Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
A/N: I know that last chapter was a bit of a cliffhanger, but I wanted to make sure that this chapter was absolutely the best it could be, and showed all the emotions that Rachel is experiencing before I posted it.
Rachel lay on the exam table; her legs spread and in the stirrups as the doctor examined her. The woman on her left had shown up an hour ago, and called herself a victim advocate. Rachel knew what both those words meant, but together, they made no real sense to her. But this woman had told her that it was perfectly okay to cry, and that she should feel free to do as much or as little of it as she wanted. Rachel just wanted it to be over. She had told her story to at least four people now, including the advocate. Rachel knew she had a name, and really, Rachel should know it, but all she could think about was what the doctor would say when she showed up to examine her. The advocate reached out and patted Rachel's hand, obviously trying to comfort her, and Rachel really wanted to smile up at her, and thank her for being so kind, but right now her entire body was anticipating the doctor's words.
"You can put your legs down now if you'd like. I'm done." The doctor said. Rachel took a deep breath, and held it to hear what she would say next. The doctor packaged the samples, and came around to the opposite side of the gurney as the advocate.
"I may have some comforting news for you, Miss Berry. Your hymen is intact. I took the tests anyway, just to ensure that all of our bases are covered, and we'll get the results of them, as well as the blood tests, back in a few days. But there was no penetration." Rachel let out her breath.
"That is… a relief." She said. And truly she had never been so happy in her entire life, including the birthday where her father's had gotten her backstage to meet the original cast of "Wicked". So many worries fell off her chest, and Rachel realized how much the thought that he had… she couldn't say the word, even in her thoughts, but just the thought that he had done that thing had been weighing on her a considerable amount.
"We're not out of the woods yet." The advocate said. "There are still a few things that could happen if you wanted them to. Again, all of this depends on you." Rachel nodded, and noticed the weight back on her chest. "It's possible that while no penetration occurred, there could have been other behavior that could warrant at least a restraining order, if not jail time for this young man."
"But he didn't… I mean, I just…" Rachel sighed. "I was so scared that he'd done this thing, and now you say he didn't do… what I thought he did, but he might have done something else and… I know how these things work. I mean not from experience but I've heard things and… I don't remember anything and it's just going to turn into a big, sticky mess in court and since there's nothing to prove anything it's just…" Rachel took a deep breath. She could not remember at time when she had been less eloquent, but when she looked up to the advocate, the woman looked sympathetic for her lack of words. Rachel pressed on. "What good will it do to go through with this if there's no evidence?" She could see the advocate struggling to find the reason she was wrong, but Rachel knew there wasn't one.
"Even with only a small amount of evidence, such as a blood test that comes back positive for a date rape drug, there is hope that this will come out in your favor. It won't be an easy road, but he needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. You might find some healing along the way, as well." Rachel felt a tear slide down her cheek. The advocate continued, "And maybe not. Everything we do from this point on is up to you."
"How long do I have to decide?" Rachel asked her.
"You have 30 days to file a police report if you so choose. If not that's okay too." The advocate squeezed her hand and pulled out a business card. "If you need to get a hold of me, here's a couple ways. My office hours are on the card, and I always keep my cell phone on." Rachel took the card. "Take some time and think about it. No rush." Rachel nodded, and hopped off the bed.
"Can I go home now?" Rachel looked from the doctor to the advocate. They both nodded. She got up and walked out, clutching the card tightly in her hand.
When Rachel got home, there was a message on the machine from her dad's saying how much fun they were having, wishing she was there, missing her… Rachel cried when they told her that they loved her. She wanted to call them and tell them what had happened, but she didn't want to ruin their vacation. So she decided to just let them have fun – there would be enough time to deal with it when they got back.
She climbed the stairs to her room, and nearly collapsed into her pink frilly sheets. Instead of fighting and trying to be strong, Rachel took the advocate's advice from earlier and just let all her feelings out. There was nobody here anyway to try and impress, and it felt good to just let go. She wasn't sure how long she cried, or what exactly it was that was driving her tears, but at some point the tears started to ebb, and eventually she was able to roll onto her back without the threat of tears dripping into her ears and hair. Slowly the after-crying hiccoughs got less and less frequent and after a time stopped altogether. For awhile, Rachel just lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, not even thinking of anything, just letting herself be blank. The numbness felt strange to her, since she had always worn her over-the-top emotions on her sleeve, but it was a relief at the moment not to feel anything. Rachel heard the phone ring, but she knew she had neither the energy nor the composure to answer the phone yet. She heard both of her father's voices on the machine, and they sounded worried this time, asking her to pick up the phone if she was home. She didn't and they hung up. The phone rang again what she could only guess was a couple hours later, and once again, both of her father's were speaking, more urgently this time. Rachel decided to answer it. Even if all she could say was that she was okay, and that she'd been napping, they would relax. By the time she got herself up out of her bed, and to the phone they had hung up. Oh well.
She went to the living room, turned on the T.V., flipped through the channels once and turned it back off. She laid her head down on one of the throw pillows on the couch, and closed her eyes. At least this pillow wasn't wet. Rachel closed her eyes and fell asleep curled up on the couch, her thoughts about all the homework for Monday that she wasn't getting done, and how much she just did not care.
A/N: If you have been raped or molested, please do NOT hesitate to contact and talk to your local authorities, and/or someone you trust. You are not alone. If you need information for what to do after any type of sexual abuse, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network is a great resource for everything from what to do after, to counselors, to other victim's stories to help you cope. (RAINN – dot – org)