I just realized I never claimed to not own any of this. I do not own any Disney characters, Redwall characters, or the pizza companies that are/will be mentioned. Nor do I own Microsoft and am not Bill Gates, but that doesn't make a difference, now does it?
"Maybe I don't want to follow Duchess into the tunnel of doom," Rose said.
"Maybe I don't wanna lead you into the tunnel of doom," Duchess replied.
Martin and Matthias were still arguing.
"You don't even have a sword!" Martin yelled, "It's mine! You stole it!"
"At least I have descendants!" Matthias yelled back.
"You did NOT just go there."
"Oh, I DID!"
"Shut UP!" Constance screamed again.
"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!!!" Duchess yowled, "C'mon, let's just go through the stupid tunnel."
"I don't think it's such a good idea," Cornflower said.
"You're all wimps," Tsarmina said, "I'll go myself, I don't need this prissy kitty to help me."
"Are you sure? What if it's a trap?" Bluefen asked.
Tsarmina was already around the corner of the tunnel.
"Hey, Badrang, why don't you go with her?" Breeze asked.
"Excuse me?" Badrang looked at her strangely, "Why me?"
"C'mon," Breeze said, "It's obvious..."
"What's obvious?"
Breeze glanced at Dotti and they both smiled.
"WHAT?!?!"
"You know, the author like to put strange romances in this story," Swartt said, "Like Basil and Jodd with Dotti and Breeze."
"THAT ENDED A LONG TIME AGO!" Jodd insisted.
"Sure, you keep believing that," Swartt said
"TUCKER WAN KANOBI BOB!!! IS HE OKAY?!?!?!" Elisha screamed.
She ran over to her unconscious husband and grabbed the lemon and started cradling it. Mangiz and Todd walked up pushing a very large stroller full of the fruit (and Grissoul). Elisha wrapped Tucker Bob in a towel and put him in the stroller.
"What about Chickenhound?" Mangiz asked.
"...my baby almost drowned and you're concerned about HIM!?!"
"I think he just slipped into a coma," Todd said.
"...and?"
"POTATO!" Chickenhound suddenly cried out, and got to his feet.
"Woah, I think he's okay," Mangiz said.
Chickenhound searched through his pockets. "WHERE'S MY CHAIN?!!!?!?!!?!?!" He screamed, "MY SHINY CHAIN!?!?!?"
"Shut up about some stupid chain, even if it is shiny," Elisha said, "We have to get the wedding started."
"WHAT?!"
"Can we at least order pizza? Being kidnapped makes me hungry," Ironbeak said.
"Sure. Let's call Domino's Pizza," Shang said, "And that's GENERAL Shang to you, author lady person."
"No, I want to call Pizza Hut," Pocahontas said.
"Oh jeez, here we go," Simba said, "JUST ORDER ROUND TABLE PIZZA!"
General Shang shrugged and picked up a random phone he found on the table.
"Where are we? Does this place have telephone connection?" Ironbeak asked.
"Some underground cavern," Simba answered.
"Hello," General Shang said, "Is this Round Table Pizza? Good, I have a question. You have pizza right? ....good, good. I'd like to order a pizza. ...No, I don't know what's on it, I don't make pizza. ...ew, what is THAT? ...oh, pizza sauce, yes that will be helpful. Cheese too. ... yeah, extra pepperoni and sausage."
"Add some mushrooms and olives," Pocahontas said.
"Ew, no, I hate mushrooms and olives," Shang said, " and I won't point out that you forgot the GENERAL..... make that an extra large. No, I'm not that hungry, how about a small. No... medium. I DON'T KNOW!!! How about... a small and a half. I want half to be cheese, one quarter to be sausage, one quarter pepperoni, and one quarter mushrooms. What? What do you MEAN that's more than a whole?!?! I CAN HAVE YOU ARRESTED, YOU KNOW I'M A GENERAL!!!!! Oh, yeah, that IS more than a whole. Okay make only a quarter cheese then. What? $30.00?!?! THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS! I have Domino's pizza on the other line. Lowest bidder gets it. Uhh... $25.00! DO I HERE $25 DOLLARS? $20 DOLLARS! $15! $10! Going once, going twice, SOLD TO ROUND TABLE PIZZA! Deliver to the Evil Underground Lair in Disneyland, okay?"
He hung up.
"That was the best way I've ever seen anyone get cheap pizza," Ironbeak said.
"Let's just go see Mickey," Pocahontas said.
"TOOK LONG ENOUGH!!!" Ironbeak cawed, "Wait... whose Mickey?"
They didn't answer and carried him outside (remember, he's in a bird cage). They went down an underground tunnel with a bunch of side tunnels. If you got lost down here, you probably stayed lost. Which is just great because GeneralShang and Pocahontas were still arguing.
"You went the wrong way," Pocahontas said, "You turn left, not right."
"I know what I'm doing," General Shang said, "Oh... I don't remember this tunnel being here."
"You got us lost?" Simba sighed, "Figures."
"Okay... if you don't mind letting be out, I'll just fly away now," Ironbeak said.
"This isn't tunnel 342.25B," Pocahontas said, "I don't know what it is."
"LOVELY!" Simba said, a little loudly.
"I heard a voice," Cluny said.
"This isn't new," Sela said, "You always are hearing voices."
"BUT THEY WEREN'T SPEAKING SPANISH THIS TIME!" Cluny insisted, "It sounded like... ENGLISH! THEY SHOUTED 'LOVELY'!"
"He's right," Orlando the Axe said, "Wow... I never thought I would say that about Cluny."
Duchess, Tsarmina, and Badrang weren't there. Badrang and Duchess followed Tsarmina after she left by herself. The author finally woke up.
"I haven't said much or done much in the last few chapters," she said, "So... hi again."
"Oh great," Gonff said, "I thought we got rid of her."
"YOU CAN NEVER GET RID OF THE AUTHOR, MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"DOOOOOOOOOM!" The Doom Bunny howled.
"Exactly. Anyway, let's get this plot moving faster," the author said.
"That is NOT good!" Veil exclaimed.
"Did anyone else here someone scream 'DOOOOOOOOOM'?" Pocahontas asked.
"You're crazy," General Shang said.
"How could you not have heard it?!" Pocahontas asked, "YOU'RE crazy!'
"No, YOU are!"
"No you!"
"You!"
"No you!"
"You!"
"No you!"
"You!"
"No you!"
"You!"
"No you!"
"You!"
"No you!"
"You!"
"No you!"
"You!"
"No you!"
"SHUT UP ALREADY!!!" Simba roared.
"It was the Doom Bunny, I recognized it," Ironbeak said.
"Whose the Doom Bunny? A Redwall character, right?" General Shang asked.
"Uh, yeah."
Shang and Pocahontas glanced at each other.
"Well," Pocahontas said, "They might be lost. Maybe we should help them."
"But WE'RE lost ourselves," Simba said.
"Shhhhhhhh," Pocahontas shushed him.
"It's GENERAL Shang! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!?!" General Shang growled to the author.
"But I want my shiny chain," Chickenhound said.
"Shut up. We're getting the wedding ready," Elisha said.
Chickenhound put the mask on.
"Have fun with your wedding guys, I'll go get the chain for Chickenhound," he said, then walked off.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!!!" Elisha screamed, but he ran away.
"It's okay," Todd said, "He's not all that great. He thinks that chain's better than you."
"Are you hitting on me?" Elisha asked.
"Uh... of course not," Todd said, "You know... trying the knot is a big decision. Are you sure about this?"
"Of course! I've known Chickenhound for so long!" Elisha insisted.
"How long?"
"We got engaged on our five minute anniversary."
"I'm sure five minutes of a relationship is an achievement for you."
"Stop flirting with her," Mangiz whispered in Todd's ear, "She's psycho."
"But she's the only woman I can find who digs foxes," Todd said.
Meanwhile, Slagar was looking for his precious chain. He wanted it so much because it was SHINY! DUH!
"It's in the river," he said out loud.
"No duh, stupid," Chickenhound said.
"Well," Slagar said, "Whose going to go in to get it?"
"I got a concussion last time I did," Chickenhound said, "You do it."
"Okay..." Slagar agreed.
Slagar waded into the river. He was about to dive under and look when he heard some splashing. He glanced over his shoulder to see a circular raft-boat thing crashing toward him. Inside was someone he gasped when he recognized...
"I lived underground," Korvus Skurr said, "I can get us out of here."
"What about us?" the doomwytes asked, "We did too."
"You're all dumb and I'm your leader," Korvus concluded, "And now I just realized something: Ironbeak and Mangiz aren't here, so technically we're triumphant. Remember that we were at war with them!"
The doomwytes stared at him blankly.
"I WANT A FISH TACO!" Cluny shouted suddenly and without any kind of warning.
"Matthias," Cornflower whispered, "I'm scared."
"Don't worry, we'll get out of these tunnels," Matthias assured her.
"No... Cluny was looking at me when he said that..." Cornflower said.
"Daddy," Mattimeo said, "I'm scared too. The author has been sticking to the plot for the last few chapters!"
Everybeast gasped.
"Right," the author said, "Which is exactly why the NEXT chapter after this will be... well, similar to the hotel scenes. Anyway, I've been dragging something on for too long now."
Suddenly, Pocahontas, Shang, Simba, and Ironbeak came in through one of the tunnels.
"That's GENERAL Shang to you!" General Shang yelled at the author, "GET IT RIGHT!!!"
"Who are these people?" Gonff asked.
"I just said their names, smart one," the author answered.
"Hi," Pocahontas said, "Uh.... we're kinda lost right now. But could you all come with us anyway?"
"Go where?" Martin asked.
"Uh... we'll take you to the greatest place on Earth," General Shang said.
"You sound like child kidnappers," Rose said.
"We'll take you all to Disneyworld" Pocahontas said.
"We're already in Disneyland," Sela said.
"DisneyWORLD is different..." General Shang said.
"Oh, stop it, both of you," Simba said, "Ignore them. They're just trying to kidnap you 'cause the mouse said so, and they think what he says, goes."
"But Mickey is the Big Cheese!" General Shang exclaimed. Everyone stared at him.
"I'm ignoring that," Simba said, "Yeah, they were told to capture you guys or something like that. I dunno."
"This is awkward, but can you PLEASE let me out of the cage now?" Ironbeak asked.
"Sure, whatever," Simba unlatched the lock even though he has no fingers whatsoever but nobody cares because this is a very random story and every so often can defy the laws of physics.
"Wait... does that mean Duchess is kidnapping Warthorn, Tsarmina, and Badrang?" Nightshade asked.
"Probably," Pocahontas shrugged.
"I think we should go save them," Martin said. Everybeast stared at him in shock, considering Tsarmina and Badrang were his enemies.
"I mean, we save Warthorn," Martin quickly covered it up.
"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" Slagar yelled, "YOU'RE THAT- AHHHHH!" He jumped out of the river as the boat came crashing toward him. He was grabbed by big hands and pulled into the boat. His mask accidently fell into the river.
"SLAGAR!!!!" Chickenhound screamed. Then he turned and faced the creature in the boat.
"You're the MAN-BEAR-THING!!!!!!!!" He shrieked, "I THOUGHT YOU DIED ON SPLASH MOUNTAIN IN CHAPTER 5!!!"
The Man-Bear-Thing roared and threw a bunch of brochures at him. They went down a waterfall and mad a loud splash.
"THERE IS ALWAYS SOME TYPE OF CHARACTER WHO COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD, AND YOU'RE HIM!!!" Chickenhound screamed. Ironic moment...
"RAWR!!!" The Man-Bear-Thing roared.
"I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY WEDDING AND hey look, my shiny chain!" Chickenhound spotted the chain on a tree branch and managed to grab it as the boat went underneath it.
"So she says 'That's not my car!' and I say, 'That's not a Ford Mustang'," Rick concluded.
The rest of the creepy fangirl/boys laughed hysterically. They sat in a buffet called Captain Clogg's, and they absolutely LOVED the food.
"Hey," Lilly said, "I wonder what happened to those Redwall guys."
"OH EM GEE!" Lauren suddenly ran up to them, "LOOKWHAT I FOUND! SOME GUY IN A BEAR SUIT HANDED ME THIS BROCHURE! IT SAYS THAT A BUNCH OF DISNEY CHARACTERS WILL BE HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT AT 5:00! AND MULAN AND SHANG WILL BE THERE!"
"REALLY?!?!" Jack imitated her, "That's like, oh em gee, so boring."
"I know how much you like your Mulan videos," Tanya said, "But...
"BUT WE'RE GOING TO GO SEE THEM!!!" Lauren shrieked.
"OKAY!" Everyone else, except for Jack, cheered.
"I'M SURROUNDED BY CRAZY PEOPLE!" Jack screamed.
Yeah... short chapter, I know... So now Chickenhound is kidnapped by the Bear-Man-Thing, Duchess is kidnapping Warthorn, Tsarmina, and Badrang, and the Disney characters are hosting some sort of party.