Dr. Katherine Marshall glanced at the monitor one last time, making sure that her patient's vital signs were stabilized. She had been forced to sedate the man lying in the bed thanks to one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. The doctor still couldn't believe that Gibbs actually had the audacity to question the injured agent, but then again, after meeting him, she realized that in his own unique way, he was trying to help Anthony DiNozzo.
Gibbs had all but pleaded to stay with his agent and she had reluctantly agreed. It seemed that Jethro Gibbs was indeed the closest thing to family that Agent DiNozzo had and although she might consider them slightly dysfunctional, they were still a family.
As she turned to leave, Katherine heard a low moan coming from Tony. She back to his bedside and softly called his name. "Tony? Tony, can you hear me?"
The agent nodded and opened his eyes. "How ya doin', Kate?" he rasped.
"A lot better than you, DiNozzo," she retorted.
"You sound like Gibbs."
"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or as an insult."
"It depends on the day," he quipped. "Overall, you should probably take it as a compliment."
"All right then," she said, "in that case, thank you."
The doctor didn't miss the pained expression on Tony's face when he attempted to sit up. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked, gently pushing him back down on the bed.
"Lying back down," he panted.
"Good idea."
"Thanks. I have them from…time to time," Tony grunted.
"Trying to sit up just now wasn't one of your better ones, was it?'
"No, it wasn't."
She patted his shoulder and then pulled the blanket up over his chest. "You're about due for some more pain medication. I'll tell the nurse to go ahead and…"
"No!" he growled.
Katherine was startled by Tony's quick movements as he clamped his hand around her wrist. "Tony, you need this medication," she tried to explain.
"No more pain medicine and no more of whatever you're giving me that knocks me on my ass," he warned.
She stared at him in disbelief. "You must have hit your head harder than I thought if you think I'm going to agree to that."
"No more!"
The doctor pulled from his grasp and crossed her arms. She was beginning to feel more like a mother scolding her child instead of a physician. "If you have to fight the pain, Tony, you can't rest; and if you can't rest, you're not going to get better."
"I've had worse and lived to tell about it."
"That's not something to brag about."
"I wasn't bragging," he countered. "I was stating a fact."
"You are not in any shape to make any kind of judgment about your health," Katherine argued.
"I can decide if I want to be doped up or not."
"Tony, you need…"
She was interrupted by a knock at the door. Katherine didn't have to turn around to know that Jethro Gibbs was standing behind her. Her gaze still fixed on her obstinate patient, she said, "I thought I told you I would come and get you when I was done examining him."
"You took too long. I figured DiNozzo was probably awake and giving you a hard time," Gibbs replied. "Looks like I was right."
She nodded at the team leader's assumption. "He's refusing his pain medication and sedatives, although he obviously still needs them."
"Sounds about right."
"I've tried to explain to Tony that he…"
"I'll talk to him," Gibbs insisted.
"Last time you talked to him, I had to sedate him," she reminded the ex-Marine.
"If you want him to agree to take his meds, you'll let me talk to Tony. Alone," he added.
"Could you two stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Tony barked.
Neither Katherine nor Gibbs could deny the frustration and anger radiating from the young man. She could actually empathize with the agent; her own patience was quickly reaching its limits. Not wanting to upset Tony any further, she turned to leave. Sparing a final glance at the two agents, she pointed a finger at the older man. "I know that you're listed as Tony's next of kin, but if you upset him like you did the last time, I'll ban you from ICU."
Katherine left and went over to the nurse's station and pulled Tony's chart. Her attention was drawn back to Jethro Gibbs and Tony DiNozzo. If she had met them under different circumstance, she would have easily pegged the pair for father and son; but right now, judging by the tense expression on the younger man's face, that relationship was definitely strained. It hadn't taken Katherine long to figure out that these two men were more alike than different, and at the moment, she wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Time would certainly tell.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Abby stood in the doorway of the waiting room, her eyes fixed on the set of double doors that led to the Intensive Care Unit. Gibbs had just gone back in to see Tony for the second time and she had yet been able to see her best friend. When they had first arrived, Gibbs had insisted that she stay in the waiting room until he had seen DiNozzo and she had foolishly agreed. It wasn't too long before Jackson Gibbs had joined her and told her what he knew about Tony's condition. Knowing that Tony was hurting and not just in a physical sense, made Abby even more desperate to see him and try and cheer him up.
When Gibbs came in the waiting room for the first time after seeing Tony, he had informed them that DiNozzo had become upset and the Doctor had been forced to sedate him.
"Now, I'll never get to see him," Abby had exclaimed, annoyance dripping from every word. "You shouldn't have upset him, Gibbs. I knew I should have gone in first."
"Abby, I…"
She hadn't allowed the team leader to finish his sentence before she had thrown her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry, Gibbs. I didn't mean to sound like I'm blaming you."
"I know, Abs."
"I just want to see Tony."
"I know, Abby and you will," he promised.
"When?" she wanted to know.
"Soon."
Now, two hours later, Gibbs was once again back in the ICU with Tony and she was still in the waiting room. She felt a strong pair of arms pull her into a hug. Abby pulled back and smiled at Jackson Gibbs. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'm not very good company."
Jack returned her smile. "I don't expect you to be. I know you're worried about Tony."
"I just need to see him and let him know that I'm here for him."
"Im sure he knows."
"I hope so."
"You were the first one that he wanted to talk to," Jack said.
"That's true, but then he had a seizure and…"
Jack kissed the top of her forehead. "That was not your fault. Now, come on and sit down. I'm sure you're tired."
Abby let Jack lead her back to the couch. She leaned against his shoulder, her gaze still riveted to the door. The Goth silently determined that if Gibbs didn't come back within the next ten minutes, she was going to see Tony and no one was going to stop her.
"You and Tony are pretty close, huh?" Jack asked.
She nodded. "Yeah. We've always been close; well, if you don't count the first week we worked together."
"I take it that you two didn't get off on the right foot."
"No, we didn't, but it didn't take me too long to discover the real Tony." She wiped a tear off her cheek. "Tony has a habit of only letting people see what he wants them to see."
"I figured that one out all by myself and I've only known him for a few months," Jack muttered under his breath.
"That's because you dared to look behind the mask. You should feel honored that he trusted you enough to let you catch a glimpse of his true personality. Tony doesn't trust easy but when he does, he gives it completely."
"And when that trust has been shattered?"
Abby shrugged. "He puts the pain and disappointment in a box and throws away the key."
"And when the box gets too full?"
Abby thought for a moment. "He ends up in a hospital in Stillwater," she finally replied.
The two sat in companionable silence for the next few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Abby felt Jack lightly tug on her braid. "Why don't you tell me about that first week you and Tony worked together? It sounds like a story that I'd be interested in hearing."
"Maybe later," she sighed. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Jack, but I can't think about anything but…"
"Seeing Tony," he finished.
"Yeah."
Jack stood and held his hand out. Abby took it and allowed him to pull her up off the couch. Her curiosity piqued, she asked, "What are you up to, Jack?"
"I'm taking you to see Tony."
"But Gibbs said…"
"You let me handle Leroy," Jack said. "Now, do you want to go and see Tony or not?"
"Of course I do, but how are we going to get in there?"
Abby caught the mischievous glint in Jack's eye. "You have a plan," she surmised. "A devious plan at that."
Jack offered his arm in order to escort her down the short corridor. 'May I take you to see your husband, Mrs. DiNozzo?"
She felt the tears well up in her eyes once again. "You are a sweet man, Jackson Gibbs."
"Right this way, Mrs. DiNozzo."
She took the proffered arm and the pair made their way towards the ICU. Gibbs would not be happy with her or Jack, but it didn't matter; she was getting to see Tony. She knew that the team leader wouldn't stay mad at her for long; he never did. She was his favorite, or so Tony had told her. Abby hoped that Gibbs remembered that fact as she introduced herself to the nurse as Mrs. Anthony DiNozzo.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Tony almost dreaded seeing Kate leave. He wasn't sure that he was ready for another round with the former Marine. DiNozzo was well aware of the fact that he had revealed too much earlier and that Gibbs would not simply forget their last conversation. Gibbs would keep digging until he had discovered the truth and then, life as Tony knew it would cease to exist.
He could feel Gibbs staring at him as the older man sat down in the chair next to him. "You want to tell me why you don't want to take your pain meds?" the team leader asked.
"I don't want them," he quietly answered, his eyes refusing to meet those of his boss.
"What you want and what you need are two different things, DiNozzo."
"You know what pain medicine does to me. I'm confused enough as it is without being drugged."
"Confused about what, Tony?"
"Everything," Tony admitted.
"You think being in pain and not resting is going to make things less confusing?"
Tony shrugged. "I don't know, but at least I know I'm in control."
Gibbs leaned forward in his chair. "Tony, look at me."
"I can't."
"Tony, look at me," Gibbs repeated, his tone soft but demanding obedience.
Tony blew out a breath and slowly shifted his gaze until he was looking at his team leader face to face. He didn't know how long he could stand to see the disappointment etched in the face of the man who was like a father to him. Tony had worked hard these past few years to win the approval of Jethro Gibbs and now all those years of sacrifice had been shot to hell. He flinched as Gibbs raised his hand towards his head.
His cheeks flushed as Jethro's hand stopped in mid-air. "Tony," Gibbs whispered. "I'm not going to hit you. I was just going to…" The older man lowered his hand. "Never mind. I shouldn't have…"
"Sorry," Tony mumbled. He felt sick, knowing that he had just added another failure to the growing list. How could he be so stupid? Gibbs would never intentionally hurt him.
"I told you those meds keep me confused," Tony tried to reason. "That's why I don't want to take them."
Tony's eyes narrowed when his boss nodded his head in agreement. "All right," Gibbs said. "I'll tell the doctor that it's your choice. If you don't want to take them, you don't have to."
"What's the catch?"
"You tell me the truth about everything that's happened."
"Damn you!" Tony blurted out. "That's not fair!"
"Life isn't fair, Tony. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."
"Excuse me, Mr. DiNozzo?"
Both men glanced up to see the nurse standing in the door frame.
Tony cleared his throat. "Yes?"
"Your…um…your wife is here to see you," she said.
"My wife?"
It was just a few seconds before Tony saw Abby push her way past the nurse. "Tony! Baby!"
He dismissed then nurse with a curt nod as Abby came over and kissed him on the cheek. Tony should have known that Abby would have figured out a way to come and see him, and the fact that she had posed as his wife only endeared her to him even more. She had obviously gone to a lot of trouble think up this scheme, so he figured that he might as well play along. Truthfully, Tony was glad to see Abby, if for no other reason that it postponed his confrontation with Gibbs. Of course, judging by the soured expression on the former Marine's face, he didn't share Tony's point of view.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jethro Gibbs stepped outside of DiNozzo's room where he found his dad talking to Dr. Marshall. He guessed that Jack was attempting to explain the sudden appearance of Mrs. Anthony DiNozzo, especially since Katherine knew that Tony wasn't married. Gibbs studied the pair, wondering, not for the first time, if there was something more than friendship between the two of them. It wasn't really any of his business. As long as Jack was happy; that was all that mattered.
He had resented his dad for years because Jack had insisted on moving on with his life after his mom had died. Deep down he had known that his parent's feelings for each other had changed, but yet Jack had stayed by his mom's side until her death. Then when Jack showed up at Shannon and Kelly's funeral with a date, Jethro felt that his dad had not only betrayed him, but the memory of his mom as well. It wasn't until years later that he was able to understand his dad's side of the story. Jack had been hurting as well and Jethro had been so wrapped up in his own grief that he couldn't see that his dad had needed someone to lean on as well. He wouldn't make that same mistake again; he wouldn't deny his dad the happiness that he deserved.
"Hey, Leroy," Jack called out. "Are you just going to stand there or are you going to join us?"
Gibbs sauntered over and took the cup of coffee that his dad held out to him. He nodded his thanks and took a sip of the steaming liquid. "Good coffee."
"I just made it," his dad said. "It keeps the nurses happy."
"Especially after you've just lied to them," Gibbs pointed out.
Jack grinned. Splaying his had on his chest, he asked, "Now son, would I do that?"
"Of course you would." Jethro shook his head, a tiny smile dancing on his own lips. "Mrs. Anthony DiNozzo," he muttered. "Whose bright idea was that, yours or Abby's?"
"It doesn't matter. It was a stroke of pure genius if you ask me."
Rolling his eyes, Gibbs took another drink of his coffee. "Is that a fact?"
"I'd like to think so."
"Couldn't you have waited a few minutes?"
"No, I couldn't and neither could Abby. You aren't the only one concerned about Tony. That girl was going out of her mind with worry and she needed to see for herself how Tony was doing."
Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know she's worried, but…"
Jack held up his hand. "But nothing. Give her a little time with Tony," he encouraged. "You never know; Abby might get him to open up a little."
"That's what I was about to get him to do," Gibbs countered.
"Really?" Jack chuckled.
The agent bristled, his eyes narrowing into his infamous glare. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"The whole ICU could hear Tony yelling at you," his dad exclaimed. "The only reason that Katherine didn't kick your butt out of his room was that I was able to convince her that seeing Abby would calm Tony down."
Gibbs' icy stare was now focused on the doctor, who had remained unusually quiet ever since he had joined their private conversation. "So, you were ready to throw me out, huh?"
"Yes," Katherine sharply replied. "I warned you before I left that if you upset him, I would ban you from ICU. You said you could convince him to take his pain meds, but instead, you managed to upset him once again. What do I have to do to make you understand that Tony's condition is still very serious? He doesn't need any more stress and all you seem to be doing is causing him stress."
The ex-Marine wished that she had just continued to give him the silent treatment. "Let's get something clear, Dr. Marshall." Gibbs forced himself to keep a tight rein on his temper. "I know that man in that room better than anyone and I know what's best for him."
"Are you sure about that?" she challenged. "From where I'm standing, I'm not sure that you do know what's best for him. Personally, I believe that you are part of his problem. The man lying in that bed is not the Anthony DiNozzo that you know and the quicker that you accept that, the easier things will be for him and for you."
Gibbs hit the counter with his fist. "He's still the same man he always was. Tony may be sick and hurting both physically and emotionally, but that doesn't change who he is on the inside."
"No, it doesn't," Katherine angrily conceded. "However, it does mean that he doesn't need to be subjected to your usual bullying tactics." She handed Tony's chart back to the nurse. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some other patients to see. I'll be back to check on Tony before I go home. Maybe 'Mrs. DiNozzo' will be able to convince him to take his meds by then."
Gibbs watched her leave as he gulped down the last of his coffee. He had to admit that Dr. Katherine Marshall had guts; there weren't too many people that would stand up to him like she had just done. Was she right? Was he part of Tony's problem? Was he putting too much pressure on Tony?
"She's got a point, you know," Jack said, interrupting his mental guilt trip.
"Yeah, I know."
"She's only got Tony's best interests in mind."
"I know that, too."
"Well, maybe you two should work together to help Tony, instead of constantly butting heads."
Jethro glared at his dad. "Do you think?"
"Yeah, I do."
Gibbs poured himself another cup of coffee. "I need some air. Tell 'Mrs. DiNozzo' she has 30 minutes."
"I'll be sure to let her know," Jack said.
The team leader felt a firm grip on his arm. "Leroy, we all want to help that boy," his dad said. "Don't think you have to do this alone."
Jethro nodded. "I know."
He left his dad standing at the nurse's station. "I'll be back in a few minutes," Gibbs called back over his shoulder. He found the nearest exit and went outside. Leaning against the wall, he watched as the sun began to make its ascent into the sky. A new day was dawning and he was no closer to finding the answers to the myriad of questions that bombarded his mind.
The only thing that he knew for sure was that Vance had failed to pull Tony out of an operation that was going south, but Gibbs needed to know more. He needed to understand why Vance had even put Tony undercover in the first place. How did everything get so out of control? Tony talked about how he needed to be in control; was it because his senior agent felt that he no longer had any power over his own life? How could he not have known what was going on with DiNozzo? Maybe Dr. Marshall was right; maybe he was part of Tony's problems.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
McGee rolled over and hit the snooze on his alarm clock. He had slept surprisingly well last night, considering everything that was going on with Tony; not to mention the fact that he had left Vance sitting on his couch in his living room. Tim sat up in bed. "Vance!" he whispered. "I am so fired! I can't believe that I left the Director sitting in my living room."
He got up and quietly opened his door, peering out into his living room. "Please be gone, please be gone," he softly repeated over and over.
Opening the door just a little more, he breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't see the Director sitting on the couch. He went into the living room and looked around. Vance was gone. Tim wasn't sure what he would have done if Director Vance had still been in his apartment. Would he have caved in to the pressure and told Vance what he knew? He would like to think that he would have been able to continue standing up to the Director, protecting Tony at all costs. However, at the moment, he was glad that he didn't have to make that decision.
Glancing at his watch, he saw that is was just after six. He had to call Ziva. Knowing that she was up, he went back into his bedroom and retrieved his cell phone. It only took one ring for Ziva to answer.
"David."
"Ziva, have you heard anything?" McGee anxiously inquired.
"No," she replied. "Nothing. Have you?"
"No, but I did have a visitor last night."
"Director Vance?"
"How did you know?"
"Just a lucky guess. Is he still there?"
"No. I went to bed and left him on the couch. When I woke up this morning, he was gone."
"I'm guessing he wanted to know where Tony was," Ziva mused.
"Yeah, but I didn't tell him anything," McGee snapped.
"I never said you did."
"Sorry," Tim apologized. "I'm just a little on edge."
"It's all right. Water under the road."
"Bridge," he automatically corrected.
"Bridge," she repeated. "We've got to do something. I know we're supposed to be on vacation, but I can't just sit around and do nothing."
"I know what you mean."
"Give me ten minutes and I'll meet you at the coffee shop."
"That sounds good. I'll…"
McGee was interrupted by a knock at his door. That gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach returned as he opened the door to reveal Director Vance with two cups of coffee and a bag in his hands. "Agent McGee," Vance greeted. "I ran out and got us some breakfast; I thought I would make it back before you woke up."
He whispered into the phone. "I'll be there as soon as I can." Hanging up his phone, he stood aside and allowed the Director to enter. "Director Vance. I assumed that you had…"
"Given up? You should know me better than that, Agent McGee."
Tim swallowed hard as Vance went to the kitchen table and sat down. "Join me, Agent McGee."
"I actually already had plans for breakfast, Director Vance."
"Change them, Agent McGee," Vance ordered.
"Director, I'm on vacation. I don't believe that I have to subject myself to your orders while I'm on leave."
"You're a federal agent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, Agent McGee. So, vacation or not, I expect you to act like one. I don't enjoy putting you in this predicament. I know that you are loyal to Agent DiNozzo, but I need to find him and I need to find him as soon as possible."
"Why?" McGee dared to ask.
"It's a very delicate matter, Agent McGee. The fewer people directly involved, the safer DiNozzo will be."
"Is he in danger?"
McGee didn't miss the Director's hesitant response. "He could be," Vance finally admitted.
"Danger from whom?" McGee pressed.
"Again, Agent McGee, that is on a need to know basis and you don't need to know."
Tim nodded as he took a sip of the coffee that Vance had brought him. "Well, Director Vance, Tony's whereabouts are on a need to know basis as well and I'm not convinced that you need to know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a breakfast date."
McGee went to his room and quickly dressed. When he came back out, Vance was still sitting at his table. "Please lock up when you leave, Director Vance," he instructed.
Closing the door behind him, he heard Vance call out to him. "Tell Officer David that I said hello."
How did he know that he was meeting Ziva? McGee silently chastised himself. Of course he would know, he was the Director; it was his job to know everything. Tim decided that he would take the long way to the coffee shop just in case he was being followed. There were a couple of streets that he could easily shake any would be followers.
As he wove his way through the streets, he couldn't help but hear Vance's words echo in his mind. The fact that DiNozzo could be in danger had almost convinced him to tell Vance where Tony was at, but his gut was telling him something else entirely. If there was one thing that he had learned from Jethro Gibbs was to listen to his gut.
He knew that Tony was with Gibbs and the team leader would keep Tony safe. Now all he and Ziva had to do was come up with a way to stay under Vance's radar and wait for Gibbs to contact them. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Tony leaned into Abby's touch as she gently cupped his cheek. She had put down the rail and was sitting on the edge of his bed, feeding him ice chips, regaling him with the story of how she pretended to be his wife in order to get in and see him.
"You should have seen her expression, Tony. It was priceless," Abby proclaimed.
"I bet," Tony said. "They were probably thinking that you were too good for somebody like me."
Abby arched her eyebrow. "You know I don't like it when you talk about yourself like that. You are a great guy, Tony DiNozzo and don't you forget it."
"I think you're a little biased. I mean of course you're going to think I'm great; you're my wife," he teased.
"That's right and so you should listen to everything I say," Abby stated.
"Really?"
"Yep. That's the way a marriage works, or so I've been told."
Tony rolled his eyes. "I don't think either one of us can consider ourselves experts on marriage, Abby."
She leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. "We'll learn together, my darling."
"Whatever you say, dear," Tony replied.
"See, you're learning already."
Tony winced as he laughed. "I need to remember not to do that."
"Do what?"
"Laugh."
"If you're in pain, I'll see if you can have something."
He shook his head. "No. I've already been through this with Kate and Gibbs. I'm not taking any more pain meds; they mess me up."
"Kate?"
"Dr. Katherine Marshall. I call her Kate," Tony explained.
"Oh. Does she look anything like our Kate did?"
"No, but she's got the same kind of fire in her that our Kate had."
"That means she's got your number."
"You could say that."
Tony took another ice chip, welcoming its cool relief as it melted in his mouth. "Thanks, Abby."
"You're welcome." She sat the cup of ice on the small table beside his bed. "Now, let's get back to why you don't want to take your pain medicine. I know it makes you a little loopy, but that's got to be better than hurting all the time."
Tony closed his eyes. He could never lie to Abby; she could always see right through him. "The pain keeps me focused," he tried to explain. "I can't afford to be out of control. Too much is at stake."
"What do you mean? What's at stake, Tony?"
He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He had no right to drag Abby into the mess that he had gotten himself into. It was bad enough that Gibbs would eventually know everything that had happened.
"Tony," she softly called out to him. "Tony, you've never lied to me before; please don't start now."
He ran a shaking hand through his hair. "Abby, I'm about to lose everything. My job, my friends, my life, Gibbs' respect. I just want to hang onto it a little longer because when I come clean, everything will be over."
"Don't say that. You've got to trust us to help you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you and neither is Gibbs."
"I won't pull you all down with me."
"Tony, please…"
Tony clenched his jaw tightly. "The only person that is going down with me is Vance."
Abby sat up. "Vance? What's he got to do with this?"
"Everything."
"Talk to me," she pleaded.
He studied the woman before him. They had shared so much over the years. She knew more about him that anyone, even Gibbs, and had never betrayed his confidence. Abby was begging for him to trust her with yet another secret and he wasn't sure he could. He realized that it wasn't a matter of whether he trusted her; it was the fact that he could put her life in jeopardy and he would not take that chance.
"I can't, Abby."
She took his hand and gently squeezed it. "Yes, you can."
Tony started to tell her no, but he stopped himself. "I've been living a lie ever since I got back from the Seahawk. I've been doing undercover operations for Director Vance. This last one started to go south and he didn't pull me out in time. I ended up uncovering some damaging information about some of the higher ups, including Vance and…"
"Who?" she urged.
"I'm sorry, Abs. I can't tell you any more; I don't want you getting hurt. I shouldn't have told you that much."
"Tony, don't you see what holding all this in is doing to you?"
"I know what it's doing to me. It's killing me and right now, that may be the best thing that could happen to me."
He took his thumb and wiped a stray tear off Abby's cheek. "Please don't cry, Abs. You know I can't stand it when you cry."
"I know," she whispered. "I just don't want to hear you talking that way."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," she began.
"It's a sign of weakness."
"Promise me one thing, Tony."
"What's that?"
He could see the wheels of her brilliant mind turning as she said, "Wait a minute, promise me two things," she said.
Tony sighed, a small grin escaping his lips. "What?"
She held out her pinkie finger. "You have to pinkie swear that you'll do what I ask."
"That depends on what you want me to do," he reasoned. "Last time I promised you something before you told me what it was, I ended up bowling the league finals with a bunch of nuns."
"But you won," Abby reminded him. "Oh, and Sister Rosita said to tell you that she is saying a special prayer for you."
"Tell her thank you. I need all the prayer I can get."
"Now, tell me that you'll promise to do these two things that I'm about to ask you to do," Abby pressed.
Tony knew that there was no use arguing with Abby; he always lost. "What are they?"
"First, you have to reach a compromise about your pain medicine. Let the doctor give you something that will take the edge off the pain and not totally knock you out," she suggested.
"Abby, I…"
"I'm not done."
"Sorry."
"Secondly, you have to come clean with Gibbs."
Tony shook his head. "I can't."
"Yes, you can. You have to and you know I'm right."
Gibbs did have a right to know what was going on with his senior field agent, but how could Tony even begin to explain everything that had happened? Would Gibbs even believe him? "Abby, you don't know what you're asking me to do."
"Yes, I do. I'm asking you to take that first step and let us help you."
Tony closed his eyes. He considered her first request. Tony was hurting more than he cared to admit; maybe something to dull the pain just a little wouldn't be out of the question. It was her second request that he was having trouble with. Abby wanted him to take that first step and talk to Gibbs. But, she didn't realize that the only problem with taking that first step was that it would send him over the edge.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Gibbs had been standing just outside the door to DiNozzo's room watching Abby and Tony for the past ten minutes. When he had returned from outside, the pair had been in the middle of what appeared to be a rather intense discussion. It wasn't but a few minutes later until a he saw a nurse enter Tony's room and inject something into the younger agent's IV. Abby had evidently been successful in getting DiNozzo to agree to take something for pain.
The team leader smiled when he saw the Goth kiss his senior field agent on the forehead; she then whispered something in DiNozzo's ear, causing him to blush. Gibbs would have to find out what Abby had said to Tony to get such an unusual response from the ailing man; DiNozzo didn't embarrass easily.
He finished the last of his coffee, threw the cup away, and walked into Tony's room. Gibbs was determined not to upset the younger man, but it almost seemed like his presence alone instilled a fear in Tony's eyes that hadn't been there before. "Well, Mrs. DiNozzo, how's he doing?"
"A little better," Abby proudly announced.
Gibbs nodded his approval. "Good."
He wasn't sure how to handle the awkward silence in the room. His eyes fell on DiNozzo, who was lying there, refusing to meet his gaze. Gibbs cleared his throat. "Tony? Can I get you anything?"
Tony shook his head. "No, Boss. I'm all right."
"Was that pain medicine that I saw the nurse give you?"
"Yeah. It was just a mild one," Tony confessed.
"That's good, Tony." Gibbs wasn't sure exactly what to say to DiNozzo. He had been warned about not causing Tony any undue stress but it seemed like every word that came out of his mouth increased the younger agent's discomfort.
"Abby made me do it."
"I'm glad. I want you to hurry up and get better; I need my senior field agent back at work."
Gibbs didn't miss the silent exchange between Abby and Tony. Had he said something wrong once again? The way things had been going, he wouldn't be surprised if he had. "Something wrong?" he reluctantly asked.
"No, Boss. I'm just tired," Tony whispered.
"Actually," Abby interrupted. "Tony has some things that he wants to tell you, don't you Tony?"
The former Marine suddenly realized what Tony and Abby had been talking about earlier. She had persuaded him, in her own unique way, to talk to him. It still bothered Gibbs that Tony hadn't come to him earlier with his problems, but at least DiNozzo was ready to talk now. He just had to listen and sometimes that was the hardest thing to do in a conversation.
"Is that true, Tony?" he inquired.
Gibbs almost missed Tony's almost imperceptible nod. "I guess," the young man finally muttered.
"Now?" Gibbs pressed.
"Might as well."
Abby grabbed his arm and sat him down in the chair beside Tony's bed. "Now, you sit and listen and I'll go get you some more coffee."
"All right," he agreed.
He was forced to hide his amusement when Abby pointed her finger at him and threatened him. "And don't you head slap him either," she warned.
"I'm not going head slap him, Abby," Gibbs assured her.
"You better not. I'll know if you do."
Gibbs shook his head and grinned as he watched the Goth leave. He truly believed that the world would be a much better place if there were more people like Abby in the world. He turned his attention back to the young man lying in the bed. "So, can I get you anything?"
Tony shook his head. "You already asked me that."
"So I did." He leaned back in the chair. "I'm guessing that you ended up promising Abby that you'd talk to me," Gibbs surmised.
"How'd you know?"
"No one can say no to Abby. Not even me," he added.
A tiny smile cracked the semi-stoic mask that Tony had in place and disappeared just as quickly. "I don't know if I can keep my promise to her and then she'll be mad at me. I hate it when she's mad at me."
"So do I."
"I don't know where to start."
"How about the beginning?" Gibbs suggested. He felt like he was standing on a land mine and one wrong word would set it off and he would lose Tony forever. Jethro Gibbs knew he had to proceed slowly if he wanted the answers to the questions that had been plaguing him since this whole nightmare started.
"I don't think I'm ready for that," Tony said. "Can I just start from the time after I was reassigned to D.C. from the Seahawk?"
Gibbs' brow furrowed. What did Tony mean that he wasn't ready to start at the beginning? Did DiNozzo's problems stem from something else in his past? "I guess that'll be all right. I just want you to talk to me, Tony. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."
Tony sighed. "I know."
The team leader was determined that he wouldn't rush Tony and would let the young man tell his story in his own time. He had a feeling that he was not going to like everything DiNozzo was going to say and that what the younger man was about to reveal could possibly have devastating effects on Tony personally, but everybody involved.
"Whenever you're ready, Tony," Gibbs said.
It still bothered Gibbs that DiNozzo wouldn't look him in the eye, but he didn't say anything; he wanted to make this as easy on Tony as possible.
"It was about a week or two after I came back from the Seahawk," Tony began. "I was working late one night, you know like I usually do, and Director Vance was still there. He threw a file down on my desk and asked me to explain its contents. I opened the file and it was my medical records from the Seahawk where I had been treated for an ulcer. Vance discovered that I had failed to report that fact to Ducky and was reading me the riot act for failing to follow agency procedures."
"Why didn't you tell Ducky?" Jethro asked.
"It was under control and I hadn't had any problems for a while, so I guess I just didn't think it was important."
"If it pertains to your health, it is important." One of these days, Gibbs vowed to have a long talk with Tony about his lack of concern towards his own well being.
"I figured that I didn't need another mark on my record. It's bad enough having pneumonic plague listed in your files. Actually, I consider myself a medical marvel," Tony tiredly boasted, "it's too bad personnel doesn't see it like that."
Gibbs smiled at his senior agent; he was glad to see a hint of Tony's usual wit shining through like a ray of sunshine amidst the gathering of dark storm clouds surrounding his agent.
Tony licked his parched lips and Gibbs automatically reached for the cup of ice and gave him a small ice chip. "Thanks," DiNozzo said.
"You're welcome." Gibbs set the cup back down and patiently waited for Tony to continue.
"Vance told me he was going to have to report my ulcer and then suddenly he talking about my past undercover work and said that he had a few cases that he could use my expertise on. I told him no."
"And he didn't like that?" the team leader guessed.
"No. He told me that I had two choices. I could work undercover for him on these cases or he would split up the team again, this time permanently."
The ex-Marine struggled to control the anger that was coursing through his veins. He almost wished Vance was standing right next to him so he could beat him to a pulp. "He blackmailed you into going undercover for his operations?"
Tony nodded.
"Why didn't you come to me?" Gibbs wanted to know.
"I couldn't. The Director told me that if you found out what I was doing that you would be the first one to go. I wasn't willing to take that chance."
For the second time, within the time span of a half hour, Gibbs found himself speechless once again. Tony was lying in this hospital bed because DiNozzo felt that he had to protect him, all of them. "So you agreed to go undercover for him," Jethro deduced.
"Yes."
"How many operations have you been involved in?"
"I've completed three successfully and well, I guess you figured that this last one was a bust," Tony said.
"I kind of figured that one out. Do you want to tell me about it?"
"I was undercover to break up a drug ring that was operating in Norfolk. Two sailors, Tompkins and Currin were my contacts and after about a month, I was accepted into the ring. After that, I started gaining access to their client list and files. There's a lot of names that…"
The team leader sensed DiNozzo's trepidation. "Then what happened?" Gibbs gently prodded.
Tony's gaze shifted to the blank wall opposite Gibbs. "It took another few weeks before I met the head honcho, a former Marine by the name of Mitchell Carter and I guess maybe I was getting a little sloppy, but I got this feeling that I had met him before, but I ignored what my gut was telling me. I was tired. I'd been running off energy drinks and No-Doz for a long time and I needed a break. I asked Vance to pull me out then but he didn't. He said that I had to stay undercover." Tony paused and swallowed hard. "He told me that I was expendable."
"What?" the team leader roared. "He told you were expendable? That bastard!"
Tony visibly cringed at Gibb's verbal explosion. Jethro began to apologize profusely. "I'm sorry, Tony. I'm not upset at you."
"I know," Tony softly replied.
Gibbs placed a calloused hand on Tony's arm. "Do you feel like continuing?" He was already aware of the fact that Tony was feeling like he had no control over his life and Gibbs was determined to give the young man back a modicum of the control that he had lost. If DiNozzo wanted to quit for now, Gibbs silently vowed that he would not push him.
"Sure. Might as well."
Jethro nodded. "Whenever you're ready."
"I don't guess there's too much more to say. The other day, I got the call to Norfolk and when I got there, I discovered that Currin made me out to be a fed, so I called Vance and told him that I had to pull out and he wouldn't let me. I guess that he figured that if I died, there would be one less thorn in his side.
"I ended up in a shootout with Currin and Tompkins and I killed them both. Since they were both dead, and no one else it, I assumed my cover was safe and so I went to the harbor to wait for the ship; no one was there but Carter and a few of his henchmen. That was when he informed me that Vance had been right, but he never told me what about. We fought and I got away from them; they shot at my car and I ended up wrecking it after a bullet grazed my head. I figure that some passerby called 911 and the next thing I know I'm waking up in the hospital with a concussion. I checked myself out and the rest you know."
Gibbs scrubbed his face with his other hand. "God, Tony. I wish I knew what to say."
Tony shrugged. "I wish you did, too."
"I guess that explains why Vance is so eager to find you. He wants to do damage control."
"Actually, I think that he just wants me to keep my mouth shut," DiNozzo rationalized. "I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway."
"Why not?"
The team leader was not expecting Tony's next words.
"Because I'm not doing this anymore," Tony declared. "I'm quitting NCIS."
Gibbs felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. He had to have misunderstood what Tony had said.
"What?"
"I'm quitting NCIS," DiNozzo forcibly repeated. "I can't handle it anymore."
"Don't you let Vance win," Gibbs begged the younger man. "I've never known you to give up, Tony; in all the years we've worked with each other, you've been the glue that's held this team together."
Tony shook his head. "No, I haven't."
"Tony, listen to me," Gibbs desperately pleaded. "Don't let Vance take this away from you. Fight for what you believe in."
"That's the problem, Gibbs. I don't know what I believe in anymore. The only thing I know for certain is that Vance is going to turn this on me and take me down and I swear that he's going down with me. I don't want you or any of the others associated with this mess I've gotten myself in."
Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad to see you've got some fight left in you. But I want you to listen to me. I'm not going to let you quit NCIS in order to protect us. We can take care of ourselves. You're tired. It's your exhaustion talking," Jethro tried to reason. "Don't make any hasty judgments until you're feeling better. Will you promise me that?"
"I won't change my mind."
"Just don't make any decisions right now, okay?"
Gibbs waited for what seemed like hours before Tony finally agreed to wait. He was convinced that there was something else contributing to DiNozzo's decision besides an undercover operation going bad. Vance certainly played a part, but there was something else bothering Tony.
"Gibbs, I…"
"What is it, Tony?'
"Thanks for listening."
Gibbs gently squeezed Tony's forearm. "You don't have to thank me, Tony. If I had been paying attention and listening all along, maybe none of this would have happened."
Again, Tony's reaction caught the team leader off guard. Gibbs' confusion only grew when DiNozzo jerked his arm free of the ex-Marine's grasp. "Tony? What's wrong?"
Silence.
"Tony, what's wrong?" Gibbs asked again.
More silence.
"Tony?" he called out for a third time.
"I have enough problems to deal with; I don't need your misplaced guilt!" Tony snapped.
"Tony, I was just…"
"You were just trying to…" Tony clenched his fist. "You're not responsible for me or for what's happened. I did it to myself."
"I look out for my own," Gibbs said with a forced calmness. "Or have you forgotten that?"
Tony hung his head. "No, I haven't forgotten. I'm just not sure…"
"What, Tony?"
"I'm not exactly sure where I belong."
Gibbs' expression softened. "What do you mean, Tony?"
The young man closed his eyes. Jethro could tell that Tony was through talking for now.
"I'm kind of tired, Gibbs," Tony said. "Can we finish this later?"
Gibbs nodded. "Yeah. But Tony, we are going to finish this. Understand?"
"I gotcha, Boss."
The former Marine waited until he was certain that DiNozzo was asleep. It had been a long time since he was consumed by the kind of rage that demanded justice, and he would make sure that DiNozzo got justice for what he had been through. Rising up from his seat, he quietly slipped out of Tony's room.
"Gibbs, where are you going?"
He turned to see Abby coming towards him. Gibbs took the cup of coffee that Abby handed to him and mumbled, "Thanks."
"You're welcome, my silver haired fox," she cheerfully replied. "So, did Tony talk to you?"
Gibbs took a sip of coffee. "Yeah."
"And?"
"And I listened."
Abby crossed her arms and attempted to imitate his famous glare. He kissed her on the head, "Haven't quite got it yet, Abs." Gibbs nodded towards Tony's room. "Stay with him."
"Where are you going?"
"Back to D.C."
"You can't just leave him and go back to D.C.! He needs you."
"I'm not leaving him, Abs", he promised. "I'll be back as soon as I talk to Vance and figure out what the hell gave him the right to screw with DiNozzo's life."
"I love it when you go all Poppa Bear," Abby said. "Just hurry back."
"I will, Abs. I will."
It only took a couple of long strides before he was out of ICU and headed towards the parking lot. The only thing on his mind was his upcoming confrontation with Vance; he would make sure the Director answered for what he did to Tony. Gibbs knew he should probably let the SecNav handle it, but this was personal. Vance had crossed the line and now he had to face the consequences.