WARNING: contains homosexual love and sex scenes!
"...because I'm scared of being alone...and losing control..."
Some time had passed, leaving Ichigo and Kaien in entirely new situation. High School. New environment, new possibilities, new 'crushes'. That time the biggest event was a new Kaien's girlfriend, Miyako, the most popular and most beautiful girl (as it was believed) in Karakura High. That was something new for Ichigo, but he adapted it pretty well as Miyako was not only beautiful but also intelligent and had a really pleasant personality. It seemed that nothing besides that fact had changed, maybe Kaien was seeing the orange head not so often, but after all he had lots of time for his best friend. Ichigo was happy that the sea-eyed boy was satisfied with having a girlfriend, though the feeling of not being the only important sometimes came back. And so did the memory of having crush for Kaien. But he had to refuse that thought, what mattered now was his current 'target' of his attraction, a tattooed, long haired redhead, named Abarai Renji. Ichigo wasn't sure why he had fallen for that 'idiot' (as Kaien was calling the redhead), but there was something that just forced on him that kind of feeling. To his pleasant surprise, Renji seemed also to be interested in the orange head. Finally, Abarai invited Ichigo to school's rooftop. Whole confession part was kind of... awkward, as for almost 15 minutes Renji wasn't able to tell anything, only to move his mouth silently and blush furiously. But, gladly, he was able to choke out some words. "I... wan...t...go...out?" It didn't sound intelligently, but Ichigo accepted. Their new commitment was ended with quite passionate kiss and furious Ichigo, after he had fought off Renji's attempt to have sex with him on the roof. They went downstairs to join others. Ichigo wanted to explain everything slowly, but there was no need to say anything, when in front of everybody the redhead moved his lips to the orange boy's and kissed deeply. Of course, no one had guts to interrupt Abarai in suffocating Ichigo. No one, but...
"WHAT THE HELL!!??" It was Kaien, who dared to say a word, making Renji scowl in annoyance. Ichigo, trying to catch his breath, took a glance at everyone. All his friends were stunned and had eyes bigger. And blushed. Kaien was the reddest. "Uh... Ichigo, what the hell?" His aquamarine eyes were more confused than angry, but he couldn't find better words to... ask. The orange released himself from his new-boyfriend's tight embrace and was about to reply, when Renji growled.
"Why are you so confused about, Shiba? A pretty-face like you shouldn't be so surprised or embarrassed by that." And so he glomped Ichigo from behind. Instead of being redder, Kaien was gradually paling as the realization came down on him. Ichigo sighed in annoyance, not liking the way Renji was treating his friend, but he also couldn't do anything with it. Kaien and the redhead were on really bad terms. Every their attempt to have a normal conversation ended with quarrel and he was the one to calm both boys (by calming he meant punching hardly both hot-heads and sulking for the rest of the day). And now he was between hell and high water. Literally... "If you still don't get it then let me explain this to you. Ichigo is now mine, comprende?"
"Shit, Renji, get off me!" Ichigo was running out of patience and was wriggling, demanding for freedom. Kaien was still speechless, he was as pale as snow and his eyes were flashing with hate towards Renji. Why was he so angry anyway?
"But Ichi, you said you like it when I'm touching you~!" The redhead made puppy-look and tightened his tug.
"Cut it off! I've never said such a crap!" Ichigo shouted even louder. He was angry and worried. "I said, for God's sake, if you don't stop it now, I will kick you so hard that- H-HEY! Kaien!" And so, suddenly, the aquamarine eyed boy turned around and moved really fast. He was almost running. It wasn't right. The feeling he had just a while ago wasn't right.
He wasn't supposed to feel so jealous!
Hadn't Ichigo said to him earlier that he had a crush on Abarai? Back then he also didn't feel good by that.
'Have you ever been attracted by me?' Why the heck he asked such a thing!?
"Kaien-san?" The boy didn't even notice he passed someone by, who appeared to be his girlfriend. "Kaien-san? Are you ok? You seem to be troubled." Kaien slapped himself mentally and smiled apologetically at Miyako. "Kaien-san..."
"Oh, Miyako, how many times I told you not to put that stupid '-san' thing in my name?" Actually he wasn't in the mood to speak to his girlfriend. In fact, he had never shown his 'evil' side of himself to her and he promised to never let that happen. "Nothing happened; I'm just a little bit tired." Miyako eyed him suspiciously, no doubt he was lying. But it couldn't be helped. However she tried to make her boyfriend speak, he would never tell her. Anyway, she had gotten used to it. "I guess we should go, next class is starting." Kaien smiled cheerfully and took her hand. She nodded and followed him, still thinking about his mood change.
Yes, that didn't seem to be right. Months passed and all Karakura High students were about to finish their first term. Summer vacation was near, so everyone was making plans for free time. Through those months of intensive studying Ichigo had noticed something different. Every time Kaien wanted to talk to him, Renji was interrupting and vice versa. And so, Ichigo couldn't have any normal conversation with his best friend. It was sad, but his redheaded boyfriend occupied his time in school as well as outside the school and he felt quite bad. It totally wasn't what he wanted.
The first day of holidays. The sun was shining brightly and whole town had something that made people live more energetically. Ichigo was sitting on a grass hill and looking at the river, thinking about life and death, everything and nothing. It was quite a peaceful place, where he was staying, and he was completely alone. What did he want to do during the summer?
"Ichigo?" The orange head responded to familiar voice and turned his head to the black haired boy with blue-green orbs, which were flashing with a surprise. The other was carrying bags with groceries and was on the top of the hill, looking down at Ichigo. "Wow, never thought of meeting you here. Losing yourself in thoughts, huh?" Kaien grinned and was rewarded with a small smile, which on Ichigo's face was really rare.
"Kind of. Want to join in?" To Ichigo's disappointment Kaien's face fell and he shook his head.
"No matter how I'd love to I have to go home and prepare dinner for Ganjyu and Kuukaku. Mom and dad went to Tokyo for some conference and those two brats are not supposed to be anywhere around the kitchen." Pointing at groceries, he laughed honestly and sighed with small sadness. Ichigo also sighed, but he didn't want to give up that easily. He really needed to talk to his friend.
"Then, want me to go with you?" Kaien was again surprised and he thought about the offer. A broad smile turned up on his face and Ichigo was sure about coming along. It was so strange that he actually missed the moments spent only with his annoying, unstable-emotionally friend and now, when they were walking near the shore and talking about what they had missed during those unfortunate months of distance between them, he realized even more that talking to Kaien was one of the most enjoyable things. They were walking and talking, and talking, and...
"CRAP! WE MISSED MY HOUSE!" Kaien had got so into his conversation with Ichigo that in no time both of them landed in some unknown district, far away from Shiba's home. "Why the heck didn't you tell me we're in the middle of nowhere!?"
"What!? Is it me, who is supposed to look for your house!? I don't remember being obligated to do it!" Again, their silly quarrel started.
"And how the hell am I supposed to make dinner, when I'm about kilometers away from my home!?" Kaien shouted, but then he calmed down and grabbed his head in hopelessness. "Shit, I'm going to be late and Kuukaku will probably complain like hell, and Ganjyu will complain even more... We need to come back, right now." Ichigo shrugged and both boys turned to the opposite direction, having more than 20 minutes to reach their destination. Kaien seemed to cool down a little more, because he started a new conversation. "Do you have any plans for this summer?"
"Eh, dunno... Probably Renji and I will go to the beach." The orange replied.
"Beach? I thought you hated all stuff connected with the sea and the beach."
"Yeah, but Renji insisted on going there."
"Then why won't you go to the mountains?"
"Renji dislikes them."
"Uh-huh..." This conversation wasn't going well, that's at least what Ichigo thought. He needed to change the subject.
"And what about you and Miyako-chan?" Kaien's expression was unexpectedly down and Ichigo couldn't help but worry.
"Her parents are sending her to something like a science camp and she won't be in Karakura for almost whole summer." He sighed. "Actually, my dad also wanted to send me somewhere far away, but I'm still not sure if it's a good idea." He connected his eyes with ocher orbs of his friend and smiled reassuringly. "Ya know, I'd prefer sitting on the grass and watching clouds, so waking up at any time I want to being bossed around and waking up at unbelievable early hours. So I might just decide to stay in Karakura." Ichigo agreed that his friend's summer might really suck and he couldn't help, but feel an obligation to do something with it. "Well, at least you're going to have some fun."
"Don't say it that way!" The orange felt quite guilty and quite unsure about the use of 'having fun' for his person. And situation.
"You mean you don't intend to have a nice time with Abarai?" Kaien quirked a brow in a questioning gesture. Kaien's stupid sixth sense, Ichigo thought.
"It's not like that! I mean..." He was just about to say some embarrassing things; the black haired could guess it by looking at the bright red face of his friend. It somehow made him chuckle a little, but also got him worried. "I-I mean... Renji somehow became really... demanding."
"And those acts of his demand is shown in the way you painfully walk in school, I suppose?"
"WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! How the-!? When did you-!!?? What do you think-!!!"
"You know, it's kind of noticeable when you walk with your legs spread a little, and with that pained look on your face with every step you take." Kaien smirked, but as well is eyes showed a pure concern. "Either both of you are horrible perverts or Abarai is extremely horny and you're extremely passive." Ichigo sighed, not being sure if Kaien was just making fun of him or was he serious. He just knew that anger was building up within him. "Ichigo... You don't-"
"WHAT DO I FUCKING 'DON'T'!!??" Kaien backed off a little, not predicting such an outburst. He wasn't sure if anything he was about to say was going to be useful. But he really needed to ask this.
"You're not having sex with Abarai only to keep him with you, right?" That was probably the trigger to a silent fury. How could Kaien think of something like that? Ichigo wasn't some sort of slut. The orange head got even redder; he clenched his fists tightly as well as his teeth.
"Who the hell do you think I am..." It was said more as a statement than a question. He wasn't thinking logically and he wasn't taking the question of his friend as a sign of friendly concern. It was an attack. "Do I look like a whore to you?" Kaien was dumbfounded, he had never seen Ichigo so angry before. And neither he though this conversation would turn that way.
"W-What!? No, of course not, I-"
"Then why the hell do you care about my personal life so much!?" Ichigo stopped their tracks and shouted at his friend.
"It's not like that! I'm just concerned!" Defense was the only thing Kaien could do at the moment.
"About what!? That I'm probably not capable of handling my life properly!?"
"No! That maybe you have a problem and you're not able to handle THAT!"
"I don't have any fucked up problems!"
"You do!"
"Fuck no!"
"Then what the fuck makes you act like this!?"
"YOU are the fucking CAUSE!" This answer made Kaien totally speechless. His eyes grew wide and he held his breath for a moment, before Ichigo carried on saying other hurting words toward him. "You, you and YOU! You always need to know everything what I'm doing, with who I'm talking or meeting! It's you, who don't give me any piece of mind and irritates me the most! You think you know everything about me, but this is just bullshit! Fuck, I still can't believe how I could put up with your fucking-annoying being for so many years! I must be a fucking saint or something!" With the final sentence Ichigo panted from fury and tried to inhale fully, not paying attention to his companion, who was just standing stiffly, not daring to make any movement with his body or face. The tanned boy was cooling down rapidly, overwhelming anger backing off quickly. Everything hit his head. The very last minute of his anger flashed before his mind's eyes. It was wrong, that wasn't supposed to be like this. The anger he felt, it wasn't supposed to be given to him. It wasn't for Kaien… He looked up slowly, only to meet his friend's face as stiff as before. He wasn't moving at all. Only small teardrops could be found under the sea gaze. One after another, they were falling down creamy cheeks. Monotonously. Such a face had he ever seen. For the first time Ichigo felt truly like the biggest son of a bitch in the world. And just when he was supposed to break this painful silence, the black haired rubbed his eyes, tightened his grip on the bag of groceries and, not looking at chocolate eyes, he passed Ichigo by slowly.
"I have to go. Family is waiting." The voice was strange. It didn't belong to Kaien, Ichigo thought. Yet, this sound came exactly from his throat. The orange head neither had courage to go after the friend nor to call after him. The frame of Kaien was distancing itself further and further, and he was only watching.
And so, he was standing alone.
Renji called him later, wanting to explain some details connected with his and Ichigo's trip to the sea. It was a pure surprise that both boys were supposed to set off the other day. The day after something broke in him. Ichigo had to do something or else he would get crazy. He packed up his luggage, lay on his bed and fell asleep.
With a blink of an eye the first week of Renji's and Ichigo's trip passed by. The weather was brilliant for sunbathing and swimming, so all tourists were taking advantage of it. There was a joyful atmosphere around the place, it was living cheerfully. People were organizing their time in different ways. Some of them had really odd ways. Not so far away from the public beach, near the sea and behind the rock, two males were laying one on the top of another, half naked and making out. The topping redhead was kissing passionately and moving from his lover's pink lips to tanned, well-muscled chest, leaving some red marks and gaining pleasant moans. The orange headed, who was on the bottom, tried his best not to be too loud and was biting his bottom lip painfully. It was hard for him to enjoy things, as Renji was really rough on him and he was still suffering from last night 'activities' with his lover. Also something else was bothering his mind. Since that day Ichigo had been quite lifeless and had been losing himself in thought more often. The only thing, what came to his mind, was the blank face of his friend and his sea eyes, which shown a torn soul inside. If he could just shut up, if he could honestly say about his problems, probably there wouldn't be any problems at this moment. Now there was no choice left, but to bottle in his true feelings.
"Ichigo!" A big palm grabbed his chin and forced his head to face his annoyed lover. He sighed in annoyance, trying not to show his musing pose to Renji. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're completely out of it." He knew it, so he shrugged. There was no concern in Renji's sharp look, only anger and a great desperation for sex. This look disgusted him. Is it even possible for lustful eyes to make him feel like being raped? Because he felt like that quite frequently then. Ichigo tried to get Renji off him and sit up, but suddenly his lover held him tighter and pinned him to the sand. "And where the hell are you going?"
"Get off, Renji. I'm really not in the mood." That was true. He was angry at himself. And he really needed to be alone. Abarai was putting bigger resistance. "Renji…"
"Why can't you just enjoy it?" The redhead growled, while grabbing the other boy's crotch hardly, making him yelp. He massaged the place furiously, feeling Ichigo's responding at the intimate touch and making him moan loudly. "Stop thinking and relax. It'll make things much easier to me. And to you." And so he connected his lips with Ichigo's, tongue almost devastating the flawless mouth. This shut the panting boy successfully, leaving him in blissful sensations coming from Renji's really experienced hands. He was even more angry at the whole situation. Here he was, lying and panting like an animal, crying at the pounding pleasure from between his legs and repeating his lover's name like a mantra. But in front of his face was someone else, looking at him expressionless. He tried to get rid of this face, but, both with closed and opened eyes, it was still staring.
And so, almost every day of their being at the sea, was spent like that. Wake up, morning sex in their bed, breakfast (molesting near the kitchen table), go to the beach, have some sunbath, have sex on the beach (and it wasn't the name of a drink), eat dinner, go to bed and… well, ending is quite predictable. This routine was making Ichigo feel worn out and completely good-for-nothing-but-for-sex. It was another night. For the first time, since their arrival, Renji went to sleep right after eating dinner and going to bed. It was like a blessing for Ichigo's hurting muscles. He really wanted to rest. Both males were lying on their king-sized bed, the redhead holding possessively his lover from behind and sleeping like a rock. Ichigo wasn't able to sleep, the pain wasn't letting him to do it. He could only look at the sunny-colored wall and think. He was thinking about two things. The most important: Kaien. Never had he ever wished to talk to the unstable friend like now, but it was impossible. After what he had done, it was impossible. The second thing: what is still connecting him with Renji? When was the last time the redhead had done something else to him than screwing him up? Does Renji really care about him, not only about his body? Is he really just meant for sex? Ichigo was able to answer all questions, but it made him frustrated at the same time. Right now Renji was the only one, who had 'seemingly' a deeper relationship with him (though doubts were floating in his mind). The last time Renji was quite affectionate was the day before having sex with him for the first time (after the day Renji changed from sweet to horny). He wasn't sure if his lover would do something else for him. And he really felt like a slut. He felt the way Kaien was worried about. His friend was right, totally right…
The night hadn't ended. It was somewhere around 3 a.m. Ichigo was sitting in the kitchen, right in front of the telephone, holding the receiver and lying fingers on cipher buttons. The frequent BEEP sound could only be heard. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to run away from his lover, catch the fastest bus and come back to Karakura. He would lock himself in his room and wait, till all images from his head would be gone. He looked at the telephone's screen. The right number was dialed, but he hadn't pressed the button 'CALL'. Again, he felt awful. Not only he would wake Kaien up at such an hour, but also he would beg for help as if nothing had happened. Consequences of losing his temper. He looked back at the room, where his lover was still sleeping deeply and gulped thickly. He pressed the green button 'CALL' and the 'BEEP' sound changed, waiting for any reply. Ichigo could feel his insides tightening from nervousness. What would he do if he'd hear…
"Uh…mphm …'Ell…Hello?" He had no time to think, there was an answer in his receiver. His blood ran from his face, leaving him white and scared of saying anything. His breathing was shallow and he was covered in cold sweat. "Hello?" The second time. He had to do something or else he might not have another chance. His breathing became louder and small sobbing started to form in his throat. He was enough audible for the boy from the other side of phone. "Hello?" The third time, this time the voice was no longer sleepy and worry could be heard. Ichigo cried louder (not loud enough to wake up Renji), he really wanted to hear that voice.
"H-Help m-me…" He choked out, not understanding why he said such words in such a dramatic way. He sounded pathetically. The need to see his face, the need to hear his voice, he needed them now.
"I-Ichigo?" Kaien would recognize this voice everywhere, no matter how deformed would it be. Hearing his friend sobbing through the phone alarmed him instantly. What was going on with the orange head? "Ichigo? What's happening? Where are you?" Holding the receiver tightly, he stood from his bed and moved to his wardrobe. "Ichigo, answer me." He quickly dressed up, listening to crying friend. Ichigo, through his sobs, gave his current location, but it was all he could do. Kaien wrote the address down on a little piece of paper and rushed from his home. It was really dark (well, middle of the night), but he was glad, that the buses were riding even at night. He waited 10 minutes and took the right bus. He was deadly worried. Since their big argument Ichigo hadn't even said a word to him and now he seemed to be in trouble. Kaien really wanted to talk to his friend, he really wanted to apologize for his behavior towards him and wanted to forget about what Ichigo had said to him earlier. If only forget, he also wanted to apologize for all those things that made Ichigo so angry at him. But he never had courage… After 6 bus stops, Kaien went out of the bus and ran as fast as he could to the place where the orange was. It was hard for him to see everything in darkness, but he managed to find the right hotel. He passed by the receptionist, ran up the stairs and searched for the right door.
Suddenly someone knocked on the door. Ichigo wiped off all tears left. He had been waiting in silence for about an hour and here, someone was knocking. He looked at his lover's room, scared of awakening of the other, but nothing happened. Another knocking, this time more forceful. Ichigo ran to the door and opened them in a second. His heart tightened when he saw his black haired friend with the aquamarine eyes, all worried and scared. It was Kaien, all panting from physical effort. Ichigo could feel another series of tears gathering in his eyes, when, unexpectedly, Kaien hugged him tightly, still trying to catch his breath. That was really unbelievable, but he couldn't feel much happier than before. He forced himself not to burst into tears and hugged back gently. Kaien seemed to remember how to breath peacefully and he took a glance of his friend. "Where's Abarai?" His voice was cold and threatening, but the orange expected it. He pointed at the bedroom door, still not sure if to say something or not. Kaien scowled deeply. "Ichigo, you have to listen to me without any complaints, do you understand?" The boy nodded. "Are you packed?" Another nod (Ichigo wasn't used to unpack his luggage on any trips). "Alright, take it right now and we're leaving immediately." So he did what was told. He gathered everything and was about to finally leave his apartment, when Kaien thew him a piece of paper and a pen. "You're breaking up with him, right now." Ichigo's eyes widened in shock.
"What? But-"
"I think I said clearly 'no complaints'?" The tone of the question made Ichigo sent shivers of fear. No doubt Kaien was really angry with the whole situation. Ichigo nodded and looked at the paper, not knowing what to write. The black haired wanted to leave before hi friend's lover woke up, but seeing Ichigo confused about whole situation he sighed. "Write him: I'm fucking leaving you, you sickening pervert." Ichigo's eyes widened again, but did it, nevertheless. In fact, those words sounded just like him and he really wanted to say the exact thing to Renji a long time ago. He left the note on the kitchen table and both friends rushed out of the hotel, trying to catch the bus. When they were finally on aboard, Ichigo carefully sat down, feeling the big pressure gone completely, it was a relief.
But not a full relief. Both boys weren't talking to each other whole ride to their homes.
And later they even didn't dare to mention anything about the event.
Besides that, everything seemed to come back to normal. The week after the incident, both boys decided to spend whole day on real, honest talk. Ichigo came in the morning and Kaien locked them both inside his room. But before he did that...
"Kaien, what the heck have you brought?" What he saw really shocked him.
"What? Oh, you mean this?" He lifted a quite big bottle of sake and put it down on the floor. "Well, how do I call it?... Courage helper?" The black haired grinned and searched for some cup-like things to pour the alcohol.
"COURAGE HELPER!? We're underage!"
"Nah, we're in my house, so nothing bad will happen." His voice was careless, as if he wasn't intending to talk about all painful stuff that happened last time. "Sorry, but I don't have any appropriate sake cups at the moment." He handed Ichigo a small flower-designed mug and poured the alcohol. Ichigo made a sour face, still doubting if drinking sake was a good idea. "Oh, come on, don't make a face like that! You owe me this one, after all." It was in some way true, so he sighed and poured whole liquid down hi throat in one sip. Kaien smirked and did the same. It was quite a long day, there were too many things to describe thoroughly. Every stated issue was firstly discussed, then there was a moment of quarrel, then some crying and apologizing. And another sip of sake. And another. And so the afternoon passed quickly, both boys were lying on the floor, babbling not so understandable words and whining a lot. Ichigo was dizzy, Kaien was totally drunk. "Khe...Eh..Blargh...thisssuckssssake's gone..." His pale skin on his cheeks was now changed to bright red, showing how the black haired had gotten affected by the alcohol.
"Jesus Christ... I swear I'm gonna... not gonna... now, well... never fucking mind..." Ichigo's mumble was also illogical, but he wasn't as drunk as his friend. "This whole... Kaien... fucked up..." He meant, that the idea of drinking sake wasn't a wise one. The orange tried to stand up, but before he could think of any stable position, he fell down in a way that he was facing Kaien directly, their heads only centimeters away. Through his mind haze he saw small drops coming out from watery eyes of his friend. "What the... heck?"
"I dunno... Fucking dunno..." Kaien sobbed quietly. "Everything's fucked, I don't feel happy at all..." The words coming from the black haired boy's mouth made Ichigo more aware of what situation he was in. "I'm a fucking loser. Annoying loser. I've never had any chance to say anything without thinking, I'm hiding myself, my insides are suffocating, FUCK!"
"You're not a loser." Ichigo felt quite bad. It was actually his first time seeing his friend in such a state of... depression.
"I am. I'm not strong enough against myself. I'm too weak to fight."
"You don't have to fight this alone." He put his hand gently on Kaien's cheek to wipe off salty tears. "There are plenty of people."
"Che, yeah, freaking mountains." The drunk said sarcastically. "Mom and dad are almost never here, always going from Tokyo to Tokyo; Ganjyu and Kuukaku have their own lives and problems, so it's a bother to bear with their unstable big brother; Miyako is really sweet, but sooner or later she'll see the true me and leave me, or she'll get bored with my shown-me and leave me, anyway... I don't even know if I'd be so miserable, if she left me..." He shrugged. Ichigo scowled softly, realizing something. Right now, in front of him, was lying the true Kaien, not the annoying-silly-grinning madman, not unpredictably-furious madman, but he himself. The real him, lonely, saddened and in need of immediate comfort.
"What about me then?" Ichigo moved his face to Kaien's so close, that their noses were touching. Kaien opened his eyes at the sudden closeness. "Am I not good enough to help you?" Kaien was lying still, feeling quite insecure of Ichigo's intentions. His breathing hitched, when Ichigo moved even closer, lips brushing his own. "I want to make you feel good." And so the orange head placed a gentle kiss, making his friend freeze in shock. "I want you to feel better." Another kiss, but this time he slightly got up and moved his upper body on the slim figure of Kaien. "Let me comfort you." Another kiss, but this one was more tender, changing to passionate. Kaien's mind couldn't process any events going at the moment. The shock, confusion and sake blocked his logical way of thinking. He didn't react at the first kiss, nor at the second. He couldn't move his body when Ichigo's tongue was exploring his mouth, hungry for more contact and taste. But one blink of consciousness sparkled in his mind and he was fully aware of the situation. He, lying on the bottom, was being kissed hungrily by his best friend, who was on the top of him. However he tried to force his body to push the orange head away, there was no response from his brain.
"I-Ichigo, s-stop..." Kaien begged silently, right after Ichigo's mouth landed from his lips to his neck, placing rough kisses and making down his throat. "N-No, sto-Ahhh..." Suddenly he felt a wave of pleasure, coming from his intimate areas and reacting at the touch of tanned hand. In one second Kaien was completely sober. And terrified. "No, Ichigo!" He gained some control over his body, but he wasn't strong enough to push the orange away. The other seemed to be deaf, because he started to undress the black haired from his shirt and slipped his other hand under trousers to touch the sensitive skin. Another, louder moan escaped from Kaien's lips at the sensation. In a matter of second the molested was lying on the floor, completely naked and Ichigo was looking from above, only shirtless. He moved his tanned hand down Kaien's body, making the other whimper and shiver. The hand was getting lower and lower, causing a stronger wave of shaking. "Ichigo... Please..." He was no longer sure, whether Kaien was begging to stop what he was doing or begging to stop the tease. It didn't matter to him right now.
"Relax. And let me make you feel good." That was the last thing Ichigo said before going all the way. He was pretending he didn't hear desperate pleadings and he let himself get more turned on after every moan he received from Kaien. But, also he was worried. He knew that what he was about to do would be very painful for his panting friend, so he tried to be as gentle as possible, also not letting the other break free from his embrace. Few moments had passed before he decided to go into his friend and connect deeply. Scream was heard in his ears, painful tears were escaping from half-opened sea gaze. Ichigo kissed the other apologetically and waited for a moment, before moving inside Kaien. The black haired felt strange with his friend moving inside of him. It was freaking painful, but not as painful as he expected. Well, by expected he meant he was wondering how sex with another man felt, especially from the position of the receiver. Now it was him, who was getting fucked and not by any other weird, disgusting or perverted man, but by his best friend. Luck in seemingly unfortunate situation, but he never thought of experiencing it. It was useless to fight back, Ichigo was much way too stronger than him, so he at least wanted to go through it as fast as possible. Kaien wrapped his hands around Ichigo's neck and panted hardly, moaning softly. It seemed his action made the orange head worked up, because the pace was quickened. The level of pain also rose, but something else showed up.
"Ahh! Haa... haa..." It was a shameless pleasure, which started to take over. Ichigo was doing something strange that made him feel like this. "Ah! Ah! Ah!" Now the sensation was more frequent. He completely lost control over his mind and body. He wasn't even aware, that his moans became louder and he even started to move along with thrusting. "Haaa...Ahh, f-faster, f-fast-AAH!" Ichigo complied with his friend's command, quite surprised that Kaien stopped resisting and was moving along. The flushed face of black haired boy was so beautiful for him, it made him want to see that face more often. "AH, Ichigo... Ichi...Ngh! Ichi-ahh...." The other started repeating his name in ecstasy. "Ichigo... faster... deeper...Ahh!" All his dreams, containing making love to Kaien, weren't even a bit great as what Ichigo was experiencing in reality. If was so soft and hot, he was able to taste that delicious creamy skin, his ear were fed with sweet sound of pleasure and the aquamarine gaze was lost in strong sensations and lust. Everything was so real. "Ichigo... I aaah c-can't Ahhh! I-AH! AAAHHH!!!" The second scream of the evening, this time full of overwhelming heat. Kaien couldn't see anything, though his eyes were opened widely. Everything was bright and his body was melting, freezing, crushing, no word could describe what was he feeling. It was like an explosion. Well, this word would fit the best: his body was exploding. Ichigo also reached his limit and groaned loudly, his thrusting no longer frequent, but impulsive. It felt so great, feeling Kaien all over him was the best thing he could ever feel. But, as always, all good things come to an end, and their euphoria had to stop as well. Ichigo stopped, exhausted as well as his partner. He shook a little before completely withdrawing and falling beside Kaien on the floor. The heat was cooling down and breathings slowly normed. They came to an end. None of them was drunk anymore, their minds were perfectly clear and they were fully aware of what had been done. The most worried was Ichigo. Lust was too much for him to handle and he simply lost control. He ignored Kaien's begging, he did everything against his will. Actually, to start with, Kaien WASN'T gay.
"K-Kaien... are you...?" It was so embarrassing and he was truly ashamed. The other had closed eyes and was inhaling slowly, as if he ignored the question. Well, that was really understandable for the orange. Right now Kaien had every right to hate him, to beat the crap out of him or to sent him flying from his house. Not only he was forced to have sex, he got hurt, but also something else. Miyako. Kaien was still in relationship with the girl and, simply, what he had just done was a simple act of infidelity. Anyway, how he was going to explain his girlfriend that he had sex with a guy?! Not a plain guy, but with Ichigo!? Million thought ran through his orange head. He yelped, when Kaien's hand landed on his shoulder.
"H-Help me get up. It's cold and uncomfortable on the floor." Kaien complained, though his eyes didn't dare to look at his friend. The pale face was blushing. Ichigo blinked in confusion, what did Kaien mean? A small vein popped on black haired boy's forehead. "Hey, did you hear me!?" He grabbed handful of orange locks and shook Ichigo painfully. The other's confusion grew bigger. "You almost butt-raped me and now you're staring at me like a complete idiot! I'm in a great pain, so be nice and carry me to the damn bed!" Ichigo's brain died...
"...raped?" Ichigo blinked many times at the word used by Kaien. The other huffed and faced him, still blushing.
"I said 'almost'. I WANT TO GO TO BED!" Ichigo shook his head to gather some of his mind left and stood up. He looked down and was about to offer his hand to his friend, when he realized another thing: Kaien was still naked. The sight made him blush deeply. "HEY! Stop freaking staring at me!" he nodded and gave his hand. Kaien winced, but also stood up. Both of them made few steps and the black haired landed on his bed, instantly covering his naked body under the bed sheets. Ichigo was staring at his friend, who turned his back on him and curled in his bed like a ball.
"Why did you mean by 'almost' raped?" He knew that Kaien was feeling raped, because, after all, Ichigo DID it against his will. Kaien tensed and bit his bottom lip, not sure how to answer the question.
"B-Because I..." He mumbled, making Ichigo not understand and come closer to bed. "I... don't consider... THAT as a rape..." Kaien hid his head in pillow. Ichigo titled his head, slowly understanding, but not completely.
"Then, what was it?" He needed to hear it.
"You... didn't you say you were c-comforting me?" That was true, Ichigo thought. "And..." That was odd, he thought again. "I-t's not like... I didn't... l-lik...ARGH, don't make me say something like that!!"
"I'm not doing anything!" Ichigo scowled, but his anger faded out as fast. "You liked it?" He moved closer to his friend and sat on the corner of Kaien's bed. "Kaien, you..."
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I DID, I LIKED IT! HAPPY!?" He shouted and again curled in his bed. This behavior was really strange to Ichigo, suddenly Kaien was easily irritated and shouted a lot. It was as if he was seeing himself. A small smile formed in his lips at the thought.
"Well... I think I'll be going." Ichigo wanted to get up, but a hand grabbed his wrist and he looked at his friend, noticing a dark aura... What the hell!?
"And where the hell do you think you're going...? Firstly you're getting drunk, then screwing with me, then screwing ME and now you're gonna leave as if nothing has happened?" Yes, Kaien definitely changed. And Ichigo was the most possible cause. But then, something was weird.
"I..." Ichigo felt uneasy. "I though you wouldn't want to see my face..." After all, Kaien was acting as if he really didn't want to. Kaien glared for a moment but his gaze softened afterwards, hearing those words full of shame.
"Idiot, you're thinking way too much..." Ichigo looked up and noticed that on other boy's face a small smile appeared. "This bed is big enough for you to fit, so hop in. AND DON'T HAVE ANY IDEAS, I'M COMFORTED ENOUGH..." Ichigo nodded in fear and placed himself comfortably. Kaien turned off the light. "Goodnight." Ichigo also nodded, but still he didn't feel right. Happiness washed over him, when Kaien admitted (not directly) that he was comforted. It was uncomfortable for him to sleep plainly, so he embraced Kaien's waist and brought the other closer, so it was possible to cuddle. In shock, Kaien yelped at Ichigo's action, but he lay still. He orange placed his chin on a pale neck and inhaled deeply before responding.
"Goodnight, Kaien." The way it was spoken was really affectionate. Plus, Kaien couldn't complain that he was uncomfortable (rather the other way round). He sighed and drifted slowly to his sleep. But one question rang.
Are they still friends or not? If not, then what were they?
- - -
Ag-ro-tag's note
...egh... I really suck at English...
And it was like... my first erotic scene ever written. Kaien got ALMOST butt-raped xD
Plus Renji became the bad one? Well, he was just horny, it's not like he was a rapist and telling Ichigo 'TAKE OFF YOU PANTS'. Kaien said right, Ichigo was 'extremely passive', so Renji was taking advantage of it!
..I'm also aware of the fact, that Ichigo was at the beginning really uke, but his and Abarai's relationship... I can't see it in other way?
Well, what will happen next? They're not official lovers, after all...
...well, not now, at least khe khe khe
Hope you enjoyed!