CHAPTER ONE; I AM THE NIGHT AND YOU ARE THE DAY
"Mistress?" I look up from the book I could not pry my eyes from. "The Arl sent you a letter from Denerim." She sets the letter down before me, upon the desk. For the first time in a week, the desk was actually clear of clutter. I had managed to finish the payments to the workers, even added a small bonus after the week before disaster. A mixture of Maric and Eleanor with the two Mabari pups that had imprinted upon them. My own, Louie, rested under my feet as Ashalle smiles seeing me sit up hesitantly. "Did he send anything else?" I ask her, but she shakes her head. "No, he did not Mistress." Hmm, I hum to myself ripping open the letter.
My Love; I do not wish to be the bearer of bad news.
My heart sinks, with his first line. Despite what I was reading, we both knew that something like this would come down to it. He was having a difficult time dodging their questions as to who his wife was, who his children were and my heart sinks all the way down to my stomach.
I suppose that this is not the right way to start this letter but I am left with little choice. Eammon has been asked to step down as Adviser of the King. He is returning to Redcliffe and retiring within one of the smaller estates. I was asked to take the Arling of Denerim and become his majesty's new Adviser. I know what you are thinking. I hear that according to your brother and by the word of the King the last remaining Howe. A Nathaniel Howe has accepted the position as the Arl of Redcliffe. I must ask you one thing.
I urge myself to finish the letter but I know what it will say. It will say that we are to pack up everything and leave for Denerim as soon as possible. To get set-up and greet the King. I look up to my elven hand-maiden Ashalle. She had stuck by my side for these past seven years. I have never truly had a female friend, since Morrigan and Leliana. Even Wynne, whom I know that if I saw again would fire-blast me to the moon. She is studying me, her sharp eyes taking all of the emotions that cross my own. "Are you alright, Mistress?" I watch her carefully but a slow nod comes to me as I look down to the letter.
Nathaniel Howe will arrive within a day of this letter. I ask that you send everyone ahead and stay behind with him. Help him get comfortable. When he is, come to Denerim. It will be there that we will explain... everything to his majesty.
Nathaniel Howe, now that was a name I have not heard in many, many years. I was nearly thirty now but he was only a few years older than I. But I haven't seen him since I was sixteen. "Nathaniel," I speak his name but worry crosses Ashalle's eyes. "Who is Nathaniel?" I look up not realizing I spoke his name aloud. "He will be Redcliffe's new Arl." She blinks, letting this sink in for a second. "Oh..." I nod going back to the letter in my hands.
Remember, I love you Lissa. And I did not agree to this without putting up a fight. King Alistair has become quite headstrong in these past seven years. I will be waiting for you to return to me with open arms. I love you; Teagan.
I grimace, moving to my feet taking Louie by surprise. "Mistress?" She looks to me, wondering what exactly was in the letter. "I am guessing that Baldwin knows of this, as does Perth. Except for us, it seems." My hands go to my hips, she looks away as I breath in through my nose, sighing in the process of letting go. "Get the kids clothing and toys packed. You are to leave the day after tomorrow." She blinks, utterly at a loss. "What of you, Mistress?" I turn my gaze from her to the slow burning fire within the study. "I am to stay, make sure Nathaniel Howe is comfortable at least. I will leave within the two weeks he is here. All of you are to go with the children." She shifts, her hands behind her back she was doing her normal nervous gesture of pulling her fingers. "May I stay with you, Mistress?" I smile, shifting my gaze from the fire to her. "I would like that, Ashalle."
"Mummy," Eleanor's hazel eyes sparkle with the onward tears trying to break through. "Why can't we stay with you?" I smile, put on a brave face, just like my mother used to do for me. "Your father wants to spend some time with you." Maric tugs on the trousers I was wearing. "But why can't we spend time with both of you?" He pleads. "Darling, you both have never been out of Redcliffe. This will be your first time in Denerim and it will be your new... home." The word home sounded bitter when it left my lips and they both picked up on it. At least they had their father's cheery personality. "But mummy," Eleanor whines. I know that this was hard for them but it was even harder for me. "Go with Ser Perth, I promise you. I will be right behind you." I kiss the top of both their blond heads. So opposite of me, I have come to realize as I watch them climb up into the carriage with Perth and Baldwin.
They looked more like their father then me. They had the Theirin nose, the Theirin hazel eyes and even the Theirin blond hair. When they laugh they gave me the same sheepish, lazy grin that their father used to give me. Apart of me missed that same smile but I have come to realize, if he ever knew about them my life would come to an end. My fate twists and turns with their own.
My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. "Are you alright, Mistress?" Ashalle looks to me, concern in her eyes. "I am fine, thank you." I gave her an uneasy smile but she accepts it. "Come let's prepare for the arrival of Howe."
"When your brother told me you died, I did not want to believe it." Nathaniel sat across from me, we both had a bottle of brandy opened. A glass in each hand, I was already feeling the side effects of the brandy in my system. "But here you are, married to Arl Teagan and wasting your life away in hiding." His dark eyes narrow but I look down into my glass. The golden liquid of the brandy seemed more interesting then his nagging. "Lissa, you were always called the Lion of Highever for a reason." His voice softens, I wait for him to get to his point. "You are not supposed to be locked away in this... gilded cage." I blink back the tide of emotion wanting to rush forward. "Nathaniel... don't." I start but he does not stop. "I spoke with your husband," he pours himself another glass and tops my own off. "He explained your... situation to me." I look up, blinking back more tears that want to fight free. "I know of what you did, Lis. You deserve this happiness but those children deserve to know who their father is. As does Fergus and everyone else."
He moves from where he was sitting. I watch him get up and move down to the seat next to me. The small two-seated couch seemed smaller than I remember. "When you were younger, you used to ask me over and over again if you could learn how to fight. Your father nearly lost it when I asked him; so when Gilmore came into the picture... your father told me the real reason as to why he was there." This much I knew already. "When I heard from Fergus about what had happened to Gilmore at the hands of my father, I started to hate the family I came from." I swallow down the lump in my throat, he was pushing it. "You, Lis, are an amazing woman and from what Arl Teagan has said, an amazing mother." He reaches out, hesitantly the palm of his hand captures my cheek. The tears come, a rush from my eyes. I sniff, sucking back the air as much as possible.
"Lis, I didn't mean..." I grip his hand within my own. "I thought I could live," I mutter through my tears. "I thought I could be happy without having to see his angry looks for leaving Loghain alive." I have never seen compassion within Nathaniel's eyes before but it was there. "The words he said the night before I left for battle, he hated me so much. The thought of knowing I was pregnant, the moment I found out. I couldn't bring myself to tell him." Before I can continue his arms around me. "Lis, what you had to do was what made you strong. You are the Hero of Ferelden, not because you slayed the Archdemon but because you brought this country together. Alistair... err, King Alistair, couldn't rule without your help." I blink back the tears as I curl my legs up closer to him. "Thank you," I mumble under my breath but he had seemed to hear it.
Two weeks after Nathaniel had arrived, he had picked up on everything it takes to run the Arling of Redcliffe. "You are quite a natural." I whisper to him, leaning over as he goes over the paperwork before a group of Banns. "I do not see why you need me here, still." He looks up to me, the little twinkle in his eyes. "Why thank you, milady." I snort and excuse myself from the room. With the door closed behind me, I rest my back against it. "Mistress? Your things are packed. Will we leave tomorrow?" Pushing myself away, I let out a gentle sigh and nod. "Yes, we'll be leaving tomorrow. I believe Arl Howe has everything he needs to get situated." She smiles, seeing the small weight lifted from my shoulders.
The next morning I fixed the saddle upon the horse. My blades tucked within their respected scabbards. My gear tucked neatly against the back of the saddle. It has been many, many years since I traveled anywhere with any of my old gear. Surprisingly enough my old scalemail armor still fits me. A little snug but that probably had something to do with the fact I haven't lifted a sword in seven years. "So you're rushing off without saying good bye?" Nathaniel speaks behind me but I knew he would be here to greet me. "I wouldn't dare do such a thing." I smirk, turning around. "You will be greatly missed." My arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into a close embrace. "And I will miss you greatly." I press my lips to his cheek, he smiles a little under the kindness of my touch. We pull away from each other, his eyes drape over me but I know that look. "It may have been almost seven years since I lifted my sword. But I am no Orlesian Wallflower." The smirk is there when he rolls his eyes at my remark. "Yes, well be careful. I know you may still have that Mabari I bought you all those years ago, but you both are catching on in years." My eyes narrow as I playfully punch in him in the shoulder. "I am not getting old..." I scowl but it was the playful bark from Louie that finished our little banter. "Come on, Louie." I whistle and move to sling my leg over the back of the horse. "Ashalle?" I call as she comes riding out of the barn, quite gracefully. "I am ready, mistress."
"Well, Nathaniel, take care of yourself. If you ever need anything, I'm only in Denerim." I wink and his hands go behind his back. "And you remember that you are always welcomed here. My home is your home." With a simple bow of my head, I move the horse but before I start to leave I look over my shoulder. Nathaniel is the distant figure in the background, a hand up to wave me off as I too return it.
The ride to Denerim was a long and well arduous travel. But we made it in capable time. Surprisingly we did not come across any sort of trouble along the way. Ashalle kept me company just as Louie did. Though it was nothing like it was when I was only nineteen, we still had a good time. We chatted, we shared stories and I learned more of her history. She was half Dalish and the other was a City Elf. Her mother met her father while traveling and they both fell in love. She was raised in the Alienage until the King let the elves have more free reign within the city. She was raised within Denerim, though I did not know why I wasn't surprised by this.
Upon the last day, we could see Denerim in the distance. "Seven bloody years," I mutter but Ashalle hears me as she rides up next to me. "Has it really been that long, mistress?" I look over to her, she was amazingly frail for an elf. Despite having the long blond hair, the dark eyes and the seeping tattoos along her forehead. "Yes, well it has been that long." She laughs, full hearten chuckle that makes me smile at my own response. "Do not fear the city, for 'tis those within the city itself that you should be wary of." Nodding like a fool I was, I wanted to run again. She could sense this as if by will, a hand comes to my shoulder. "Do not fear, mistress, you knew this day would come eventually." I look to her, but it was the compassion in her eyes that spoke more than words. "Now I know why my husband has you work for me." She blushes, the deep red seemed almost delicate against her finely chiseled features. "I will take that as a compliment, mistress."
We arrived within the night, later than I had hoped for we ran into a few bandits along the way. Feeling the weapons, the swords within the palms of my hands felt just right. Ashalle was remarkable with the bow, I had complimented her when we came into the city gates. I kept the hood of my cloak pulled up over my head, keeping my eyes down along the fine lines of the horse under me. The guards let us pass when Ashalle mentioned who I was. "The King has asked to be notified when you arrived, milady." I look up, Ashalle shares a quiet glance with me but we both felt like turning and running. "I will make sure my mistress arrives as soon as possible." She flashes them an innocent smile and he nods. Taking me in and my Mabari. My stomach turns as we ride past them. They were trying desperately to get a glance but I looked away, keeping my face hidden as far back within my hood as possible.
The Arl of Denerim's estate came into view, Ashalle slowed down to a stop before me and looked over her shoulder. "Tell me something," She asks as she moves to ride beside me. "Why would the King want to know when you arrived, mistress?" I sigh, not knowing how to answer that question. "Probably out of respect of a woman of my station. If I understand correctly, it is just a formality." She nods, but I know what she was thinking. "He is not married, you know." She shifts her gaze to me, a little sly for someone such as her. "And I am married." I push. Her laughter was quite contagious. "From the stories I have heard, you two were once lovers." I look away, the blush rising in my cheeks from her words. "Milady!" I can hear a voice calling for us just as we rounded the castle. "The King is here, Arl Teagan, wanted you to be notified the second you arrived." That pit in my stomach just fell a few more feet.
Sliding off of my horse, I grip the reins and lead the horse into the barn. The stable master greeted me, for it was the same one from Redcliffe. "My lady, if you wish you may stay here just a little longer..." I shift my gaze to him. "No, no Richard, it is fine. Thank you for your offer." Ashalle is at my side as is Louie as I sling my pack over my shoulder, my blades at my waist but the sounds of voices, movement and shouting hits me as soon as I open the door into the kitchen. The cook looks up, she smiles a little seeing us in a such a frazzled state. Blood, mud, sweat and other things I just wanted off of me, stuck to my armor, body and hair. Matting everything down completely.
"And these are the children, Teagan." That voice, my feet stop in mid step. Ashalle's hands are on my waist, pushing me forward. "From what I understand they are in his study." I look behind me, with my face obscure she could still make out the scowl. "And where is your wife, Teagan? I understand she is a beauty to behold. Or at least that is what my men speak of her when they saw her." I swallow my courage and let Ashalle open the door to the study. There was shifting from within the room, I wait outside. "My mistress, has arrived. Do you wish to see her now or later, milord?" I could hear the sigh from Teagan. I knew what he was thinking... either get this over-with quickly or just wait for as long as possible. "Ashalle, bring her in. I am sure the children will wish to see their..." Before I know it, the door flies open. "Mummy!" Eleanor cries when she sees me. "Mummy!" Maric calls out from behind her. Well they seemed to make the choice for us.
They both grab a gloved hand, I am being dragged through the door but the hood of my cloak still covers my matted hair and face. "And this is she, Teagan?" I look over, my breath catches in my throat. Alistair... oh Maker he has changed. He is leaner but his shoulders, his chest is still quite square. His hair is a little longer. More shaggier upon the top of his head. He was tired, the circles under his eyes were evident but he looked so... the longing within me grips at my chest. But it is when his eyes meet my own, he too senses it. The taint within my own blood that sings out to his own. "She's... She's a Grey Warden?" He looks to Teagan, who looked like he needed a strong drink. "She's not just any Grey Warden," Teagan moves to his feet. Walking slowly over to me, only stand just before me. "I am sorry, my love." I know what he is about to do. I tip my head down, looking to the small hands that are holding my own. My bottom lip slips between my teeth, chewing upon it nervously.
His hands pull back the hood of my cloak but it was the sharp intake of breath from Alistair that causes my stomach to do flips. I look between the set of eyes between the children before me. "Mummy, do you know the King?" Eleanor asks of me, her bright eyes shining in the soft light of the room. "Yes, darling." But I look up, Teagan is watching, waiting for my reaction. "What now, my love?" I whisper to him but he moves away. "Teagan, leave us." Alistair's voice was demanding but I close my eyes. "Come on you two, let's get ready for bed." I kneel down, wrapping my arms around them both. Kissing each cheek but the grimace upon their faces when they smell me. "You stink, mummy." I laugh a little. "Yes, mummy had some problems on the way here." I stand back up and bring Teagan in closer to me. My lips seeking out his own but he pulls back. My heart breaks with that single, simple gesture.
They leave, tis only Alistair and I within the room.
"Why?" The question leaves his lips but I keep my distance, my eyes avoiding his own. "Damn it, Elissa, why?" His fists hits the desk, it shakes under the pressure. "Because, your majesty, I did not deserve to be in your world. I allowed the man who betrayed everything we believed in to live because I felt the need of the Wardens came over my own personal desire." I bring my gaze to meet Alistair's. My own was hard, dark. My chin held up in the air, I was stronger than this but my legs were shaking. "I deserved happiness and I found it with, Teagan." I purr his name only causing Alistair to close his eyes. "I have two beautiful children, whom I love and will gladly die for." But his eyes open, he moved slowly towards me. "Those two..." He looks to the door and I look away. "Those two are mine, aren't they?" My stomach twists. "So you have learned something since you've become king." I smirk, but he doesn't take it as a joke. "You lied to me." I grimace hearing the tone of his voice. It was dark, harsh and it stung. He was very close to me, I could feel the warmth of his body seeping through my armor. His eyes drape over me but I know that look. That hungry look. "I'm sorry, your majesty." He closes his eyes, hearing my own tone meeting his.
His hand finds my wrist, I do not fight him. His fingers curling around it, biting through the armor of my gloves. Before I could respond, he throws me against the wall, I hit it. My back smacking hard against the solid stone. I bring my hand up to hit him, defend myself but he grips my other wrist. Holding both above my head. His body pressing against my own, fitting perfectly against it. My hips rise, my head turns up to meet his eyes. "You betrayed everything, Lissa." His voice was low, quiet but his lips were close to my own. "You hid children from me, when they are both heirs to my throne. Thus they are in danger now if Anora finds out about them." I look away, he had a point... a very good point. "Then you must do something about her." He presses against me, his head lowers. His lips are closer, I want to stand up on my tip-toes. To close the distance of the few centimeters between us. "I will do something about her, when they are named heirs." He does not hesitate, as his lips seek out my own. My lips are forced apart by his tongue, as it slips between them easily. He lets go of my hands, they drop around his neck as I pull his body into my own. I forgot everyone and everything. He moans against my mouth, I can feel his desire, his hunger. For his need only matched my own. But he pulls away, his lips leaving mine.
"If I name them heirs, you will have to become Queen." I blinked, trying to repeat what he said to me. "Excuse me?" He keeps his distance from me, his back turns. "They will not be bastards." So that would mean I'd have to marry him. "You must be jesting?" He doesn't move, his shoulders slump forward but it is this ping of guilt in my stomach. "I'm not." He turns back to me. "I can force the issue, if you wish to fight it." But I was already married. To a man who loves my children, a man who has stood by me through it all. I did not want to break that man. "No." I mumble. "Excuse me?" It was his turn to get caught off by my words. "I am married to Teagan, I will not hurt him in this way." He is laughing now. "Teagan will understand, of all people. It will be a marriage of convenience. Because you have my children, they will need their mother. There has to be nothing else behind it." I blink, at an utter loss for words. "I will be by tomorrow night," He moves to pass me. "We will have a private dinner here, and we will discuss things further." I clasp my hands to my chest and bow to him as he leaves me alone within the study.
I really hate that man.
A/N: This story is a little harder to write than most because she is a very complicated, torn woman. I hope that over time I can slip into her shoes much easier than the others I have written for. As usual, I hope you enjoy this! And there will be other Nathaniel moments within the story. As well as other companions that are bound to appear once the world knows she's alive. So sit back and enjoy! Much love! :*
And I do not own Dragon Age: Origins, belongs to Bioware! *-*