Chapter 4! Yeeeyy! Since Tobi isn't here to screw the chapter up I invited karma to do it for me. Hehehe...
Gaara- The sand
Karma sat up in heaven in deep thought. It knew that it was about time Gaara paid for killing so many people in his short lifetime, but it didn't know what to use to make him suffer.
He didn't really care for anyone or anything since his sand always protected him. That's it! His sand, that's what needed to be used.
Karma laughed evilly and cast its spell on Gaara. This was going to be fun.
With Gaara...
Gaara woke up with a start. Something was touching him and he did not like it. Nothing ever touched him; his sand protected him.
He looked around and to his shock he saw his sand sitting on the bed beside him in the shape of a giant fuzzy cat. Gaara twitched, he hated cats.
His sand looked at him in silence for a moment before opening its mouth and in an extremely high pitch it screamed, "I'M FREE FROM YOUR CONTROL MUWAHAHAHAHAH".
Gaara looked at the cat in slight shock and then in monotone he said, "What are you?" The cat chuckled and said, "I am your sand! Well, I was your sand... now... IM A CAT!"
Gaara gave the cat a long blank stare until he realized that since his sand was free nothing protected him. The cat grinned when it saw Gaara's facial expression and said, "Now Mr.-My-Sand-Protects-Me-So-I-Can-Be-An-Ass what are you going to do?"
Gaara glared at the cat, got up from bed and left the room. The cat frowned slightly but then grinned and ran after him. Now that it was free it could go anywhere but mocking Gaara was so much fun.
Later...
Gaara walked down the long hallways of his house in extremely deep thought. His thoughts were indeed so deep that he did not notice when his sand ran up to him and pulled his pants down.
Gaara snapped back into reality when he felt his legs were cold. He looked down and when he saw his pants had been pulled down he let out a low growl. The cat walked out of a wall randomly and began to laugh at him when Gaara hissed and tried to jump at it but fell because he tripped over his pants.
Gaara peeled himself off the floor, pulled his pants up and glared coolly at the cat, which was laughing and rolling on the ground. He shook his head and left, he was not going to hang around some insane cat for the rest of the day.
Even later...
He needed a place to hide, fast. For the past three hours poor Gaara had been walking around his house but that stupid cat kept following him and making fun of him.
He had thought about running into town and hiding there but he couldn't risk letting the villagers see him in a moment of weakness.
So, since he had no where else to go Gaara decided to go to the safest place in the entire ninja world. The Akatsuki base.
The reason for the kazekage going to the place where he had been killed was simple. He needed that cat caught and retrained to be his sand again.
He was far too lazy to do this himself and he figured that the Akatsuki could do anything. Oh how horribly wrong Gaara was.
He still had no idea that the Akatsuki members were just little idiot puppets under the control of some immortal bipolar idiot by the name of Tobi. Oh well, I guess he'll find out when he gets there.
At the Akatsuki base...
"That is what I want you to tell the other members alright? Word for word and don't let me down Pein," finished Madara calmly as he put his mask back on and mentally prepared himself to become Tobi again.
Pein nodded and then proceeded to call the other Akatsuki members to the meeting room. Madara had just talked to karma, (yes he's just that awesome), and he had found out that Gaara was no longer in control of his sand and that he was headed to the Akatsuki base.
When everyone was finally there Pein began with, "I just spoke with a very important informant and I have some news."
The room instantly went quiet because every single member knew that when Pein spoke with an informant there was something big about to happen.
Pein continued with, "This is not a rumour but it is rather shocking. Gaara, the same Gaara we killed, is coming here because he has lost control of his sand. He will want us to catch his sand and my informant has given me a very useful weapon to do so. Meaning that we will accept this mission and all of you will help."
The room was silent for a few more minutes before Tobi interrupted with, "Can Tobi help! Tobi wants to help because he is a good boy and good boys help!"
Pein resisted the urge to sigh. He could barely believe that the person talking to him was capable of mass murder within seconds.
Then he nodded and said, "Yes, Tobi you can help, we need all the help we can get."
After Tobi screamed for a few more minutes Itachi said, "What will be given to us in return for our help?"
Pein recalled his conversation with Madara and then when he remembered the answer he said, "We will get money and a new base in Sand Country."
Itachi looked somewhat surprised but said nothing. After that the room went quiet again for a long time before Tobi broke it by saying, "Tobi is hungry! Tobi wants to eat!"
Everyone sweat dropped and then Pein dismissed everyone. As Tobi was leaving he passed by Pein and quickly whispered, "Good job."
With Gaara...
That damn cat was going to pay. After it had followed poor Gaara around for most of the day it decided that the best thing to do was sit on Gaara's head.
At first Gaara tried to push it off put it clung to his head like a nasty piece of gum. Then he just ignored the cat but then it did the most shocking thing a cat can do on someone's head.
It pooped.
Yes, read that over.
A cat made of sand somehow managed to poop on Gaara's head.
Of course Gaara was super pissed and he went to get the poop off but then he realized that he couldn't because it was stuck on. So then Gaara was left with two choices.
One; keep the poop on his head until he figured out a way to get it off or two; cut the poop off with scissors.
Now as Gaara walked through the desert towards the Akatsuki base with two large rather distinct bald spots it was quite easy to tell he had taken choice number two.
Soon enough he could see the large and very noticeable rock that covered the Akatsuki base door. He was going to get his sand to simple lift the rock and move it over but when he looked at his psychopathic cat he decided against it.
So, instead he decided to use his man power to move the rock. Who would have guessed that Gaara was so weak without his sand?
Well, I guess we should have seen it coming considering the fact that he fights by standing still and occasionally saying stuff. Poor Gaara, poor, poor, uselessly weak Gaara.
With the Akatsuki...
"Umm... shouldn't we let him in? I mean he's been doing this for like an hour now," was the oh-so intelligent thing Deidera had to say to the other Akatsuki members.
Everyone shrugged and continued to watch through a little eyehole as Gaara huffed and attempted to heave the rock over.
So far it had moved a grand total of... *dramatic music*... 1 inch!
That's okay Gaara, you just have 100 inches or so to go. You'll get it eventually. Well, he'll either get it or die of exhaustion but do you really think I would go through all the trouble of sitting down in a chair and typing just to make Gaara die half way thought? Pfft.
Finally, Pein got bored of watching Gaara struggle and he opened the door with a simple push of his hand. Gaara stared at him in shock for a moment before composing himself and staring blankly at everyone.
"Gaara of the sand, what brings you here?" Pein's crystal clear voice spoke slowly.
"You are the Akatsuki, I'm assuming you already know." Gaara replied with the same amount of clarity but his blank stare was no longer the same because of the large bald spots.
Pein stepped aside and gestured for Gaara to walk in while saying, "Yes, we do know and we will help you if you give us something in return."
Gaara was about to step through the door but his sand stood in front of him and said, "So you're the Akatsuki... YOU BASTARDS KILLED GAARA!"
Then before anyone could even think about doing anything the cat jumped on Pein and began scratching his face of. Huh, betcha you didn't see that one coming.
Gaara brushed past Pein and his cat swiftly and followed the other Akatsuki members into the main meeting room. Pein and the cat caught up later but Pein no longer looked like he was in the mood to negotiate. Why?
Because now this was personal. That damn cat was doing to pay for scratching his perfect pierced face.
Gaara broke the awkward silence by saying, "I can give you guys money." Pein nodded and replied with, "Good, but we want a base in the desert as well."
Gaara nodded and said, "It is done, now how long will it take you to take care of my... problem?"
Behind his mask Madara smirked and Pein said, "It will take only a minute." Gaara looked pleased but the cat ruined the accomplished mood by screeching, "One minute! Are you idiots insane? You can't catch me! I'm sand!"
Madara's smirk widened and Pein continued with, "We have a weapon, it is state of the art and although it is not that big it can do a lot of damage."
By now poor Madara was almost ready to burst out in perverted maniacal laughter.
Pein looked over to Madara and nodded. Suddenly, Tobi screamed, "I'm sleepy, I'm gonna go beddy bye!" With that said he ran out of the room.
A few minutes later a dark figure walked into the room and it was indeed so dark that its face could not be seen. Everyone looked at it in shock and in a very Madara-like voice the figure said, "I am the exterminator. I am here to destroy your... cat."
Everyone was silent for a moment but then the figure took out a giant gun. At this point you could practically see everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets.
Then the Madara-like figure aimed its gun at the cat and pulled the trigger. Everything went in slow motion as a strange yellow liquid shot out of the gun and directly on the cat.
For a long time everything was quiet before the cat sniffed the yellow liquid that was on it and screamed, "AAAAHHHHHHH ITS FUCKING PEE!"
Insert shocked gasp here.
Suddenly the dark figure appeared in front of the cat and while it was screaming the figure shot more the liquid into the cat's open mouth. Eww...
Within the second the cat made a gurgled cry before bursting into a cloud of wet pee covered sand.
"...This is gross, un," was Deidera's once again very intelligent thing to say. Everyone gave him a glare and tried to brush some of the wet sand off themselves.
A minute later Tobi came running in and he screamed, "Tobi heard a Boom and Tobi was scared so he ran over here and why does everyone smell so bad and eww this is pee and TOBI IS A GOOD BOY BECAUSE HE ISN'T COVERED IN PEE!"
The group glare was then transferred from Deidera to Tobi but it was cut short when Gaara let out an evil laugh before saying, "My sand is back! Now bow to me foolish mortals! I am the all powerful Uchiha Madara!"
Tobi looked at Gaara sharply but then Gaara said, "Wait... this is the wrong script... I'm not Uchiha Madara... you stupid author you could at least bother to give me the right lines."
Tobi relaxed instantly and the author face palmed before giving Gaara the correct lines.
Gaara cleared his throat and said, "My sand is back! I am powerful again! Now I can go back to being an ass! Yeessssss."
Reviews? Next update is in a couple of days!