Chapter 14

After she had composed herself as much as she could manage, she disentangled herself from Cutter's embrace and looked up at him; he was soaked through - his blonde hair plastered to his forehead. His eyes stared back at her, full of sadness and pity - pity that was not needed and certainly not wanted; she didn't deserve it. It would be easier if he would have screamed at her. But instead his understanding and patience . . . it was unbearable. She mumbled something about changing her clothes and left him still in the shower. She made her way to the bedroom they had been sharing; her clothes squelching as she went. After rummaging through a wardrobe full of women's clothes (presumably the mother of the baby, but Jenny had lost all dignity at this point, so taking clothes off the dead didn't bother her one bit), she peeled her now see-through and still blood-stained shirt off and pulled a plain black top on, coupled with a pair of jeans that fitted snugly enough. Not wanting to hurry downstairs at the fear of all those accusing eyes (presumably Lester and Becker had been updated now), she perched on the edge of the unmade bed, trying to ignore all the thoughts and images that whirled around her mind.

But it was futile.

As soon as Abby's face popped up in her thoughts, Jenny broke down; burying her face in her hands. She leaned forwards as she sobbed quietly; a terrible clenching feeling taking over her stomach that seemed intent on pulling her to the ground. She sunk to the floor, unable to fight it any longer . . .

Why did she have to die, she thought to herself over and over again. Why couldn't it have been me instead . . .

This was a million times worse than the thought that her family was dead, and for a second, Jenny couldn't fathom why. And then she reasoned that it was because with them, denial had kept her going. At least she had not seen them brought down like she had with Abby; at least she hadn't held them in her arms like Abby - watched the life leave her body whilst she just sat there, powerless to stop it.

At least with her family, it wasn't her fault.

The same couldn't be said for Abby, no matter how Cutter tried to spin it. However, she couldn't forget those words he had said to her after it had happened: 'how could you be so stupid' . . . he blamed her too; he just loved her too much to say it, apart from that slip up in a moment of grief. How on earth could she ever face them downstairs? How could she ever face Conner again? The things he had said to her - although true - were like a knife to the heart. She had no business going down there and trying to be one of the team again; she had lost that right when she had lost Abby.

However, a few minutes later (or it could have been hours; Jenny had lost count), footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. The door opened and Cutter poked his head around. If he was surprised to see her on the floor, he didn't show it. He entered the room fully, and Jenny was vaguely aware that he had also changed his clothes, although where he had gotten them from, she had no idea. He was also holding the baby in his arms, who was clutching onto a handful of his top with her little hand.

"She needs her bottle," Cutter explained softly, approaching her slowly. "I thought you'd like to do it?"

Jenny didn't reply and looked away; the knot of happiness that had flared up at the site of the baby had dissipated as fast as it had come - she didn't want the responsibility of another life on her; she had had that with Abby, and look how that had turned out. However, Cutter didn't seem to take the hint, and placed the baby in her arms with one swift motion.

"Cutter - "

"Just try it," he cut in, handing her a warm bottle. "It might make you feel a bit better."

Jenny looked down at the baby, who was happily staring back at her in anticipation of a feed. Her beautiful blue eyes were wide and bright in recognition. But Jenny didn't want this - all she wanted was to be alone and not have to think about anything. She stood up, balancing the baby with difficulty, and handed her back to Cutter.

"I'm sorry I can't," she gulped, before barging past him and out the door.

She needed to sever the reluctant bond that she had formed with the little girl, because if she was looking after her, the chances were that something would happen to her; and Jenny couldn't handle that responsibility at the moment. She didn't go downstairs, but instead re-entered the bathroom and perched on the side of the bath. She heard Cutter make his way slowly back downstairs, obviously knowing her well enough not to follow.

A while later, the bathroom was beginning to darken, and Jenny was sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the locked door. She was beginning to doze with her head on her door, lack of sleep finally taking hold of her - images of Abby clouding her mind as she drifted in between sleeping and waking.

A loud banging on the door made her jolt violently in shock.

"Jenny, open this door right now, this is ridiculous!" Lester's voice barked.

As the shock dissipated, Jenny scampered up and unbolted the door, opening it reluctantly.

She was greeted with Lester's angry face. Without invitation, he barged past and turned to her.

"So this is your plan, is it?" he asked coldly. "Live out the rest of your days in here?"

"So what if it is?" she answered quietly, unable to look him in the eye.

"Apart from being impractical seeing as there are four other people living in here that might need to use the bathroom facilities at some point," he continued, "we need your input downstairs."

"I'm sure you'll manage," she snapped, crossing her arms and leaning back on the door.

"This isn't you," he barked, making her jump slightly. "This pathetic, weak woman; you're not the person I employed."

Jenny looked up at him in disbelief. What the hell did he expect? That she should just shrug off what's happened and continue like nothings happened? But before she could form a reply, his expression seemed to soften slightly in a very un-Lester way.

"No one blames you," he said quietly.

"Conner does," Jenny pointed out truthfully.

"Conner's grieving," he retorted.

Jenny fought back the selfish urge she had to snap 'so am I!' with great difficulty; instead choosing to remain silent.

"Look," he continued as softly as his condescending tone allowed. "You're doing no one any good up here. This isn't going to bring her back. But Cutter's got an idea of what might."

Jenny's head snapped up at these words, spoken so casually.

"What?" she demanded.

"Well you'll have to come down and see won't you?" he answered cryptically as he walked past her.

After a moments pause, she reluctantly followed, thinking it was better to venture into the lion's den than stay in the safety and be ignorant.

She followed Lester back down into the kitchen and when she entered, three pairs of eyes snapped up at her; two friendly, and one not so friendly. Of course, that was Conner's. He looked up at her with swollen, bloodshot eyes, but when her gaze met his, he averted his eyes as though he was unable to stomach looking at her. Ignoring the uncomfortable knot that was tightening in her stomach, Jenny flopped down in a chair next to Cutter and the baby, waiting for Conner to start again. However, he remained silent; obviously he had been ordered not to have another go, but by the look of him, he had agreed very reluctantly. Without a word, Cutter handed her the baby again, and before she could protest, he began speaking.

"So now that we're all here . . . " he spoke to the room.

The baby snuggled sleepily into Jenny's chest, and in spite of herself, she took that annoyingly cute baby smell that emanated constantly from the little girls hair. She sighed inwardly - apparently it was going to be impossible to distance herself from her.

" . . . I can show you what I've found," Cutter continued, rummaging through a back-pack that Jenny had noticed him stealing from Helen.

Eventually, he pulled out a long, wide silvery device that she had never seen before. It had a screen on it that was blank at the moment, and a red number pad underneath it. The room stared at it, all looking as nonplus as Jenny was.

"What is it?" Becker asked as he leaned against the opposite wall.

"This . . ." Cutter began, sounding excited. " . . . this is what I think Helen uses to open anomalies."

Everyone's eyes widened, and Jenny felt a flurry of hope stir in her.

"And that's how we're going to save Abby?" Conner croaked, his face alert.

"If all goes to plan, it won't be just Abby we're saving," Cutter answered, replacing the device in the bag. "But I need you to do something."

"What? Anything!" Conner said urgently.

"You know that device you were talking about building?"

"The one to seal the anomalies?" Conner asked, looking confused. "Why would we need that?"

"Just trust me, we do . . . can you build it?"

"It might take me a while," Conner answered, scratching his head. "But yeah, I reckon I could . . ."

"Why, what are we going to do?" Jenny demanded, speaking for the first time.

"We are going to go back in time and seal the anomaly before the Predators come through," Cutter replied casually, as though it was the easiest thing in the world to do. "And if we succeed, it'll be like none of this has ever happened."

Everyone exchanged half-confused, half-excited looks.

Conner constantly had himself locked in the downstairs front room with all the equipment and parts he had pilfered from the destroyed ARC, feverishly trying to put together a device that would close the anomalies. Jenny didn't disturb him, even though she had so many things to say to him that burned inside her. She had a feeling that anything she said would not be well received at the moment. Becker spent all his time making sure everyone was quiet, and searching every nook and cranny of the house for a weak point of entry that either a Predator or Helen could use. Lester mostly milled around the kitchen, his brow furrowed as he was absorbed in deep thought. Cutter was constantly fiddling with the device that would apparently gain them entry into the past; he never flicked the switch however, and when Jenny asked him why, he replied that he didn't want to draw unwanted attention to them. He didn't mention her name, but Jenny guessed he meant Helen. She privately agreed; it was highly likely that Helen had an anomaly detector with her, and if they suddenly opened one in the house, they would make themselves a sitting target.

Jenny, despite her previous thoughts on the matter, spent all of her time taking care of the baby. She was so surprised how many things came naturally to her; she had never wanted to be a mother, or had never liked associating with kids in general, but now it seemed different. Perhaps it was just because of the situation they were in.

One day, Jenny was changing the baby's nappy in her room for the umpteenth time. Just before she did the baby-grow back up, she blew a raspberry on her stomach, causing the little girl to chuckle, her face lighting up wonderfully.

"Seems like you're over you're baby eversion," Cutter said in an amused voice.

Jenny looked around to see him smiling as he entered, taking a seat on the bed next to them.

"Not quiet," Jenny replied, rather untruthfully. "They're still more trouble than there worth."

"The best things always are," he said wisely.

Jenny sighed before replying.

"Don't get me wrong, I've completely shocked myself. I have no idea where this has all come from."

"Well you're a woman of a certain age . . . you're biological clock must be ticking by now," Cutter replied, his eyes twinkling.

"Oy!" Jenny scoffed, hitting him with a pillow. "Less of the 'woman of a certain age' thing. I'm only young, I'll have you know."

"So you do want kids than?" Cutter probed.

Jenny paused. She wasn't a fool as to why he was asking, but she was unsure of whether she could give him the answer he was hoping for.

"I want this one," she answered eventually, busying herself with snapping the buttons of the baby-grow back into place.

She could sense Cutter hesitating beside her.

"You can't have this one Jenny; if we go back and change everything she'll be back with her parents . . . were she belongs," Cutter said gently as though he was talking to a frail mental patient.

"I know that," Jenny answered impatiently. "It's just that," she looked up at him, "From the moment I held her . . . that was it; she had me . . ."

"It'll be the same with our child as well," Cutter said, before blushing slightly and clearing his throat. "Well when I say 'our's', I don't mean our's, I just meant . . . well we don't have to have any kids . . . I know it's too soon to be thinking about things like that . . . and I'm not saying that if you want them that you have to have them with me . . . I was just saying . . ."

"Nick it's alright," she interrupted, taking pity on his rambling. "I know what you meant."

Later on in bed, Jenny rolled over to face away from Cutter. The baby was fast asleep, snoozing in her Moses basket; they never did sort that cot out for her . . . she felt Cutter graze her hip as he put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug.

"Do you think this will work?" Jenny whispered to him.

He didn't ask what she was talking about - it was obvious, as it was the main thing on all their minds.

"I hope so," he whispered back, kissing her shoulder.

It wasn't the most comforting answer, but Jenny supposed it was as honest an answer as he could give her. She shut her eyes and sighed inwardly as she allowed herself to enjoy his touch.

"Kids wouldn't be so bad," she stated with a smile, picking up on their earlier conversation; out-of-the-blue for even herself.

She felt his arm around her stiffen slightly at her words, before he chuckled slightly and tightened his grip, squeezing her in obvious joy. It was a small gesture to offer him, but the thought of what life possibly awaited them if they could manage to pull this plan off seemed to cheer him slightly.

Sorry about the fluff, but what's a Nick and Jenny story with out a li'l bit of romance!

This will be my last update for a while as exams are on top of me. A little tip - never do a science degree!

Just to point out, I do separate the switches between scenes with stars but they seem to disappear when I upload the file :S sorry about that, I hope it all still makes sense (I've tried to sort it out in this chapter)!

Anyway, enough rambling, hope you're all not too bored with the read - it will come to an end eventually I promise.

Nikki x