I really do hope you know your Disney characters well, because plenty appear in this chapter.
"Okay guys, I'll be your wedding planner," Mangiz told Elisha and Chickenhound, "I see the theme as: Think Pink. I know, awesome, right?"
"Perfect!" Elisha said happily.
"Pink?" Chickenhound asked.
"PINK!" Elisha and Mangiz cried out together.
"Um... okay..." Chickenhound said, sinking lower into his chair.
"So, Mangiz," Elisha said, "I want this wedding to be PERFECT! I want white roses on the benches, red roses on the altar, multicolor on the walls, and I want blue roses as the centerpieces."
"There aren't any blue roses," Mangiz replied.
"THEY CAN BE BLUE IF I SAY THEY'RE BLUE!!!" Elisha hollered.
"Okay, okay, blue roses," Mangiz started scribbling on a paper, taking notes.
"All the men have to wear a tuxedo, no exceptions," Elisha continued, "And the women wearing gowns. But none of them white, that's my color. I want it to be on the beach. No, I don't. In a park, with nice trees. But no bees, Aunt Selma is allergic and I don't want her to have another panic attack. Also, the birds might get in the food, so we're gonna need a scarecrow, but he's gotta be wearing a tuxedo."
"You want me to go get a scarecrow fitted for a tuxedo?" Mangiz asked.
"Yes," Elisha said, "The band can't play too loud, because my grandma doesn't like loud sounds. My uncle Henry and Aunt Jane have to be at least two hundred feet apart."
"Why?" Chickenhound asked.
"She has a restraining order on him," Elisha explained, "Now, I-"
"Don't I get a say in this?" Chickenhound asked.
"No, you don't," Elisha said.
"Who are your bride's maids?" Mangiz asked.
"I haven't decided yet," Elisha said.
"My best man is going to be Slagar," Chickenhound said, "Where is he anyway?"
He put the mask on.
"I'm right here!" Slagar announced.
"Take off the mask now!" Elisha glared at her fiancee.
"Who do you think you are, my wife?" Slagar asked.
Elisha pulled his mask off.
"Sorry, my loving wife," Chickenhound grabbed her hands and tried to be romantic.
"Any more demands, er, I mean, any more things you need for your wedding?" Mangiz asked.
"I haven't even scratched the surface yet," Elisha said, and got out a very very very long piece of paper with all of her required aspects of the wedding.
"This is titled 'List 1 Items A-B version 1.3'," Mangiz read.
"I heard a crash," Lilly said, looking at the Tower of Terror.
"That's not good," Tanya said, "Jack, go look inside."
"Why do I have to?" Jack asked, "What if the floor caves in and I die?"
"Then we're gonna break up," Tanya said, "Now go look inside."
"Is kitty okay?" Hector asked.
Jack walked up to the building and peered inside.
"There is a very large cave down here!" He called out, "I think the elevator fell through the floor."
"Nooo," Rick said sarcastically, "An elephant flew down from the clouds and landed there."
"THAT explains it," Lauren exclaimed. Everyone looked at her strangely.
"Should we go see if they're okay?" Lilly asked.
"If Rose died, I will be very very mad at her," Lauren growled.
"Are the bunnies alright?" Rick sounded worried.
"We could..." Tanya said, "Or we could go get some kettle corn."
"Kettle corn!" The rest of them exclaimed as they walked away from the scene to find a kettle corn stand.
"Ow, my head," Badrang sat up, rubbing his head where he banged it against a rock, "What happened?"
He looked around. The elevator was completely broken, and he seemed to have been able to stumble outside before he passed out. He looked around. Where were the rest of them?
Suddenly, he heard a yowl. Surprised, he jumped behind a rock and hid. Then he realized it sounded like Tsarmina. He didn't want to be alone, so he went toward the sound.
"Mrow! Help me!" Came the call.
He found it to be coming from behind a large rock that seemed to have collapsed against a wall. Tsarmina seemed to be behind it. But the voice... it didn't seem completely like Tsarmina. She had more of a... rough voice.
Then came another meow, "Oh shut up, you spoiled pet cat, don't be so helpless."
Now THAT was Tsarmina. But now there were two cats?
Badrang, trying to be the tough macho man, pulled the rock out of the way. He saw Tsarmina along with another cat, who was as pure white as snow.
"AH! IT'S A GIANT WEASAL!" The stranger cat yelped.
"I'm a stoat," Badrang corrected, "And you're welcome."
"Yeah yeah," Tsarmina walked over to him, "This cat here was telling me off, so I came over to give her a good scratching when the boulder fell. Pity it missed her head."
The new cat glared at her. "I find it strange that you fell from the sky. Pity you survived."
"Ladies, ladies, please," Badrang said, "So, uh, who are you, exactly?"
The white cat sniffed indignantly and mewed, "My name is Duchess, if you must know. I belong to a very wealthy family in Paris. And I belong to the Disney Force."
"The what now?" Tsarmina asked.
"I, uh, said too much," Duchess mewed, "But I'm lost, so I'll allow you to return me to-"
"I'm not going to return you to anything," Tsarmina hissed, "You may be a stuck-up 'aristocat', but I'm a queen, and I give the orders."
"Yeah, and I'm uh, a tyrant... except I don't keep very good control over my slaves," Badrang said.
"Fascinating," Duchess yawned, "Hey, you're those Redwall guys right?"
"Kind of..." Tsarmina said, "We never set foot in the actual Redwall, but we're in the series."
"I didn't ask you for your life story," Duchess glared, "Anyway, if you are, then I guess I should help the ignorant. Yeah, you remember Mickey Mouse, right? They guy you beat up?"
"Yeah..." Badrang said, "That was fun."
"He's known to hold grudges or something like that," Duchess mewed, still bored, "Yeah, so he's gather a bunch of Disney characters together and are trying to kill you guys or something. It's funny, really."
"Lovely," Badrang said, "Hey, where'd everyone else go?"
"They left without us," Tsarmina answered, "I overheard them when I was behind that dumb rock. They thought we were dead, which meant that three of them died so they didn't have to worry anymore."
"Oh, now I feel loved," Badrang grumbled.
"So, now no more of us are gonna die?" Mattimeo asked.
"Yeah, 'cause Redtooth died awhile back," Matthias answered.
"Wow, both my mortal enemies died," Martin said, "I... I have nothing to live for anymore..."
Rose patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry, you'll make new enemies."
"Are you sure?" Martin asked, worry in his eyes.
"Don't worry, I am positive," Rose assured him.
"Hey guys!" Badrang yelled out, then he and Tsarmina ran up to the group, "We're alive!"
Nobeast cheered.
"And," Tsarmina said, "We learned what this plot is about."
Everybeast gathered around them. Duchess twitched her tail in annoyance.
"Mickey Mouse is leading an army of Disney Characters to try and kill us," Badrang announced.
"Yay!!!" Everyone cheered, then paused, thought for a moment, and screamed.
Ironbeak and the three disney characters were sitting an an underground cavern. The guy in armor sat in a chair, looking very bored.
"Can we hurry this up?" The Disney character in the armor asked, "My wife is waiting for me."
"Why are you wearing that ridiculous armor?" The Native American woman asked.
"It looks COOL!" The man insisted.
"Shang, you do realize that these are animals, we don't need armor," the woman said.
"That's GENERAL Shang to you!" The man, named Shang, yelled, "You know, you remind me a lot of my wife, Mulan."
"Whatever," the woman said.
"What's your name anyway?" Shang asked, "I can never pronounce it. Pokeahauntass right?"
"NO YOU IDIOT!" The woman yelled, "It's Pocahantas! I told you a million times!"
"Don't be sassy," Shang grumbled.
"Both of you shut up," the lion growled between his teeth.
"Simba talks?" Shang asked, surprised.
"Yes, you idiot," Pocahontas said, "You know me and nature."
"Oh yeah, you sang that dumb song," Shang reminded himself.
"IT'S NOT DUMB!!!" Pocahontas insisted, "It's famous!
Can you paint with all the colors of the-"
"LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!" Shang interrupted, "To defeat the-"
"Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the-" They began to compete over singing, each getting louder every time.
"Did they send me daughters, when I asked for-"
"Can you sing with all the voices of the-"
"Mister I'll, make a man, out of-"
"NO SINGING!" Simba growled.
They ignored him. Ironbeak was sitting in a bird cage, which was more demeaning than it was torment.
"Or asked the grinning bobcat why he-"
"Tranquil as a forest, but on fire-"
"YOU CAN OWN THE EARTH AND STILL-"
"WE MUST BE SWIFT AS A COURSING RIVER!"
"ALL YOU'LL OWN IS EARTH UNTIL-"
"WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON!"
"YOU CAN PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND!"
"AS MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON!"
"HAKUNA MATATA!" Simba suddenly roared to shut them both up.
"Interesting medley," Ironbeak cawed.
"Nobody asked you," Shang glared at him.
"Shang is a funny name," Ironbeak said.
"And Pocahontas isn't???" Shang asked.
"At least you can find it on the website Babynames," Pocahontas sneered.
"You can find Simba too," Simba said, "It means lion. Original, isn't it?"
"I have a question," Ironbeak announced, "Are there any female birds in Disney?"
"Not that I know of," Simba shrugged, "There's a female owl in Harry Potter though."
"That's not Disney," Ironbeak grumbled.
"Now what?" Cornflower asked, holding Baby Rollo.
"Well, we could go looking for Lady Amber," Warthorn suggested.
"We have been for awhile," Matthias said.
Duchess purred in amusement. "I know where the one named Lady Amber is," she mewed.
"Tell us," Warthorn said.
"What's the magic word?" Duchess glared.
"NOW," Tsarmina growled.
"Such bad manners," Duchess said, "It's no wonder I'm a higher class than all of you Redwall characters."
"No you're not," Tsarmina hissed, "I'm a queen, Badrang over there's a tyrant (even if he is a bad one), Ironbeak (wherever he is) is a war general, Swartt is a warlord (again, not a good one), Sunflash is a badgerlord (actually a decent one)-"
"I DON'T CARE!" Duchess yelled, "I still have the manners and formal customs of nobility, and I never died unlike many of the beats you named."
"I didn't die," Sunflash grumbled.
"Hey, how'd you know they all died?" Martin asked.
"I, uh, because, I'm smart, that's why," Duchess was taken-aback.
"Whatever," Tsarmina huffed.
"I'll help you find Lady Amber," Duchess offered, "If you help me find my lost kittens."
"I am very surprised you had kittens," Tsarmina mewed under her breath.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's just... you actually got a mate, which I find surprising."
"HEY!"
"Okay, Duchess," Matthias interrupted, "We'll help you find your lost kittens."
"Thank you, mousey," Duchess smiled, "Well, one is brown, one is orange, and the other is white, like me."
"That poor kitten," Tsarmina said under her breathe again, but Duchess either didn't hear or didn't care.
"NO! I TOLD YOU!" Elisha screamed, "I WANT IT TO BE A VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE FROSTING!"
She tackled Mangiz off of his chair.
"Um, honey, isn't that a little violent?" Chickenhound asked.
She got to her feet and glared at him.
"Stay out of this! This is MY wedding."
"But-"
"MANGIZ! THE THEME IS THINK PINK! I NEED A STRAWBERRY CAKE! ALL OF THE WOMEN WEAR PINK AND THE MEN WEAR RED!!!"
"Okay, okay, okay, okay, don't hurt me," Mangiz quickly scribbled down what she said.
"The flower girl is going to be Viola (as of Pearls of Lutra, of course), and the ring bearer will be Rollo (as of Mattimeo, obviously)," Elisha ordered, "My bride's maids are Lauren, Lilly, and Tanya. My maid of honor, hmmmm Sela, just to get on her good side. The groomsmen will be-"
"I thought I got to pick them," Chickenhound insisted.
Elisha tackled him down. But before she could do anything more violent, they saw a fox approach them. Chickenhound immediately felt jealousy when he saw the way Elisha looked at the newcomer fox.
"Uh, hi," the fox said, "I'm supposed to find you and bring you to our underground lair, so can you please come with me?"
"Oh course," Elisha smiled. Chickenhound glared at the fox and knew he would have to come with them to keep an eye on her. They left, following the stranger fox. Mangiz decided at the last minute to follow them, because he didn't like being left alone.
Duchess led the group to a tunnel in the underground cavern. "In here," she mewed, "They have my kittens."
"Who are 'they'?" Nightshade asked.
"Disney characters," Duchess replied.
"And why do they have your kittens?" Cornflower asked.
"Oh, they take something that means something to you so you will be loyal to them," duchess shrugged.
"Well, that's nice," Bluefen murmured.
"Whatever. Follow me," Duchess mewed. She went into the tunnel.
Nobeast really wanted to go through a tunnel following a Disney character, who was part of a group of Disney characters who wanted to kill them.
"Are you coming?" Duchess asked over her shoulder.
They glanced at each other. "I'll go," Warthorn offered, "You said you know where Lady Amber is."
"I'll go with you too," Martin and Matthias both said at the same time. They glared at each other.
"I should go," Martin said, "I'm the better warrior."
"No, I am," Matthias growled, "I was in more books than you."
"No you weren't! I was in every single book there is! Excluding Lord Brocktree, of course."
"I was alive in more books. AND I got my love interest and had a son."
"Hey no fair!" Rose said "Don't drag me into this!"
"You were in two books!" Martin exclaimed, "Redwall and Mattimeo!"
"No, I was also in the picture books The Great Redwall Feast and A Redwall Winter's Tale, AND The Redwall Cookbook! That's five!"
"Picture books? Cook book? Those don't count!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't!"
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Constance shouted.
They both shut up.
"HEY!" Chickenhound shouted.
Elisha and the stranger fox had disappeared out of sight. They were going too fast for him, and now he was lost.
"Mangiz, where'd they go?" He asked. Mangiz wasn't there either.
"This isn't funny guys!" He yelled out. Something approached him from behind. Slowly, he turned around.
"No, I think vanilla pudding has a better texture," Shang said.
"Chocolate pudding is a better taste," Pocahontas said.
"But vanilla is also less expensive," Shang pointed out, "Since most people think chocolate's better, but they're wrong because they've never had pudding."
"C'mon guys, stop arguing for five minutes," Simba pleaded.
"Chocolate pudding has a better ring to it," Pocahontas insisted.
"THERE'S PUDDING WHERE IT'S CHOCOLATE ON TOP AND VANILLA ON BOTTOM!" Simba roared. They both went silent for a moment, then started up again.
"My movie's better than your movie," Shang said.
"You're not even the main character," Pocahontas said, "My movie is named after me. Your movie is named after your wife."
"Do they ever shut up?" Ironbeak whispered to Simba.
"No," Simba answered, "This is nothing. They once argued for five hours straight over if a hobo would prefer cheddar or mozzarella cheese."
"Wow..." Ironbeak said, "That's better than my arguments with Korvus."
"Who's Korvus? You're girlfriend?" Simba asked.
"NO! My girlfriend is Coo."
"Fine then."
"Look!" Elisha said to the terrified Chickenhound. She was holding a variety of citrus fruits: an orange, a lime, a grapefruit, a tangerine, and a pomelo, along with the lemon named Tucker Wan Kenobi Bob.
"I really was hoping you'd be a monster," Chickenhound said.
"These are our children! Tod, the fox here, took me to an orphanage. It had a strange name, it was called the 'Produce Isle' or something like that. Anyway, the grapefruit's name is Ting-Ting, the orange's name is Flag, the tangerine's name is Kuba, the lime's name is Orlando, and the pomelo's name is Molly."
"Ummm... okay..." Chickenhound said.
"Oh, and I went to the adoption agency. I know you want to raise a fellow fox, so I got us a daughter," Elisha said, "Here, hold the children."
She handed him the fruit and showed him the baby carriage. Inside was a little baby fox.
"What's her name?" Chickenhound asked.
"Grissoul," Elisha answered.
"Grissoul?" Chickenhound asked, "You know she grows up to be kinda crazy, right?"
"WHICH IS WHY WE RAISE HER BETTER!!!!!!!" Elisha yelled.
"Okay okay," Chickenhound meekly replied.
They were standing very close to a ride called Grizzy River Run. Chickenhound almost slipped, but caught footing in time. He accidently loosened his grip on the fruit and Tucker Wan Kenobi Bob went tumbling into the river.
"TUCKER BOB!!!!!!!!!!!" Elisha screamed, "CHICKENHOUND, DO SOMETHING!"
She grabbed the remaining fruit from him and pushed him into the water.
"GO SAVE YOUR SON!" She yelled.
The lemon and the fox dropped down a painful waterfall. Chickenhound tried to grab for it but it kept slipping out of his grip. Finally his got a good grip on it just as the powerful water went around a sharp bend, knocking his head against a rock (ow that's gotta hurt).