Anything you see and/or reconize here isn't mine...it's Louise Rennison's.
please review ! ...
mister arsey man
Sunday,September 25th
11am
Only just woke up.
The house is naiiice and quiet.
That must mean Mum and her portly companion aren't back from their 'date' yet.
What could they have done all night?
12 Minutes Later
I just had a mental image of what they could be doing all night.
Oh dear God.
5p
I've got a nice,relaxing face mask on.I've made it myself with mashed-up banana and feels disgustingly having Wet Lindsay on your face. OH MY GOD!
I want to scrub my brain out.
I hope the Luuurve God appreciates ,of course,I don't necessarily want him to know about me being slathered in goo.
4 Minutes Later
Was scrubbing my face off when Mum came in.I didn't even hear them come home.
"Heloooo"
I had mini f.t..I looked at Mum.
"Blimey your face is red...Did you have a nice time last night?"
I shrugged.
"Did you get along well with Masimo?"
I looked at her. "Don't tell me you fancy ,really,don't tell me." which I thought was vair amusant but she didn't.
"We're leaving to the Wild Park in 10,You better put some makeup on." and she went out.
Lovely.
Wild Park
Wow and wowzee 're having the tippy-top of .
When we got there I said I was very happy to stay in the car.
I said "I've seen bison on Look North or something and also some monkeys that Lady Dave Attenborough was lolling about with and that will do me,thank you."
But I was glad as a glad thing on glad tablets that Mum made me get out.
Because we found Angus' wild family.
Honestly.
His Scottish Wildcat cousins.
They were soo kittens looked just like Angus when I first found him in the garden on Och Aye flying-face kitten would unexpectedly and for no reason hurl itself through the air and pounce directly on another kitten's it would grab on with its front paws and do bunny kicks with its backlegs.
Libby kept yelling "Me want naaaice pussycats." and trying to climb into their cage with of the keepers said "They are not are wild animals."
I said 'You do not need to tell me.I used to keep Angus on a lead,but he ate us in,Mister"
Libby even said "Please,Mister Arsey man."
10 Minutes Later
We're in !
Oh,what a and I had a bucket each of dead chicks and some rabbit legs.
We took some pictures of us tugging one end of a rabbit leg and the kittykats pulling on the other between spitting at us.
I love them,I love have got some pictures to take home with us to show Angus what his family looks like and also a tartan mousy.
On The Way Home
Libby is 'feeding' tartan mousy with bits of chicken feather she has stuffed in her welligogs.I hope that is all she has down was very interested in what the wild kittens' poo looked like.
7.30p
When we got in Dad wasn't in so Mum decided to have a is sensationally cheered up and all full of herself.
I said "What's for supper?"
And she said to me,"Find something in the give some to 's allowed to watch children's tv for half an hour.I'm having a long aromatherapy bath.I will use ylang ylang,I think, for its sensual overtones.
I said "Mum you don't need sensual overtones,you need sensual undertones."
She didn't get it though and,she just went on rambling.
"This is 'me' time."
And she went into the bathroom.
10 Minutes Later
I made Bibbs and me cheese on toast.
No word from Masimo.
Maybe he rung while I was out.
2 Minutes Later
As I went through the main room to the hall,Libby was sharing her sandwich with tartan mousy.
They are watching Pudsey and Sudsey Go On Holiday or ,weird creatures with no necks in bathing suits.
As I left, she went to get her swimming costume and rubber lobes Pudsey and Sudsey.
1 Minute Later
No messages from anyone,well, anyone that matters,like Luuuuurve Gods.
There was a message from Dave,though : "Listen,Gee, er, look,let's just forget about yesterday.I know how weird you can 's just have 're mates still."
Blimey.
2 Minutes Later,My Budoir of Luuuuurve
Mum isn't the only one who can have 'me' time. I can have 'me' time for me to have some 'me' time.
Aaaahh...soo,the Luuurve God.
I'll start with the last time we snogged which was,er,a long time ago.
Yesterday,at least.
So I'll start there, and -
"GET OUT! Ooohhow 't stand there,you'll..." SPLASH !
Then more yelling and splashing and Mum saying "Don't let it touch my ...Ohmygod,it's touched me...Put that snorkel ,owwww..."
MIAOOOOWWWW...
"Lalaalalalala...heggyheggyho..."
What the hell was going on?
4 Minutes Later
Mum's 'me' time turned into 'us' time.
I went down to see what had happened and there was water everywhere in the was standing in a bath towel, was in her bathing costume with a snorkel,sitting in the bath singing "Bum bum pooey pooey bum bum" in two centimeters of Angus and Gordy were sneezing and soaking and trying to scrabble up the sides of the bath.
Mum stormed off into her bedroom and I said "What happened,Bibbsy?"
She looked at me cross-eyed,like I was a fool,and said very deliberately,"Me come on my HOILDAYS wif my in,Gingie".
Back In My Bedroom
All is calm again.
I will get into my bed to look at my part (oo-er) in Rom and Jul.
Lovely and snugly,I may just have a little ziz before I settle down to...
Not.
Have you any idea what it is like to have two wet cats,a soaking tartan mouse and a toddler covered in soap in your bed?
15 Minutes Later
Libby has dried off a bit now and the cats have bogged off to murder only stayed in my bed long enough to get warm and dampen the sheets.
Libby still has her rubber ring on,but it could be worse,she could have in here with us.
3 Minutes Later
It IS worse.
She has got Mr. Fish in here with us.
5 Minutes Later
If I hear 'Maybe It's BeCOD I'm A Londoner" one more time,I may have a nervy spaz.
3 Minutes Later
Mr. Fish's batteries went.I will never be mean about Baby Jesus again.
Also as I was just saying to Libby that she should lie down and have a little snooze when she dropped off to sleep,sittng up.
Amazing.
I carried her to her own room,which wasn't very easy actually with the rubber ring,but it does mean I have the whole of my bed to myself!
12 Minutes Later
I wish I could be bothered to get up and phone Act II she has a whole night of snogging with her boyfriend,Wet will have got further on the Snogging Scale than she has with Hunky.I bet she wishes she hadn't been so mean to me .
She is vair stubborn.
Right,I am going to get some shut-eye.
10 Minutes Later
We've got another Rom and Jul read-through Thursday.I wonder if Jas' new boyfriend will be might I could accidentally chop her head off with my sword.
9.45p
Ouch,I just lay on my pouch by mistake.I must remember to replenish my must never be caught with an empty pouch.
Monday,September 26th
8a
On the way to Stalag 14.
How many times do we all have to do this-Get up,go to school,again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?
Break
Thank the Lord.
Everyone's been asking me about how things went with Masimo but I don't feel like telling them.
Because nothng DID happen.
On The Fives Court
Brrr,chilly! Blimey O'Reilley's trousers,it's nippy 've buttoned our coats together like in the old are quite literally a tent with six heads and sleeves.
Three Minutes Later
Snuggly have to sort of thread the snacks up to our mouths through the collar and Jools made me laugh alot by doing duo Twix started at one and the other at the other amusant.And as Rosie said "Strangely erotic."
Wet Lindsay came by,but apart from tutting at us,what is she going to punish us for?Coat abuse?
She said "The rest of them I am not suprised at,but I am sorry you have chosen to join in,Jas."
Jas didn't say anything,but after Mrs. Slime had gone off we all went 'Ooooooh," like in "Oooooh,get you!"
4p
Bell went. The Lord be braised!
When I got in, no message from anyone.
Wednesday,September 28th
Still El Zippo from Masimo.
Crap.
Or,should I say, El Crapio.
Thursday,September 29th
French
As they probably say in la belle France,qu'est-ce que c'est le point of France?
Read-Through
3p
Had our first proper read-through of Rom and Jul .
Our star-studded cast features:
Me as Merc-lurk-io
Miss Prissy Knickers (Jas) as Jul
Ellen as Tybalt (or something,what do you think..oh,am I the page as well or something?)
Rosie in a tour de force and also possibly as a beard,as the Nurse.
The octopus in the ointment is of course waiting for Mrs. No Forehead to come and be Rom.
Then Miss Wilson said "I'm afraid Lindsay cannot be at the read-through has to go for an interview for college."
We all pretended to cry and shouted out "Ah, prithee,lackaday" and "Gadzooks" And so on for a while until a strange woman came hobbling really bright clothes.
Miss Wilson was all over her like a like a bobbing thing.
"Oh,girls,this is has come to improvise with us this has trained with Lecoq."
10 Minutes Later
We just about managaed to get ourselves under control.I though Rosie might have to go to Nurse,she was laughing so much.
Nauseating P. Green was the only one who looked a bit was blinking and saying "What is so funny?"
Rosie said "I don't think she gets it" and I said "I don't think she would get it if it came in a big bag,labeled 'IT'."
And I am not wrong.
20 Minutes Later
We're not allowed to just speak our boring old have to do mime and clown gestures.
Rosie mimed juggling,while doing Cossack dancing and Miss Wilson got onto her, untill Jas and I said "We're not supposed to speak,Miss Wilson, you need to MIME your frustrations!" and she turned red and went to sit down.
Tee-hee.
3 Minutes Later
Still,It passes the time.
Thank God, the final bell.
As we slouched of to the cloakroom ,I said to the Gang "I'm bloody exhausted,and I will tell you this for free,I am not wearing tights and a big red nose."
Jools said "She won't really make us wear the nose,will she?I thought we were just wearing them to please Mad Miriam".
Jas said "Actually,I found it quite liberating doing the clowning.I found a different part of Juliet,morep is just a teenager after us."
We looked at her.
I said "She is about five hundred and fifty years old."
Jas was ready to do storming off in her huffmobile when I said 'Actually,you might be you and your boyfriend,Wet Lindsay,wear clown noses,that would put proper snogging out of the question. Voila! Bob est l'oncle!"
3 Minutes Later
Crikey,Masimo's at the gate !
Back to the bloody loo for me for glamour work.
6p
They are awfully demonstrative,the Pizza-a-go-go types.
And also not inhibited.
When he saw me the Luuurve God actually came through the school gates into the then he snogged me among the milling girls.
It seems a bit sort of pervy snogging someone in the school playground.I don't know why.
The Ace Gang sloped off and Masimo took me home on his scooter.
7p,In My Private Boudoir of Luurve
He has given me a locket.
Crickey.
It's a heart with a photo of him inside.
He's on the beach in his jeans and he doesn't have a top on.
I must never mention this to Dave the Laugh.
I can imagine what he'll say.
Anyway,shut up.I am not imagining what he will say.
10p
The Luuurve God says he will miss me when he goes to Lunnern Town this weekend.
I asked him why he didn't say "Ciao" to me the night of the gig and he looked at me like I was mad.
"I told your mate Ellen to go and for tell you I am molto regrettio but I must ,er,be off, I had go to with the talent Manager, Don,and get some things signed."
Oh,so THAT's what Ellen was dithering about.
And why she was spectacularly red.
3 Minutes Later
I am going to miss the Luuuurve God but a little break never hurt anyone,I say.
Friday,September 30th
4.10p
I was quite relieved when I got to the school gates and there was no sign of the Luuuurve is sure to be on snogging alert somewhere,probably with could easily hide them about her person and you would never know.
4.25p
We were all skipping along home (and yes I do mean skipping along),singing songs from The Sound of Music.It was ye old Shakespearean classic,"The hills are live with the sound of tights,with tights I have worn for a thousand years !"
We were just singing "I go to the hills when my tights are loneleeee..." when Dave and the lads leapt out from behind a tree.
I was so flustered I nearly fell over.
When I got my breath back,I said "Have you been following us?"
Dave said "Yes."
I said "Well,that's not very nice is it?"
Dave said "Yes it is."
"No it's not."
"It is.I particularly noticed your basoomas wiggling about when you were skipping."
"That's disgusting."
"I liked it."
"Don't you feel ashamed,sneaking about and so on?"
"Nein,ich feel gut !"
I said "I think you will find you are a bit of a Volltrottel."
He said :"Ach,Scheissenhausen!"
Which made me laugh alot.
We all walked lads were in top mood because of a coup d'etat they had a had drawn a massive boy's trouser snake on the playing field with weed killer,under the cover of playing footie.I said "Top-class group work." and Dave smiled at made feel all swoony inside.
At the bottom of the hilll everyone else peeled off to go walked along with pushed me in the atm and loosened his tie and smiled at me."Long time since we did this,isn't it kittykat?You're too frightened of the call of my Magnetic Horn and that is le fact."
I said "I am not afraid of your Magnetic Horn."
He said "You are."
"I'm not."
"You are."
"I'm not and just repeating something doesn't make it an argument.
"It does."
"It does not...hang on a minute,we're doing it it..."
There was a silence then he said 'No,you stop it."
He is soooo though.
I didn't want to talk about the Luuuurve God, it made me feel sort of funny talking to Dave about him, and I couldn't think of anything else to say,so we walked on in my turnoff, Dave said "So what are you up to tommorrow night?"
I said "Well,I...erm,the rest of them want to go the cinema but you know...it'll be like Snog Central and...I.."
He looked at me with his crinkly eyes."And you girlfrined is not around."
I said 'Oy...but well,yes,I guess."
There was a moments pause then Dave said "Well,I'll be on my jacksie as well,so maybe see you there.S'laters."
Blimey.
When I got home Masimo was sitting outside on his scooter,chatting to Mum and Libby !
5 Minutes Later
Why doesn't Mum go in with Liby?I keep raising my eyebrows and looking at her in a meaningful way but she deosn't know what I mean.
Masimo has put his arms around me,and I am half sitting on his knee.I feel weird in front of Mum.
Also,I have noticed,I am in my school is not the air of sophisticosity I am aiming for.
Also,even though nothing was going on with Dave the Laugh,excpet just matewise,I couldn't help thinking what would have happened if the Luuurve God had seen us skipping along about Dave's Magnetic Horn.
Dave seemed more like Dave the Laugh again .He hadn't shown any sign of numptiness,which is good.
Not that I care really,but well,you 't you? I hope you do because I certainly don't.
As my brain burbled on by itself,Masimo said "Cara,I must are driving ,now,for London.I am missing you.Bellissima Georgia." and he kissed me on the front of my God.
Mum said 'How you when you get back and good luck with everything."
Then Masimo went and gave her two kisses on either said 'Bella mama' and my mother practically collapsed on the she laughed like a fool and said "OOoooh."
My Bedroom
It's odd having someone really like I just that brilliant? Maybe all Pizza-a-gogo boys are like Masimo.
9p
Masimo just phoned before he set off
He said "Miss Georgia,will you wait for me?"
I was thinking blimey,mate,it's only a day and a I said yes.
I hadn't really thought about it before, but I suppose if he did go on tour,we might see eeach other all the there would be loads of girls around him.
But he is not a red-bottomed Hornmeister is he?
The question is..am I?
2 Minutes Later
No,I am most certainly not.I am the girlfriend of a Luuurve God,end of story.
My days in dabbling in the cakeshop of love are now over.
3 Minutes Later
What did Dave mean when he said he would be on his jacksie?
4 Minutes Later
I phoned Jas
"Jas,are you deffo going to the cinema tomorrow?"
'Yes,I think so."
"?"
"Hmmmm?"
"Is erm,Dave the Laugh and Emma going too?"
"Does this have anything to do with you fancying Dave?"
I forced a laugh. "No, you have a vair vair suspicious nature,Jas."
"Well, why are you asking me?Anyway,Emma has gone on a sketching weekend with her art teacher,so she won't be there."
11p,In My Room
Why do I even care if Dave is going to be there,or not?
It's not like I fancy him or anything,like Jas says.
He's just a mate,right?
3 Minutes Later
Right?
30 Minutes Later
The weird thing is,I'm am sort of looking forward to going to the cinema now.
What is all that about?
20 Minutes Later
Just for the crack of being with my mates.
That's all.
You know,relaxing and watching a film with your mates
Simple,uncomplicated stuff.
1 Hour Later
So why did my stomach go funny when Jas told me Dave was going and Emma wasn't to be there?