Author's Note: Sooo... I'm a little distracted right now, people are cheering and watching State of Origin (Australian Rugby Union... I think - not so good on the union vs league thing...), and I'm trying to think of a good note to put here, because I love chatting, and I'm coming up empty... So I guess just... have fun with this chapter... second last one... Wow, this has gone quick! But it is a fair long one!

Chapter 12

Ronon gently placed Jennifer on the bed, determined to knock McKay about next time they sparred for stunning her.

If he ever had the chance to spar the scientist again.

He turned back to where Dr Peters was flashing a light in Rodney's eyes. The nurses had called him off his down time to replace Jennifer until she woke up. And judging by the man's reactions, it wasn't good.

Ronon walked over to the beds separated by only a few feet. Teyla was standing in between, avoiding all the wires, looking down at Sheppard. She was holding his hand. She liked to do that. He wondered if Sheppard could feel it.

She looked up as he approached, and dropped her grip. "I cannot believe he would be so foolish," she breathed, glancing over at Jennifer.

"Yes you can," Ronon told her. "Are Zelenka and Vaiko on their way up?"

"Yes," Peters answered for the Athosian. "Someone finally got the door open. They were fine, just stunned." He walked over to join them. "Dr McKay seems to be in much the same state as Colonel Sheppard. Somewhere between asleep and unconscious."

"And there is nothing we can do?" Teyla demanded. She looked down at Sheppard. "There is no way we can get in there also?"

"Whoa, no!" Peters answered, shocked. "Look, I'm going to be blunt. Unless Dr McKay has some genius plan, he's as stuck in that... world, as Colonel Sheppard is. Unless we get a miracle, they're... they're..." The doctor gave a growl. "Going in is suicidal, Teyla. Don't be fooled by McKay."

The man looked around at his patients, and then sighed. "I'm sorry. But if there had been something we could do for them, we would have done it already. Maybe, if they last until the interface gets here, you might be able to help. But considering what happened to the other man who used the second interface... Dr McKay is likely not going to survive this."

Peters wandered away, shaking his head. Ronon just caught Teyla's gaze, and nodded. "If we find a way, we'll help them," he promised her. "And we're not giving up. This is Atlantis. Miracles happen every day."

"Please tell me this is not where it's kept you this whole time!"

John jerked his head upright at the unfamiliar voice behind him. The astonished, loud, panicked unfamiliar voice.

"Who's there?" he demanded, not liking this new element. Was this just his own mind playing tricks on him again? He tried to look round, to see if a glance would tell him, but he couldn't see the owner of the voice.

"John, it's me," the voice said, quickly losing its volume. Footsteps told him it was rushing around to see him, and he jerked his head around to face it.

His eyes caught sight of a man, shorter than himself, and a little rounder, fading hair and wide eyes –

He knew the man standing over him, knew that guilt-ridden face, those wide eyes under that thin, fair hair. Knew that build, that hand still shaking in his face... He knew this man. He just...

"This is another trick," he blurted out, looking around for his double. "This is... this isn't real."

"John, it's me, McKay!" the man said, taking a step back. "Rodney McKay... God, look what it's done to you..."

"McKay?" John shook his head, trying to clear the fog. "Atlantis?"

"Yes, from Atlantis..." The man swallowed. "You don't remember me?"

"I don't know..." John admitted slowly. His head dropped. "I can't... my head hurts..."

He was drifting off again. He needed to stay awake. He jerked his head up. "Is this real?"

"Um..." the man – McKay, was it really McKay? – "Depends which bit you mean. I'm real. Everything else around you is fake. But I'm real."

"How do I know?" John demanded, licking his lips and wishing he hadn't when they cracked. "How do I tell?"

"Dammit, this interface was meant to..." McKay shook his head, and raced forward. "Because I'm going to get you out of here. Just like you did for me."

He reached forward to touch the manacles, to get them undone. John watched, hoping this man could get him out of here. And he watched as the man just touched the metal with a single fingertip.

Pain, shock, like electricity, coursed through him, and he screamed, beyond cracking his teeth to control the satisfaction of the men torturing him. It ended quickly, though not quickly enough and the next thing he knew, he was sitting limply in the chair, breathing heavily, and McKay was several feet back, holding his hand like he had caused it.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

John lifted his heavy head, despair in his gut as he recognised his double's voice. McKay moved a lot faster, jerking around to face the thing, looking between the two of them like he had seen a ghost.

"Oh not again," he groaned, moving closer to John. "Let him go!"

"Not happening," the double told him, moving closer as well, but slower. Almost as if he were stalking prey. "And you shouldn't have come here."

McKay turned around and raced for John, leaning down and touching his arms, careful not to touch the metal. His skin bristled, but it didn't hurt. And he found himself staring McKay right in his scared eyes.

"Remember, John! You've got to remember me, and Ronon and Teyla, and Atlantis. You're in Atlantis right now, in the infirmary. You're safe, but this thing is killing you! Ronon and Teyla, they saved you from this place, just like you saved me from one like it. Remember that, John! Remember us getting cut off on that god forsaken planet. Remember me getting caught, because you were pinned down! Remember how you fought them off, and tried to come after me! Remember how you found me, in that damn room, remember -."

Suddenly McKay was hurtling backwards, and his double was standing in front of him, grinning madly, evil in his eyes. John's breath caught. "McKay, get out of here!"

Over the other side of the room, McKay was struggling to get up. But he still managed to shake his head. "No. I'm not leaving you again! I already did that once, and this is where it led!"

The double chuckled, and began to march over to McKay. "Brave words, doctor, but you're an idiot." It glanced back at Sheppard. "Both of you. Even if you wanted to leave, you can't. Not before I kill you. You shouldn't have interfered."

"The hell I shouldn't have!" McKay snarled, getting to his feet faster than he looked like he could. The double was surprised too, even more so when it found a fist being slammed into its face.

McKay raced forward again, reaching John while the double was just regaining focus. "Remember, John! Remember Atlantis!"

"I don't even know what Atlantis is!" John snapped back, feeling desperate.

McKay actually snarled. "Atlantis is this!" And he slammed his palm into Sheppard's chest, over his heart, angry enough to make it hurt. "Atlantis is in here! And you know what else is in here? One stubborn son of a bitch!"

The double reached them, growling loudly, grabbing McKay by his shirt and shoving him backwards and down. McKay grunted as he hit the floor, but he looked up at John, even as he scooted away from the double. "You've never given up before John, don't you dare start now!"

"What is going on?" Teyla demanded, glaring at Dr Peters. Both Sheppard and McKay were in trouble, machines beeping all around them. Only seconds ago, Sheppard had gone rigid, and now he was twitching uncontrollably. McKay was as still as he had been for the past half hour, but his heart rate was skyrocketing.

"I don't know, I'm not psychic!" Peters snapped as he worked on McKay. "Something's going on in there, but I don't know what! You both need to get out of the way though!"

"Like hell!" Ronon snarled. "We're not going anywhere!"

Teyla agreed, and she grabbed John's arm again, gripping as tight as she could. "John, hear me! Fight this. Whatever this is, fight it!"

Sheppard went still, felt his breath catch, felt the barest sensation on his right arm, so bare it was like a memory. But he knew it was there. Really there.

McKay came to a sliding halt at his feet, groaned and tried to get up. John looked up at his double, keeping that barest sensation on his right arm in mind. "Stop it!" he snarled, moving as far forward as he could will tied to this damn chair. "Dammit, stop it!"

But his double just sneered, moved closer and picked McKay up. "Stop it!" Sheppard shouted. That sensation, on his arm. He needed to remember that, because those... feelings had been there the whole time and hadn't led him wrong yet. But mostly, he needed to remember that, because it reminded him of something.

It reminded him of a soft voice kicking his butt with hard sticks, of a warm face and a laugh. It reminded him of danger, and running, and fighting and winning. It reminded him of a short woman with dark skin and lively eyes.

It reminded him of family.

"Stop it!" he ordered, looking up just as his double was about to throw McKay again.

And to his shock, his double stopped.

"How did you..." it demanded, before snarling. "No. No, you are not doing this!"

Pain flared in his head, and John winced, giving the thing the chance it needed. It threw McKay, hard and fast, with a strength John himself had never possessed. And McKay didn't get back up from where he landed.

He had to push past the pain. He had to, for all their sakes. For his own, and for McKay, and for that sensation of family latched onto his arm.

"I said, stop it!"

"What are you doing?" Jennifer's voice suddenly asked from behind. Ronon spun around to see her, still dazed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Dr Keller!" Peters cried with relief. "They're both... I don't know..."

"Not you," the small woman answered, slipping off the edge. Ronon caught her before she collapsed. "Teyla. What are you doing?"

"Nothing," the Athosian answered defensively. "Am I doing something wrong?" She went to remove her hand.

"No, stop!" Keller shouted, lurching forward, Ronon struggling to keep a hold on her. "Keep holding on. I think... something changed when you touched him. I think he's fighting harder."

Ronon shared a look with Teyla, and then quickly let go of Keller, leaving her to stumble for the edge of the bed, still suffering from the stunner blast. And, after only a seconds pause, he too grabbed hold of Sheppard's arm.

"Come on, buddy. If you can hear this... fight!"

A second sensation, and now his double was staring at him, paused in the middle of the room, halfway between him and McKay. And it looked scared.

A second sensation, on his left arm this time. And it reminded him of tallness, of thick hair, and loyalty, and strength. He looked down at his arms, as if he could see the hands on them if he tried hard enough to know they were there.

"What are you doing?" his double demanded, turning back to him now, forgetting McKay. "You're not doing that."

"The hell I'm not," Sheppard whispered. He bunched his muscles, and yanked hard on his arms. And, beyond all logic and reason, his arms came free. He stood up, took a step forward.

Only to have a body slam into his.

He grunted as he crashed back into the chair, but there was no way he was getting back in that thing. No way he was letting himself be trapped again.

He shoved back, and his double moved back a few feet. John got up again, twice as fast this time, and only just avoided being tackled back into the chair by moving to the side.

His double used the chair to stop itself, turned to face him, murder in his eyes. "You can't do this," it warned. "I'm protecting Atlantis, by keeping you here."

"No, you were protecting Atlantis. But I'm back there now. I'm safe. I know I am!" Because that family clinging to his arms would keep him safe. Just like he would do for them. "And it's time you left."

He had hoped that would work. But his double just sneered. "It's going to take more than that to get rid of me John Sheppard," it told him quietly, turning to face him. "And you haven't got it."

"We'll see," Sheppard told him, moving lightly on his feet. It felt like every injury to his body had disappeared. He put his hands up.

Next thing he knew he was lying on the ground, groaning, and blinking blood out of his eyes.

He rolled over to find an amused double staring down at him. Sheppard gave a growl, staggering to his feet.

The thing rushed in again, but this time John was ready. He blocked the fist headed his way, shocked at the strength behind it, but following it up with his own hook. His fist slammed into the thing's face, drawing blood and the weirdness of punching his own face hit him. Again.

He stumbled over that. Again. He had done this before.

And that cost him a broken rib, as the double replied with a bone crushing hook to his side.

He bent over, winded, and then focused again on those sensations on his arms, that sensation of family, using it, finding strength, enough to slam an uppercut into the double's abdomen.

He didn't stop there this time, following it up with a hard kick, smashing his bare foot into its face, breaking its nose and sending it flying backwards from where it had been hunched over. He moved with it, moving in close, his right fist already moving for a hard punch.

It blocked the punch, spinning him around, catching his ribs with two sharp punches, and at least cracking a second rib. John fell to one knee, gasping for breath. And then even that wasn't working as the double grabbed his neck and squeezed.

Air cut off and he grabbed at the arm, scrabbling at it with fingers. He tried not to panic, knowing that was rule number one. Don't panic. No, get angry.

He found his feet with some difficulty, and then, desperate, he launched upright.

His head rammed into the thing's face, and it let go, at least enough for John to take a deep breath, reach up to grab it's neck, and pull.

It landed hard on the ground in front of him, but apparently it didn't feel pain, because almost immediately, it lifted its legs and shoved Sheppard back hard in the chest.

He fell back, tried to get up as quickly as the double had, but he was human, not a thought. It launched itself at him, punching him hard in the face, once, twice, three times -

A blur rushed past and tackled the double to the ground, shoving at its face with tight fists and a panicked look.

John stumbled to his feet, even as his double slammed a hook into McKay's face and sent him sprawling.

Growling, John rushed in, grabbing at the thing's shirt and punching it as hard as he could in its broken nose. For the first time it cried out, though with anger, not pain, and leapt up enough to catch Sheppard with a flying elbow.

He fell to the side, dazed, but conscious enough that he knew this wasn't going to work. Despite being a product of his own mind, his double was too strong. Or maybe it was because it was a product of his own mind.

He crawled backwards, even as it got to its feet, wiping blood from around its mouth. McKay too crawled away, looking exhausted. How had he commanded it before? How had he made it stop?

Those sensations were still on his arms, as strong as ever, and he was keeping focused on them. But still, here he was, trapped in his own mind.

"McKay, how did I get here?" he asked softly, trying to regain his focus.

"You want to talk about this now?" the man demanded. "Like, right now?"

His double chuckled though. "Don't you remember them putting the leads on, John?" it demanded. "You fought tooth and nail, even half unconscious and incoherent. You know what they were doing, and you used it against them, when the fighting failed. And then you fried the mind of the man who was supposed to be spying on you. The machine was broken, he didn't have the control he was supposed to, and you killed him from the inside. Don't you remember?"

"No," John admitted, feeling a little nauseated by that. "But it means I have some control."

"Over other people, sure," the things shrugged, before grinning. "Not over me."

John grinned. "We'll see. McKay, picture Atlantis for me."

"Why?"

"Just do it," he snapped.

"Don't!" the double cried, but it was too late. McKay licked his lips, and let his eyes glaze over.

Something changed. Not much, not anything visually or audibly discernable, at least not by John. But his double stopped. It went still, except for a slight quiver, a slight tremble. McKay's eyes closed, slowly, almost as if he were sleeping, and the very air shivered. A hum began. A hum he recognised. A hum he recognised from the depths of a deep dark lake that didn't scare him. Only this time it was more than a memory. It was real.

Taking that, taking that hum in his head, his heart, his veins, taking those sensations on his arm and using them to strengthen his own mind, his body, his everything, he focused his mind on only one thing.

"What are you doing?" his double demanded, taking a single step forward. Sheppard just grinned, and imagined the room with one less inhabitant.

"I'll see you, McKay."

"No!" McKay shouted, eyes flinging open. And then he disappeared into thin air, leaving John alone with his twin.

McKay bolted upright, the leads slipping from his head, gasping for breath, while around him the myriad of people jumped. Someone even gave a small scream.

"Rodney!" Keller cried, turning to him. "How did you...?"

"It wasn't me," he answered, sliding off the bed. His legs gave out, and he fell to the floor, weak and shaking. "John, he shoved me out!"

He staggered on his knees over to John's bed and grabbed the colonel's arm, just above where Teyla held Sheppard's wrist. He nodded at his teammates, before turning to stare at John, struggling to his feet. "He's fighting," he told everyone quietly. "Come on John!"

The room seemed oddly silent with McKay gone.

The double was still just standing there, looking stunned and shocked. John remained on the ground, just as shocked and stunned that it had worked.

Suddenly the double growled, and John leapt to his feet, taking a few steps back. "That won't work for you!" the other him snarled, stalking forwards. "You can't escape me!"

"I know," John admitted, his back hitting a wall. "I'm just going to have to beat you instead."

"Beat me?" it laughed. "I've been the one beating you for the entire time I've been in your head!"

"Times change," Sheppard reminded it, focusing on that hum, and that sensation on his arms, all willing him on, all keeping him standing when every bit of him ached; from his very brain to his toes, all throbbing with exhaustion. "Besides, I don't give up. I don't need to know my name, or my job, or where I live to know who I am. What I am."

And he raced forward, catching his double by surprise and tackling it to the ground. That hum grew inside of him, making his blood pound, and he punched his twin face with as much strength as he could muster.

But the twin's face moved, and his fist struck the hard ground instead. He cried out as he felt his hand break. But he moved past it, concentrating on that hum, clenching his teeth as he used his other hand to slam a fist into that twin face, using its own momentum against it.

The double snarled up at him, hand shooting up to grab his shirt. John saw stars as his forehead hit its, and he fell back, moving away.

"Jennifer!" Teyla cried, moving back, though never letting go of John's wrist. She indicated his hand. "It's broken."

Keller moved around, jaw dropping. And then she grabbed the sheet, pulling it down to reveal John's naked torso. His freshly bruised, dark naked torso.

"What the hell..." Woolsey demanded, having shown up five minutes ago. The entire infirmary was packed with people, not just doctors and nurses, but soldiers and scientists, all worried. "What's happening?"

"I think... This is a good sign," Keller breathed. Before anyone could wonder just how this was good, she continued, quickly. "His mind is coming closer to reality." She glanced at the machines, beeping and racing, before looking at John's face, which was starting to show signs of bruising. "It's not good for his body, but in terms of the mental battle... he's starting to win."

He stumbled to his feet once he had some distance, deciding quickly he needed a new tactic. A smarter tactic. Though how he was going to outsmart his own thoughts, he had no idea.

He stood his ground, wheezing slightly, and determined not to cough, because no doubt it would be blood, and he just did not want to know. His double was also getting to his feet, a dark look on its face as it turned to stare at him.

"How do you think you're going to win this, John?" it demanded, wiping away blood. "You can't beat me in a fight."

"Depends on the type of fight," he snapped back, getting ready. But what could he do? What had he already done to himself?

The other him snorted at that, taking a few menacing steps forward. It cocked an eyebrow. "You're doomed to fail," it told him as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. And again it rushed at him.

John sidestepped, avoiding the attack, moved away, knowing that wasn't the way he was getting out of here. "Why's that?" he demanded. "Because you say so? You of all people should know I'm not one to listen to my own head when it tells me to give up."

"And how would you know who you are?" it asked slyly. "I took your memory."

"No, you hid it. And I'll find it, somewhere. But it doesn't matter." He shook his head. "I don't need my memory to tell me I'm not giving up. I haven't given up yet. Not when you shoved me in that fake world, not when you shoved in that nothing cell... Not when you tried to torture me into submission."

He licked his lips, and called on that hum again, like his own personal drug, like magic, making him stronger. And he imaged a door. "I know who I am, and I know what's real."

"You don't know what's real!" It snapped, fists clenching, taking a step forward. "You have no clue! Why do even try to say that!"

He kept picturing that door, willing it into existence. "I'm real. Who I am, is real. McKay's real. These feelings on my arms are real. And Atlantis. Atlantis is real."

The door suddenly sprung into being, right behind the double, and John tried not to grin in victory.

"You don't even know what Atlantis is!" the double cried. "You have no idea, no memory of it. You don't know what it is!"

"Yes I do," Sheppard told it calmly. "I know it's real. I know it matters. I know I'm going back there. And most importantly, I know it's home."

"His heart rate is getting dangerously high," Peters told them all, sharing a look with Keller, his voice worried. "If it keeps going, he's going to have a heart attack."

"Least of his worries if this keeps going!" McKay snapped. "Come on, John! Kick that thing out already!"

"I've known it's home since I woke up in that fake world!" John told it, stalking forward. "It's always been there, just out of sight, just out of reach. But it's there! And I'm getting back there!"

He willed the door open, and the room filled with light. The double spun, taking a step away from the open door, from the white cell, from the nothingness of existence that existed somewhere in John's head. "No, what are you doing!"

John didn't answer. Not verbally anyway. No, he rushed forward, tackling the double, and sending them both through into the white door.

The door slammed shut behind them, and a click told them both it was locked.

John kept his double pinned, using all his strength. "I can't kick you out. Because this, my mind, is you," he told it. "But I can shove you away, where you can't do any damage. I can send you back where you came from. Even if I have to drag you there myself."

And suddenly the floor dropped away, and they were both falling, into the bottomless abyss of Sheppard's own mind.

Wow... was that exciting or what!