i own nothin g...louise rennison does!

i'm hoping wet lindsay pooed herself from laughing and carrying on like she did

Sunday,October 2nd

9am

When I woke up first thing I did was run to the loos to check on my eye.

10 Seconds Later

My worst fears are confirmed-my eye is black and purple and has swollen to be as big as a melon, and my face had red streaks where I scrubbed it last night.

Great. I am never going to be able to go out again.

10a

I tried covering it with makeup but it just made everything stand out worse.

I might as wash it all off and accept my fate -.e. a lonely,possibly lesbian,widow.

10.15a

Put on the French-looking Mum sunglasses Mum had gotten me ages ago, to hide the black (and purple...and blue..) eye.I gave up trying to hide the red.I hope Masimo likes the red-faced look in girls.

10.20a

When I got downstairs nearly tripped over someone sleeping on the floor.

I guess everyone got too drunk to drive home and just slept where they passed out.

Again.

10.22a

Why does Grandad insist on sleeping on his stomach,nude?

And on the kitchen table, at that?

We're going to have to burn it and buy a whole new table,before I can eat in the kitchen area again.

I'm going back upstairs to grow my lurker.

3p

Judging from all the grumbling and cursing downstairs,everyone must be finally waking up.

3.30p

Finally-the Loons have left,taking Libby with them !

And what's more they convinced Granddad to take Libby with them !

4.30p

Went downstairs to find something to ward off scurvy.

Mum was rooting through the bits of mould in the fridge, trying to find the least-mouldiest bit of mould.

When she turned round and saw me she laughed for ages,then she called everyone in so they could have a good laugh at me.

Why do I even bother any more?

Dad was heading off to fix the shed roof.I said "See you in Casulty,then." and he swore quite violentlty.

4.45p

I can see Dad from my 's quite sensationally shouty and red,and he's not even started yet.

5p

Dad's done ,he's quite already.

He's smashed his thumb with his hammer,twice.

And the door has fallen off.

So excellent result ,DIY-wise.

9p

No phone calls ALL day.

Libby's still at Grandvati's,so I am going to go to my room and enjoy my the luxry of lying on it,without something hideous sticking in my Libby farting loudly all night.

Anyway,I've got to get myself in the right frame of mind to welcome back my Luuuurve God.

i wonder what time he will be back?

He'll probably call me tomorrow.

I better check on my lovliness.

Maybe I should have an overnight egg-yolk face pack?

2 Minutes Later

No,maybe last time I did I thought that my face had gone paralyzed into the night.

Anyway,according to Dave the Laugh,I am beauty personified just as I am.

Which is handy.

I wonder why he said that to me?

The most beautiful girl thing.

Was it a joke?

Why weren't we laughing?

Anyway,shut up,brain.

I said "Goodnight Mater and keep the noise down."

Dad said "Oh,by the way,that Italian boy ,is it?He says to tell you that he is back and he will see you to think of him and put your hand on your locket.I told him that was going too far.".

I said "Dad,I hate you."

In My Room

Midnight

Masimo is back.

That's fab,isn't it?

I thought Dave might have know,just for a matey he didn't.I expect Emma is back and he'll be,you know,seeing is fine by me.

Monday,October 3rd

6.45a

Woke up feeling very happy for a moment,untill I remembered the nightmare that is called school.

Right now I'd gladly trade the Black Deathy for my life.

Assembly

Jas had already gone on to school by the time I got to her gate.

I wonder when she is just going to suck it up (oo-er!) and apologize for being a git towards me.

20 Seconds Later

Probably never.

German

Herr Kamyer's mother has by far outdone her self in the mad persons has knitted her son a purple cardigan, with dancing cows on it.

I know,because Herr Kamyer was wearing it today.

I whispered to Jas "Seeing that cardi should be punishment enough" but she just sniffed and pretended to be interested in the antics of the family Koch (oo-er!).

I swear,the Germanese are obbsessed with the Kochs.

Why else would they write whole stories about how many sausages little Koch can stuff in his gob, or when Frauline Koch goes out and buys cabbage?

Maths

Who cares if a+b=c when I have a major makeup crisis?

I've forgotten my mascara and what's more I quite clearly heard the sound of a motor bike passing by Stalag 14 between class.

Sent notes all round, and no one had any on hell, now what am I going to do if Masimo does decided to (finally) show up,go without?

No,that's not even an option.

Break

Cold,miserable arvie.

And I've got to wear makeup and do intensive pouch work,as Masimo's back.I have to be on Luuuurve God alaert at ALL times now.

it's vair vair tiring.

At least my eye has stop swelling.

But not before everyone saw it when Slim made me remove my sunglasses during Assembly.I am now on gardening duty with Elvis for the rest of the week

Fab.

Not.

I'm hoping Wet Lindsay pood herself from laughing and carrying on like she did.

Stupid,wet,drippy,useless,slimey...

As we were settling down on the heaters Jas tossed her mascara into my lap.

I looked at her "I just got it.I brought it as a peace offering."

I jumped off the heater and have her a big hug.

"I'm sorry I was such a git, time, I promise I'll try to be more understanding, if you promise to stop being such a tart."

I shoved her-but playfully."I knew you luuurved me and couldn't stand to be away from my wit and beautosity too long."

Jas turned red "Don't start that again." but smiled.

So every cloud has a siliver lining after all.

I got Jas to talk to me again,and fab new mascara with it.

Jas says it's extending-it makes you look like you have boy entrancers on,when you don't really.

Which is vair ate mine.

R.E.

Spent the rest of Break in the loos, trying the mascara on.

It looks very cool on us,except for Ellen, but that's just because she sneezed as she was putting it on and smudged it very it looks like she's got a black eye,hee hee.

We were almost caught by Lindsay,and I had to slip it in my PANTS behind my back,as it's illegal on Slim's terms to wear even a spot of panstick.

The bell went as Lindsay came in, so we filed out before she could pin anything on us,but as I passed her she reached out a stick arm and stopped me.

"You need to stop throwing yourself at older,maturer boys, look it up,with Masimo leaving I won't be able to see him much,and if I can't have him, you can' don't even try to stop him, because I know things that,if Masimo knew,he'd never talk to you go along and play with your little stop butting in on my life." and she moved her arm and let me pass.

As I was passing her I had an overwhelming urge to give her a good duffing up,but I know if I did I'd be put in detention for another 300 years.

Rom and Jul Read-Throughs

Miss Wilson has brought in the puppet dog for is hilariously it is a glove doesn't even look like a dog.I think it is a was supposed to work in her own got into a terrible state.

Miss Wilson suggested that the puppet dog "senses" that Rom is down below in the said to Jas "When you,Juliet,say 'Romeo,Romeo,wherefore art thou Romeo',the little faithful dog could bark..."

I said "Erm,as a matter if interest Miss Wilson,couldn't the dog double up as Romeo?I think that would be it, the doggy to say some of Rom's bits.".

Jas was getting vair vair red was revving up the huffmobile,big time.

But then Miss Wilson announced the new the suprise news is that it'sgoingto be..Melanie Griffiths.

She's a nice girl,Melanie,but she really has got ginormous basoomas.

I said to Rosie "I don't fancy her chances pf climbing up the balcony and not toppling over,possibly taking out several villages on her way down."

But it's not my prob,I am dead by page ,it's not really worth putting the tights on for.

Jas was on the edge of a nervy to do the barking and tail-wagging thing for the doggy and being Juliet as well.

In the end,she threw the glove puppet down to the floor and burst into tails.

Lunchtime

Lolling about in the fives Lindsay and ADM came lurking just looking at are they looking at?

Octopussy called over to Jas "Sorry about the play,Jas,but I've just got so much to do,the university thing and now the band going off to live in London."

What?What did she know about the band?

Then she went on talking to loud enough for us to hear every word.

She said "Robbie was so pleased to see me when I popped round last 's like he's been away for he is so cool at snogging.I had a boyfriend before him who was so inexperianced he didn't even know where to put his hands."

I said to Rosie "I could have told him where to put his hands-round her throat untill her googly eyes popped 's teeth,she is such a smug bucket."

Jools said "Did you know about the band moving to London?"
"No,I just knew they were visiting."

Wet Lindsay was still going on.I'm sure for my benefit."Yeah,I applied to to go Uni in London,of course.I haven't applied anywhere there but,you know,I could.I think it would break Robbie's heart if I didn't go.I can tell he daren't ask me to go with him just in case I say no."

Oh whatever !

I was going to say this but then two tiches skipped titchy and excited,Ginger Titch said,"Miss,miss,we've got something to tell 's a secret." Then they did sort of 'looking' at Wet Lindsay,then sort of 'looking' to the science Titch said really quietly "Follow us in a minute." then they did ludicrous waving and saying good-bye to me.I wonder if they had Mad Miriam for theater studies.

1 Minute Later

I sneaked over to the Science Titches nearly gave me a heartattack by leaping out from a rhododendron bush.

"Miss,quick,he's wants you to go and see 's down at the back of school,by the lower playing-field fence."

My heart skipped. Blimey,this was a bti thrilling.I could tell him about Melanie Griffiths and...

That's when I realized I'd been thinking the Titches meant Dave the Laugh,but they meant the Luuuurve God.

I did quick pouch work and sloped off down the then I saw him.

He smiled that wonderful smile of ,he's actually looks like a popstar.

He shouted "Cara,I came round 'ere to the back,for not getting trouble.I had to see you.I rang you."

Have you ever kissed someone through a fence?I don't as such recommend fact,I think I may have a slight fence burn on my is unusual.

When I got back,the Gang were agog (two gogs).Rosie said "So,what did he say?"

Ellen dithered into life "Is he,will he,is he,are they?"

Jools said "Go on,tell us everything."

I said "I dunno Stiff Dylans have got a major management company now,but they have to be,you know,where it's all happpening."

Ellen said "Where,I mean is it..is it happening ...here?"
I said "Not as such."

Jas said "So it is true,they are moving to London?"
I looked at them "That is the nib and gust"

Jas put her arm around me in a sudden lezzie attack.

Masimo wants to talk over everything to is there to talk over,though?He has been asked to go to London for his career.

He's not going to go,is he?

I am once again on the rack of luuuurve.

Marvelous.

Last Bell

Mad rush to the door as the last bell went.

My heart feels like it's trying to jump out my throat.I think I am going to be sick and poo myself at the same time.

I'm glad I put on an extra layer of foundation, just in case.

2 Minutes Later

At the front double doors,I stopped and took a few deep breaths before I went out,so I didn't have that mad,red-faced loon look,but Masimo wasn't waiting by the school gates.

Only the Tom,Dave,Rollo and Declan.

Huh.

5p,My Room

Long, boring,sad walk home.

Dave tried to cheer me up and tell jokes but I wasn't in the mood to listen. He must have seen that because he stopped and said "Slaters" and went off back up the street,to town.

No messages when I got in.

Masimo is coming at 7p.m.I said I would meet him in town,but he insisted on picking me up.I am going to make sure I am waiting by the gate to avoid any chance of Dad 'talking' to him.

I'm a nervy wreck.I've already changed my clothes four times.I have to get out of my bedroom before I go mad.

5.30p

Made a jelly sarny and some coffee.

Right, I got my nutrition taken care of.

Time to get ready.

45 Minutes Later

I wonder what Dave went to town for?

He's been acting very odd lately.

I wonder why.

Do boys have a monthly visitor like us girls do?

4 Minutes Later

Ooo-er-where would the put the tampons?

12 Minutes Later

As I was going over all this in my brain box, also known as my head, I very nearly didn't hear Mum call up the stairs for me.

What on Earth does she want know?

Has Maisie decided to knit me a dress too?

2 Minutes Later

As I was going down stairs I asked Mum,waiting at the bottom for me "Has Maisie decided to knit me a dress too?" but I only got to "Has Maisie decergghhhhh." when Masimo came round the corner.

Cor,blimey and all the rest,he's soooo makes me legs go jelloid and soft.I nearly fell down the stairs-I had to hold onto the rail the whole way down.

When I got level to Masimo I said to Mum "Thanks,Mum,bye." but she just stood there smiling at Masimo and adjusting her bra.

God, I think that if Dad and I weren't around she'd probably try to snog him.

I said "Mum,can you PLEASE help Dad in the kitchen?He's calling for you."

Mum frowned "Don't be stupid,he's in the den"

I opened my eyes as wide as I could at her and she finally got the idea and said "Ciao, Masimo,really lovely to see you look sexy in those jeans" and she WINKED at him and went to the kitchen. I could KILL her !

I smiled at Masimo "I am sooo sorry about should not be allowed to talk to anyone under their age."

Masimo smiled at 's got a nice crinkly smile...mmmmmm...what was I saying? Oh,yes, Masimo smiled at me "It is OK, your parents,they are nice."

"Err,so,what are you doing here?"
"Well,I come by your school but the traffic,I was late, so I see your friend Jas, and ask Where does my Georgia live? and she sent me here!"

God,reming me later to call Jas and tell her how much I love her.

In a strictly non-lesbian way.

"Did you get my message?"

"Yes."

"So is there place we can talk?"

The kitchen door opened a sliver, and Mum and Dad poked their heads saw me looking, and winked at mouthed someting-I think it was 'gorgey.'

I looked at Masimo "Can we go to the park?"

10 Minutes Later

Ciao Bella's

Very nippy noodles ride over.I was still in my school uniform and skirt so I had to sort of close my legs in a v over the was very uncomfrotable, and probably not very safe, but I didn't want to risk unneccassary knickers exposer.I couldn't remember which ones I had on, but I had a suspicion they were my old,ratty Teletubbies ones I wore only when I had my monthly visitor, or had no clean knickers,which is my case now.

I think Mum only does the laundry when she remembers to-which is about twice a month.

"You ready go in?"

"Si,er, yes-io."

He smiled "You are sweet."

I felt my heart flutter.

1 Hour Later

I suppose this is what my new Lunnern life will be off at bijou restraunts for a quick supper before...well,before what?Extended snogging?

The Luuuurve God touched me cheek,then said "I was wanting to tell you long time ago,but things come up, and I had to leave to London and my life, it go very craze for a while, but now, here I am with you and things are good,yes?"

I nodded.I didn't trust my self to say anything.

He took a deep breath, "I told you,I meeting with talent agent soon,and they call me, they have spot for is good,yes?"

I nodded.I didn't trust my own tend to run off on their own. Oooh-ooh,I have signs of absent brain coming !

He looked at me and touched my cheek. "So what you think,Miss Georgia?"

Everyone was keen on me thinking all of a 's not what I do.I could feel my stomach drop,like I've swallowed a small elephant.

Masimo said "If you don't want me to go,I won't?I can always do my I could write songs for other band here."

But it didn't seem right got ahold of my hand.

"I not go to New York,if you not want me to."

"New York?"
"Yes, he from London but is talent manager in New York."

"You mean you won't be back?At all?" I could feel tears drop down my cheeks,and probably ruining my mascara but I didn't was leaving me-probably for good.

Just like Robbie did.

I put my head down so he couldn't see my face, but he reached up and softly touched it.

I think I really am doomed in the Luuurve Department.I may very well never have a proper boyfriend again.I mean,what's the point?They're going to leave to break up with me and move abroad anyways.

Masimo squeezed my hand "You are young-this is big decision for ,if you like,I will find us a place to live.I have friends in London,and you could go for your college there."

College? Go for college to do what?

He squeezed my hand "What are you thinking?"

I jumped a little-I had forgotten he was my mind he was already might as well be.

"Nothing, just how this is typical of my so-called life."

"Typical?How?"

"Well, I dated Robbie for a while but we kept it a secret because I was so young and was a sort of jailthing then he comes by and tells me that he's leaving for New Zealand and we can still be now you do the same thing,only it's not Maoris and sheep, it's New York New York and and vee-hick-les."

"I am sad to hear of this that your heart has been hurt before and I have hurting in my heart to leave like this,but I know it is good, we can still write, and be finish school,maybe visit one day,yes?"

"Yes,I guess." and he kissed me on the cheek.

6p,Bed,Crying ALOT

We talked it over and we agreed that it is for the best for him to go and start his stardom in Hamburger-a-go-go Land, and we'll still write to each other.

I also sort of accidentally told him that when I was done with my studies I'd come visit him,even though I know for sure Mum would never let me.

She'd want to come along and snog him.

So now, once again, I have burnt my hands in the cakeshop of lurrve and now remain forever.