Of pirates, hobo's and butlers
AN : Here's chapter 6. Winston comes back with, unfortunately for Lara, Larson. But will Lara except Winston?
Thanks to Lime Frog for all the reviews and support. I appreciate it.
Disclaimer : I don't own Lara Croft, Kurtis Trent, Zip, Winston Smith, Alistair Fletcher or Larson Conway.
Lara and Kurtis lied snuggled up together in bed. It was raining heavily outside and the pitter patters of the raindrops on the window sent all of the occupants of Croft Manor to sleep, almost as soon as their heads hit their pillows. It had been almost a week since the 'Satin' incident. A week since they had last seen Larson. Or Winston. Lara regretted sending him away on such a small mistake, but was sticking to her words. She would not plead to him to come back. Besides, she had Kurtis, Zip and Alistair to do all the work in the house.
Just as she was on the verge of unconsciousness in Kurtis' arms, a window broke from the lounge area of their bedroom. Lara shot up right immediately, pulling her pistols from underneath her pillow. Kurtis was still asleep and turned over on his side mumbling "Five more minuets".
She shook him and he turned over glaring at her, "What is it mum?"
"I'm not your mother and somebody's in here." she got up and stealthed her way towards the lounge in her room. Kurtis dragged himself awake and followed Lara, his chirugai in his hand. When he joined her, he found himself covering his mouth, trying not to laugh.
There was a large bum edging it's way threw the window, slowly. The window hadn't been smashed properly and the invader got stuck, his bum getting cut and wedged in between the glass. "Captain Hobo! Captain Hobo! I'm stuck!." the man who was trying to break into the house shouted.
"Hang on! I'll be up in a minuet, Old Fart the second. I'll be there in a minuet!" and then the man stuck in the window, stopped squirming. A second later, Lara and Kurtis heard a second window break, this time coming from the bed area. Turning around, not being bothered to run to stop the intruder because they were obviously inexperienced, they saw a man with a cowboy hat jump in threw the second window. Without looking up, he placed a bag on the floor and began to trot towards Lara and Kurtis on an imaginary horse yelling "Captain Hobo to the rescue!" he looked up just then and froze. "LARSON?!" Lara exclaimed.
"Howdy. I'm Captain Hobo. And the fat arse over there is Old Fart the second." he galloped over to the window, neighing and pretending to be a horse while he grabbed the legs of 'Old Fart the second' and hauled him threw into the room. He landed with a thud and turned his gaze to Lara and Kurtis. "Hello, Ms Croft."
"Winston? I thought you were off in South America." she said. "With that cat." Kurtis hissed at the end.
"I'm sorry m'lady but my name is not Winston any more. It is Old Fart The Second!" he stood up in a proud stance, only coughing at the amount of volume he had used in his voice, making his throat dry up.
While Winston continued his coughing fit, Lara turned to Larson. "What are you doing in my house, again? And who's Old Fart the First?"
"Pierre, of course. But he didn't come back to claim his trophy of Old Fart properly." he sighed and shook his head, "Shame. And Auld'jin here thought he was too good for the (takes deep breath) Larson's-club-for-people-with-no-friends-when-we-act-like-babies-and-pretend-to-be-hobo's-" Larson couldn't finish his sentence as he collapsed to the ground from lack of oxygen.
"Why is my life never normal?" Lara asked to nobody in particular.
"I dunno. Maybe it's cause your crazy." Kurtis answered.
"I wasn't asking you." she exclaimed, turning back to the window.
"Where's Win-" she heard a soft snoring and turned back to face her bed where Larson and Winston were asleep. They couldn't have been asleep for long but were deep in their dreams. Larson was sucking his thumb and Winston looked although he was cuddling Larson for dear life. "that's it." she sighed and shoved the two 'hobo's' out of her bed. They just stayed on the floor. Anybody would have thought that they were dead if it wasn't for the fact that you could see their chests moving up and down when they inhaled and exhaled breaths. Unfortunately, Lara thought as Kurtis got in the bed beside her.
XXXXXX
The next morning came with the same weather as the night before. The loud sound of music from below was what woke Lara and Kurtis. Knowing exactly who it was, they both dragged themselves out of bed, Lara glancing at the clock. It was only half past three in the morning. Opening the door and storming out, Lara looked over the banister. Larson and Winston were hopping around the room to the music, pretending to be horses. When the song changed, they started dancing terribly. Winston did some disco dancing while Larson attempted to break dance. But instead broke almost everything in his reach. When Lara looked closer at the red packets strewn across the room, she gasped at how many rappers were lying on the ground. Skittles. What would end up killing Winston but what was his weakness. There were dozens of them, which would probably mean Winston dropping dead any minuet.
When she looked up, Kurtis was walking downstairs, his chirugai humming beside him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stomped his way towards the two dancers. "Winston! That's the second time this month we've caught ya eatin' these!" he shouted over the music, holding up a Skittles rapper. "And look how many! You'll drop dead any minuet."
But Winston just ignored him and began jumping around the living room, only stopping to catch his breath every few seconds. "What's your excuse?" he said, now looking at the still dancing Larson. "What do you (hiccup) mean?"
"You're wasted mate." he walked over to him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, Larson leaning onto him. Larson, being incredibly drunk, thought that this was funny Wasted rhymes with tasted-funny and started laughing uncontrollably. "What (hiccup) does (burp) wasted mean? Is it like (hiccup, burp) like tasted?" and then he began laughing again. "Yeah. You keep laughin'" Kurtis began to drag Larson towards the front door. "Can I tell you a secret?" Larson whispered to Kurtis. "What?" Kurtis sighed and leaned in to listen. "I'm drunk." he whispered and with that, Kurtis flung him out the door. "never." he gasped mockingly.
He turned back to face Winston, but noticed he wasn't there. He looked up at Lara, "In the pool room." she sighed and began to walk downstairs. When she reached the bottom step, there was a loud scream coming from the pool room. They both ran towards it, hoping to god that Winston hadn't killed himself or anybody that was unfortunate enough to be there.
When they entered, they arrived just in time to see a naked Winston dive into the swimming pool. How many skittles had he actually had? Lara had seen him have twenty packets once at a party and he had never acted anywhere near this. Lara peered into the swimming pool but turned away and covered her eyes with her hand. Winston was swimming in the pool on his back. Not a pretty sight.
"Winston! Get some clothes on, mate!" Kurtis said as Winston exited the pool and he flung a towel at the naked butler.
"I LOVE skittles Mr Trent. Captain Hobo was kind enough to buy me two boxes last night before we came here." he wrapped the towel around his waist, still revealing the fat of his stomach and the white hair on his chest.
"Two BOXES?! They have like fifty packets a box!"
"I know." and then, like the first time Kurtis had encountered Winston high on Skittles, Winston sniffed his fingers before running around the pool room, screaming menacingly. Unfortunately, his towel dropped again as he passed Lara and Kurtis.
Leaving Winston to live in his own world, Lara and Kurtis began to head back upstairs when Larson burst in the front door dressed like a pirate. "Har me'harties" he growled while falling flat on his face. "Today is (hiccup) pirate day, and (burp, hiccup) I am here to rob ye treasures." he said threw the floor, before he got up and started heading for the pool room. Waving at Winston who was still running around like a maniac, he went around the diving board and pressed the switch that opened a secret doorway with a second switch. He began to run but fell numerous times and eventually fell into the pool. He then began to pretend to be a mermaid.
Sighing, Lara and Kurtis left once again, trying there best to get some sleep before they died of exhaustion.
XXXXXX
Surprisingly, Lara had awoken early the next morning. After showering, she ventured downstairs and was met by a hung-over Larson lying face flat on the floor, moaning. "that's what you get, Larson."
"Har, but it, har, was, har, not me, har, me wee lass. It was, har, the, har, Old Fart the second, har, who forced me, har, to drink me sorrows, har." he replied.
"Why are you talking like that?" she sat down on the settee and switched the television on, leaving Larson lying. "It's pirate day, har, me wee lass."
"OK. And did Winston force your mouth open and shove the vodka down your throat?"
"No." he paused. "Erm, har, I mean no, har, me lass."
"Stop calling me that." she got up and walked to the kitchen to get Larson some aspirin and water. When she came back, Larson was sword-fighting with thin air. She sighed and placed the aspirin on the table and decided to look for Winston. She decided to look in the pool room. That had been the last place she had seen him.
Lara opened the door and closed her eyes again. Winston was still running around the swimming pool, naked. "Winston-" she was stopped as screams filled the whole house.
"MY COMPUTERS GOT A VIRUS! MY BEST COMPUTER!!!" Zip screamed.
"WHERE'S THE NOTES ON AVALON!!!" Alistair shouted from upstairs.
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!" Winston screamed in front of her.
"HAR ME'HARTIES. TAKE THIS!" Larson shouted
"HE DIDN'T GET RID OF THAT BLOODY CAT! IT'S SPRAYED ME AGAIN! IT'S STILL ALIVE!!!" Kurtis screamed from the landing.
This was going to be a long day.
AN: So, I brought the cat back. It might not be used, but it's still there.
I'll have chapter 7 up on Sunday.
Please review!
Nikitaxx