I want to thank my BETA, your wonderful love you. You guys should check out her stories they are wonderful.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
BPOV
Days for the most part were very uneventful. After Alice had that vision, most of them wouldn't let me out of their sight. Honestly, I felt as if I was causing them more grief and pain than it was actually worth. They did not need to have these problems, and I really felt as if I was the cause of those problems. As I thought about it, I came to think it was because of me their lives have been stuck on hold and their lives in danger. I should have never been born. Maybe Charlie was right about one thing. I was a waste. I was a no good, waste of space.
The fact that I couldn't take away their pain hurt me to no end. What kind of daughter am I if I can't even relieve some or all of their pain? I was the cause of the majority of it and it upset me to know that there was nothing that I could do about it. It was then that I came up with an idea. I have to do this. For them most of all. I have to, I have to find someone who wants me and some how do it with out anyone else finding out. Am I clever enough to pull it off? Only time could tell.
It was then that I heard a soft knock came at the door. Sighing, I thought that mind reading powers would be a really handy at this specific moment.
"Who is it?" I asked softly. I don't know their scents yet, I'm working on it. There were only three scents that I could identify anywhere. Those people were that of my parents, and Edward. The one that was standing beyond the door was neither of them.
"It's Jasper. Can I come in?"
Jasper? He never talks to me. He says I still smell too good because I'm still mostly human so he stays away from me.
"Sure," I stuttered. My bedroom door was pushed open and Jasper slowly slipped into the room with evident pain showing across his flawless face. Oh god I'm causing him pain. I am better off dead. I'm hurting my own brother, what kind of monster am I?
It was then that Jasper turned his head and his black eyes bored into my own and it gave me the feeling that they were going to pierce my soul.
"Don't you even think about it," he growled at me. Of course I deserve to be on the receiving end of his anger since I was the one that was causing it.
"What are you talking about?" I was hoping to play the innocent card, but it was clear that it wasn't working.
"I can feel you. Please don't play dumb with me." His eyes then turned to a lighter shade, almost a honey color. The sight of those softer eyes helped. Seeing black eyes frankly scared me.
All I could do was stare at him. I had really forgotten that he had the gift of empathy. Could he really feel everything that I could or was feeling?
"You feel guilty and not wanted," he stared deeply into my eyes again, and before I can say anything he continued. "You are truly wanted, Bella. Your parents downstairs love you beyond anything the world could offer and they will love you until the end of time. If they lost you, I know I would have to feel the weight of all the pain that they would have to suffer through. I don't think I would be able to survive that kind of grief, Bella." He slowly came over and sat down beside me.
I stared at my hands, pulling at my thumbs. It was just something that I had always done when I was very nervous. My thoughts were flooded with images and various thoughts of the past, but mostly the idea that my parents still had four children besides myself.
"They have you, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward." When I spoke his name, I couldn't help but take a sharp and deep breath. The thought of him made my heart flutter and I knew deep inside me that I was connected to him. Though, I would never admit to him, at least not yet.
"Don't even go there," Jasper said his voice was angry again.
"What? It's true, Jasper. They had you guys for how many years? Have any of you caused them as much pain as I have caused them?" My voice was getting higher with every word I spoke. "NO! I didn't think so. Have you had people wanting to hunt you from the moment that you were born?" I didn't even wait for him to give me a response. "I have been hunted for some reason that I can't explain especially since I am nothing special." I said in a whisper. I knew that the others were standing on the other side of the door too, especially since they heard me yelling at Jasper.
It was then that I started to scream louder, to ensure that they could hear me.
"Yeah, I'm nothing special! I know I'm not since I look at myself in the mirror everyday and I see nothing that tells me that I am special. I just bring pain to everyone that comes anywhere near me. I'm a pathetic moron that doesn't deserve to be happy. Kill me now and get it over with!"
Tears were streaming down my face. I knew that I loved them, even though I really hadn't known them that long, but I knew that I couldn't get too attached. When I did, I always ended up getting hurt.
I said nothing else. I just stood there in silence. I knew Jasper was still there looking at me. The next thing I knew was that my bedroom door was being kicked in and beyond the door, out in the hallway, stood six vampires with agony spread across their faces.
God, I really can't do or say anything right.
"Get over here right now Bella." Edward growled at me. Hearing him like that scared me and I backed up farther into the room.
My mom rushed into the room and gave me a bone crushing hug. I couldn't move and was numb in every way shape and form. I wanted to hug her back, but I couldn't. If I did, I would never be able to let go.
When I looked up, I met the eyes of my father. The man that helped created me, the man that put his life on hold for the past fifteen years. It was time he gets back to what he does best, with out me. The fact was that with me around no one would ever be in peace, and I knew that they deserved to have peace in their lives.
I looked over to Alice. If the saying 'if looks could kill' was true, I would be dead in that very moment.
"I will stop you," she said pointing a finger at me. Of course now every one will know my plan. Thanks a lot Alice.
All I could so was sigh, when I tried to sit back down. However, it was a challenge since my mom wouldn't let me go. She sat down next to me and slowly pulled me into her lap. She could make me feel like I'm that three year old girl, who I remember nothing about, instead of the soon to be eighteen year old woman. It wasn't a bad thing either, it was just something completely new and foreign to me.
By now everyone was sitting on the floor in front of mom and me. I hated the attention and wished in that moment that I could be invisible. Damn everyone and their nosey antics.
"Why do you feel this way, Bella?" My father was the first one to break the silence that was suffocating me.
I just stared at him for a minute before I answered. I would have bet that for them it seemed like a lifetime before I answered.
"Because it's true, I can feel it and I can see it. I'm not blind," I pointed to everyone in the room. "You have put your lives on hold because of me, and I'm not worth the pain or the hassle." I saw them all open there mouths at the same time to say something, but I cut them off before they could. "Please don't. I'm not done yet and if you start I will never finish." They all nodded for me to continue.
I can't believe I'm going to admit this. I sat quietly for a moment and then I took a deep breath. "I'm scared to death."
Emmett took that lead before I could stop him. "What?! Why? We are your family, Bella."
I couldn't help what came out of my mouth next, "Yes, my family who left me."
As soon as the words had left my mouth, I wished with all my heart that I could have taken them back, especially when I looked to see the hurt that flooded their eyes.
"You did the right thing. No should want me around, to be completely honest I shouldn't even be here!"
They didn't even bring their eyes to meet mine. They knew I shouldn't be here and all they could do was stare down at the floor.
"And you," I pointed to Rosalie, her head snapped up looking at me, "You even said that I was a mistake. Vampires aren't supposed to be able to have children! My own sister says this to me. I don't blame you or anything but I know that I am an inconvenience for all of you."
All heads turned to look at her. I was going to guess they didn't know that part and now I got her in trouble. Some sister I turn out to be.
"What the hell Rose? What is your problem?" Edward screamed.
I hadn't said what I had said in hopes of getting her in trouble, so I had to stop what was happening to her.
"Edward, don't get mad at her. She was saying how she felt. You shouldn't be angry with her for telling the truth."
I tried to get off my mother's lap but her grip around my waist was too much for me to fight against.
"You aren't going anywhere, you hear me." She said sobbing. I turned to look at her and my heart ached because I knew I was the cause of her pain. I was going to bet that she had cried more in the past few days than she had in forever.
"You are my child. I lost one child already and I refuse to go through that pain again and I do not have any intention of trying to live through that. You say that you are in an inconvenience to us. Let me tell you something, for the last fifteen years all we could do is look at old pictures and videos of you because we never wanted to forget you. You don't have to remind me that I gave you away, I know what I did was wrong and if my dead heart was not already cold and dead I know I would have died that day," she said through dry sobs. I hugged her back. That was something that I had never known.
My father picked up where she left off. "I told you before that I loved you, when you were my little girl, you were daddy's girl. I never had a child of my own, and you are made from me, you are part of me. We were so concerned with monsters that live among our kind that we thought it would be best if we sent you away. We never thought that you would have to face human monsters. A monster that causes such pain to an angel shouldn't be on this earth. You are from a family…" as he spoke I watched as he pointed to all of the faces in the room, "who loves and cares for you and will go to the ends of the earth for you. Bella, I would give my life to keep you safe. Everyone else would do the same for you as well. I know you are afraid, I know what you have been through, I just hope you can be close to me as you once were. To be my little girl again, and let me take your pain, let us take it from you." He yanked me from of my mother's arms, as the tears streamed down my face. One thing that I realized in that moment was that my heart had holes that needed to be healed and that these people were the best band-aids ever.
"I'm not use to this hugging thing," I said trying to smile but failed.
"Don't worry we will break you in. We are a hug family," Emmett said hugging me. I stiffened at his touch, and I felt bad for making him think that I didn't want him near me.
"Sorry, I just wanted to give you a hug," he said as he backed away and looked down at the floor.
"It's okay, Em. I just have to get use to it."
We talked about things for the next few hours and my heart continued to hurt, but I was persistent in my thoughts that if danger came for them that I would sacrifice myself to protect them in the end.
My stomach growled, and I blushed. It was really embarrassing to be the only one in the house that actually had to eat food.
"Come my dear, let me make you dinner," my mother said grabbing my hand dragging me down the stairs.
I couldn't help but think about how long that this day had been, my eyes were probably blood shot, and Jasper is wearing thin on the emotions department for his eyes shown how emotionally tired he was.
Everyone went to the living room while I finished eating my dinner. It really bothered me a lot when they sat and stared at me when I ate. In a way I thought it was rude and made it feel like I was on display at a petting zoo, but I knew it was just that they wanted to be around me.
Then all of a sudden I felt the most calming feeling I have ever felt. The very last thing I remember was my face falling into the dish and hearing the voices of angels saying, "Nice going."
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
I felt like I was weightless and flying high in the sky. I was wanted and loved… for now and that was good enough for me. I felt like I was lying on a bundle of clouds, sun was streaming over my body. Suddenly, I felt the falling sensation and my eyes snapped open to the sun shinning, which was odd for Forks. I looked around trying to find the source of the softness. My hands were moving around and it was then that I noticed that I was in a California king size bed. I felt like a tiny stuffed animal surrounded by all the pillows that were atop the bed. The pillows were so soft I didn't want to get up, I wanted nothing more than to roll back over and go back to sleep.
I rolled over and screamed as I fell backwards off the bed. The door busted open with everyone falling through. I looked down to see that I was still in my underwear and tank top, so I grabbed my blankets pulling them around myself. Stupid pixie vampire.
"What the heck Alice?" I asked as I placed a hand over my heart in hopes that it would stop beating so fast.
"Sorry, I just wanted to be here when you woke up, I most defiantly didn't see that coming, are you alright?" She asked with true concern.
"I'm okay, just waiting for the heart to catch up to my body." Everyone laughed when I said that.
"Good morning my dear one, what would you like for breakfast?" My mother asked, coming over to give me a hug.
"Can I have pancakes?" I asked in hopeful voice, I really wanted them.
"Of course you can." She was getting ready to go out the door when my voice stopped her.
"Can I help cook them with you?" I asked hopefully. I really wanted some bonding time with her.
Her smile was so big I thought I would need sun glasses "I would love that, get changed and I'll get the stuff out from the pantry." The expression on her face showed how excited she was and in the blink of an eye she was out the door and down the stairs.
Everyone started to flee the room after saying their rounds of 'Good Mornings' and 'how did you sleep.' Edward was the last one in the room. I turned to look at him.
"You made her beyond happy. You know that right?" he said. His smile was amazing and I wanted nothing more than to hug him. It was the strangest sensation that I just wanted to jump up and wrap my arms around him in a hug especially since I wasn't really much of a hugger. I inched closer to him. He stayed in one spot and watched me with hopeful eyes. I have to try this. He is not going to hurt you Bella. I kept repeating that phrase in my head in hopes that I would put myself at ease and eventually believe it.
I walked till I was standing in front of him. I looked deeply into his eyes as I spoke.
"Hold still."
I knew if he moved at all I wouldn't be able to do this. I slowly moved my arms to wrap them around his waist. The feeling of his cold body against mine was mind boggling. The electricity that I felt when I was near him was indescribable. It was like just being near him, I became a whole person.
"Is it ok if I wrap my arms around you?" He asked in a whisper just for me to hear.
I thought about it for a moment and without a word, I nodded into his chest since I didn't trust my voice at the moment. I felt his cold strong arms gently wrap themselves around my waist and in that moment, I felt like I was truly home.
"I have waited years to hold you like this. I loved you from the first moment I held you in my arms. I just had to wait till you were old enough. You are well worth the wait, Bella. To me you're worth everything and I will wait for you till the end of time. Listen to Carlisle, Bella. Let me take some of your pain from you, if not all of it. Don't burden yourself with useless things. It's ok to be happy. Happy with us… happy with me," he whispered the last part. I really don't think I was supposed to hear that.
I couldn't help but smile nor could I help the tears that came running down my face either. "You are my soul mate," I said to him, trying to convince myself at the same time. All good things have to come to an end at sometime.
"Come on. Esme is waiting for you," he said letting me go so I could change.
I can't explain the feeling that radiated throughout my body when I lost contact with him. I had never wanted to be touched by the opposite sex, but Edward was different. One thing became clear in that moment. It was time to have fun with my family and to give them real hugs. It was time for me to try to move on with my life.
I got dressed and headed out of my room and toward the stairs. Like normal, I was walking along and tripped on a small rug. What surprised me the most was that Edward was there to catch me. I couldn't hold back the blushed that was caused by the touch that I was not expecting.
"You are beautiful when you blush. Do you know how wonderful you smell in the morning?" He asked with a smirk on his face. I felt my face turn a deeper shade of crimson and I just nodded my head and headed to the kitchen.
My mom was leaning over a bag of flour, and was getting everything ready. She looked at me as I entered the room.
"Come," she waved me over and we started the most interesting cooking session I had ever encountered in my entire life. As I sifted the flour, I could feel it going up my nose and with that I had the urge that I was going to… sneeze. When I finally did, the flour went flying everywhere. It honestly looked like it snowed in the kitchen. Everyone started to laugh because eventually they too were covered in flour as well.
Emmett wanted to cook the pancakes and burnt the first three batches. I didn't mind, I was laughing with my family. Finally, two hours later I finally got to sit down to eat. After everything was cleaned up everyone headed to the living room to watch a movie.
Before it was turned on, I went over to Emmett and leaned in to give him a real hug from me. He was completely speechless and stunned at my actions. I was thankful for this because I didn't want him to move to fast. I then felt his arms move around me slowly.
"Thank you," he whispered to me, and it sounded like he wanted to cry. It felt nice to be near him.
I went to my father and hugged him too.
"I can try to be your little girl again, I can't promise I will do everything right. I just need you to love me no matter what," I said looking up at him.
"Till the end of time, sweetheart," he said kissing my head as I sat on his lap to watch the movie.
Pain is worth it, especially when people are willing to work through it with you. Having a family is a gift that should never be taken for granted, for me I have a lot of healing, but it won't be so bad. Especially with these seven angels at my side.