Disclaimer: Did any of you buy me Glee for my birthday? I doubt it. So therefore, I still don't own it.

I crept around the corner of the wall, super-spy-like. I needed proof that teachers did live in school and I was going to get it. Heck, I even had my phone out and ready to go.

Kurt said he'd only tell me the secret of how he knew where everyone lived if I admitted that teachers don't live in schools. But, the Puckster's no liar, and he's always right.

I'm pretty damned sure that demons live in Hell, so therefore, teachers must live in schools. I mean, it's logic. And not the weird logic-y complimicated stuff they try to get me to do in Algebra.

I slipped into one of the classrooms, smiling as I saw my target: Mr. Shue. He was even wearing his pajamas! ...I guess teacher's wear their names on their pajamas. Or maybe it's some sort of ritual.

I was just creeping up to the door when Ms. Pill bumped into me. She gave a little shriek and pointed at my shirt. Looking down, I shrugged. It was a slushy stain from when I threw one on Aretha today.

"Oh, I-I need to go wash this and take a shower and — oh no, it got on my pin." She mumbled, scurrying off to the ladies restroom. A while later she walked out, elbows tucked in and hands up near her face.

I turned to face the door again, shrugging. She was weird. And dressed in normal teacher-ish clothes. Maybe she left her pajamas in her office… Who cares?

I looked through the window of the door and saw Mr. Shue with a mop. Weird. Do they have to clean their sleeping space?

I had flashbacks to some creepy British TV show I'd watched when I was bored. The teachers were aliens, giant bat-like things, and they ate children. They also made them smart with fries.

We hadn't had fries in a long time, nor did anyone want to eat them, so I was clean. I slipped into the room, cringing at the sight of it. I didn't even want to be in school on average hours so why was I here now?

Oh, right. Damn Kurt. But I can't sleep safely with the knowledge that he could just appear at the door. It's just weird and stalkery. He was already kinda like that. Now it was worse.

"Puck! What are you doing here?" Shuester asked, holding the mop up like a defense. Since it's so damn terrifying. I'm practically quivering.

Is that the best he's got?

Like a piece of wood and string could defeat these guns. I thought, looking at my arms. No wonder MILFs and teenage girls loved me. Who wouldn't, right? But then there was heart sunk as I thought of her.

"Puck, are you just physically here?" I heard Shue ask, waving a hand in front of my face. Personal bubble invasion, much?

I glanced over him, smiling as I brought up my phone and snapped a picture of him. Then put a label beneath it: Exhibit A: Teacher Within School, Cleaning Sleeping Area in Pajamas. I clicked a button and set my phone on record, holding it up to Mr. S's face.

"Is it true that you rarely leave the school?" I asked, putting on my best detective face. We'd read Sherlock Holmes in English, so this had to be the power of destruction or whatever he calls it.

"What are you doing Puck?" Mr. Shue asked, tilting his head to side, slightly alarmed.

"Just answer the questions, sir. When do you leave school?" I continued, thrusting the phone farther into his face, causing him to take a step back in surprise.

"Puck, why are you here? There's no football practice, and you hate school. You didn't even show up to my class today." He continued, trying to lower the phone.

"I'll ask the questions here, mister. Now, do I have to repeat my inwirey- inliaree- inquiry?" I asked him, lifting up my hand as I struggled to remember the right word to use.

"Well, I have to leave to eat-"

"Do any of those meals include children as one of the courses?" I asked, putting on my bad-ass face.

"Puck, do you have a fever or something?"

I cut him off, asking, "Do you stay in school overnight?' My face was still dead serious when Shuester began to laugh.

"Laughter often covers up insecurity. Does that question make you feel nervous?"

"No."

"Do you plan on leaving your wife for Pillsbury so that you can spend more quality time together?"

"Are you serious Puck? My wife's pregnant! I mean, really-"

I raised my other hand to stop him. "Avoiding the question. One only does that when they have something to hide. You're an honest man, why should you have to lie? That is, unless you don't want to answer that question. Do you live at school?"

I smirked as a stunned look crossed his face. "Wha- Puck, you can't mean that you still believe that silly old tale that you thought up in kindergarten!"

"When someone demeans something, fifty-two percent of the time it's because they're doing it to cover up the truth."

"Where did you get that statistic?"

Knowing fully well I'd made it up on the spot, I merely said, "That's confidential. You'd have to talk to the head of my office."

"Puck, you don't work for anyone. You can't even hold a real job. That's why you clean pools for a living." He replied, looking away.

"Avoiding eye contact and the question. Very interesting." I glanced at my phone. I only had fifteen seconds left to record, so I needed to wrap this up. Fast.

"I'm afraid that's all the time I have now, sir. I'll be keeping my eye on you." I used two fingers to point at my eyes and then at his chest as I switched off the recorder.

"Puck, I'm the adult. I'm supposed to be in charge of you. Where were you during my class anyway? You turned up for the rest of your periods."

I managed to refrain from making any PMS jokes as I could still get a detention and I had to watch my sister tonight. Wednesdays were Mom-goes-hysterical-and-starts-crying-about-our-bad-ass-father-leaving-us-since-he-liked-getting-high nights.

I took another shot of the floor he had mopped and labeled it: Exhibit B; Teacher's sleeping area— must be extremely clean. Dirt makes them burn up and head straight to Hell [where they belong].

"Let's just say I had a date with Rhodes in the locker room." I told Schue with a wink. I liked April. She had the same blonde hair as Quinn, making it so much easier to pretend that they were one and the same.

Noting the chairs piled up on the tables, I took another picture: Exhibit C; Chairs moved away for more sleeping space, as 'teachers' are much larger in their natural form.

"Puck, you do understand that I can't let you leave the school now." Mr. Schue said, stepping towards me. "What you're, erm, doing with April is ille-"

I only caught the first sentence though, since I was already running like Hell out of the school. I didn't want Shuester to hunt me down and eat me for uncovering his secret. Why else would I not be able to leave?

I stopped before the door, glancing behind me. All clear, for now. I looked out the window and saw Kurt sitting on the side of the school, head in his hands. Oh right, he threw up on Ms. Pillsbury today.

"Yo! Hummel!" I shouted as I burst out the door. Seeing him whirl around to face me was kinda funny. He was wearing that crappy designer stuff again. Fairy freak. He's the only one to wear that funky stuff.

"Oh, Puck. Hi. Can you stop shouting? I have the hangover from Hell." He groaned, massaging his forehead. Judging from the damage, it had to be his first one. Hangovers get easier the more you have them. I'd know.

"Alright, what do you want?" He finally sighed, straightening his back. He crossed his arms and started tapping his feet impatiently. "If you're under the impression that I'm walking you home like a five year-old again, you're way off."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure I know how to get you said I'd have to come to terms with the teachers living at school crap, otherwise you'd never tell me how you know where I live. I need to stop checking for you under the bed, like Finn does with Rachel , here's your proof."

I proudly handed him my phone, playing the audio while he flicked through the pictures. It's a bit pitiful how ridiculously happy I was. I'm like Rachel when she gets another solo...I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Once the audio finished, Kurt stared at my phone in shock. "I know, right?" I said, taking the phone from him. But he still didn't move. Itis rather traumatizing to find out that your favorite "teacher" is a monster that eats children.

Then, Kurt's head jerked up and he started glaring at me. First step of something traumatic: denial. That was so what he was going through right now. Well, that's what I thought until he opened his mouth.

"Jews are known for being smart. Glad to see you're breaking the stereotype."

Thanks for the support! Sorry it took me so long to update; I had a bit of trouble with this chapter. I'm so sad Glee ended though… So thanks for reading, and reviews are GREATLY appreciated!

-Rosey