A/N: Hey, it's ATA! :) Haven't updated this story in a couple decades, but I had a chapter ready to go, so I figured... why not? And uh, I'll get on that LOMG update soon. Promise.
"Can we have breakfast NOW?" Tyson whined loudly as he tripped over brambles.
"We just finished breakfast," Kai replied sullenly, licking maple syrup off of his fingers.
"You ate all of the sausages," Ray added miserably.
"Shut up, you three!" Strider roared as he patted Max fondly on the head. His filthy gloves left a visible mark on Max's hair but the blonde was far too nervous to care. He wasn't nervous because of Strider's intimidating presence, nor was it because of the Ringwraiths poking around trees and yelling "I SEE YOU!" No, it was because Strider seemed to have taken a liking to him, and he had always been told to avoid strange men who kept offering him candy.
Anyway, as the author rambled Strider had tossed an avocado at Tyson, hitting him on the head and falling to the ground with a thud. Tyson sighed and picked it up. He spent the rest of their two hour walk trying to find a way to eat it.
"Guys," Ray piped up. "I could have sworn I just saw a –"
"GHOST?" Tyson shrieked, dropping his avocado.
"Um, no, I was going to say a Ringwraith," Ray sighed. "Ty, you totally just ruined my dramatic moment."
"Yeah, way to go, Tyson," Strider shouted, poking Tyson with a stick.
"Shut up, Strider, no one asked you."
"Do NOT call me Strider!" Strider screamed. "For the last time, it's ARAGORN! AIR – AH – GORN! Like my dad's name only with a 'g' instead of a 'th'! COME ON!"
"Hey, uh, Strider, you're attracting Ringwraiths," Kai said, gesturing to the tall cloaked things hovering around behind them, looking confused.
"Can we attack them?" one whispered to another.
"I don't know, Larry," the wraith replied in a raspy voice. "It seems too easy."
"Hey, guys, workin' hard or hardly workin'?" a third shouted, laughing.
"Shut up, Gary! We're on a mission here!"
Strider watched this exchange in horror. Then he drew his sword and pushed Max behind him. "Hey! Hey you! You'd better be planning on leaving!"
"Yeah, it's almost our lunch break," Larry shrugged. "We'll be back later, though, don't you worry."
"We'll be ready," Kai said dramatically.
The wraiths sauntered away as Max shook in terror, trying hysterically to get the grease stains out of his T-shirt with Tide to Go.
When it was around lunch time, Tyson sat on the ground and whipped tomatoes, sausages and bacon out from under his cap. "Light me, Kai."
Kai sighed as he lit the odd assembly of leaves, twigs, discarded gloves and McDonald's packaging on fire with a match. Ray and Tyson began to cook as Kai pulled Max aside.
"Hey, Max, have you noticed that Tyson's acting a little weird lately?"
"Um, no." Max looked nervously at Strider, who waved cheerfully. "But I guess I've been distracted."
Kai glanced at Tyson dramatically as shadows fell over him. "It's the ring. It's weighing him down."
"If you say so, buddy."
"Someone should take it from him."
"I thought he had to bring it to Mordor."
Kai swatted Max across the head. "That's too easy!"
"That's easy?" Max asked, astounded.
"Guys, the tomatoes, sausages and bacon are ready," Tyson called in an alluring voice. Max stumbled over happily and Kai followed, eyeing the ring which Tyson had placed carefully on his cap.
Strider carefully took a sausage from the heap of food hygienically placed on the ground. As he nibbled on it he looked around the clearing.
"Hey, guys, did you hear about casual Friday tomorrow?" came a shout from behind some bushes.
"Gary, SHUT UP!"
"Why are you so mean to me, Terry?" Gary said dramatically. "Sauron told you that you had to be nice to me!"
"He's promoting me," Larry added smugly.
"To what?" the others gasped in unison.
"Secretary," Larry said in a girlish giggle. The others began sighing and swooning.
"I am like, SO totally jealous!" shrieked one rider. "What did you do to deserve that?"
The others giggled as Larry sighed and played with the hem of his cloak. "Oh, you know… we had dinner, there were candles…"
"OH MY GOD!" roared Strider. "THERE ARE DARK RIDERS IN THE FOREST!"
The four hobbits jumped up in shock. Tyson stuffed the remaining tomatoes, sausages and bacon under his cap and they ran for it, leaving the sound of giggling riders behind.
"Ha, rider rhymes with Strider," Tyson pointed out, guffawing. "That's funny. I bet you're a rider, Strider. EEEK!"
For he had just been grabbed by the ankle and dragged into the depths of the forest.
Actually, he was just around a couple of thin trees, but his friends' reactions would have been the same either way. "Tyson, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOO!" shrieked Kai.
Everyone took a moment to stare at Kai before turning back to Tyson. He was gone.
Tyson was in a world where everything was windy. He held his cap on with one hand, the other feeling in front of him, trying to figure out which way to go. It hit something solid, and he looked up into the face of a masked Ringwraith.
"Hey, uh, Larry, he's right here."
"Thanks, Sherry. Get him."
"Why can't we just take the ring off?" Sherry was holding Tyson's wrist now, looking at the plastic bright pink ring on his finger. "Isn't that what Sauron wants?"
"No, he specifically told us to capture the hobbit," Larry explained patiently.
"Um, okay." When Sherry looked back at Tyson, he was gone.