Author's Note: Wow, we're actually almost finished... Sad face!

And now we can put on sad face for poor John, who's in a bit of a bind this chapter... okay, so he has been for the entire story!

I guess we'll just have to read the chapter...

Chapter 11

John winced as he was slammed back into the chair. That all too familiar chair. The chains were cold against his wrists, the hands rough against him as they jerked the manacles tight. And he just sat there, rigid, barely breathing, staring straight ahead. Keeping his gaze away from those all too familiar faces looming in at him, those sneering faces of the men who had captured him, and tortured him, and stuck him inside his own head.

He knew it had been them. He couldn't remember their faces, except that scar, couldn't remember names, but he knew it had been them. And now they were going to torture him inside his own head.

The men backed away, done, and John finally looked around, wishing he could regain that feeling – that one that had opened that door in that white room. But he couldn't. He even looked around, searching, but all he saw was his own personal nightmare. Literally. He could only see the walls of the dank, dark room, the stone walls and smell, and filth lying everywhere.

Someone walked towards him, and Sheppard glared up at his double. "Don't you dare do this. If you're me, you won't do this!"

The words slipped out before he could stop himself, and he found he didn't care. His breath was coming harder, his heart beating fast. He was scared. He knew what was coming, even if he didn't remember what had happened before.

But his double just shrugged. "I don't have any choice," it told him. "You... you just won't stop! Pushing and pushing against everything I'm doing, and the ironic thing is you started it all!" It shook his head at him, scowling. "I created a world where you could be happy. You saved lives, you solved crimes, you were getting a medal, you were useful! You had your brother, and if you'd given it time, I could have given you a great girl. What more could a man want? But no, you fought, and fought, and I gave you chance after chance to accept it, and live your life..."

It continued shaking its head. John just snorted. "Should tell you something. I'm not going to stop fighting this. And in the end, I'll win. "

"Unlikely." It sneered, looking around at the man with the scar. John flinched, his body remembering even if his mind couldn't. "You're going to forget about it. Everyone breaks, John. Even you."

And it disappeared into thin air, leaving John alone with the men who had done this to him in the first place. And there was nothing he could do about it.

It wasn't going to stop him from trying though.

"Rodney, you need to rest."

The sentence was short and soft, but it didn't stop McKay from jumping up in his chair, laptop nearly sliding off his legs in the process. He snapped his head around at Keller and shook it.

"Don't do that to me!" he muttered, heart beating a million miles a minute. He turned his head back to the laptop. "And I'm fine."

"You've been working on this for two days straight," Jennifer reminded him tersely. "Why don't you go help Zelenka and Vaiko on the blueprints."

"You know that's not exactly resting either," he told her, frowning at the energy readings. Again.

"Well, it would get you out of this damn chair," she snapped, before sighing and rubbing her eyes. "Sorry. I didn't mean that.

"Yes you did." He smiled sadly up at her. "And it's okay. I get it." He took his own sigh, looked across at John, still lying there, so still. "We're all worried about him."

"Not just -." A beeping cut her off. Nothing insistent, nothing alarming, but McKay sat up straighter, looked at the machine. Keller just tensed and leaned across to press a button. The beeping stopped.

"What was that?" McKay demanded when Jennifer didn't offer an explanation.

She looked like she wasn't going answer. Like she didn't want to answer. "Blood pressure," she muttered. "Heart rate. Brain activity. All increasing."

She hadn't made it sound like a good thing. "And this is bad..." McKay deduced.

Jennifer nodded slowly. "If it keeps increasing, his body isn't going to be able to handle it. Not after two weeks of captivity. Hell, not after two weeks at a health spa." She shook her head, frowning, as if it was a problem she could solve.

The same way McKay had been trying to look at it. "Why is it doing that?" he asked, looking down at the diagnostic on his screen. For some reason something about it, and what Keller was saying, it seemed linked.

"Not sure," she answered. "Maybe it's just the effort involved in... whatever's happening in there."

"They're fighting," McKay translated, frowning down at the screen. "Sheppard and this machine. Maybe they're fighting."

"But... it's a machine..." Keller reminded him. She didn't sound convinced. More hopeful than anything. "I mean, a machine can't..."

She was considering it. "It's an Ancient machine," he told her. "And if I'm right, it's the basis of Replicator mind probing. It's probably an AI. Which means..."

He looked down at his screen. Which meant there was a reason the power usage had been fluctuating so much. That had been what was annoying him: the fact that a machine, that had been set on the same settings for two weeks, had been using varying amounts of energy. He should have seen it earlier. But like Jennifer, he had forgotten what he was dealing with.

"I'm right," he announced, staring down at the screen with a new appreciation. "John and the machine... they're battling it out for control."

Keller stood up straight, taking a deep breath. "If you're right... I don't know what's going on in there, Rodney, but his mind is slipping. If you're right, he's losing."

"We need to get in there," he told her, trying to ignore what she was saying. It was pretty easy. The idea that anything could defeat Sheppard was unthinkable. Especially when it was his own mind.

"Woolsey sent off for that virtual reality unit, that we used when the Colonel touched the crystal. They'll be here soon, and we can -."

"I don't think they'll be here soon enough," he interrupted. "Do you really think they will be?"

She paused, but her lip. She looked like she was about to break: Rodney didn't blame her. He didn't think she had slept since Sheppard had been found.

And then she sighed, shook her head, looked down. "No. I don't."

"I don't get it," he told her. "It's supposed to be keeping him alive. It's not supposed to be killing him."

"Unless he knows it's not real."

That made McKay pause. "Makes sense. I mean, he wouldn't be fighting it if he thought it was real. Which means it has him trapped." He frowned. "Which doesn't change a thing. Even if that thing's keeping him trapped. We still need to get in there, and we can't wait for the Daedalus."

"No."

McKay's jaw dropped, and he looked around at Jennifer. She had gone pale. "You're not doing it, Rodney. You can't!"

"I'm not doing anything!"

She stormed round and snatched his laptop away. "No, but you're thinking of it. I know that face. You want to use the second interface. Rodney, that killed a man!"

"I'm not going to do it!" McKay snapped, looking away. "You think I don't know it's stupid and dangerous!"

Keller studied him, and then leaned back. "Promise me."

He glared up at her, and she met his gaze, not caring. "Promise me, Rodney."

"Fine!" he bit back. "I won't do anything stupid and dangerous! Happy?"

She shook her head. "No." And then she sighed, crossing her arms. "Try to get some sleep, Rodney."

And she turned and left, walking off without ever looking back. McKay watched her go, and then looked slowly back at Sheppard. Sheppard, who was lying there, so still, struggling in the biggest fight he had ever faced. Sheppard, who was stubborn, and determined, and who was fighting himself. McKay couldn't think of a worse opponent, for anyone.

"Screw this!"

When the doors to his lab opened, Zelenka had to admit, McKay had been the last person he expected to walk through them. He had thought the man was glued to his seat in the infirmary.

"Rodney?" he asked with some amusement, looking up from the Ancient blueprints. On the other side of the bench, Vaiko looked around, while Radek continued, "Did Dr Keller finally kick you out?"

"Have you found anything useful?" the Canadian asked in a snarl, confirming Radek's suspicions. He chuckled to himself and looked back down as McKay joined them.

"Do not know," he answered with a shrug. "We think we know how we will be able to attach the VR unit when it arrives, but beyond that... We will have to study the machine itself, but we may be able to fix it."

"How long would that take?" McKay demanded, looking up with hope.

Vaiko shook his head, answering. "We do not know. Not without studying the device." He frowned. "A week, perhaps, from what I remember. If we have the right parts."

"Too long," McKay muttered. Zelenka frowned up at him, getting the first inkling that something was wrong. But before he could mention anything, McKay pulled the Ancient notes closer and pointed at a place on the blueprints. "Is this the second interface?"

"Yes, but it is damaged. That would be the hardest part to restore."

"Hmm," McKay answered, pulling the notes even closer. And then he looked back. And Zelenka knew his gut had been right when he saw guilt in the scientist's eyes. "Sorry about this."

Radek barely even saw the blue before he saw the black.

When Jennifer heard the infirmary doors open again, she sighed and let her head drop. No doubt it was Rodney returning from wherever he had wandered off to for an hour. The man just couldn't stay away, and she was worried. More worried than she should be when she had to worry about Colonel Sheppard and the stress of that machine on his body.

She had had enough. She got to her feet and moved to the door of her office, bracing herself for what would no doubt be an epic argument. How had Carson dealt with any of this? And why did he have to be back on Earth?

"Rodney!" she called as she entered the infirmary proper. He was back by Sheppard's bed, dumping a pile of stuff on the chair he had been sitting in. She stopped what she had been about to say, and frowned. "What is that?"

McKay stood up straight, too rigid for this to be a good thing. "Rodney?" she asked carefully.

"Uh, yeah, I had an idea..." he muttered. "Sorry, but I don't think..." He looked down at his hands, his back still to her. "I don't think I'll be able to keep my promise."

"Rodney, whatever you're planning -."

She cut off as he turned around, and she finally got a look at what was in his hands. She took a step back. "Rodney..."

"I'm really sorry..." he whispered. "But I need to do this."

And he lifted the Wraith stunner and fired.

Rodney really hoped they would forgive him.

And he really, really hoped he wasn't going to be fired for this.

But in the end, after walking around, debating the plan in his head, going over it again and again, he had decided it didn't matter. John Sheppard's life was worth more than his career.

He decided not to listen to the voice in the back of his head, asking him if it was worth more than his life.

"I've never had to do this," he muttered as he worked on the second interface. He glanced over at Sheppard. "Never had to risk my life to save yours." He paused. "Okay, so I have. But not like this. Not when you've just been lying there, slowly dying. Not when I've had to watch it..."

He paused, put the interface down. "And here I am going all sappy. Dammit, you're an idiot, Colonel. You know this is all your fault!"

Well, that didn't make him feel better. He gave a growl. "Why on earth would you make me your friend? You have the stupidest taste in friends." Somehow he found the ability to chuckle. "I mean, just look at our team! There's me, cranky, bad with people, which is all we meet... I'm mean, condescending. And then you picked Teyla, little miss Athos... okay, so she's pretty normal once you get past the alien stuff. But Ronon? Even for an alien..." He shook his head. "In any other world..."

He chuckled again, grabbed the interface leads. "And then there's you. Colonel Kamikaze. Why the hell did you do something so stupid as to walk into the Masarian lair and try to rescue me single-handedly? Why not go back to the gate, radio for help? You wouldn't be lying in this damn infirmary if you had." Any desire to chuckle suddenly left him, making him angry, and bitter.

"You could have just left me there. But you didn't." He sighed, and held up the leads. They looked ready. Not that he really knew. "Well, guess it's time to repay the favour. Please don't kill me if this doesn't work."

He attached all four leads to his head, two on his temple, two over his, wincing as they engaged, and pulled at some his hair. But he did his best to ignore it, taking a deep breath, and he reaching out for the datapad.

"McKay!"

Rodney jumped and turned to look at the infirmary doors. Ronon and Teyla had just walked in, looking shocked, suddenly anxious and pale. He shook his head at them, eyes wide.

"I'm going in there!" he cried out, snatching up the datapad. "And you can't stop me!"

He hit enter, and the world around him dissolved.

Something had changed.

John wasn't sure what, or why, or any of those stupid questions. All that mattered was that it had. He could feel the change, the addition of some new element, or the deletion, a change of some or any description. He could feel it, like a pressure on his skin, or in his mind, a change in the air. Something was different.

He lifted his aching head and opened puffy eyes to look around the dark, retched room. The men had gone. Funny. He swore they had been there a second ago, laying into him with fists and bars and all the while he was sitting there screaming in his head that none of this was real.

Mostly in his head.

He was getting distracted.

He lifted his head completely, letting it loll back on his neck as he tried to survey the room. But no, it was completely empty.

He let loose a chuckle, which quickly turned into a cough, which he tried to smother before a rib went through a lung wall. If it hadn't already.

"I know you're out there," he whispered hoarsely. It didn't matter. The thing would hear him. It could always hear him.

A pressure on his mind – a different type, one he could recognise – told him his... mental self, for lack of a better description, had appeared. He sat rigidly, not looking around.

"What is it?" he asked with a blood soaked tongue and dry lips. How long had it been? No, more distractions. He pushed past the fogginess. "Something's different."

The other him growled, walked forward. John couldn't stop the shiver as it touched him. "What are they doing now?" it asked, the touch of panic in its voice making Sheppard smile slightly.

"No idea. Maybe..." He winced. Talking hurt. "Maybe if you tell me who they are, I can let you know."

"Nice try," it told him dryly, coming to face him. "It doesn't matter. They have to find this place first. And your mind truly is a rabbit warren. A dark rabbit warren at that." It cocked its head, lifted an eyebrow. "How are you liking the hospitality?"

John shrugged and immediately regretted it. "At least they're more talkative than the white walls," he told it before he had to take a deep breath. "Think I would have gone mad in there."

"I can always put you back."

John grinned, knowing it didn't reach his eyes. Though he doubted the thing could really see his eyes under all the swelling. "If you were going to, you would have. My guess is you can't. My guess is something went wrong. Otherwise I wouldn't have escaped."

"You call this an escape?" it asked with amusement, looking around. John just nodded. It scoffed. "You know what was truly an escape, John Sheppard. That world you fought tooth and nail to get out of. Now there was a holiday."

"It wasn't real," he reminded it, trying to keep it distracted. He knew, he could tell... whatever had changed, it was getting closer. "This isn't real."

"What does that matter?" it demanded. "In there, you didn't hurt. Well, no more than an ordinary human. You didn't have constant fear, constant worry, stress. You didn't need to hate, to fight, to worry." It shook its head. "If you could remember the pain you've been through, John. Your losses, even when you won. The amount of times you've been hurt."

"But I can't." He said it with a snarl, with hate. "And that tells me that even if I did remember it, I'd go back. Otherwise you wouldn't care if I remembered or not."

"True. But never mind. With time, you'll accept that world anyway."

"I won't."

The thing eyed him, looked him in his eyes, for a long time. And then it shrugged. "Yes you will. Because I have all of time to make you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a pest to take care of."

And it disappeared, leaving John alone in the chair and with his thoughts.

For all of two seconds.

"Please tell me this is not where it's kept you this whole time!"