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Chapter five

Five hours later, Mulder parked the car outside a small house. Large trees surrounded the ground, and provided a shelter for the small brown painted house; the place was far from the main road which guaranteed, that no strangers would easily stroll by. It was a perfect hiding place.

Mulder stepped out of the car and went to Scully side where he offered her a helpful hand, gratefully, she accepted his help this time. Her back was sore and her legs stiff from sitting in a car for close to nine hours. She took the key from Mulder and unlocked the front door, pleasantly surprised, she walked inside, the place was clean and had all modern facilities. And far better; the refrigerator was loaded with food.

Mulder came inside with their two bags, "not bad, Scully. Not bad at all." He whistled approvingly.

"Yeah, it's far better than the hospital. Are you hungry?" Scully had discovered that with pregnancy came a healthy hunger, her body demanded food and she acknowledged the wise in eating healthy food, and fortunately the kitchen were full of that. Mulder must have had a hand in that, she thought.

"Good, I'll fix us something. I'll unpack my stuff later you can just put the bag on my bed." Without looking at him she unpacked two chicken breasts and ingredients for a salad.

A few minutes later Mulder came back into the kitchen, for some time he just watched her.

"Yes, Mulder?"

"Hum, Scully." Pausing he fidgeted with his belt, "there is only one bedroom."

"Hmm, isn't there a couch?" She wasn't really paying attention to him.

"Yeah, but it's too small for any of us to sleep on it."

Stopping with her preparations, she fixed her eyes on him, "oh!" The odd grief was back in his eyes when she paused in talking, it puzzled her. Taking his appearances in, she fond him very attractive, he was lean and his eyes gentle.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" The words came out loud and clear, it had not been her intention. When she saw his discomfort she hasty added, "it's none of my business, you don't have to answer. Sorry."

"It's okay. I'm involved with a beautiful woman, but things are not easy between us, right now. I'll sleep on the floor." He turned and left the kitchen.

His answer sadden her, unsure why, she caressed her abdomen, she was clearly involved with a man so she had no right to feel betrayed by Mulder's short answer. Calmed by the sweet kicking of her baby Scully pushed her thoughts away, hopefully, she would soon remember and return to her normal life. It would never do to get emotional involved with a partner again, Jack had taught her well.

"Mulder, will you set the table." She yelled, before she focused on making a heavy salad.

Half an hour later Scully lowered her body into one of the chairs around the small diner table, the house was obviously built for only two persons. Maybe a couple without children or maybe it was a get away for two romantically involved persons, who wanted to avoid curious eyes. Now it was her and her partner's home for an unknown time.

"How long will we stay here?"

"I don't know, hopefully until you've recovered your memory, Scully."

"But that can take from a day to a few months. Won't we be missed? Won't your girlfriend mind?" Suddenly, she remembered she was in a relationship as well, strangely how little she thought about it and how much she thought about her partner. "Won't my… umm, boyfriend misses me?"

Raising his eyes from his plate, Mulder stroke his forehead tiredly, "I think we will be fine, we are often gone for longer periods of time. Everyone we know is used to that, they won't report us missing and Skinner will take care of things."

Sensing his tiredness and the discomfort underneath his caring, she wondered why he stayed with her. Wondered is he wanted to be elsewhere, wanted to be with someone else instead of her. Wondered if she was a burden to him? Her heart sank with the thoughts, she felt peculiarly safe around him and felt by instinct that he was trustworthy.

Her mouth became dry, but she had to know. "But is must be hard on you to be forced to take care of me?"

Briefly, he met her stare, "no bother at all. I'm where I want to be." Slowly he began to eat.

Relief washed over her. "It must be a bizarrely relationships we have." Scully muttered under her breath, louder she said, "Do you always call our boss Skinner?"

Grinning Mulder straightened his body a little, "it's not! Yeah, Skinner is a good friend. He has saved us asses on numerous times over the years. He often calls you Dana, we are on friendly terms with him. He has become very protective about you."

"Why?" It was annoying not to know anything about her life in the past ten years, or know the important persons in her life anymore.

Carefully Mulder chewed on a piece of chicken, "well, the nature of our cases has separated us from time to time, and I guess that Skinner feels partly responsible. And he respects you very much as a person and for the work you do."

Again she felt he was holding pieces of information back for her. "The nature of our work, what kind of nature is that? And how were we separated?"

"Our work is complex and involves paranormal issues. We have gotten some enemies over the years who would like to see the backs of us, and who knows we're strongest together."

His words were so well balanced, lifting her eyebrow, she stated, "paranormal, I don't believe in such things. You do know that everything can be explained scientifically, don't you?"

"So you told me ten years ago!" His smile reached his eyes this time, and lit his face up. Her eyes were glued to his. "And it never changed, I guess." She was sure of his answer.

"It did!" The smile faded from his face and the sadness replaced it. Surprised, she studied him, "you must be kidding me, Mulder. It's not logical that paranormal events can't be explained, people are cheating to get attention. Some may even believe in their lies but science will prove them wrong."

"Scully, we have had this conversation so many times over the years…" The smirk on his face gave away how much he enjoyed her answer.

Scully's temper rose slightly, "I bet we have!" her jaw was set in determination, "paranormal my ass, it's just a cheap way to explain deceit and games."

Mulder's body stiffened and he sat right upward in his chair as he held his head high, "so I guess this means you don't believe in extraterrestrials, Scully?"

Her head bolted up from the food and the fog stopped in midair, "Mulder, look at the facts, it would take them millions of years to travel here, it's impossible and why would they come, anyway. There may be life forces out there but they don't visit earth!"

The stories about Mulder had lived vividly on the academy, assuming the stories grew by time because everyone added to them, she had always laughed of the stories, but never quiet believed that Mulder was a true believer, but staring into her partner's intense eyes, she had to re-evaluate her presumption.

"Mulder, you do believe in them?"

His honest look was a bit unnerving, "the truth can't be denied, Scully. Science can't explain everything."

Disbelief rushed through her mind and sinking back into the chair Scully stroke her eyelids with her left hand. Licking the corner of her mouth her mind worked on overload, it couldn't be! "I've spent 10 years chasing aliens?"

Mulder leaned back too, the smirk had left his face and was replaced by the odd hurt in his eyes. "It's not the only thing you've done for ten years. You make it sound as a burden and unwanted like we… you've wasted 10 years."

"What else have I done?" She was angry it had never been her dream to chase aliens with an insane partner, she had joined the FBI to make a difference, not to be a nutcase. What would her father think? He had resented her decision to work for the FBI. Paling on the outside by the thought of her father, Ahab, the anger boiled on the inside.

"What else have I done, Mulder?"

"Huh, we've been looking for my sister."

The anger subsided, "did we find her?"

The answer to her question came almost as a whisper, "no."

Fixing her hot stare at him, she repeated, "no?"

Mulder bowed his head a little and sank further into the chair, "she's death." Waiting for an explanation she stayed quiet. "She was abducted by aliens when she was 8."

Scully's anger came back on full force, red and ugly, leaning forward in the chair she coldly stated. "Aliens! I don't believe this. This is not happening to me!" Watching how Mulder's eyes became dull, his body became soft in the chair and how his face closed, but the devilish anger blinded her mind and left her unable to see past her deep sense of hurt, confusion and disbelief. All the feelings came together in hot anger. She had wasted a good damn of years on something so foolish as aliens! No matter how nice Mulder was he wasn't worth this."

With a last glance in his direction she got up from her chair, taking a few seconds to become steady on her feet and fighting a brief wave of dizziness, she lingered a few moments before she took her plate with food and went into the kitchen. Standing beside the stove she looked out of the window, her appetite was gone and looking down on her plate she frowned, but her better sense won and reluctantly she took another bite of the chicken. There was another life to consider now, and she never shied away from responsibilities, at least she hadn't before. What kind of a person she was now was on the other hand a mystery.

With each mouthful of food some of her anger vanished and left a deep feeling of sorrow and loss, the food grew in her mouth and became impossible to chew, tears filled her eyes and her breathing became hollow. Chewing harder, Scully tried to fight back the tears but to no avail, they kept coming and soon steamed down her cheeks and wetted her face, and the lump in her throat grew. It was becoming unattainable to sink and choking on food and tears she walked the few steps to the garbage can, and spit the ball of food out.

It didn't stop the tears, on the contrary they came by tenfold now and she was choking to hide her sops, embarrassed Mulder would hear her crying. Suddenly afraid he would find her weak and foolish. Hearing the vague sounds of a chair being pushed away from the table and a few hesitant footsteps coming closer to the kitchen door, she covered her mouth with both hands and stood very still.

"Scully?" Mulder called quietly to her.

Wanting to be left alone to process all the changes in her life she kept quiet, waiting a long moment for her answer he obvious gave up and walked away from the kitchen. "I need some air. I'll be back soon." He called with his back to her.

Relieved she removed her hands from her mouth. Finally alone! A break from keeping a façade up and play the brave FBI agent, with tear blinded eyes, Scully stumbled the short distance to the bedroom, her normal strong position was totally gone for the moment. Never had she felt so utterly alone and weak – it was frightening not to remember anything about the last ten years of her life.

A revolting suspicion played in the back of her head, as a medical doctor she had learned of cases where the patient preferred to block all remembrance of violent or unpleasant evidences in his or her live, was her own life so terrible that it was easier to forget, had she become such a coward? She hoped not. It would be worse than chasing aliens.

Why would FBI support a fruitless hunt of aliens or paranormal activities without any proofs? It didn't make sense.

Curling into a ball on the bed all her frustrations came out in heavy sobs and steams of tears, she cried like she hadn't cried since she was a little girl. Her body was shaking from head to toe and the repulsive sounds coming from her sounded like cries from wild animals. She was crying for far more than losing her memory, the tears pent up for years and only now did she allow them to fall.

When the pain faded, the tears decreased and the sorrow was replaced by an ugly self-pity but refusing to acknowledge it, she dried her face with her hands and pulled herself together, it was below her dignity to fall into the clammy hands of feeling sorry for herself, it would help no one.

Resting her hand on the top of her unborn child Scully found a new strength, the thought of children had never really crossed her mind before, but feeling a deep connection with her baby, she doubted that this child was unwanted. Everything was a clouded and a mess right now but her love for her baby.

Turning onto her back, she eyed the two bags Mulder had fetched in the other rental car, they were on the bed and one of them must contain keys to her life, nervous hands reaching out and unzipped the first bag. It was navy blue and of average size, looking down into it she saw pieces of clothes for both men and women packed neatly together, with two pair of shoes. Puzzled, she withdrew her hand – it couldn't be her bag. Fast she unzipped the other similar bag next to the one she had already opened, inside was a similar sight; neatly packed clothes for men and women and a sponge bag.

The sponge bag included two toothbrushes, toothpaste, her favourite perfume and lotion, shampoo and toiletries for a man too. Turning away from the toiletries she took a piece of clothes into her hand, it was a green blouse in her size, a blouse she would gladly wear outside the office. It was her blouse she was certain, she obviously shared bags with Mulder, her FBI partner, and for some reason they doubled packed.

Searching the small rooms on the last bag she found a cell phone and staring curiously at it, she realised it was operational, her fingers unlocked the cell phone with familiar movements she didn't have to think about, they had done this before. Scrolling down the contacts she scrolled down her social life, choked she found very few names on the display.

Billy

Contact

Doggett

Mom

Ryes

Skinner

Social M.V

Apprehensive she scrolled down the short list again, where were all her friends and her sister and her dad? Her world couldn't have become this limited could it? At least she would be in contact with her sister, and usually she listed her parents together. Two of the contacts were very strange; contact and social M.V. Bewildered, she continued her search of the bags. She found a small leather album decorated with a heart, inquisitively, Scully opened it and found a happy baby face smiling at her. It was a cute baby boy with crystal blue eyes, a thin nose and full lips. His hair was blond with auburn gleams, he looked familiar but no memory was sparked alive. Flicking the second and last page she stared at two smaller pictures showing her and the baby boy together, in one of the pictures she was kissing the boy lovely on his baby cheek, and obviously making the boy giggling. They looked so happy. On the other picture, the boy was a little older and they were both looking into the camera and smiling. Taking one of the pictures out of the album she turned it around but found no name on the back of. But when she looked into the baby's eyes she felt a crushing pain in her heart, and a few new tears dropped from her sore eyes.

For a long time she stared at the pictures but to no avail, she had no remembrance of the baby boy she evidently was very fond of and close to. The familiarity of the baby's face intrigued her, he had the same colour of eyes as she had, and his mouth reminded her of some one… He could be Billy's son...Billy had married Tara a few years before she was assigned to the X-Files. Unwilling to part with the pictures, she reluctantly laid the album on top of the clothes in the bag, the pang in her heart confused her, and she stole a final look at the happy baby.

Strolling back into the living area she decided to do the dishes, it always soothed her to be handling homely activities, or working when she was worn out, and clearing the table she carried the dishes into the kitchen where she found a full operational dishwasher. It made her task easy and in no time she had cleaned the kitchen. Looking at her watch she began to wonder what kept Mulder away, he had been gone for close to two hours now, a small twinge of guilt sneaked in on her. She had behaved harsh and unforgiving, he deserved better after his kind treatment of her, but the anger towards him was still too fresh to be forgotten, totally. It was irrational, he wasn't responsible for her life or lack of life, surely he hadn't forced her to work on the X-Files, but he was all she had to blame and she wasn't ready to calm down.

Turning the light on she went into the bedroom again, digging into the one of the bags she found a pyjamas. Quickly she changed into it and found her toothbrush. After a quick visit to the bathroom she climbed into the bed, and after placing her weapon under her pillow she turned the lamp off. At the exact same time, she heard the front door open and holding her breath she listened to the sounds of a person entering the house.

"Scully?" She heard Mulder call her name but she ignored him and closed her eyes. She kept listening when his footstep came closer, until they stopped in the door opening, "Scully?" he softly called. Again she ignored him, for a time he lingered in the door and she felt his questioning eyes on her face, fighting hard to resist the urge to open her eyes and lock them with his, she slowed her breathing down and finally he left her alone.