Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha
Chapter 5:
Kagome woke to the morning sun shining in from the window above her head. She woke slowly, letting herself drift up from sleep instead of waking up immediately. When they would travel Kagome always felt that she had to prove that she was just as capable of hunting down Naraku as the rest of the group, so she would get up early and work as hard as she could. Now Naraku was gone, and she could take her time waking up, and start the day a little more relaxed.
As she lay there Kagome tried her best not to think too hard about what had happened between her and Inuyasha the night before. The rush of emotions had kept her awake for a good while last night, but this morning she didn't want to become caught up in the what if's. He had kissed her, well, he had done more than kiss her. She hadn't even tried to fight back, not that she really wanted to. Something about him just assuming that she would accept his advances made her want to object, just a little. Only in hindsight of course. During she couldn't even breath, let alone come up with an argument as to why they shouldn't be doing…that. She was confused, but when wasn't she?
Kagome let out a little sigh, and sat up. Looking around groggily she realized that she was completely alone. Early that morning she had thought she heard someone moving around, and now she knew that it was Inuyasha leaving. For a moment she let herself feel disappointed. She'd at least wanted to be told good morning after their little incident last night.
Pushing her hurt feelings aside Kagome got ready for the day, and headed over to Kaede's to find something to do. In the future Kagome had known that she could have gone to college, and started a career. In the past there really wasn't a path that she knew was the right one for her. Everything had happened so fast these last few days, and now she didn't know what she was supposed to think. She had fought so hard for the well to open, and when it did she knew that she had to go with him. She had her own life, and her friends, but without him it was empty. Everything seemed to feel just a little shallow, and no matter how hard she tried she wasn't able to fix that feeling.
She just wasn't sure what her purpose was here. In the future she could have been a teacher, or a doctor, but what skills did she have that matched this time period? She didn't know how to farm, or sew, or do much of anything that woman did on this side of the well. She also didn't really want to do most of what would be considered women's work. She'd spent most of her life in the 21st century, where women were just as important as men. The idea that now she was expected to just listen to someone else for the rest of her life was ridicules. So the question was, what to do now? Should she try and learn healing from Kaede? Should she help Inuyasha hunt demons? Maybe she could become a priestess?
Kagome snorted and marked that last one off her list. She might learn the basic usage of her powers, but there was no way she was taking any vows to become a priestess. She'd been back one day and she already wanted to jump Inuyasha. She was not going to be able to survive a vow of celibacy.
And that brought her thoughts back around to her wayward half demon. Where the hell was he? She had expected him to not be around all day every day, but it was only her second day back, you would think he'd want to stay close! Her frustration started to build slowly, and one small part of her mind started to wonder if she had made the right choice. She had sworn to stay by him forever, but what if he didn't stay with her? Had she come back here only to be treated the same way as she had before?
Kagome tried to bury that thought, and as she arrived at Kaede's hut she knew that if he kept on acting so secretive she wasn't going to be able to keep those thoughts at bay. She needed him here.
/break/
Inuyasha grunted as he picked up another large log. The foundation of their home was complete, and in all honesty he could probably have the whole thing done by tomorrow if he didn't worry too much about how it looked, but he wanted it to be perfect. The foundation hinted at a large home, with several separated rooms. He had been in the future so often he knew what kind of home she expected from him, and he would give it to her. A large estate would take time, and might not be what they both wanted, but for now a medium sized one story house was what he wanted to give her.
She had been gone for so long, he couldn't believe that he hadn't started this sooner. A small part of him had doubted that she would come back at all, and that thought had kept him from creating a home for them both, his doubts making it seem silly and pointless. It would have stood as a testimony to the woman he would never have, and that kind of painful reminder in his forest was not something he needed. He had started it as soon as she had come back, and that was what mattered.
He had been working hard all morning, trying to use the day as much as possible. Kagome had been asleep when he left, and a small part of him felt guilty at not saying goodbye, and sneaking away like a coward. With a deep breath he lifted another log, forcing it to fit where he wanted it. He couldn't admit of course that he was afraid. Last night had gotten out of hand, and there was no going back. The next time he saw her Inuyasha knew that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from touching her. Everything had been so simple when he first saw her. In her time it wouldn't have mattered that he was a half demon and she was a human. All he could concentrate on before was the fact that he had her back, and she was safe. Now it hadn't even been two days and he couldn't keep himself from attacking her. The real fear was that he would look in her eyes and find disgust, or anger at what they had started. He knew she cared for him, she had given up everything for him, but did that mean she wanted him?
Inuyasha growled and punched a still standing tree. It fell to the ground with a dull thud, and he shook out his fist to get rid of the numb feeling that had started to spread up his knuckles. Every time he thought of her he got tense, and he would knock down another tree. She deserved better than to be molested on her first night. He had done all the things he shouldn't have, and it drove him crazy. How could he be such a fool? She wouldn't want him, not when he was being such a jackass.
He didn't go back to the village until almost sundown, wearing out his body as much as possible before he went any where near her. She was still at Kaede's when he returned, and he could tell by her scent that she was furious with him. When he went into the hut she just looked up for a moment, and returned to what she was doing. A little girl sat in her lap, a villager that he had seen before, and cried over a cut that had marked her across the leg. Kagome continued to ignore him and worked on the little girls cut, cleansing it with an herbal mix that smelled awful, and wrapping a small bandage around it.
As he watched her Inuyasha's emotions were thrown again. She was so gentle with the little girl, and he started to wonder what she would be like as a mother. Something deep inside of him approved of the way she handled the crying child, gentle but still firm. He knew that when she had children of her own she would raise them the same way, gently but with a firm hand. The demon in him knew that she was ready to have children, that her body was capable of bearing them. Inuyasha had to stop himself from going down that road. He had been so determined not to try anything tonight. He needed to talk to her, and badly. Either her actions drew out a positive response from the demon half of him, or the human, but either way she was driving him absolutely nuts. She didn't do it on purpose, and he knew that, but he also couldn't help but react to his own instincts.
Inuyasha watched as Kagome cuddled the little girl close to her, and then quickly handed her off to her mother. The woman thanked her, and tickled the child as she left the hut, making the little girl laugh. Kagome still wouldn't look at him, she was too damn mad. He had been gone all day, without a word as to where he was going. She had tried not to be too hurt by it, trying to rationalize why he would leave, but she couldn't. He had left her for the entire day, disregarding the fact that she had just come back from her time to join him. Their time together hadn't even lasted one day before he decided to run off and leave her to do, what? She knew he hadn't thought about that. He was just being selfish, assuming that she would just spend the day twiddling her thumbs while he was off doing god knows what. She was furious, and every movement she made seemed to grow more sharp as her anger spread. She'd been able to be pleasant before, but now with him standing there in front of her, acting like there wasn't anything wrong, she couldn't help but get more and more upset.
Kagome glared at him for a moment before snapping out, "I made dinner in the hut Kaede leant us. It's ready now."
Without another word, or a backwards glance, Kagome charged towards their hut. Inuyasha felt a small smile slip onto his face, and he knew that if she turned around and saw it she would be even more upset. Of course she wasn't going to turn around. He knew this mood too well, having seen it time after time on the road. She was going to be angry with him for a while, and refuse to even look at him without glaring, and eventually she would explode and he would find out why she was so damn mad at him. Of course this time he had a little idea about why she was so upset, but he would know for sure eventually. Not to mention she looked amazing when she was upset. His smile turned into a smirk, and he had to work to get it off his face. It wasn't ok to take pleasure in her pain.
When they got back to the hut Kagome stomped around, refusing to acknowledge Inuyasha in any way other than to slam his dinner in front of him. When she ate her dinner she even went as far as to face away from him. Inuyasha's smile slipped back onto his face, and he covered it up by taking a bite from dinner. She was amazing. Her she was, obviously ready to tear him to pieces, and all she was doing was make him want her more. He loved when she got so intense, he knew that she would be able to hold her own with him for the rest of his life, and that made him completely addicted to her. Everything about her was sexy, when she was happy, sad, angry.
He had no idea what he had done to make her this upset, but he couldn't help but wonder. He felt a little guilty that he was letting her stay so upset for so long, but he also was a little afraid that she'd use the word that both of them had managed to avoid. He didn't think she could go one whole day without saying it, but they had managed two, and he wanted to keep it that way.
As she finished her dinner Kagome realized that she might have been acting a little immature. She had been so furious that he hadn't even said a word in apology for this morning that she had stomped around like a child throwing a tantrum. She knew better than that, he just could drive her to the edge with his unwillingness to share. Last night they had gotten so close to each other, but now he acted like he always had. It was frustrating, thinking that they had moved forward only to have Inuyasha try to step back to the way things used to be.
When she would look at him she saw the man he had become, and maybe a part of her had hoped that he had grown, just a little. He looked the same, but so different. The way he was meekly sitting there eating his dinner was so similar to the way he used to be that she couldn't imagine that he'd matured at all. If she was going to live here things had to change, starting with his obsession with not to open up. He needed to be with her, not just near her.
The little voice in the back of her head telling her that he didn't really want her, but had become so used to her that he couldn't seem to let her go, had grown as the day went on. Everything seemed more important. Every time he looked at her but didn't say anything, or their eyes met and he continued to eat like they weren't fighting drove her even further into doubt. How could he be such an ass? When he hadn't come back for lunch she had been furious, but willing to let it go. Just because she came back to the past didn't mean his life ended and he had to spend all of his time with her. She understood that, but when he came back, seeing she was mad, and did nothing, Kagome couldn't seem to move past it.
For their entire relationship, friendship, whatever the hell it is, they hadn't been open, or shared very much of anything with each other. She had always been too afraid that what she said would be the last straw to drive him away, and he was just a closed person, without any urgent need to share his feelings with anyone. Kagome could feel them slipping back into that habit, and she knew it was partially her fault. She shouldn't have gotten so upset and than said nothing to him about it. There wasn't any reason for her to expect him to magically know what she was thinking.
With a small sigh Kagome put down her bowl and turned to Inuyasha. He knew she was finally going to explain whatever it was that had been bothering her so damn much. Was he sure he wanted to know? Not really, but better to hear it now than three days from now when she would be so upset he wouldn't be able to understand what she was saying, let alone how to fix it. He knew he had to fix it, that wasn't the question, the only question was whether or not he'd be able to.
"Inuyasha?" Kagome asked softly, looking down at her hands. She still wasn't ready to look him in the eye, and honestly didn't want to. She was a little upset, guilty, and embarrassed by her feelings, and she didn't want him to see all that.
"Hmm?" He tried not to say anything that'd make her more angry, so he just made a soft noise in reply. He was a little startled when he could smell an increased amount of anger coming from her, and he knew that whatever the hell he had done, he'd just made it worse.
"See, and that's exactly what I'm so upset about. Did you even think of waiting until I was awake to leave this morning? Or were you too busy trying to get away from me? God Inuyasha, I haven't even been back a week and you're already disappearing to who knows where doing who knows what! Look, you don't need to be around all day every day, but seriously? Not even a good morning?" her voice started to waiver a little as he just sat there, staring at her.
Inuyasha kept his face as neutral as possible. She was upset because she hadn't seen enough of him? He had assumed she would want him out of the way, he'd pretty much attacked her last night, and now she was upset because he'd kept away? She made absolutely no sense. How the hell was he supposed to be able to understand what the hell she wanted. First they both kept themselves apart, then he gets way too close, and now she's pissed because he'd kept to himself. He knew he couldn't be upset that she was so angry, it wasn't like she knew what he was doing when he was away, but it still hurt a little.
He'd been working so hard all day, and he wasn't sure what to tell her. He wanted it to be a surprise, but he also didn't want her to be upset. He was going to be gone for at least another day or two. It took him a moment to realize that he had waited too long to respond. Her face had gone from angry to hurt, and that killed him a little. He hated seeing her mouth turn down just that fraction that meant she was going to try and hide it, and the sorrow in her eyes when she looked at him. They always seemed so large, and when they swam with tears he swore he couldn't look away. He'd fucked up, big time.
"Kagome." he started, but wasn't able to get any farther because she was shrugging off his words, halting anything he would have said with her own words.
"It's fine, actually, don't worry about it. I'm not really in a good mood. Maybe I just need a good nights sleep." Kagome put on a sweet smile, and started to clean up their dishes. She took Inuyasha's half eaten dinner and placed it near the entrance, her gentleness in placing them there seeming forced. She didn't look at him, just turned to the little bedroom nook. Before she disappeared she called over her shoulder, "Maybe tomorrow we can go visit Miroku and Sango? I hear they live nearby, and it would be nice to see them again."
Inuyasha listened as she got ready, knowing that she was probably going to beat the crap out of him later. When she finally stopped being hurt and upset, and started to get really angry again, they would fight, and he would find a way to fix it. They always ended up alright, and they would this time. They had to.
It took her a while, but she finally drifted off to sleep, her body starting to relax and her breath coming out deep and even. Inuyasha snuck over and sat down next to her side. How had he fucked up so quickly? It was like they had picked up where the left off, and not the good parts, but all the worst aspects of themselves. He had already hurt her, and drove her to want to get comfort from her friends. He knew she would want to know what happened to Sango and Miroku, and she must have asked Kaede where they had gone. Tomorrow he would run her over, they hadn't gone even twenty minutes away if he ran it his way. Then he would disappear until later when he came to pick her up. He needed to finish tomorrow, and fix this. She would be hurt a little more, and he didn't want to do that, but there wasn't any other way to do it.
He hesitantly reached out and gently placed his hand on her arm, running his fingers up and down her skin. He had missed her when she was gone, and now she was back and he was screwing up. He would fix this, and all of it would be better. They would talk, really talk, once he had somewhere to keep her safe. He just had to keep her safe.
With that thought in his mind Inuyasha drifted off to sleep, his mind coming up with all the ways he could keep her safe from harm. He could still see the blood, smell her pain and fear. He had tried to forget, but it was so deeply engrained in his mind he thought it might never go away. He would never let her get hurt like that again. Never.
/break/
The room was dark, just a little light coming in through a small window. No fire was lit, and no torches kept the room from growing cold. The room was in the center of a large, sprawling estate. The estate was beautiful, and obviously owned by someone who cared. It was protected by guards who marched along all night long, never seeming to care how late the hour, or what the weather, they were there. Always watching, and always waiting. The room was completely protected, but the woman inside new that they would not protect her, but kill her if they got the chance.
The woman was laying on a small bed pressed against the wall, the thin blanket they had provided her barley enough to ward off the cold at night. No matter how important her father was she knew they hated her, the guards. They looked at her like she was the lowest creature, or the biggest whore. She knew that they watched her when she bathed, or changed, like she had no honor left. It made her skin crawl, and she hated them. They had taken joy in treating her like a lowly slave, and every time she grew a little more angry, and a little more broken.
The woman let out a small noise of discomfort, and pressed her hand to her stomach. Her child was an active one, and had a tendency to kick when she tried to lay flat. She loved her baby, more than anything in the world. Gently she ran her hand down her stomach, trying to sooth the child curled up inside. The woman started to hum a lullaby softly, and let her mind imagine what everything could be like.
If she were free she would be sitting beneath a tree, eating an apple. Her child wouldn't have anything to fear, and would be growing healthy inside her. The baby's father would be just around the corner, watching over the two of them. The summer day would be warm, and she would soak up the feeling of the sun on her skin. Soon she was forced back to reality by quick rap on the door, stabbing a small knife of fear into her spine.
After a moment a man came by holding a tray full of food. He opened the door gently and eased himself into the room, closing it again without making a sound. He lay the tray next to her bed on a small table, and waited for her to look at him. The woman kept her face turned away, her mouth pressed into a prideful sneer and her eyes looking at the wall beside her, like his appearance was completely unimportant. When he didn't leave immediately the woman felt nervous, unsure as to why this guard had decided to stay so long. She was always afraid that one of them would get too physical, or would take out their prejudice on her child. Even unborn they hated it.
"Hey, it's me, would you look already?" the man whispered, anxiously looking out the window to make sure no one was close enough to over hear.
The woman's head snapped around, and her eyes started to tear up when she realized help was here. "What are you doing here, I thought father forbid anyone from being near me until I gave birth?" The woman asked, feeling slight fear for the man in front of her, but the fear for her child was greater, and she would not send this help away.
"Father is a moron and you know it. Our Lord has decided that both you and the child should die. He believes that you are now tainted. I don't care what happens to the brat, but I won't let you die." her brother sounded so proud. The woman would take the help, but she knew that eventually she would have to get away from her own brother, because out of fear and anger he would kill her child.
The woman just nodded to him, and started to stand. She was only 6 months pregnant, but she was already feeling like she couldn't grow any bigger. Her brother came to help her stand, and when they were both secure on their feet he went out and checked the hallway by the room. It was empty, and her brother nodded and pulled her along. The woman tried not to let her fear over take her, knowing that from now on she would have to be brave for her baby.
It took longer than they thought, and when they finally reached the servants entrance they already had been forced to hide several times. No one was expected to check on her for a while at least, and she knew that she would have to be far away by then. No one cared if she was cold, or if she got sick. They all hoped for her baby to die. With that thought the woman placed her hand protectively over her stomach, and took the cloak her brother was handing her. They would sneak out as servants, and get as far away as possible.
Wrapped in the cloak the woman put a scarf over her hair, and felt better when her brother told her she looked like any other old servant woman, a little over weight, and tired. The woman and her brother headed towards the exit, the woman staring at the ground like it was going to swallow her whole.
"Where do you think your going?" Fear traced it's way down the woman's spine when she heard the servants exit guard pause her brother, holding him back. She glanced up and met her brothers eyes, and with a gesture he urged her forward. She continued with the rest of the servants, pretending that one guard being pulled aside meant nothing to her, just as it meant nothing to any of the other servants.
"You're still on duty. You'll not be leaving until you finish your shift boy. Get back to your post." The guard growled.
The woman relaxed a little, feeling better knowing that they had not yet been discovered. This was her chance, she could get away from everyone and save her child. Now she just had to figure out how to get away quickly, and where to go.
Right outside the main household, on her side of the wall, stood the stables. The woman knew that when she had been 'welcomed' here they had taken her horse and placed it with the others there. Slowly the woman creped into the stables, looking for anyone that would stop her. There was a single stable boy, brushing his last horse, looking exhausted as he stood there. When the woman entered he looked straight at her, and she could see the recognition fill his eyes. He knew who she was, but would he tell?
The woman slowly approached the boy, trying to see how he would react. The boy took one step back, and than another, keeping as much distance between them as possible. Finally she took one step too many, and the boy turned and fled. The woman didn't try and find her own horse, just grabbed the one in front of her. She saddled the strange animal, and climbed onto his back, giving a fleeting thought to whether or not riding would hurt her growing baby. It didn't matter, this was their only chance for escape.
Together the rider and horse thundered out of the stable, charging as quickly as possible towards the forest that surrounded the estate. They needed to get as far away as they could in the next few hours, and stay as hidden as possible.
The woman thought as she rode, trying to decide which direction to go. She knew the father wouldn't want them. He was alright with being in love with a human, but when she had become pregnant he had demanded she get rid of the abomination. When she refused he left her, saying that he would not be a part of bringing that into the world. Her father had much the same reaction. He had locked her into the Lords estates and told her he was going to kill her child when it was born. Free the world from another monster. She had no where to turn.
For a moment she started to slow, unsure what to do. Doubts started to fill her mind, and she knew that no matter where she went no one would accept her child. Almost everyone thought that her child would be evil, or mad. Her child would be killed, by his father, or his grandfather. If it's own family couldn't accept it, than how could anyone else?
Her doubt lasted only a moment. In her mind she remembered a legend, of a half demon like her baby who had reached adulthood. He was strong too, and he had found himself a village that allowed him to live nearby. With determination filling her, the woman turned her mount and headed full speed towards the place called Inuyasha's Forest. He would take in her child, her half dog demon child. She repeated that to herself until she was so exhausted she couldn't think anymore.
A/N
Thank you to those who reviewed. I really appreciate the feedback I've gotten. I hope you enjoyed this, and I look forward to your opinions.