Disclaimer: As pointed out in earlier chapters; Scully and Mulder do not belong to me. I lay no claim on them
Thank you very much for reviewing this little story. I'm overwhelmed that anyone remembered it after such a long time without updates. I'm working on ROLITD again, but I can't promise to update every week. But I'll be updating when I've time.
I know I'm not fluent in English and I apologise for it, I haven't found a beta reader and honestly I don't really have the time to search for one. Hope the grammar mistakes won't destroy the story too much.
Ray Of Lights In The Darkness
Chapter six
Reaching out
The day seemed to have no end and she was emotional worn out, her body was bone tired but sleep wasn't within her reach, and her mind was dealing with all kind of explanations of her recent life. She had absolutely no desire to deal with Mulder at the moment. She lay very still and breathed evenly, positive her faked sleep was convincing to untrained eyes as she heard him move around and securing the house for the night, suddenly, realising he would want to sleep as well, she considered the options, they were very limited. The living room didn't have a couch or a beautiful polished wooden floor he could sleep on, it surely didn't leave many sleeping arrangements available, and the kitchen was out of the question, of course. That left them with only one bedroom with a double bed and another rough, hard wooden floor.
Before she could come up with a solution Mulder re-entered the bed room quietly again, and his eyes burned on her face for lingering moments before he turned and reached into one of the bags. With his back safely against her, Scully quaked her eyes open slightly, and watched him through the small cracks. His hair was tousled and the way he carried his body indicated he was troubled or worn out, probably both.
With empty hands he walked the short distance to the bath room and without turning he closed the door behind him. The muffled sounds coming from behind the closed door told her that he was using a toothbrush from the shared sponge bag. After getting ready for the night he came into the bed room again, this time his inquiring eyes burned her skin and left her breathless, luckily she had managed to close her eyes in time to avoid his. Still mad, she refused to acknowledge how he made her body react with a mere stare, it had to be due to hormones.
When he moved, she re-opened her eyes ever so slightly, he was biting his lower lip in what appeared to be frustration; the situation was hard for him too. He was stuck here as well, with an ungrateful and pregnant woman when he could be at home with his better half. Fighting the small pang of bad conscience, she justified her outburst with the injustice in that he knew why they were here and she didn't. She had no idea what had lead them here, and with his knowledge of the past and the case, he had power where she had none, and it was unfair.
Mulder moved around the bed and out of her sight, when he stopped and stood very still she fought the urge to turn around and see what he was doing, she hated the uncertainty of her situation. The urge was overwhelming, her body was becoming painful from not moving and her back sore from her dreadful positioning in the bed, thank God, he was moving again! Stiffening, she realised he was messing with the blanket and the pillow, she had no desire to share her bed with a strange man, partner or not. The pressure on the bed disappeared, instead of climbing into bed he came around the bed again with pillow and blanket in his hands. Swiftly, she re-closed her eyes.
"Scully, I know you're awake. Your back must be killing you by now, take this pillow between your legs, it will help you to relax."
Ashamed to be caught, she opened her eyes and met his sad ones, "thank you. This can't be easy for you either?"
His eyes flashed with surprise and relief, "no, it isn't. But this isn't about me. It's about you and…your baby."
Extraordinarily touched, she took the pillow from him and followed his instructions without worrying that he saw her pyjamas covered body.
"How do you know these things, Mulder?"
Flashing a quick smile, he said, "from practice."
"You've children?" The pure thought displeased her.
"It's too complex to discuss the family tree now, Scully. Let just say my main responsibilities are right here." He was clearly disturbed by her question.
"You're not mad at me?" He had good reason to be, she thought.
"Scully, I'm not mad at you. You are stressed from your amnesia and handle it impressively well, you had to react at some point and I'm the only one around, so it had to be me you attacked." He gave her an odd half smile. "It must be confusing. On top of that you've to handle a pregnancy you don't know if you wanted or not."
"I want my baby, that's all I'm sure of now."
For a moment he closed his eyes in relief, "you do?" he whispered.
Smiling, she stressed her answer, "I'm sure. This baby is loved, at least by me."
Watching his shoulders relax like a burden had been lifted from them she felt utterly happy, Mulder was sweet when he was free of the guarded shelter around him. "Where are you planning to sleep?" She looked at the blanket in his hands.
"In the chair in the living room, it will give you space to get a good night's rest, and you know, for years I slept on a couch so a chair can't be that awful." He was trying to lighten the air around them.
Reflecting upon their situation and the sacrifices Mulder plainly made to help her, she felt selfish for occupying a big bed all by herself, he had proven to be trustworthy so far and taking a fast decision, she stated. "Don't! There is plenty of room for us both here. You're welcome to sleep in the bed. You need your rest too, I doubt you slept at the hospital."
"No, I didn't. Are you sure?"
"Yeah, shut up and jump in before I change my mind, Mulder." She yawned.
With Mulder in the bed her body relaxed and she was able to sleep.
Rays of warm sunshine fell across her face and the bright light annoyed her eyes behind the closed eyelids, but yet she wasn't ready to open them, still heavy from sleep she squeezed them tighter and moved her head to avoid the warmth. Her head was moveable, unlike the rest of her body which was held back by something unfamiliar, tensing she tried to move her toes, they responded well, and her legs were cooperating just as well, but from above her legs her body was held tightly. Panic stroke hard, sensing it wasn't the first time she was held against her will, a picture of a woman lying on a wooden plank bed in a white nightgown flashed in her mind's eye. God, she felt so helpless! So weak! Daring to examine the woman, she saw it was herself. She was lying on the plank bed, held against her will by someone or something she couldn't see. Her body was heavy like one of the Goddess statues which tribute fertility, her body glowed with motherhood and tears of awe filled her closed eyes. The image filled her with remorse, regret and deep sorrow she had lost a vital part of her on that plank table, she was sure of that.
The images vanished as fast as they had come to life, leaving her to wonder if it was a memory or just a fantasy, a remnant of a nightmare maybe. The pressure she felt on her side wasn't a fantasy and resolute she opened her eyes to see what kept her captured from loin and up. The sense of discomfort had left her and was replaced by an odd feeling of comfort and security, looking down she saw an arm encircling her from behind. Long fingers rested peacefully on her swollen abdomen. Sometime during the night they had sneaked under her pyjamas top. His hand looked well accustomed to the shape of her body.
Feeling that her personal space had been violated she jumped to her feet, a wave of dizziness washed in over her and to support her body, she touched the wall with one hand while she yelled, "Mulder!"
His eyes flew open instantly, worry with a flick of fear replaced the peaceful look on his face, and in a second he was on his legs and on his way around the bed moving in her direction.
"Scully, are you okay? Is it the baby?" Meeting her angry eyes he stopped in his tracks and his eyes widened in remembrance, swiftly, he hid behind a blank expression. "Are you okay, Scully?" He asked in a neutral voice.
"I was until I awoke to find you pressed into my body with your hand on my naked skin, what were you thinking, Mulder? I don't think the FBI encourages intimate contact between partners. Neither do I! Where is your t-shirt?"
Her eyes left his to follow the frame of his body, gliding south she took in the leanness and muscularity of his upper body, her own body grew warm from the sight, and unable to control her eyes they glided further south, and she gasped when they made contact with the stiffness behind his pyjamas trousers. Embarrassed her stare returned to his mildly amused eyes.
"I was warm." He explained.
"You were warm?" Completely forgetting her questing she stared coolly at him, but the teasing glint in his eyes made her remember his boldness and she continued, "so you moved closer to me…normally that makes a person warmer, Mulder?"
The teasing glimmer left his eyes quickly and now he looked confused, "huh? No I mean I took off my T-shirt because I felt hot. I held you from old habit."
Lifting her eyebrow she hissed, "old habit?"
"Well…" his mind was spinning with useless explanations. "Well, I'm used to share my bed with someone who likes intimate sleeping arrangements…I guess, I sought your body... in my sleep, I'm sorry."
Seeing the honesty and sadness in him Dana softened, "just don't make it a habit, Mulder. I'm a one man's woman!" She added the last sentence instinctively, wanting him to think good about her.
"I'm glad, very glad, to hear that." Mulder answered quietly, he looked relieved for some reason and it made her happier. The tension left the room as quickly as it had come. Mulder had a natural way of making her feel protected and... loved? Confused Dana stared into his eyes, they were so friendly but strangely guarded. Unable to understand the feelings his stare awoke in her, her eyes travelled to his lips; they looked so inviting, so soft. Her eyes moved down to his bare chest, and her hand started to reach out. Mortified, she withdrew her eyes and covered her mouth with the hand that that been moving on its own will just seconds before. "I'll take a bath. She mumbled and not daring to meet his eyes again, she moved pass Mulder.
After a long soothing bath Dana changed into a blue flower pattern dress, it was tight around her bosom and hang loosely around her abdomen and it ended just above her knees. The dress was pretty and could easily be used for formal occasions but she would never choose it for work, it would make her feel too uncomfortable. Her working clothes were stricter and not so full of colours but she liked this dress, and it could make the heat endurable.
The smell of egg, bacon and toasted bread made her stomach rumble, smiling she lightly caressed her stomach, "hungry sweetie? Your mom is."
In the living room Mulder had set the small table with a healthy breakfast and coffee. Hesitantly, she accepted the warm mug. "It's decaffeinated with milk, just like you want it, Scully."
"How do you know me so well, Mulder?" On one hand Mulder intimidated her with his closeness but on the other hand it intrigued her, and she couldn't deny she was drawn to him. She was as a flue in a spider's net, waiting for him to swallow her with his intensity, only she never feared for her life and never really fought to avoid him.
Hazel looking into crystal blue made Dana smile. "I enjoy knowing these things about you." Mulder smiled back, desperately he wanted to add, ' I like how your eyes light up when I remember the small things you like, and how often I didn't take my time to pamper you in the past and remember those things'
"But why, Mulder? I don't understand. We are work partners not lovers!"
"I don't think there is a big difference between the two, Scully. In many ways we share a greater trust than I've ever shared with any former girlfriends or lovers, as you call them. On so many cases and occasions we've entrusted each other with our lives, we've searched for each other when we were separated and cried in each other's arms. We've shared our weaknesses and strengths without judgement. How often does it get so intense with a lover? And it's not the Stockholm syndrome or anything similar, trust me, I'm a professional in how the mind works."
Giggling, she watched him, "oh my, so you do know my bad temper."
His breath was taken away, she looked just like she had looked when they first met, young, innocent, smiling and laughing a lot. When he looked at her, he saw the young girl he had forced to follow him to Ellen's Air Force Base to investigate the disappearances of Lieutenant Colonel Robert Budahas. It was before she had been taken, before she became serious and fierce.
"Trust me I do, I've been the target one or two times."
"Something tells me you're annoying me a lot, Mulder. You don't like rules or science, do you?"
"I've come to rely on your scientific way of handling information on our cases; I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't."
"Separated, why were we separated, Mulder?" A buzzing from his cell phone turned their attention elsewhere. Hopping from the chair Mulder returned with the phone in hand, his forehead folded in concentration. "Skinner has left an urgent message in town." Watching him closely, she saw the questions and worries playing in his mind.
"I'm fine, Mulder. If you take a shower I'll clean this mess up." Swallowing the last piece of toast, she regretfully watched the bacon on Mulder's plate, sighing she twinkled her eyes at him, "I seem to have an easy pregnancy besides my cravings for unhealthy food. Some doctors mean that the eating habits and cravings for fat is developed inside the mother's womb and in the early childhood, and I tend to agree. But this baby must already have a mind of herself or himself cause I don't remember being this obsessed with high fat products. Of course, I don't know the father…"
Firing an intense stare in Mulder's direction she hoped to will an answer out of him, but to no avail, he ignored her, simply. "It won't hurt me to go to town, the doctor assured me my baby was fine, Mulder." She was rewarded with a relived sigh from her FBI partner.