfaced.

Bella, in a wonderful blue dress that clung to her body in just the right way, looked up into the eyes of a gangly, teenage boy with long black hair and russet-colored skin. His thoughts sounded loud in my head, clearly admiring, as they both – not so much danced, but moved on the dance floor.

Jacob Black? And then it hit me, Bella had said "Oh Jake…". How had I not recognized him? Even more disturbing, how was it possible that I had not recognized his scent? I inhaled a deep breath, trying to taste the air around me for any trace of him, and almost gagged. That disgusting smell of a sick, decaying dog covered in mud hit me again and this time I was not as one-dimensionally focused on Bella not to recognize it. It had been a long time ago since I'd smelled it, in this very forest in fact, but that stench was truly unmistakable.

Jacob Black was a werewolf.

Until that realization hit, I had - although with some effort on my part - remained in control of myself. I had still been Edward Cullen.

Now, the monster in me gained more and more of my conscious thoughts, a disease spreading like pool of blood, slowly engulfing everything in its path. I wanted to break through this window, pull him off of her and tear him into a thousand pieces, down to the very cells he was composed of. I wanted to exterminate him completely, and replace his body with my own between her thighs. I yearned to lose myself in her and erase every painful memory of this past year and a half from my mind.

All my suffering; the way I had to hurt her to keep her safe when leaving, every agony and fear I'd endured since the moment we met, were for nothing. She had moved on all right, but she wasn't safe, living a human life as I wanted her to.

She was fucking a god-damned WEREWOLF!

If this was how it was going to end, I shouldn't even have bothered to take myself out of the picture. Painful regret burned its way through my silent heart. My mind, trying to protect itself from the agonizing fire, allowed the anger towards him surface and take over.

The monster, relishing in my growing fury, wanted to bite through her pale, almost see-through skin and taste the delicious treat he'd been denied for so long. I felt my resolve, my grasp on myself slowly slipping away from me when...

Out of nowhere - a pair of big brown eyes, wide open in surprise, stared right into mine.

The momentary shock of seeing her look at me was however not enough to quench the red-hot fire burning through me. With the very last of my control slipping through my grasp, I dropped to the ground and started running, wanting to get as far away from this house as possible before the monster overtook me completely.

I knew I couldn't bear to hurt Bella again by destroying that sorry excuse for a man, as she obviously loved him, even though I wanted to. But I could not – would not - endure the agony of losing her any longer. Over our time apart, the only thing growing in correlation with the endless pain of losing her, was my raging lust for blood. The feeling of a warm body in my arms and the steady flow of blood down my scorching throat were the only things able to take my mind off of Bella for just one blissful moment.

I realized now what I had to do. The plan was slowly coming together in my head once the crucial decision was made, genius in its simplicity. As I knew she would see this, I whispered softly into the crisp night breeze.

"Alice, tell them I'm sorry. I've made my choice; I have to forget her – forget myself." I felt my resolve strengthen. "Please, don't come after me."

And with my last thought going to Bella, the decease ran its course – erasing the last reminiscence of the human I had once been.

The forest was no longer a silent haven; it was now my hunting ground and tonight I had something more appetizing than a deer in mind. I was quickly approaching a small clearing in the woods ahead. When sufficiently close, I crept forward slowly, crouched on the forest floor. The flow of venom increased and I swallowed the pooled liquid in anticipation.

The delicious thudding of a human heart called me forward.

Yepp, that's right - Edward's going really, really bad. I hope you don't hate me for it, I had to make room for someone else, you know. =)

Please, PLEASE review! Was it too boring, rumbling around in little Eddies crazy head or did you like it? Btw, I'm looking for a BETA so if you're interested - let me know.