Chapter 3: F.A.Q: Frequently Asked Questions

My PS2 shrugged, shifting around so she could get comfortable. Now that it wasn't some dark ally, I could see her clearly. She had raven black hair, which had bleached roots, and she allowed it fall to her shoulders. She wore a dark red T-shirt, and a pair of Tomb Raider length shorts, she also wore a pair of sandals. She had a tanned look, and her eyes were ocean blue. She also looked far too innocent to actually be innocent. Do you know what I mean? Usually, when someone looks this innocent, they are in no way innocent.

"How do I get home?" I asked, getting to the most important question.

"Beat the living crap out of Sephiroth." She replied, almost casually.

"Erg." I pulled a face, which isn't hard when your face has turned into a reptile snout. "A little young for language like that?"

"Sod off." She grunted.

"So, basically, you want me to walk up to a very powerful bastard, and beat him up... Why do I suddenly feel a need to get some life insurance?" I said, mostly to myself.

"Big baby." She sniggered at me.

"Hey... I'm just nervous, because I can't defend myself against the likes of common school thugs, and here you are, telling me that in order to go home, I need to beat up Sephiroth!"

"To be more exact, One-Winged Angel."

"You're trying to kill me. You know that?" I claimed, eyes wide, imagining the results that that would bring.

"No, you'll be with AVALANCHE. They won't boot you out; I've tinkered around with the game. You're now a permanent member of AVALANCHE."

"So it's your fault Cloud was acting kinda off?"

"Yes."

"Right... PS2... why am I like this?" I asked, standing arms outstretched, referring to my new reptilian look.

"Suits you." She said, sarcastically, as she walked up to me. "Like the man of my dreams." She let out a false dreamy sigh, which women always seemed to use when they spoke about cute actors.

I stared at her for a couple of seconds, before I grabbed about a handful of the front of her T-shirt and lifted her off the floor. There was a brief look of shock in her eyes, but they quickly narrowed and gave me a look of fury. Tough sucks, I'm in control right now, not you, so deal with it. Too bad I didn't say that out loud.

"I'm being serious. Now give me an answer. Why have I turned into a reptile humanoid?" I hissed at her. Yes, I actually hissed, and no, it wasn't because of my new body, as much as I hate to admit it. I just do, when I'm pissed off enough.

My PS2 simply shrugged, before she slipped out of her T-shirt, landing softly on the floor. She looked at me coldly for a second or so. Thank god she was wearing a light blue vest under her T-shirt.

"You are in that body because when I transported you here, you were holding that water dragon of yours. You weren't supposed to go through with anyone or anything else, so you merged with Spike. You are Jethro. And at the same time, you are Spike. You are now sharing the same body. Although, watching that fight with the ShinRa troops, it seems it may well be to your advantage, since it wasn't you fighting, it was Spike. Seems he'd rather you both are called by his name though, which is why you said your name is Spike. Happy now?" She explained, before snatching her top from me and putting it on, mumbling under her breath.

"So... I'm me and Spike, rolled into one? My brains, and his muscles? These are his muscles right? Since they sure as hell ain't mine."

"They're his. He's a pretty strong lizard." She said, and my chest inflated, as I was proud of the little reptile, or was this him, being proud of himself? My had started to hurt, thinking about this.

"Wait, then the whispers I've been constantly hearing since I arrived here are...?"

The girl looked interested at what I had just said, examining me.

"Whispers? It's possible. Fusions like yours have never happened before... shouldn't even be possible, but you just went and contradicted that theory. Seeing as there were two minds involved, I'd assume that you can hear Spike's thoughts, and he can hear yours."

As if on cue, the whispers started to sound out. I put a hand to my temple, concentrating on the whispers, trying to distinguish the words.

'The girl is correct.'

I gave a short gasp, hearing the voice that, while I understood, didn't sound like it was in English. The girl raised an eyebrow, looking at me.

"I take it you just heard it." She asked.

I nodded, dumbly.

"It'll probably get easier to understand his thoughts as time goes by and you both start thinking on the same wavelength." She pondered, placing her chin in one hand. "Course that also means that you can hide thoughts from each other. I'm sure that both of you being around the teenage years that you'll have thoughts you'd rather keep to yourself."

'Or I can use it to put embarrassing thoughts in your mind at inconvenient moments...'

I blinked, not having had to concentrate to decipher those foreign thoughts. I bit back a groan as a mental image flashed across my mind that wasn't something I'd imagined. Brushing the mental image aside, I turned my concentration to the manifestation of my PS2.

"Anything else I need to know?" I asked, frowning.

"Not that I know of." She replied. "You are the first time something like this has happened, so most of what I've said is guess work. I could be completely wrong. You'll have to figure out the details yourself."

How helpful. Ok, the summery of what I just learnt. My fusion was the first time something like this had ever happened. My lizard can control reflex responses if he so desires, if the making me dub myself Spike was anything to go by. We can communicate with each other. The PS2 is useless in helping sort this out.

Sighing, I decided to change the subject, avoiding the headache I felt coming. Feeling the weight of my gunblade inside my coat, I spoke up the first thought that came to mind.

"Ok. My future weapons. There are only a small number of gunblades. I'll need more then the 5 or so that exist."

"No worries. You've got a completely unique set of gunblades to Squall. Look closely at your one."

I unsheathed my weapon and looked at it. It wasn't any type I'd seen before. While the blade looked Hyperion style, the handle looked like a lightsaber handle, only with a regular trigger rather than a button to energize a laser.

"Cool." I murmured. How did I miss that earlier?

"That's your basic weapon. (Nah, you don't say) It's called Venom. You'll get a new blade at most new shops. However, except for the ultimate weapon, they're mostly just for vanity. You may find that one has better balance or whatever, but they're all pretty much the same, besides appearance."

"Venom? Nice name."

"Hand picked it myself. Wait 'till you see your ultimate weapon." The girl said, proudly. "Now, give me a name, I am refusing to go around, being called PS2 all the time."

"Ok, how's about... Jenova? Because you're an evil PS2."

"How about not? That is... unless you don't wanna go home."

"Fine... Shiva."

"Because I'm as beautiful as fresh fallen snow?"

"Nope. Try because you always freeze on me." I smirked.

Just after I had said that, a snowball hit me in the face. Wait... a snowball? I scooped the substance from my face and looked at it. White and cold. Defiantly snow. I looked at my PS2. She was holding two more snowballs. She prepared to throw the next one at me.

"Take a joke." I complained, backing away slowly.

"Sorry, I seem to have lost my sense of humour." She responded, dryly.

"Fine. How about... Jade?"

"It's ok, I suppose. Could have been better, but could have been worse."

"That's right, no-one like a pessimist."

Again, a snowball hit me in the face.

"Where the hell did you get those bloody snowballs? The nearest snow is on the northern continent. We're in a train in Midgar."

"I can create snow as I please. If I wanted, I could make this train go flying, with everyone singing religious songs, until the train crashes into ShinRa tower."

"... Please don't." I squeaked. "I'm too young to die."

"Shut up. Any more questions?"

"How old are you?"

"I've the mentality of a 60 year old."

"The personality of one too."

The last snowball hit me in the mouth.

"Shove off." She said, pushing me out of the baggage car.

I opened the door the passenger car, and noticed Cloud, standing next to Barret, looking out the window, having just finished talking to Barret about people not being able to do jack shit. I sat down opposite Barret and gazed out of the window. Barret looked at me, with those beady, beady little eyes of his. I ignored him and turned to the door as a buffet cart came in. I sat up and looked at the contents, and saw: A king-size twix, a bottle of coke and a packet of McCoys Salt and Vinegar crisps. I fished around in my coat pocket and found a 5-gil note. Strange, the only difference it had from Earth money was that the picture was of Shiva instead of the Queen, or president. After I paid a very nervous woman for the merchandise, I dug in, eating like I've never eaten before. Hey, I missed my dinner, what do you expect? Me to stand idly by and save it? Nope. When I'm hungry, I eat. Plain and simple. I couldn't help but wonder if this food was a result of Jade's (I wish I'd thought of a better name) tinkering around with the system, because I never pictured these brand names in FF7. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

I wonder, just what sort of an impact will I have. Will I be able to save Biggs, Wedge and Jessie? Even if I could, I probably won't, nothing personal to their fans, but all Wedge did was act as a lookout, while Biggs and Jessie opened doors and also acted as lookouts. No need for them, they'd just get in the way when AVALANCHE starts hunting Sephiroth. Yeah, like we need a trio of lookouts whilst fighting One-Winged Angel. I took this moment to look at the trio. Biggs was sleeping as he leant against a pole. He looked pretty muscular, but it was easy to tell that his weapon was the assault rifle that was slung on his back. Wedge was carrying a sniper rifle, as was made clear by the large scope on his rifle. Jessie obviously used the whip that hung from her hip. All three members of the trio had various different grenades on them. This was news to me, since you never actually see them using their weapons in the game. I never saw why it couldn't do what FF9 did and allow you to use them temporarily, like all the guys in Zidane's gang. Not like I care, but still, it would have been good if you could. I noticed the train slowing down, so I stood up and waited near the door, eager to get off before I suffered from motion sickness. Normally, I can cope if it's a train I'm riding, but this was hardly the smoothest train ride I've been on. As if to prove my point, the train starts to shake violently. Oh god, I think I'm gonna hurl. Cloud's not looking too good himself, but at least he's managed to hide it pretty well.

The train finally rumbled to a stop, and not a minute too late. I push my way out of the train, holding my stomach. I could just tell that Cloud was sniggering behind my back. Barret wasn't paying attention, since he immediately started barking orders at us.

"Yo! Get over here, all'ya!"

The 3 stooges and me ran up to him. He folded his arms and gave us a look, me in particular.

"This mission was a success, but don't get lazy now." He commanded us. "The hard part's still to come. Don't y'all be scared of that explosion. 'Cause the next one's gonna be bigger than that! Spike, come with me. The rest of you meet back at the hideout. Move out!"

I jogged up to Barret. He gave me a quick glance before he grunted at me.

"C'mon, you don't know where the hideout is. We're gonna introduce you to Tifa an' Marlene."

Of course, I knew where AVALANCHE's hideout was, any self-respecting fan of Final Fantasy 7 would. Of course, I can't tell Barret that. He leads me to Tifa's 7th Heaven, and shoved me through the saloon doors, before walking in himself. The inside looked like a typical bar: the bar, the barmaid, the mugs of booze, and the all important: pinball machine. Ok, so it's only important for this particular bar, but still...

"Alright, parties over!" Barret and Tifa simultaneously yelled at the customers.

Obviously, they hadn't agreed and started yelling at the pair. Barret lifted his gun-arm in the air and fired the assault rifle in the air. Everyone started fleeing the bar as one. After they had left, they started yelling from outside, obviously upset, causing a grumbling Barret to run out and start threatening the forming riot. I'm starting to sound boring here, aren't I? Tough. Tifa looked at me, puzzlement evident on her face, hell, who wouldn't. Here I am, a humanoid lizard, who just so happened to be a 15 year old teen. The 3 stooges came walking in and Tifa started to serve them a couple of pints of various alcohol products.

"Hey, rookie. You want a pint?" Biggs suddenly asked me, waving a mug of cider in the air.

"I'm underage. The only time I drink is special occasions." I informed him.

"Wait... just how old are you?" He questioned, frowning.

"15. And don't start thinking differently because." I threatened. Don't you hate it when people suddenly turn their opinions of you around because of your age? Just to empathise my point, I made my gunblade painfully obvious to him.

"Wouldn't think of it." He gulped.

"Good." I sniggered.

A little girl stepped out from behind the bar, and gave me a curious look. Marlene. She looked pretty cute. I crouched down in front of her.

"Hello." I greeted, softly.

She seemed to cringe at my voice. Or was it at Cloud, who had just walked in?