A Brand New Dream
Sirens bellowed across the streets as the ambulance rushed through one light after another. Carey was doing everything she could to keep her sanity. She watched as trained professionals stuck tubes down her son's throat, and needles through his arms. This was all in effect to save Zack's life. He was hurt. Bad. It was worse than everyone originally thought. The words the medics spoke were like a foreign language to her, Carey's own thoughts were like a hammer banging on her skull. Nothing was making any sense. Meanwhile the cop car that contained the rest of the family wasn't any different. Cody was in the back unable to contain his emotions that pitted against the back of his throat.
"Oh god, I can't believe this is really happening. What if Zack dies? What if they can't do anything to help him?"
Justin tried calming Cody down. "He's going to be alright. He's with the only people that can help him now. We'll just have to believe that it's all going to be okay."
"But what if it's not huh? What if…" Cody stopped abruptly and buried his face in his hands. This was taking a toll on his nerves. Kurt wasn't doing much better either. The only difference was he was in absolute silence. His fingers dug into the back of his neck as he stared up at the ceiling. He started mumbling silently as if he was either talking to god or himself. Justin, while seeming calm, was just as scared as the others. After all the things that he's been through, the thought of staring death in the face normally wouldn't seem so scary. But things have changed. Growing up, he never let friendships go past the first stages with anyone because he knew that one way or another they were going to die, or he was going to die. This wasn't just a friend… this was a long lost brother that was possibly going to leave his life as quickly as he came into it. There were a lot of things to be afraid of at this moment. Miles was finally gone and this meant that he had total control over his life. He was no longer the son of destruction, but a kid. Justin was a real kid. It was everything he could've hoped for in life. This was why he fought so hard to be included in this family's life, and why it was so hard to stay away. And when he poured out his heart to his mom that one night, it was something he was never able to do before. Being loved is an addiction that can't be described. When you spend your whole existence searching, and then you find it, the feeling is so powerful and amazing that you will make any sacrifice just to keep it. Sometimes, the sacrifice can be too great. What happens if you end up hurting those you love? Then, is being loved good enough? Justin looked up towards the ambulance. As the vehicles turned a few more corners and the sirens were cut off, and as Zack was being pulled out of the van and rushed towards sliding doors, Justin couldn't help playing back that conversation they had over and over in his brain. The words Zack told him were so important for him to hear that they never stopped playing. Even now as they sat in the waiting room waiting to hear something, anything that would make the pain go away, the words repeated again.
"I want to start over."
Justin was tortured with guilt. Staring down the hallways where Zack was rushed behind swinging doors, Justin felt a sense of loss. He knew the dangers of what he was asking his family and he decided to take that risk anyway. Maybe it was for the passionate thought that he could be free from his old life, or maybe hide from the future. But now he looked at Cody, his father and mother, all wrapped up in a string of arms holding each other tightly because the agony of waiting had become unbearable. They looked so perfect together as if that was how it was always supposed to be, a tight bond that should have never been broken. The dream didn't seem so perfect anymore. Justin's focus was interrupted as the doors to the emergency room opened. Coming down the hallway was a surgeon. He walked as if he was on a mission, but not as a proud athlete declaring a victory. He walked as a sergeant ready to deliver a sorrowful message to a family that wasn't ready to hear it.
He took the surgical cap off the top of his head and approached Kurt and Carey. He talked with a low tone.
"Are you the parents of Zachary Martin," He asked.
"How is he?" she blurted. Carey knew by the way that the doctor looked, the news he had was not going to be good. The doctor was silent as if he were searching for the most delicate way to explain what he was going to say. He took a deep breath and began to speak. " The accident your son was involved in caused serious damage to… well… he has fractures in the sternum and bilateral ribs that have caused compression of the heart resulting in several lacerations, and the glass..."
The doctor paused as he found it hard to look into Carey's horrified eyes. Kurt held her tight. The doctor fought back his emotions so that he would have the strength to finish what he had to say.
"We've done everything we could Ms. Martin, the glass pierced your son's heart. The damage is irreparable. We can keep him on life support for the time being, but in a few hours his heart… I'm so sorry ma'am."
As soon as she heard that, Carey burst into tears and completely lost her balance. Kurt quickly grabbed her before she fell to the floor. They were both in tears. Cody put his hands over his face and began to cry. Hard. Justin's heart sank as he realized that this was it. Just like that, Zack was going to die. The tight bond had separated for good; there was no starting over. Out of all the possibility he had for the future, this was one thing he did not see coming. Justin didn't expect to lose a family member like this. As cruel as Miles was, and as harsh as his words were, he was right. Justin poisoned them with his presence and they have suffered for it. The dark haired boy's world grew silent as his mind blocked out the outcries of pain from his mother. Everything slowed down in time and stopped. 'What happens from here?' he thought. What's going to happen to his parents? What's going to happen to Cody? They say that there is no greater pain than a parent losing a child, but what about a brother losing his twin? This could have tragic consequences for him. What about his friends at the hotel that know and love this family so much, what would they think, what would they say? Justin had painted a horrendously dark future for his family; he could see it now. Probably not long after he too was dead, Cody would go through a very long depression, something he could never recover from. Kurt would become an angry person, furious with the world over things he couldn't control. And Carey… It was just too hard to even grasp. Justin dropped to his knees in despair. His world returned to the reality of the present.
Cody looked up at Justin and grabbed him, hugging him with all of his strength. At first he had no idea why but as the grip tightened, Cody silently whispered in his ear through his sobs.
"All we have is each other now Justin. You… me… we gotta look after mom and dad."
Those words had quite a powerful impact. Justin couldn't bear to hear what Cody was telling him. It wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't right listening to Cody whispering in his ear and telling him not only what he knew was true, but also in reality that he had to be the son and the brother that would replace Zack.
"It's you and me forever bro… you and me forever."
Why did Cody have to talk like that? Why couldn't he sound like his usual self, the younger and naïve Cody that believed in any and everything?
Justin felt like he was about to cry. This was becoming more than what he could handle. He tried to focus on the right words to say at the right time, but at a time like this there is no good or bad time.
"I cant be the brother you need me to be Cody."
Cody released his grip on Justin and looked him in the eyes first with curiosity, and then with reassurance.
"Sure you can Justin. I'll help you. We can get through this together, you and me…"
Justin knew that Cody was trying to do his best to make him feel welcome as a family member, but if Cody knew exactly what he meant by that it would tear him apart.
"No Cody, you don't understand-"
Cody interrupted. "-You and me forever bro…"
Justin said nothing more, for he knew that Cody could never know the truth, nobody could ever know. Cody leaned in again and tightened his grip around his brother. He was an innocent victim that had yet to suffer the devastating blow to his heart that was fast approaching.
Justin's head began to ache. He started to hear a voice in the back of his mind. 'Your objective is the mission.' 'Fulfill your destiny soldier.' He shook his head and the voices disappeared. He then pulled away from Cody's embrace and stood up.
"Cody, I don't want you to suffer because of me. I can't bring joy to you life; I can't be your friend. Everyone I come close to ends up getting hurt. I should have never come back."
"Why are you so afraid Justin? I know you didn't mean for this to happen, it wasn't your fault. Your heart was in the right place, you did nothing wrong. I need you more than ever. Mom and Dad need you more than ever…"
Justin couldn't escape his tortured conscience. He looked over at Carey sobbing on the floor with Kurt holding her in his arms. Justin knew that somehow this was all wrong.
"No. This isn't how it's supposed to be. It's my fault this happened."
Justin quickly walked down the hallway, away from the family and away from prying eyes. He sought refuge inside the men's bathroom and hid himself inside a stall. It was there he was finally able to let out all of his emotions. His mind was burning with tormented memories. Again, he envisioned Zack extending his hand as a gesture of wanting to start over, Cody hugging him and acknowledging him as the brother he will need to be around him forever. What was worse, Justin knew that dream was impossible.
The dream was over before it ever began. From the beginning, Justin had a life already planned for him. Even though he tried to run far away from it, he only ended up running around an endless maze that lead to the same fate over and over again. He began to remember that perfect day which seemed to have happened so long ago.
It had been a great day to be outside in Boston. The sun was shining and the weather was perfect. The bus ride to the skate park was a short one but Justin was able to capture a million memories. The people sitting outside coffee shops, the kids running up and down the streets, people walking out and about enjoying life… They all had stories to tell.
He remembered thinking, why didn't they share their stories? It would make the world a better place. But now Justin understood why some stories just shouldn't be told. After all, his story was so bleak, so twisted and unwelcoming. Who would want to hear his story? Who would care? This tattered soul wanted so much to be like the kids that were in the park, unaware of any kind of danger, free from monsters overshadowing their every move. Their futures were unplanned, life belonged to them and there was nothing that was going to stand in their way. This was the life that belonged to Zack and Cody, a life that should have never been interfered with. Yes… the day had been perfect.
Suddenly the words of Cody dawned on Justin, 'Your heart was in the right place…' Immediately, the heartache and pain slowed to a stop. Everything began to make sense to Justin. He originally asked himself once that if he was going to die, what was the point of fighting so hard to live the dream? Why fight so hard to live?
Life is an interesting story. But, how do you know when exactly it goes from being a suspenseful drama to an exciting thriller, or an adventure to a tragedy?
That can never be answered beforehand. But there are times when a part of you opens up to the tragic reality of things and you learn to accept everything around you, including your fate. A prelude to all things around us… Not all stories are meant to have a happy ending. They can however have a much deeper meaning within the surface.
In a story about discovery of things never imagined, new elements open up to the senses and new emotions are embraced. Here lies a critical moment in the life of a boy who discovered that he has a family that loves him. He's started to realize that he loves them just as much and is willing to do everything in his power to see that they are happy, even if he should suffer. Yes, dreams do eventually come to an end, but what about the journey? Isn't that what dreaming is all about? It was an incredible journey, and a wonderful dream. Justin began to realize that he had already found what he was looking for. He found his family; he ate with them, slept with them, played games with them. But now, it was time for that journey to end, for Justin had a new dream. He looked up at the ceiling and made a solemn pledge that he would see through no matter how difficult it was going to be.
"I'm going to fix this. I'm going to repair the damage I've caused. But how can I do that?"
Justin stood up from the stall and was about to open the door until he began to suffer an incredible headache unlike anything he ever felt before. Everything went dark and out of nowhere a spotlight appeared with him in the center. Then hundreds of glowing red eyes began to flicker in what seemed to be an endless room. Soon, a voice began to speak.
"Eyes forward soldier… the mission is at hand."
Justin knew the sound of that voice. It had been with him since he could remember. He also knew that these inner demons would eventually take full control of his mind. Justin began crying.
"I have to protect them… I have to protect them all."
Out of the darkness comes a soldier. It's him, except this Justin had a grin across his face.
"Your objective is the mission." He says.
Justin becomes afraid and starts coiling back into a defensive mode and covers his head.
"But… But I can't… I… I can't do that anymore. They told me I was free…" Justin replied.
The soldiers voice deepens, and with the greatest intensity of hatred brewing from inside, he digs his nails into the side of his face, in effect, drawing blood from Justin's own like a mirror image.
"You… are… worthless… do you want to die just like your brothers? They didn't prove themselves ready."
Justin could hear the screams of children he went through training camps with. The sounds of their screams pierced through his soul. Tears rolled down Justin's eyes, he was whimpering like he was a five year old. Justin rocked back and forth in the darkness.
"I don't want to die, I don't want to… please help me… please make me stronger."
Placing a finger over his lips, the soldier hushes Justin and then wipes his tears away.
"Shhh… Leave everything to me… I'll take care of it…"
Justin paused for a moment knowing that he had this illusion before. He woke up to Zack's voice the first time, but this time he had to face the nightmare.
This soldier standing in front of him was everything he was, everything he used to be. The soldier stood as a symbol of fear and confusion. But, this was the time to put aside the things of the past, for Justin was no longer allowed to be afraid. It was time to chain the inner demons away for good. He looked into the soldier's beady red eyes and spoke forcefully.
"I don't need you to take care of anything."
The soldier smiled, "you already know that you have no choice in this matter. You already know that it's only a matter of time before I take full control over you anyway."
The darkness fades into blurry colors of all sorts until Justin is transmitted onto the battlefield with his war family sitting on opposite ends of each other. A pair of hands enclose upon his shoulders. It was Miles. They began watching the children engage in a battle royale of epic proportions. The soldiers menacing voice became overpowering.
"We are all the demons of your past, present, and future. Every single one of us is a memory as well as a nightmare."
Justin shouted, "I don't need to relive this!"
We make all the decisions for you Justin, and we choose when and how you'll carry out your duties. You might as well enjoy the last bit of freedom you have before it's too late."
This monster tried to reason with Justin, reassuring that he had no control whatsoever and that he should just give in. He then shows a vision of Zack's funeral.
" I know you love your family. So be kind to yourself and to them as well. Go back with your family to their home… and be a big brother to Cody for as long as you can until you lose those precious memories. Bury the other child Zack, and then mark a grave for yourself and I will see to it that you get buried along side him, as my gesture of kindness to you. This is all you will ever hope to achieve. "
Justin tries to fight back the images. "Stop it! Stop putting these images in front of me!"
Suddenly, all the lights go dark again and Justin is back in the darkness with a spotlight shining on him.
You know how it all ends Justin. First, you lose control. Then, we take control. After we've completed all that needs to be done, then you die."
As Justin pondered those words, another memory reflected before him, but it wasn't anything the soldier placed before him. He found himself sitting at a table inside the Tipton hotel. His mother placed a hand on his back and said something very profound, in fact, unforgettable.
She said: "Justin, I want you to listen to my words very carefully because you've probably never heard anything like this come from anybody in your entire life and it's time you heard it now. It's time you heard it from somebody that loves you and is willing to love you for always and forever, not because you are some soldier, some weapon of mass destruction, or some kind of evil monster that can be used for some sadistic purpose, but loved because you are a human being with flesh and blood, capable of anything and everything good…"
Carey brought Justin's face closer to hers so that they were looking at each other eye to eye, and with the most sincere, the most honest, and the most refreshing voice, Carey said words more powerful than any commander Justin had ever heard.
'You-are-not-a-failure.'
The memory disappeared as quickly as it came and Justin stood before the soldier who was now completely silent. The menacing figure began to open his mouth as the fangs began to increase in their size. The creatures in the room began to gather even closer.
Before today, Justin would have crumbled in fear. But now, he took a good look at the soldier and asked himself a really important question.
Who's really in control here? It was evident that Justin had separated himself away from this symbiotic form. The memory he just had was not something the creature wanted to surface. And, if this creature was really in control, why was he desperately fighting so hard to keep Justin so afraid. It was because these old memories were trying to hold onto the past and drag Justin down with them. Justin discovered that even though his story was bleak, twisted and unwelcoming, he still had the power to change the ending if he was brave enough. The soldier looked at Justin, realizing that the boy's fear had subsided, and been replaced with a smile.
"What's so funny?"
"You've lost and you don't even know it yet." Justin replied.
"What are you talking about?"
"You may have controlled my entire life up to this point, but I still get to choose how it all ends. I'm not a failure. I can still win this fight."
"Just how do you plan to do that?"
Justin's head began to ache even more. Although his vision was blurred and his head was ringing in pain, he remained focused on his enemy.
"Shouldn't be hard to figure out. You and I are the same person, and we have the same mind. All you have to do is look."
The soldier looked closer at Justin's face and began to realize exactly what he meant.
"You wouldn't dare."
Justin smiled, "I believe you already know what I'm capable of."
The soldier's confidence began to shrink back, for his control was weakening. The beady-eyed demons began to disappear one by one in quick succession. The creature was in mortal fear. Justin began to speak.
"Eyes forward soldier. A new mission is at hand."
The soldier begins screaming at the top of his lungs, "YOU CAN"T DO THIS TO ME!!!" His body paralyzed, the soldier is forced to listen to his master.
"You see soldier, you… are… worthless! I know just what to do with you and everyone like you."
"But, you can't do this! I've read your thoughts just as you read mine. You know I only tried to help us, that's all! How can you actually go through with this? Why do you choose to do the unthinkable?"
Justin felt a sense of warmth inside his body as he regained full command.
"Because I'm tired… I've dreamt the same dream my whole life, and I've awakened. I realize now that being awake has made me aware of what I have to do. It's time to begin a new dream. And you cant be a part of it… I'm going to see to it that you never return again, and the future you've planned for me will never see the light of day."
The creature is forced to accept defeat. The boy places his finger over the soldier's lips.
"Shhh… Leave everything to me… I'll take care of it…"
Immediately the darkness began to fade away from Justin. He was inside the bathroom stall again. The headache fades as Justin opens the door and stares at the mirror next to the sink.
He takes a breath of fresh air and heads out of the bathroom towards the emergency ward destined to keep the promise he made, destined to write an ending to his tale that would become worthy of remembering. At this point Justin had answered his own questions and was satisfied with the decision he was going to make.
Yes, life is an interesting story. Life is full of individuals classified as monsters and humans. A soldier can be a monster, but a human controls that monster. Humans thrive off of the love they are shown and in return they learn to love. History has proven that a human is willing to make sacrifices for the chance of freedom, a chance to be heard, and make sacrifices to protect those they love. So in the end, humans can redeem themselves, and earn a place in history as someone that can never be forgotten. That becomes more important than life itself. And yes, being loved is an addiction that can't be described. When you spend your whole existence searching, and then you find it, the feeling is so powerful and amazing that you will make any sacrifice just to keep it.
Without thinking too much about it, Justin walked inside the emergency room where Zack's body laid. The medical supplies was just a futile attempt to keep his body alive long enough to watch him whither away. Nobody was present. It was there Justin would have one last conversation with his dying brother. He found a chair and pulled it up towards his bed. At first all he could do was stare at the tubes all over his body. Justin spoke softly.
"Hey Zack, it's Justin… I'm not sure if you can hear me so I'm just gonna keep talking because I need to say some things whether you're listening or not…"
Zack looked so pale on the table it was scary just wondering if he would go any second. Justin focused.
"I guess in the end, we never did get a real good chance to know each other."
Justin paused to listen to Zack's strained breathing. There wasn't much time.
"I really, really wish that there was more time to do the things we should've done. Like I said before, I don't know if you can hear me but there's something I want to tell you. Cody, well… Cody needs you a lot more that he will ever need me. I don't know what he'll do without you and I don't want to find out either."
Tears began to roll down Justin's face.
"I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It just wasn't supposed to be like this. I refuse to let you die."
Justin wipes his face with his sleeve.
"I just want you to know right now that no matter what happens this day forward, we will be triplets forever. I… I can't take care of Cody like you can; I just don't know him that well... He needs you and so do mom and dad. I can't have the relationship you two have and there's no way I'm going to replace you so we have to get one thing straight… Wherever you go from this day forth, whatever far off place you end up, I don't ever want you to forget me you hear?"
Suddenly Zack's doctor walked into the room. He pauses for a moment appearing angry.
"What are you doing in here kid? This is authorized personnel only_"
Before the doctor could finish his sentence Justin whipped around like a bolt of lightning and appeared directly in his face. The doctor felt something cold and hard on his chest. The doctor looked down to see that a gun was pointed directly at his heart. It was the weapon Justin retrieved from Miles. The man lifted his arms defensively and remained completely silent.
The boy had a cold stare filled both with intense anger and desperation. A minute passes by before Justin speaks.
"Are you a good doctor?"
The man tried futile attempts to calm the boy down.
"Kid, please… put the gun down."
Justin dug the gun deeper into the guy's chest causing pain. He asked again,
"I said, Are. You. A. Good. Doctor?"
There was another long pause. The man didn't want to say anything that could cause the gun to go off. So he carefully tried to decipher the question that was presented.
"Well… I do the best with what tools I have to work with."
The answer seemed adequate enough for Justin to lighten the pressure of the weapon against his chest so the man was temporarily relieved. The boy's cold stare remained. The doctor asked himself where this boy came from, not as in where he lived but in upbringing. Normal kids did not know how to handle a weapon like that. It seemed to him that this kid had lots of practice from somewhere. The boy quickly spit out another question.
"Lets just say that a dying kid needs a good doctor... If you have the tools to work with, would you be able to promise that dying kid would live?"
The doctor began to recognize the similarities between the boy on the table and the boy standing in front of him. He started to understand where the desperation came from. He began to relax a little.
"I'm sorry kid, truly I am. But there's no way I can help your brother.
Justin was infuriated. "That's NOT what I asked!"
The doctor held his hands back up.
Justin pressed the gun harder into the man's chest.
"I said, if you have the right tools to work with, would you be able to promise that a dying kid would live?"
The man gave way to silent tears. He was feeling the same Justin was.
"If I had the power son, I would do whatever it took to save your brother. I wish I had what your brother needed, I wish I wouldn't have to worry about my patients ever dying, but these things just happen… If I had the right tools to give your brother then yes, yes your brother would live."
Then all of the sudden, Justin began to smile. This wasn't a pleasant welcoming smile, but a creepy unsettling grin from a person that had lost all sanity.
"I made a promise to fix all of this… and you're going to help me keep that promise."
Next came the most chilling words the doctor ever heard.
"My brother needs a healthy heart. And I want YOU to give it to him."
The gun was pulled away for the doctor. Justin looked at him; the anger was gone from his eyes.
"I want YOU to give him MINE."
And without warning, Justin put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. BANG!
As soon as he dropped to the floor, all of the lights went out and Justin was thrown back into the darkness with a spotlight flashing on him. The soldier shouted at the top of his lungs as he was being sucked into the world of non-existence. And, in quick succession, flashes of memories fled from Justin. The soldiers disappeared, Miles disappeared, the guns disappeared, the crying, the shouting, the commands, they were relinquishing all of their control. No longer would they ever be able to take control of him for Justin had set himself free. But, there was also the heartbreaking realization that memories too of Zack, then Cody, then Dad, and then Mom… would all disappear. The doctor stared at the ground completely mortified by what he just witnessed. Justin had just killed himself to save Zack's life. Other personnel came running into the room, some screaming, some rushing to close off the area, and some asking the most basic of questions, What happened? But before answers would come, Zack's heart flat lined on the screen. Immediately the doctor stepped into action.
"We… we don't have much time left."
People stopped moving and looked at him as if he was crazy.
"We need to remove this boy's heart right away if there's going to be any chance of the other boy surviving."
Everybody stood silent.
A nurse spoke, "Sir, a boy just committed suicide. We have to follow procedures and…"
The doctor interrupted, "Would you rather spend time trying to figure out how someone died or would you rather figure out how to save a life? This boy just sacrificed his life to save another, if we don't act now, everything he's done will been in vain."
The ringing of Zack's heart monitor seemed to echo throughout the entire hospital. Cody somehow knew that between the loud pop and a flat lined heart monitor had to be something Justin did. He wasn't quite aware of what just happened but as he wandered down the hallway he noticed that the emergency room had been blocked off. As he tried rushing towards the doors shouting Zack's name, he was tackled by a few orderlies and dragged away from the door. He asked questions, got no answers. But soon enough he would come to understand the events that had transpired. And everyone's lives would be transformed forever.
The next chapter is the FINAL CURTAIN CALL to this story.