HEY LOOK, A NEW CHAPTAH. NO WAI. Yes wai. I just happened to remember that we needed to update and told Allen to write a new chapter. And he came out with this beauty. The idea was submitted by one of you reviewer people…whiteninjaalchemist, yeah, that's him/her. Enjoy this as much as I did, please!
Full title (cuz it didn't fit): What if Mugen became haunted and tried to kill everyone?
It was a dark and stormy night. Rain beat against the walls of the imposing tower set on an impossibly tall cliff. Inside, the pitter-pattering of rain was muffled but still echoed throughout the deserted corridors. Down one particularly dark hall way slept an un-suspecting Exorcist. Behind his door, he sat cross-legged on a bamboo mat deep in meditation. By his side was a simple katana in a wooden sheath, partly eclipsed by his waist length black hair.
Through locked doors and closed windows, an ancient sprit drifted inside. It wasn't a particularly mischievous spirit, in fact he much preferred to stay put in the afterlife but noooooo! His dad said he had to take on the family business of haunting ancient and potentially deadly weapons! Slipping past the meditating Exorcist, he grabbed on to the sword with his essence and took control. Instantly, the spirit could feel the power of the weapon at his finger tips. He was in control. Slowly, he removed the blade from beneath the Exorcist's hair without disturbing a single strand. With that he left the room and took the sword with him.
The next morning at breakfast wasn't particularly fun for any one, which came as a surprise because it was waffle morning and Jerry's waffles were known the world over as the very best, even among the highly secretive organization known as the Collaboration of Waffle House and Entertainment Chefs (COW-HEC for short). But that's beside the point.
The point is that no one was happy at breakfast because Kanda didn't like his soba noodles and felt the need to inform Jerry. He didn't take it well, which made everyone else's food taste like crap. So no one was happy at breakfast.
Of course, Kanda's soba didn't taste any different than it had the day before; Kanda was just far more pissed than he had been since Allen arrived. And it wasn't anyone's fault… he just couldn't find Mugen, that's all…
Meanwhile:
The Science Department was a complete and utter mess, and not in the normal sense. Normally the chaos of keeping a fully functioning Research and Development Department running was handled by Section Leader Reever. Unfortunately, Reever was nowhere to be found and Komui was no help.
"Have you checked his room?" asked Jonny.
"Of course I checked there," replied one of the finders.
"How about his office? He sometimes sleeps there…"
"Checked there already," replied another one.
"Well he has to be somewhere! It's not like he just dropped off the face of the earth!"
"Actually, he might have."
The quickly growing group of Finders and scientist whirled around to find Head Officer Komui standing in the door way holding a science coat… with Reever's name on it. "I found it in a deserted corridor…in a pool of blood."
"What are we going to do now?" asked the first Finder.
"We are going to find Section Leader Reever," was Jonny's strong resolve.
Lunch didn't go well either. By that time half of the Science Department had disappeared (each body only identifiable by the pool of blood surrounding a personalized lab coat) and Jerry had begun to fall into a self destructive cycle of consuming cooking Sherry and Baker's chocolate. And Kanda still hadn't found Mugen.
"I mean this is getting ridiculous," Lenalee said as she and Allen walked down the hall. "I hear that the missing person's count has gotten up to ten."
"No way," Allen replied. "That's crazy. And now Jerry has gotten all depressed!"
"Good lord Allen! People are disappearing and all you care about is food!?"
"What? I'm hungry!"
Kanda had checked all over the order and still couldn't find his sword and now the mass disappearing act was really getting out of hand. Whatever it was that was making people disappear had gone through the entire Science Department, kitchen staff (with the exception of Jerry who was found passed out in the middle of a giant pile of chocolate wrappers and empty alcohol bottles), and all of the Finders on hand at the Order by three o'clock in the afternoon. By diner time it had blown through almost all of the Exorcists. Actually, Kanda was the only one left (besides Jerry, but he didn't really count at this point).
He rounded a corner and came face to face with… himself. Sort of. It was really more of a rough outline of him caring his sword—
His sword!
"What the Hell are you doing with my sword!?" Kanda's eyes erupted with blast of heat that rivaled those produced by the sun on really hot days.
"Hey don't look at me!" the sprit replied.
Not much catches Kanda off guard. It's a fact that he prides himself on (although he would never say it aloud), so when I say he was caught off guard he was really caught off guard.
"What did you just say?"
"It was my dad's stupid idea, not mine! I wanted to be a baker, but nooooo! My dad said I had to—"
"Stop!"
"Okay…" Now it was the sprit's turn to be confused.
"Your dad?"
"Yeah, my dad. He's a real stickler for traditions and he wants me to go into the family business of haunting weapons but I really don't have the heart for it... Can I tell you a secret?"
Kanda was too stunned to do anything but just stair off into space.
"I really want to be a baker, but ghosts have a hard time getting cooking jobs."
Kanda began to twitch. He didn't like ghosts and he especially didn't like ghosts who reminded him of people who were still alive and would like to kill but saw the logic in letting him live even though it pained him every time he ordered a quadruple order of mitarashi dango in the middle of the afternoon, so the twitch didn't come as much of a surprise considering how friendly this particular ghosts was getting. However, in a complete un-Kanda like act of mercy, he resisted the urge to clock that stupid spirit and tried to work things out with words. "Tell you what," he said through clenched teeth, "I might be able to get you a job with our head chef, but first you have to tell me where all of my comrades are and give me back my sword."
The spirit's eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. "Really? You would do that for me!? Oh, I'm so excited; I don't know what to do!"
"You can start by giving me back my sword."
"Oh sure, no problem Yu-chan."
It took a few seconds for the spirit's words to sink in. Then all Hell broke loose. Astral juices sprayed the walls and—
Because of the violent nature of the following scene, we at Road Mart (AKA Allen, because Road, knowing the crazy fangirl she is, would have put this in anyway) have decided that, in the interest of preserving what little is left of the sanity of most of our readers, to omit the next couple of pages of this story and replace it with a two sentence summery, which goes as follows:
Kanda got really, really mad and attacked the ghost. The ghost, being a ghost and all, was fine in the end, although it was scared for the rest of its existence.
We appreciate your understanding and continued patronage.
Sincerely, Allen
Co-Manager and Head Writer
As it turned out, the spirit, who wasn't very good at the whole haunting and killing thing, had faked the whole incident using a tricked out broom closet and the tomato soup Jerry had tried to cook after Kanda had insulted his cooking. In the end, everyone was fine, if not a little shaken up from being stuffed into a broom closet for hours on end, and life went back to normal after a couple of days.
Except for Jerry. He never fully recovered from the incident and vowed never to touch tomato soup or baker's chocolate again.
I can't even begin to explain how beautiful this is. Allen has outdone himself. Not to mention it's a good 1,300 words long. I applaud him! –Insert applause-
Idea by whiteninjaalchemist; Written by Allen; Edited by Road; Posted by Road
Reviews are loved more than Road's favorite soup. Flames will be used to bake the baked goods that Road and Allen will be making someday so that they can earn money for anime conventions.