AN: Yes!!! I'm back with JRTRS!!! Ermmmm, yeaaaa, sorry for the lack of updates....I didn't have that many ideas. Anywayyyy...read on!
Everyone of the inhabitants of Croft Manor – with the exception of Winston - were sitting in the living room, gathering to hear some "big thing," Larson had planned. Larson sat himself down on the coffee table, crossing his legs, earning a glare from Lara. "Get off of it, unless you want to be in it." she warned. Larson sighed, getting off of the coffee table. He placed the guitar he had in his hand down on the floor, crouching down to push the coffee table out of the way. "Argh, it won't move!" he cried, puffing as he pulled away. Kurtis sighed, kneeling down on the floor, looking at Larson as he attempted to "move" the table. He sighed again, looking up at Lara, raising an eyebrow before he leaned closer to Larson, and VERY slowly – as if he were talking to someone incredibly stupid; which, of course, he was, because it was Larson – he said, "Larson. It helps to actually push the table. What you're doing is miming. You can't push something when you're touching thin air."
Larson looked up at him, as if he were mad. Then, he chuckled, pointing a finger at him, "Haha, you almost had me going there." he laughed. "Oh for God's sake, I'm not hanging around this idiot." Zip said from the couch across from Lara, standing up. "No, don't go!" Larson cried, standing up to stop him. Zip sighed, rolling his eyes as he sat down again, "Right, so what's this all about, Larson?" Alister asked, the only person who could be bothered putting up with Larson's stupidity. "Well, today is today, right?"
"Does this have a point to it?" Lara asked in a dull tone.
"Well, I was thinking that since it isn't yesterday and it's not tomorrow, but it's still not a week in the future, and there's still a little while until a year from now, and, of course, last year has past...." he explained. "You were thinking that it's today?" Kurtis asked. "Exactly! See, this is a man of utter intelligence!" Larson suddenly jumped up and down. "Kurtis is no genius, Larson, he's far from it. We all know it's today, so what?" Lara groaned.
"What's the matter with you? Is it your time-of-the-month or something?" Kurtis shot back. "SILENCE!" Winston screamed from the front door. "Yes?" they all asked in synchronisation. "What?" Winston asked, biting his lip in curiosity. "You were the one who told us to shut up."
"Oh, well, I was just going to ask if someone could help me with these bags, that's all."
"Then why make a big fuss about it?" Zip asked. "Hmm, what?" Winston asked, dragging the shopping bags in. "Anyway...." Lara dragged everyone's attention back to Larson in the centre of the room, who was holding up an acoustic guitar. "Hello, can we get back to me?" he asked, bringing the guitar closer to him. "Of course, so what's this all – WINSTON CLOSE THAT DOOR!" Lara began to speak, but the freezing chill that came in from the open front door caught her off guard. "Oh, erm, sorry, what were you saying?" she turned her attention back to the group. "Well, seen as it's today -" Larson began.
"Don't start this, 'it's not yesterday because it's today' bull, Larson, or I'm out of here." Zip warned.
"I was going to say that since it's Children In Need, I thought I would do something special." he smiled cheerily. Kurtis immediately groaned, getting up, "I'm not having another nose picking contest, Larson, it's disgusting." he turned his nose up and shivered at the thought of the event that had taken place months ago. The "pick it, lick it, roll it, flick it," competition had turned his stomach upside-down and inside-out. "No, I was thinking of singing a song." he explained, sighing. "Oh, that's less...I want to say painful?"
"Just sing it." Alister said. "Well, it's a remix of a Bon Jovi song. So, I'll start." he cleared his throat. "Linda used to work on a plantation, Joe was just bummed, and they had no frieeeeeennnnnnndddddsss"
"Wait, can I just stop you. What has this got to do with a Bon Jovi song?" Lara asked, shoving Kurtis' knee away from hers.
"Nothing."
"Then why did you say it had something to do with a Bon Jovi song? You know what, it doesn't matter, just...make our ears bleed to death." she sighed, yet again shoving Kurtis' knee away from hers. They all looked down as a cat ran up to the group, sniffing at Larson's guitar case. Kurtis jumped up onto the settee "OH MY GOD, ANOTHER CAT! IT'S GOT A TWIN!" he screamed, ready to shove that cat out the door if it was anything like "Angel."
"Get that thing out of here, I am NOT having another devil in this house." he said, backing up a bit. But, he hadn't thought it through, because as he backed up, he also stepped off the settee, falling flat on his back. "No, you're not supposed to be here, little kitty." Larson said, picking the cat up. "LITTLE KITTY?! You get that thing out of here before it mates with Satan, and that would mean the end of the world!" they heard Kurtis scream from his fallen position behind the couch. "Oh for God's sake, shut up." Lara said, leaning over the settee to face him. "Oh my goodness." they heard Larson gasp. "This is my mother." he said, staring wide eyed at the cat. Kurtis shot up from behind the couch, jumping over it, "That is not your -" he landed flat on his face over the other side of the couch, preventing him from finishing his sentence. "Excuse me?" Alister asked, glancing back as Winston had finally made it to the kitchen door. "This is my mum." Larson smiled.
"And you worked this out....how?" Zip asked, leaning back in his chair. "Well, my guitar case is lined with orange felt....." everyone stared at him blankly, "My mother's favourite fish is orange ruffy....." once again, everyone looked at him as if he were mad, "Cats like fish! Hey mummy!" he pulled the cat up into his arms, twirling it around. "Woah, dude, Larson's mum's got a HUGE di-" Zip began, but Alister elbowed him in the ribs, stopping him. Kurtis forced himself from his squashed position on the floor, sitting back up beside Lara. "We are not keeping that thing. It could be worse than Satan, for all we know, and suffocate me in my sleep." Kurtis said.
"He's right, I'm not keeping that thing in my house." Lara said, shoving Kurtis' knees away from her, "Why do men always have to sit like that?! My legs could be as far away from you as possible, but you always find away to make our knees touch! Why do you need to do that?!" she screamed at Kurtis. He turned to face her, with a serious face on, and then said, "Ball space," before he turned back to the rest of the group. "BALL SPACE?! Kurtis, you have no balls! You need to grow a pair and become a man! You're a woose!"
"Excuse me?! Hello, who's the one that fought that bitch Boaz?! Psh, I need to grow a pair?! As if, you're just jealous that people notice me as a person more than they notice your big balloons on your chest there." he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
"BIG BALLOONS?! Your just jealous that people want to look at me!"
"Yeah, they all want to look at your body, never want to meet you as a person. 'Oh, Lara Croft – big boobs.'" he mimicked someone's voice, trying to patronise Lara. "You utter twat. That's what you are; a twat." she fumed.
"Oh, so I'm a twat now, am I? Y'know, you've got to admire you Englanders choice of language."
"SHUT IT, YANK!" she stood up. "Fine then, if you're going to be like that, I'll take my sexy knees somewhere else!" Kurtis shouted, also standing up. He turned around to walk upstairs, and stormed upstairs. "Em, awkward." Zip whispered to Alister.
Lara shook her shoulders, "I think we need a rest." she said. "YES! A rest, lets do that! I know, we can clean the house up!" she suddenly became excited. "That's not rest." Alister groaned. "WELL IT'S THE CLOSEST YOU'RE GOING TO GET!" she screamed. "My God, Lara, you can scream. Geez, a moment without Kurtis' sexy knees and you've went radge!"
"HE HAS NOT GOT SEXY KNEES!"
"Okay, okay, people, I'm fine with cleaning, but I think it would be good to sing as well." Larson smiled. "No!" they all snapped at him in synchronisation. "Hphm, fine then." he huffed. "Right, lets get cleaning, then." Lara sighed. "Yeah, you do that while I play with the cat. We can keep it, right?" Larson asked.
He hadn't been allowed to keep the cat. Everyone was now cleaning a room in Croft Manor. Lara and Kurtis had decided to work together without going on about, "having to grow a pair" or "big balloons" or "sexy knees". But something else was going on. Because of Larson, everyone was singing, but Lara and Kurtis were reluctant to do so.
Alister was in the kitchen, organising the cutlery, singing. "Too much of anything can make you sick," he looked down at a box of Cadbury's Roses, his demons haunting him, "Even the good can be a curse," he sighed, putting them away, continuing on with his song. "Makes it hard to know which road to go down, knowing too much can get you hurt." he started to dance along while he sang the lyrics to "Fight For This Love" by Cheryl Cole, "Is it better, is it worse? Are we sitting in reverse? It's like we're just going backwards," he dried a cup off with the tea towel before he put it up into the cupboard in slot 32. He had given each mug a number so that if one went missing, he could be like, 'Where's number 26?'. "We're driving fast but lets just slow down. What I don't wanna do is crash, no."
He dropped one of his mugs to the floor, jumping around, swinging his hair around, "We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love, we gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love." he turned around again, picking up the broken pieces of the mug before he continued singing.
Zip was in the tech room, clearing up some old junk he had lying around. "Wake up in the morning, feeling like P-Diddy, grab my glasses I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city." he began to sing and wiggle his hips as he shoved some old pieces of unimportant papers in the bucket. "Before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of jack, 'cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back." he bent down, picking up a plate with....something on it. Hmm, what's this? He wondered as he continued to sing, "I'm talkin' 'bout pedicures on our toes, toes. Trying on all our clothes, clothes. Boys blowin' up our phones, phones." he wiggled his hips again, twirling around. He loved this type of cleaning.
Larson was....in the huff. Lara was being a bitch – yet AGAIN – and wasn't letting him keep Barry-Bee-Benson. Yes, he had named the cat Barry-Bee-Benson. He sat slouched in a chair, huffing to nobody in particular every few seconds. And, he was bored. So, to ease his pain, he switched the radio on, listening as he heard what was going to be "Going Under" by Evanescence. He got up, huffing once again before he knelt down, picking up some sort of.....he wanted to say "hair"? Anyway....he picked it up, throwing it across the music room. "Now I will tell you what I've done for you," he sang along to Amy Lee on 'Galaxy's' radio station. "Fifty thousand tears I've cried. Bleeding, deceiving and screaming for you; and you still won't hear me." He looked across the room, finding an old picture of "Angel."
"Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once. Not tormented (sniff) daily, defeated by you, just when I thought (sniff) I'd reached the bottom." he let tears drop off and onto the picture of Satan...em....I mean, Angel. "ARGH, Angel, I miss you so much!!!" he screamed. "I mean, I'm dying again. I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever, I've got to break through. I'm going under."
He sniffed again, hugging the picture close to his chest. "ANGELLLL!!!!" he screamed, shaking back and forth. "Stirring and blurring the truth and the lies, so I don't know what's real and what's not. Always confusing the thoughts in my head, just when I thought I'd reach the bottom. I'm dying again. I'm going under, drowning in you, I'm falling forever, I've got to break through." he sat back down on the chair, wiping the tears away from his eyes. "So go and scream; scream at me. I'm so far away. I won't be broken again. I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under." he threw the picture on the ground, sulking in the chair.
Alister was now in the library, out of Winston's way in the kitchen – who was unpacking the shopping – reorganising the ornaments on the mantelpiece. He hummed along to the rest of his song, before singing along to it again, "Now everyday ain't gonna be no picnic. Love ain't no walk in the park. All you can do is make the best of it now. Can't be afraid of the dark. Just know you're not in this thing alone. There's always a place in me that you can call home. Whenever you feel like we're growing apart," he looked up as Lara walked in, grabbing a broom in the corner of the room before she left again, exchanging a half-hearted smile on the way. "Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start." he looked up as Kurtis came in this time, scowling and muttering curses under his breath as he made his way to the other corner of the room, picking up the hoover before he exited, muttering more curses. "Anything that's worth having is sure enough worth fighting for. Quit's out of the question, when it gets tough gotta fight some more." he moved one picture frame a few places to the left and sighed. His work was done.
Lara looked over to Kurtis in the living room, averting her gaze from him after he met it. They were working on the lounge area in the living room, and one of the genius' came up with the idea to work together without any bickering. She sighed as she turned away from him completely, brushing away some dust that was covering the tiled floor. She found a broken bit of glass, bending down to pick it up. She snapped back up as she started to hear Kurtis sing, "Damn, girl, how you get all of that in dem jeans, dem jeans? How'd you get all of that in dem? Damn girl, how you get all that?" Lara turned around, looking at Kurtis who was staring at her lower body like his life depended on it, a smirk plastered across his face, "Is you talkin' to me?" she sang along with him. "Yeah you. I bet you had to jump up and down just to put 'em on. Bet you had to wiggle it around just to put 'em on. Bet you had to lay back up on the bed just to zip 'em up. Am I right?" he looked back up at her, a seductive look on his face. What was up with him? One minuet they were arguing, the next he was asking how she got her ass in her jeans? "You right," she sang along, regardless. "Baby that's what's up." he nodded his head up. He edged closer to her. "Now, now, now. When walkin' girl, and you make it swirl, it's hard for me not to look, and I want you in my world. Bubbled up, poking out." Kurtis continued to sing along to "Dem Jeans" by Chingy. Lara crossed her arms over her chest, eyeing Kurtis suspiciously. "What do you want?" she smirked. "It's preposterous to think that you think I want something, Ms Croft." he smiled smugly, talking in a perfect English accent. "Besides, I should respect your decisions unless I want to..." he turned back to his original American accent, "Get my ass kicked."
"Well keep it that way." she smiled, getting back to her work. "You're the one who's going to miss my knees." she heard him chuckled under his breath. "Oh, I am, am I?" she snapped around to face him again. "There's a lot of girls who wish they had my knees." he said.
"Oh, yes, of course, and you're mother is first in line." she shot back. Then, she had an idea of her own. She plastered her face with the most flirty one she could show, and she got back to her work, this time facing Kurtis. "When I first saw you, I knew nothing's like it used to be. Boy, you have got to be the finest thing in history. The way I feel inside is just so hard to understand. You feed my appetite in ways I can't explain." she took a quick glance at Kurtis, who was still working, but smirking at the same time. She smiled to herself as she continued, "I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, so yum, yum. Can't get enough, I think I'm in love." she chuckled quietly as Kurtis snapped his head up at her. She was getting ready to sing again, when she heard screams coming from the kitchen, tech room, music room and library. "We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love." she looked up towards the library where she heard Alister singing. "Tick tock, on the clock, DJ blow my speakers up." she turned around to see the tech room, where Zip was singing. Then she startled when someone screamed from the music room, "I'M GOING UNDER!!!".....Larson, no doubt. Then she heard a croak – which was still loud....-ish - coming from Winston in the kitchen. Which; was too croaky to make out what he was singing.
She put her broom down on the floor, beginning to walk towards Kurtis slowly. He stood still as she began to sing, "If you move any closer, boy, there is no guarantee. What I will do to you; I fear it and it's scaring me." she walked closer to him, watching as his eyes filled with lust. Until they were almost touching, she brushed past him, starting to work on something else. She heard him groan behind her. This was killing him. "Like I've become some kind of demon in the night. You look so tasty, I could eat you up alive. I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, so yum, yum. Can't get enough, I think I'm in love." she turned around again, being startled by Kurtis who was watching her, a grin plastered across his face.
He leant against one of the pillars in the room, smirking at her. A flirty look crossed her face, and she slowly stalked towards Kurtis. "Can't stop thinking 'bout the things I wanna do to you. If you move any closer, you'd be asking for it too." she walked closer until their lips were almost touching. "I want your love, I need your touch. So much I think I'm in love." she brushed her lips against his before she turned away, tidying some papers that were scattered across the coffee table away. "I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, so yum, yum. Can't get enough, I think I'm in love." she turned away from her duties, beginning to walk upstairs, glancing back and smirking as Kurtis followed her. She got to the top of the stairs, turning around and walking backwards in the direction of her bedroom. "I wanna take you to my room. I'll eat you up." she smiled as she waited at the door, getting ready to open it when Kurtis caught up with her. He got closer and she turned the handle on the door, walking in the room. She saw Kurtis walk up to her, and she smiled again, "Wanna take you to my room. I'll eat you up, so yum yum. Can't get enough, I think I'm in love." she wrapped her arms around Kurtis' neck, beginning to pull his mouth to hers. Then, she smiled mischievously, bringing her knee up to a place of Kurtis' that was only meant to be treated nicely. He broke away from her, keeling over in pain. She smirked down at him, "Don't fuck with me, Trent, 'cause I'll screw you over twice as bad." she made her way out of the room, leaving Kurtis in pain. "I'll eat you up."
AN: Soooo, this was for Children In Need!!! Hence all the singing!!!
So the list of songs that were in this chapter is:
Fight For This Love by Cheryl Cole (the song Alister sang)
Tik Tok by Kesha (the song Zip sang)
Going Under by Evanescence (the EPIC song Larson sang)
Dem Jeans by Chingy (the song Kurtis sang)
and....
Eat You Up by Boa (The song in which Lara pwned Kurtis!!!)
Wow, it's been a while since I updated this, huh? Well I didn't have any great ideas, and these kinda built up over the writer's block period!!!