Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: This was a really fun chapter to write, maybe because I finally got to hang out with Jasper. =) Hope you like it!

Chapter 5 - Consequences


Jasper's POV:

I threw myself out the window and started running.

Of course, being a vampire, the manner in which I left the house didn't exactly matter. I was unbreakable, and probably could have left through the front door just as quickly - if I could've tolerated the detour past the others.

By this point - I couldn't.

For the last couple of weeks since Alice's phone call, things had become steadily more and more unbearable in this family – if we could even call us that anymore. She'd called Carlisle, but it's not like the rest of us weren't able to hear everything she told him. That night was engraved firmly and non-erasable in mind, just like other ones like it.

The sound of Alice's voice had been like a cooling balm on my burning wounds, and for a moment I'd relished in that without caring too much about the meaning of her words.

"Hi, it's me." Hi Alice, my love.

"I'm sorry I haven't called before, but…" I miss you.

"…I have to tell you something." Won't you come back?

"He returned for her and…I don't know what he found, I couldn't see that part somehow, but he decided to…forget himself." No further explanation was necessary; we all understood the implication far too well.

"He said he was sorry, and to not come looking for him."

"Sorry, my ass!" Rosalie never was one to keep her feelings contained – I should know. Emmett seemed to support that sentiment, but just stroked her arm.

"How could he have done this?" Carlisle and Esme stared disbelievingly at each other, the disappointment and agony radiating from them pierced my heart. Something Alice had said bothered me though.

"What do you mean you couldn't see it?" I knew she could hear me perfectly, even though I was standing across the room from the phone. It was the first time we'd spoken to each other in more than a year.

"Jasper? I'm…" It sounded like she wanted to say something, but she just sighed deeply. "I don't know - I don't understand it. I saw him make the decision to return and check on her, but then it all went blank until I saw him make up his mind and then…I saw him attack a human girl." Her voice was dead with anger and disappointment. "But I couldn't see him actually kill her…it's all very confusing. I even tried to check on Bella, but it's like she doesn't exist. Well, I just thought you should know."

She'd called every couple of days after that, giving us an update. At first, the joy of hearing from her had shielded me against the onslaught of emotions radiating from everyone else. Things hadn't exactly been great around here lately, even before this last setback, but we'd been able to scrape by somehow. Hope's the last thing that fades, right? But now; fury, dread, disappointment, guilt, resignation, sorrow, trepidation - I could go on and on - lay thick on every surface of the house, undiluted and ever increasing. It seemed Edward wasn't going to quit his new lifestyle any time soon.

I hated him for it.

I truly had to struggle in order to keep from feeding on humans. The guilt I felt every time I wanted to, the agony when I slipped and did in fact drink human blood… it carved away at the person I wanted to be, erasing me piece by piece. Edward didn't have to struggle like that and could easily abstain - but he'd just given in anyway. He had been able to keep from feeding on Bella, which meant he could have managed anything. That fucking, self-righteous idiot.

It's not like I didn't understand his heartache – I understood it far too well. And Alice and I had been together a hell of a lot longer than he and Bella had; we had been companions, confidants, lovers and best friends for decades before she was even born! Still, you didn't see me running of killing humans just because… she and I weren't together anymore. Sorrow stabbed me with its rusty knife, smiling viciously as it slid in deeper. Even now, I could barely think of it all and the worst part was that I had only myself to blame.

September 13th.

That fucking nightmare had played over and over in my head to many times to count. Everything had been going so well lately for the family - no one had seen it coming. The feel of Edward and Bella's rosy happiness had created an amazingly different atmosphere around the house, especially in comparison to Edward's previously rather cold emotional state. Esme and Alice especially, but everybody else – to some extent even Rosalie - had been more elated and joyous in response to their love.

And I took it all in like a warming summer breeze.

It was as if I had found a new drug. Tasting it in the air, absorbing the radiation of it from them and everyone else – it was an amazing high. At Bella's birthday party, their blissful happiness had even outshone her discomfort and embarrassment at being the center of attention, making me edge closer to them just to suck it all in. It felt amazing. I'd reached out with my power, warmth and love oozing from them and filling me up, when suddenly, everything just went dark and dirty.

Instead of love, I'd felt hunger. Instead of happiness, I'd felt a raging blood-lust, worse than anything I had ever felt on my own. As Edward filled with his raging desire for her delicious blood, as he struggled to not let the monster take over and drain her, I had found myself unable to resist.

Remembering the way her blood had called to him – us – made me gasp for breath, venom pooling in my mouth. I didn't know why I even thought about this now – it made no difference whatsoever. I'd never told anyone the true catalyst behind my attack, not even Alice, just because it didn't matter. It had still been my fault.

I had attacked her – not him.

I'd exposed myself to everyone's feelings – good or bad - by reaching out like that. I'd been selfishly careless. I knew from experience that it wasn't a good idea to expose myself to other people's…cravings, especially in a room full of vampires, all thirsty for blood. I'd destroyed everything just because I couldn't control myself – even if it weren't exactly my blood-lust I couldn't control.

The sun just set on the horizon and the air felt crisp and clear. It felt good to stretch out and run, and every stride that put me farther from the house felt liberating. To be alone with your emotions, to know only how you actually felt about a situation, were something no one truly appreciated as much as they should. Even though I constantly shielded myself, the gist of someone's emotions were always painfully clear to me.

And being with the rest of my family right now was truly agonizing.

I took a deep breath and slowed my pace. The cold air calmed me and the peaceful and silent forest was every bit the haven I'd hoped it would be. I sat down, my back sliding against the stem of a large pine tree before I settled on the ground. This was as good a place as any to think and I had some serious planning to do.

I hadn't decided anything when I left the house this morning, but now, feeling like myself for the first time in weeks, I didn't think I could return. I cringed at the thought of putting more stress on them, but I'd already delayed this inevitable step for a long time. It was time.

When Alice left, I'd stayed with the family in large part because I hoped she would return. That wasn't the entire truth though, I'd also stayed because they were my family, and because it was the only place I'd ever felt like…a person, of sorts, since becoming a vampire.

And, I'd stayed because I loved them.

It hurt of course, feeling their initial disappointment at what I'd almost done to Bella, but it just added to the ocean of regret and self-reproach I was already putting myself through. Their understanding, forgiveness and love however, helped ease the pain and allowed me to begin to move on and start accepting what had happened.

Alice's resentment had hurt the most, obviously, and unlike the others, hers never faded. At the end, I could barely get a read on the chaotic range of emotions running through her, but I'd grasped the general scope; a mixture of resignation, grief and determination. After weeks of locking herself up in Edward's old room, her emotions going left and right - exploding out of her - I wasn't surprised when she said we needed to talk. And then, I broke. We broke. She left. Oh fuck.

Stop thinking about this, you idiot!

This self-torture had to stop right now! I wasn't Edward, I didn't wallow. I shook my head, trying to physically scatter my thoughts in the light wind passing by, but just ended up with a thick curtain of honey blond hair in my face. I felt so stupid, I actually laughed out loud. Surprised, I flipped the hair back again, clearing my line of sight. Huh, the shaking thing actually worked, who would have thought?

A loud buzzing sound in my right pocket called for my attention. I pulled out the small cell phone, flipped it open and just stared at the caller id.

Alice.

I froze, trying to organize my scattered thoughts. Obviously, she'd seen when I decided not to return to the house, was that why she called? Had I made a huge mistake? Or did she call because she wanted to…? Damn it!

"Alice? What's the ma…"

"Shut up, we don't have time, Jasper!" Alice familiar voice snapped at me.

"I had a vision of Bella being chased by a vampire. Trying to escape, she crash into a tree, and is killed instantly, but that doesn't stop the bastard from sucking her dry." She rushed through the words in her light bell chime voice; every word laced with dread and anguish. Through the years, I'd unintentionally calibrated my gift with my other senses, making me able to determine emotions from just tone and accentuation, among other things. I could be wrong, but somehow I got the feeling that Alice felt…guilty? Strange.

"How? When?" I managed to squeeze in.

"You're the only one close enough to save her. We only have a minute left to talk before it'll be to late. You have to go – NOW!" She shouted the last part at me, almost as if she feared I wouldn't do it…or feared I would? No, that's just crazy. I've got to stop second guessing this, what's wrong with me?

"Just give me the directions." I really didn't have to think twice about it; I'd do anything Alice asked me to, and - I actually cared about Bella. It made me furious, someone even thinking about hurting her! Kind of ironic, since I'd almost killed her twice myself by this point.

"I'll save her, Alice, I promise you. I WILL be on time." I could feel my body tense for action, determination and excitement surging through me. It felt good to be able to do something for once, to be needed.

"I know, it's firming up." Alice sounded distant, as if she were talking to herself more than anything. I took it as goodbye, and almost didn't catch the last part.

"But Jasper, there's still a risk if you're not…"

"I've got this under control - bye Alice." I cut her off and hung up the phone before she'd finished, my mind already strategizing the rescue mission, going over every detail Alice had provided me with. Before the connection was lost, I thought I heard the word blood, but there was no use pondering the meaning of that now. I only had one focus – save Bella.

My pace increased with my growing elation. I finally had a chance to make it up to her; for destroying her happiness, for being a sick bastard and feeding off their emotions like that and…for trying to kill her. Don't think about it. Although I didn't want to admit it, I couldn't stop myself from hoping that maybe saving Bella would bring Alice back to me.

Yes, I would save Bella. And maybe myself in the process.


In another part of the world
Alice's POV:

But Jasper, there's still a risk if you're not…

"…careful. There will be lots of blood and Bella..." Jasper hung before I could finish. Oh crap.

Yes, the vision was firming up; Jasper would get there on time but…that didn't mean he'd actually save her.

The worst part was; I wasn't sure I wanted him to.

I weighed the small phone in my hand, dread rumbling around in my lower abdomen. At last, I done the right thing and called him, something a less selfish person would have done a long time ago, but I still couldn't ease my guilty consciousness.

I had tried everything I could think of to keep this possibility from playing out; I'd even left the love of my life, causing both him and myself endless sorrow, to prevent this from happening. Nothing had worked; I'd seen no course of action able to shift the future, only vague possibilities - until tonight. Yeah, lucky me.

I'd been faced with a choice; the future I wanted so badly – or Bella alive. It was one or the other. It should have been an easy choice, but somehow - it wasn't. I took a deep breath, guilt and trepidation swirling around in my head. Maybe I'd chosen too late. If Bella didn't make it tonight, it would be my fault. I loved Bella! How could I've actually considered sacrificing her for my own happiness? I deserved this torment.

Now, all I could do was wait. I settled down on the ground, my legs crossed in front of me. Empty tear-less sobs shook me as time seemed to drag on towards infinity. When I'd almost given up, the familiar tingle that was the first warning of a new vision sharpened my senses. OK, here we go.

I braced myself and closed my eyes, allowing the approaching vision to take me over. A minute later, the last images evaporated; leaving me calm, but sort of hollow and ragged. I got up from the ground with a resigned sigh. It is done, the future is set. I now had to live with the consequences of my decisions.

Trying to escape, I started running back to the house, but one image in particular kept dancing before my eyes. I blinked, desperately fighting to banish it from my line of sight. As I finally cleared my head, I watched the last flicker of my own future with him disappear from the realm of possibilities.

I fixed my eyes on the empty forest ahead.

Jasper, I'm so sorry.

I really hope you liked it! Did you think it was plausible, the reason for his attack?

Please, please review - it sure is (to quote Jasper) an amazing high . ;-)