Yeth, I Have Certainly Got Big Breaths!
Friday,September 23rd
5p
Letter from Masimo when I got in.
The gist and nub of it is that he thinks he overreacted some and acted a bit out of line.
The letter also said (well,wrote) that Dave had been round to his and said that me and him were just mates having a laugh.
But (and this is the worrying bit) Masimo said he thought maybe I am too young for a relationship with him.
He doesn't know.
He is thinking.
He wants me to think,too, and will call me later .
So basically,it's like 'S'laters.'
5 Minutes Later
He just signed it Masimo.
No kisses or even "I am missing you and want to snog you within an inch of your life.".
Am I semi-dumped?
15 Minutes Later
The only person I would like to talk about this with is the Hornmeister but I can't.
I'll have to ring Jas.
8p
OK,I rang Jas and told her about the note.
"I think what the note means is that I have got another chance to show I want to be with him and that I am not a twisting fool.I am,in fact,a sophisticate beyond my so on."
She just went "Hmmmmm."
"He is,in fact,asking me to reveal my inner maturosity of which I have got bloody bucketfuls, and, as it is, he is requesting me put away my inner minx is what I think."
"Hmmmmm."
What does she mean "Hmmm"?
"Hmmmmmm" does not mean "Yes,yes,I agree with you."
It means "Hmmmmm"
Anyways,she can "Hmmmmm." away,I am going to start my campaign of maturosity tomorrow.
I've got a a plan, but a Plan.
The Luurve God re-entrancing plan.
1."You are never alone with your lippy and mascara." I am going to make a sort of pouch that fits under my bra and PANTS so that I have a secret supply at all if the Luuurve God pops up unexpectedly (o-er) I can refresh by reaching for my pouch.N.B. Make my pouch out of nice softy soft material so that I can wear it to case the Luuurve God pops up unexpectedly in the night. (Oo-er)
2. I will exude sophisiticosity with just a hint of glaciosity.I think the European Luuurve God likes this sort of is,after all,not a crude Viking like Sven,who who quite frankly wouldn't recognize glaciosity if it hit him in the the eye. On the contrary,Sven would think you were playing hard to get because you were a lezzie and that would give him the Horn.
3. Be Nice.
4 Minutes Later
Be nice. This means regrettably I will not be disco dancing like a twit when the Stiff Dylans play. I will waft around like a ..wafting thing on waft tablets.I will laugh loudly,but at no time don a false beard.
False beards are over.I will never wear the beard again.
Ditto horns.
And finally ..
I will not do arm wrestling or any kind of wrestling with Dave the Laugh.
Dave the Laugh is no longer a laugh to me. He is Emma's boyfriend and my mate.
Actually,I wonder where he is? I haven't seen him for yonks.
Ah, but thinking about Dave the is not in this re-entrancing document.
I wonder when Masimo'll ring me?
phone rang
Was just settling down into Bobo Land when the phone rang.
Thank God I wore my special pouch to bed.
Quick dash of lippy and -ready.
I picked up the receiver "Hullo?"
"Hello, Sex Bomb who're you doing?"
It was Dave the Laugh! My heart skipped a little beat.
"What're you up to?"
"oh causing chaos, setting myself on fire, you know, the usual .So, Chaos Queen,how's every little thing?Is your girlfriend still stropping around,rifling through his handbag,or is it all tickety-boo?"
"Well,he wrote me a letter. I haven't seen him in about a week. It 'll be the first time on Saturday. He says we should take it easy a bit and that maybe he overreacted a bit."
Dave said "A bit?That's like Hitler saying,'Oooh,I just meant to go for a little walk,but then I accidentally invaded Poland.".
'No,Dave,it isn't anything like that."
"You didn't know Hitler invaded Poland did you?"
"Of course I did."
"You don't know where Poland is,do you?"
"Dave,I am not a complete fool."
"Where is it then?"
"It's clearly,you know,near.."
"Yes?"
The top bit."
Dave laughed."You're good value,KittyKat."
I was a bit red,but at least I had avoided saying that I was sort of 'on trial' maturositywise with the Luuurve God...
Dave said,'So you'll be at the gig on Saturday?"
"Yes,will you be there?"
"Probs."
"Dave?"
"Yep.."
"Well,Dave,will you,can you,will you not be too funny and talk to me and so on?"
"You want me to not talk to you and not be funny and so on?"
He sounded a bit weird.
I said "Only until,you know,the whole thing,the whole pants and comedy twisting thing dies down."
He said "You must really like him.."
I didn't say anything.
He said "Listen,I have to dasharoo.S'laters." And he hung up.
I think he's miffed.
Dear God,you just get one boy of the numpty seat and another one goes and sits on it.
Saturday,September 24th
I feel much better and excited about seeing the Luuurve God again and impressing him with my sophisticosity.
I feel as cool as a cucumber that has been lying around in a fridge reading books on coolness.
phone rang
It was Jas.
"Where shall we meet?Hey,guess what?There's going to be an international band management-type person coming the Stiffs go on world tour;would you give up your education to go with them?"
"No,of course. What is pleasure and travel and luuurve compared to knowing how to say 'I have broken my glasses' in French?"
In My Bedroom
The only blot on the landscape of luuuurvenosity is sneaking Mum's shoes out of her wardrobe without being thrashed to within an inch of my life.
I must not arouse her temperosity in any way. She has been in such a bad mood lately.
I must be like the wily fox.
Foxy and wily.
Here I go as a foxy-wily thing.
In The Kitchen
I said "Do you want a cup of tea,Mum?"
Foxy wily,foxy wily.
She looked at me.
"Have you got my perfume on?"
I resisted the temptation to strop off and said "No,it's just that well...I'm really excited about tonight,you know,making it up with Masimo and.."
She smiled at me.
"It's lovely being so into someone isn't it?I remember when your dad used to.."
Oh no,she is going to talk about her feelings for Dad.I must stop her,and also get her to go out so I can get her shoes.
2 Minutes Later
In a fit of hysterical madness,I have found myself agreeing to go to the Wild Park with her tomorrow.
How did that happen?
I just said,"You need to get out more." Now I'm going out with her.
I meant to get her shoes.
35 Minutes Later
She has gotten herself tarted up and left,selfishly with her purse.
Ah,well,life must go on.
In My Bedroom
I have given myself a French manicure because that is vair vair sophisticated. And also because I don't know what an Italian manicure is.
Phone Rang
Dad yelled up,"Georgia ,it's another of your mates again.I am trying to work out a new dance routine with the magnificent baldy-o-gram and am constantly interrupted!".
I didn't bother to reply.
He is wearing shorts around the house.
What if a normal person unexpectedly pops round?
He has leg hair that stops at his knees.
How grotesque.
I am beginning to feel a bit sorry for Mum.
It was Rosie on the phone.
"Sven has cooked me a Viking snack."
"What is it?"
"Deep-fried Mars bar.I feel like I could paddle for miles now and still do a spot of raping and pillaging at the end of it."
Just to check that my lecture on sophisticosity had got through to the Ace Gang,I said "What are you wearing tonight?There is no beard involved,is there?"
Rosie laughed,but not in a re-assuring way.
"Toodle pip,see you at seven thirty."
7.15p
I got Mum's shoes,although they are not what you would call comfy. They are what you would call agonizing.
I'll wear my ballet pumps till I get there.
Oh,I am so nervy.I nearly stuck the mascara brush up mynose.
God,I may be turning into Ellen.
She's only phoned me eight times to tell me that she is sooo excited about seeing Declan.I think that is what she do you think?Or something?Shut up!
7.45p
We're going in.
It's an amazing club. It 's got a sort of 'chill out' room.I know that because it says so on a sign.
Ellen was going "Is it like...if when...you know,you're hot or something and..."
Ellen should really live in there. She is so dithery at seeing her 'boyfriend' that she can hardly keep her head on.
I got my stilettos on.I am full to the tippy-topmost of sophisticosity and je ne sais quoi.
Except in the knicker department,which has a touch of the jelloid about it.
What if Masimo has had second thoughts and he just comes over and says"Face it,love,you're dumped?" Although he of course would say 'dump-io-ed."
I saw Dave as soon as we got in to the main bit of the club. It was kind of hard not to-he was up on the stage singing "In The Still Of The Night" dressed in black,black,with a hint of black.
Phwoar is all I can say.
I can see his lashes from here, they're sooo very long.
Not that I was looking,Masimo is my one and speaking of which -
I looked round to my mates "I don't see Masimo."
Rosie said 'The set hasn't started yet,so maybe he's backstage getting set. Let's grab a seat nearer the front, so he can see you as he goes on."
I said "OK" and started leading them up, but then I had a thought and stopped and turned round quickly.
Jas was right behind me and there was nearly a boob-in-the-eye incident.I pushed her off "Back off,lezzie."
Rosie looked over her shoulder "What?What? Why did you stop?"
"I can't go up front when Dave is ,I'm supposed to be cool and sophisticated ,and prove that I'm not a girl who likes to have a laugh with her mates."
"But you do like having a laugh with her mates."
"Yes, Jas,but I don't MASIMO to know it." and I headed back to the bar.I heard Jas sigh. Fabby, the night was just beginning and she already had a fly in her knickers.
As we were back to where we came in,the lights went out. There was alot of screaming and stamping about.
I had a feeling Dave was involved.
Rosie shouted "Oy,who's grabbing my bum ?" and I heard one of the Foxwood Lads say "I'm just trying to get to know you."There was a punch,and a scream.
The lights came back on,focusing on Dave and his footie mates on the stage,all dressed in similar suits. In the light I could dimly see Sven pick up Rosie and carry her off.I couldn't see what he was wearing-which may be a good thing.
I asked Jas "Where are they going?" and she said "I expect to snog."
And then the music started.
2 Minutes Later
Oh,the hilariousness!
They're singing the Vidal Brother's "We Belong Together" medley thingy,doing shimmies and the whole doo wop thing.
I'm shaking with laughter ,actually,everyone is. It 's a mad house.
I said into Jas' ear lug "Bugger this. Masimo's not on yet,so I'm going to go have a dance." but Jas was too busy rambling on to Tom about toasted newts to listen.
I did a quick re-application of lippy,a dash of mascara then went to the dance floor.
3 Minutes Later
Sven has a boots with 3-inch heels.
All we could say for the longest time was 'blimey'.
15 Minutes Later
The dance floor is PACKED!
They,and when I say 'they' I mean Dave and Rollo and so on,went from "We Belong Together' into 'Good Golly Miss Molly', and that's not the best part of it.
No,the best part of it was when Dave started dancing like a mad mix dancer,half Michael Jackson,half James Brown,half Elvis The Pelvis Presley,all with ants in their pants.
I can't help but fall about,I'm laughing SO hard.I may have cracked a rib.
At the end of the song Dave jumped into the crowd and crowd surfed, shaking his hips all the time.
It made my sides hurt,I was laughing so hard.
But then I caught Robbie looking at me,like a looking-at-thing and quickly changed it into coughing.
What am I ?
A looking-at thing?
I just really,really hope he doesn't swot off and tell Masimo he caught me laughing at So-Called Laugh.
8.30p
Oooh,this is agony,this hanging around pretending not to be hanging around. Where is he?
Then I saw him came out of the backstage area and he was wearing an electric blue suit with a blue shirt .He looked gorgey. He's Italian Sex Stalliany and he's so sort of blokey .And he's so sort of yummy scrumboes.
He has even got a bit of designer stubble and his hair is a bit longer.
Every bit of me is separately jelloid. I know how Slim feels when all her chins are moving in a different rhythm.
He was talking to a group of St. Pat's boys and then two tarts I vaguely knew from St. Mary's came up,thrusting themselves at him, giggling,like hens that have eaten too many worms and were on a worm high,you know what I mean and I think you do.
Mabs said,"You d better move about a bit,Gee,otherwise he won't know you're here."
Jools said "Look,there's a spare stool at the bar. Let's go and sit down at it and then he will had to've seen us walking across."
Good point well made.
We started to walk over to the bar. Bloody Hell,Mum's shoes were high.I'd better walk slowly ,and do the flicky hair,hip to the right,hip to the left thing that boys are supposed to like.I don't know why they like girls who look like they have got false hips,but there they are.
The whole bloody thing is a mystery.
Two Minutes Later
It is amazing,though,boys really do like it. At last I reached the table and put my hand on it to steady myself.I'm exhausted.I may have to have a little lie down under the table and...
"Ciao Georgia."
I looked up and there he at me with those dreamy eyes. They looked amazingly bright. It must be the blue suit,but they were sort of like Angus' eyes .Not insane,clearly,but the color was the his skin is sort of olive,and his mouth,welll,blimey is all I can say.I just hope he didn't see me laughing, my nose running wild and uninhibited and free.
Thirty Seconds Later
So much for or plan of light sophisticated talk..the Ace Gang were were just giggling and twittering on.
"Ooh,look at your nice shirt..."
"Oooh,hahaha"
"Oooh,I like your hair long,it's...Oooh"
Etc. like a bunch of mad doves.
Masimo said to me ,"Miss Georgia,maybe at the end of the gig,I could walk you home and we could, how you say,have the talk?"
Oh,thank God, he still liked me ,at least a little bit.
The Ace Gang were useless. They all went "Oooooo,Miss!"
I shot them daggers and they collapsed in mad laughter.
Die,die,die ,die...
I smiled at him (a contained smile,making sure that my nose didn't spread all over my face).I just smiled enigmatically and kept tight control over my nostrils.I wanted to say something,but I had lost control of my bits and pieces.
My brain felt quite literally like a bag of wet mice.
He came and stood close to me and touched my elbow. He said "Tonight there is,how you say,the men for management..they are wanting to speak with me in the ,mi dispiace,I will not be having you for myself until later...Sorry,cara..Molto regrettio."
The he kissed me softly on the hand and then behind the ear,then two little kisses on my neck and then he looked me in the eyes-I was melting,I was melting-and put his mouth on mine.
When he stopped,I came back to Earth and saw the Ace Gang just looking at me. Masimo didn't seem to stroked my hair and said "Cara"
I leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek for luck 'Not for the cheek."
"Errr,are you wearing makeup?"
"Is for talent spotter, to look perfect for."
"Even blokes?"
"Si they wear too."
Jas,Mabs and Rosie tried to stifle laugh but it came out as a big group snorting laugh but Masimo heard it and gave them slightly odd looks.
I darted them evils,but Masimo smiled and said "It no big, in Roma, the singers wear it.I have to go back.I starting soon."
I gave him a quick hug and he squeezed my bottom slightly as he left.
As soon as he's gone I looked at the Ace Gang "Don't you dare tell Dave."
"Tell Dave what?"
I jumped about a million feet in the air.I hate it when he does that !
"I hate it when you do that,and nothing."
He raised an eyebrow.
I've got to go to the Poo Parlor. Rosie,Jas,Jools,Ellen,Mabs,Hons, can I talk to you?"
"While you're going poo?"
I looked at them,opening my eyes really,really wide and raising my eyebrows.
Eventually they got it, and hopped up like sardines,and saying "bye Dave" they trailed after me to the loos.
As soon as we got into the loos,and I don't mean we all sat in one stall,I mean we chased out everyone else so we could have some privacy for ourselves,Rosie said "Phwoooaar."
Jools,Mabs and Hons went,"Whoooooooaaaaahhh."
Jas said "Cor."
And Ellen said "He...that was...your ear...and er...so on."
I had to sit down quickly as the bottom part of me had turned into a jellyfish.
Rosie said 'He looked quite sexy in his lip gloss" and I duffed her over the head with my (OK,Mum's) handbag.
10 Minutes Later
Jas tried to pretend that she had only said "Cor" because she was finding her inner passion as Juliet.
Right.
As we went out back into the club and found our seats,the band was on stage tuning up and messing about with their equipment...oo-er (leave it).I tried to keep the conversation light and frothy so that I could tinkle (leave it) with laughter (don't even start) and Masimo could see me out of the corner of his eye.
I said to Jas "Speaking of Rom and Jul "
"We weren't talking about the play."
"But speaking of the play, has Miss Wilson found a Rom yet?Why can't we just have a bloke?"
Jas was glad to get back into boring rambling on about being a sad actor, said "Miss Wilson says that in Shakespeare times there would be no women in the plays so Juliet would have been played by a in our production,so all the parts will be played by girls. Miss Wilson thinks its an interesting reversal"
"Yes,but what she says is interesting is of the 'making our own musical instruments' fiasco.I had runner beans in my knick-knacks for weeks."
Rosie said "Nauseating P. Green would make a cracking Romeo. She's got the glasses for it.".
Jas went very red (tee-hee) and said "Nauseating P. Green is one of the townspeople."
I said "You KNOW don't you Jazzy?You know who your boyfriend is going to be!Come on,tell."
At that moment,Wet Lindsay and her silly 'mates' came went scampering over to the side of the stage and called Robbie to her.I don't think he really wanted is,of course,only human.
I feel really sorry for him.
Jas was looking at them and maniacally fiddling with her fringe and suddenly it dawned on me.
I said 'It's not Astonishingly Dim Monica,is it? Oh,top!Thank you Baby Jesus!"
Jas went really red and said,"No,don't stupid,of course it's not her!"
Then her eyes sort of swiveled to the stage.
Ohmygiddygodspajamas.
No.
We all said "No!"
But it was.
Romeo will be played by Wet Lindsay.
Jas said "It was Miss Wilson's idea."
I said "Well,that's as may be,but you must tell her that you cannot do it! It is against the European Code of Human Rights."
Jas said 'I did!I tried!I said,I said I didn't want to be Juliet in that case,but then she was going to tell Slim and ..."
As she was dithering and rambling on ,Wet Lindsay came over to our table and said "Hi Jas,great news about the play.I can only manage a few of the general rehearsals,but we ought to get together at mine for extras."
Then,pausing only to give me the look of Death,she ocotpussed off.
Rosie said "She wants you to go round to hers for 'extras' if you know what I mean and I think we all know what she means."
I said "Oy,Jas,in the big snogging scene between Rom an Jul...what number do you think you will get up to with Wet Lindsay?Open-mouth kissing with tongues?"
"It's called acting-it's not 's pretend snogging."
I said "That is what you will say to Lindsay,but she won't take no for answer. If she wants to do Abschiedskuss with you,she will."
Rosie leapt to her feet"She might want to do AUF'S GANZE GEHEN!"
And she started doing the flame dance around Jas,going 'whoosh' .It was making me laugh alot and not in a girlish,tinkling way.I was trying to pull myself together when Masimo got up and mounted the stage (shut up),instrument in hand (leave it).
2 Minutes Later
The place is ROCKING !
Masimo's started on regular songs, like sung by other bands and so first song was "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet.
As the first notes started,everyone screamed and jumped to their feet to dance.I shouted over the noise to Jas "This is yours and Lindsay's song!" and she kicked me.
Oh well,hahahaha and lalalala,I'm the girlfriend of an Italian Stallion SEX GOD !