A funny thing happened to me these past few weeks. I was busy, working on school stuff, when one day a weird feeling came upon me. I had forgotten about this state of mind that I used to have all the time. I recalled the name to be "free time". Anyway, sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I promise I have more time now for this thing. See, my dad has had to work at home for a while, but that's over soon. In fact, I'm planning a much bigger project, involving this story.

All of the Characters: NOOOOOOOOO!

Ahem. Anyway, let's get to the feature presentation.


"Why did it end there?" Matthias asked.

"What do you mean?" the author asked.

"I mean, Swartt was just about to see what the large object is," Matthias said.

"It's called putting a cliffhanger in an annoying place," the author concluded.

"Oh."

"Moving on," the author said, "We're now at the reception for Elisha and Chickenhound."

"Where is it?" Matthias asked.

"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! I'LL TAKE AWAY YOUR PRIVLEGE TO TALK AGAIN!" The author yelled, "Ahem. Anyway, it's at Captain Kidd's- uh, I mean, Captain Clogg's."

"EWWW!" All of the Redwallers cried.

"YAAAAY!" The fanpeople cheered.

They were served food-like substances again. Jodd made a run for the door, but was stopped when he crashed into a table and was knocked unconscious. Rollo threw some substance, which was meant to be spaghetti, at the wall. It stuck there like glue.

"I have a question," Matthias said.

"WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?!?!" The author growled.

"When is this story going to end?" He asked.

"Do you want it to end?"

"It's not an enjoyable experience for me. I just wanted to take my family on vacation to Hawaii!"

"...That can be arranged," the author said menacingly.

Matthias backed away.

Suddenly, a giant adder crashed through the wall. It was Asmodeus.

"HEY!" The restaurant's owner yelled, "YOU CAN WAIT YOUR TURN TO BE SEATED LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!"

"Sssorry, but thisss isss important," Asmodeus hissed.

"So important that you couldn't use the front door?" The owner growled.

"I'm a giant adder. I couldn't fit through."

"Have you ever considered going on a diet?"

"SSSHUT UP! I'm trying to tell the Redwallersss sssomething that will move the plot along."

"THERE IS NO PLOT!" The author yelled, "It was originally supposed to be a string of subplots! I guess the Disney characters thing counts as a plot though..."

Suddenly, Duchess ran inside the building through the hole that Asmodeus created.

"YOU PEOPLE HAVE ISSUES WITH DOORS!" The owner screeched.

Duchess ignored him and said, "The Disney characters have gathered their army together and are looking for you. Yeah, it's actually pretty funny how much they outnumber you five to one."

"Why aren't you with them?" Cornflower asked.

"Because they took my kittens, remember? Besides, if I fight, I might get my hair ruffled. And I have to keep my reputation about the only good looking cat in this story."

"You're going to have to worry about a lot more than ruffled fur!" Tsarmina hissed, unsheathing her claws. Badrang had to hold her back.

"What were you trying to tell us, Asmodeus?" Dotti asked.

"I wasss about to sssay that the Disney charactersss were looking for you, but ssshe beat me..."

"GUYS!" Simba and Pocahontas ran throgh the open hole, "THE DISNEY CHARACTERS GATHERED AN ARMY AND-"

"WE GET IT!" Martin yelled, "C'mon guys, let's go fight back!"

"There are, like, three warriors here," Cornflower said, "Well, there's also Sunflash. And Constance appears randomly but never seems to stay..."

"Nope," Constance said, walking by.

"Hey!" Cluny said, "Warlords can fight too!"

"Dude," Matthias said, "You were crushed by a bell."

"And Slagar fell down a well," Sela added, "How much wimpier can you get?"
"HEY!" Slagar yelled. He took the mask off.

"It's true, Slagar," Chickenhound said.

"Oh, stop it!" Elisha growled to her new husband, "That stupid mask is going to be burned, if you keep this up."

NOOOOOOOOO!" Chickenhound cuddled the mask, "IT'S SLAGAR!!!!!"

"Let's find a place to hide!" Rose said.

"SIMBA!!!!!" Hector suddenly screamed without prior warning and tackled Simba. Before Simba could do anything, Hector turned around and grabbed Duchess and started hugging her very tightly.

"I LOVE YOU DUCHESS!!!!!!!!" He screamed at a very high pitch.

"HELP! HELP ME! HEEELLLP!" Duchess yowled.

No one turned to help, because they were already leaving the building on their way to find a hiding spot. Only Tsarmina turned to see it. She laughed.

"This is what I've been dealing with for a long time," Tsarmina said.

"HELP!" Duchess yowled.

Tsarmina made no motion to do so. Then Hector saw her.

"KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He shrieked and tackled her, releasing Duchess.

Duchess sighed in relief and ran for the hole in the wall.

"HELP!!!" It was Tsarmina's turn to scream.

Duchess giggled and was about to jump out of the building when Hector gabbed her too.

"LET'S PLAY, KITTIES!" He squealed, "WE'LL NEED YARN AND CAT NIP!!!"

"I don't like cat nip," Duchess mewed, "It tastes disgusting and is just for drunk alley cats."

"Is that your main concern right now?" Tsarmina asked, "That you won't be all 'classy'?"

"Yeah, why?" Duchess asked, "It's very important to us noble types."

"I'M A QUEEN, YOU REALIZE!" Tsarmina yelled.

Swartt cautiously approached the large object. He grabbed a random torch that happened to be burning on the wall. This was possible because in the Redwall TV series, somebody found a torch burning in an abandoned hall, so Swartt decided he could too. He looked at it in the firelight, but couldn't read the words that seemed to have once been engraved on it. It also seemed as if it could be opened. He opened it slowly, freaking out that the creaking echoed through the room. He peered inside and screamed.

"LET ME OUT!" He shrieked, "WHERE'S THE PLOT HOLE?!?!"

He slammed it shut and ran around in circles screaming his head off.

"Where are we going?" Matthias asked.

"Maybe we should split up..." Cornflower suggested.

"SPLIT UP?!?! NO, CORNFLOWER! WE CAN FIX THIS MARRIAGE!" Matthias shrieked.

"I didn't mean split up. I meant-"

"You feel trapped, don't you?" Matthias accused, "You feel like the walls of Redwall are confining you to our marriage, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Fine, you want out? Then go! Before I met you I had friends, and dreams, and could buy all the beef jerky I wanted!"

"What are you two talking about?" Lauren asked.

"I'M OUT OF HERE!!!" Matthias yelled and stormed away.

"I don't know what's gotten into him," Cornflower sighed, "I guess too much beef jerky last night."

"When was last night?" Stryk asked the author, "It seems to have been only a day, but we've been wandering around for a good week's worth of time since last night."

"Shut up," the author grunted.

"Where'd Dad go?" Mattimeo asked.

"HE WENT TO OZARNIA!" Rick yelled.

"...What on Earth is Ozarnia?" Cornflower asked.

"OZARNIA! You know, the magical land between Oz and Narnia, where unicorns can fly and people sing and dance and eat all of the peanut butter cupcakes they want and-"

BAM! Rick was knocked unconscious by Constance.

"Thank you, Constance," Cornflower said, "I'm going to go look for my husband. Everyone else should find somewhere to hide."

"We're waaaaay ahead of you," the rest of the group called from far away. They got bored of the conversation and left without them.

"What about Rick?" Cornflower asked them, "You can't just leave him lying here!"

There was no reply.

"I'll take him there," Constance offered. She grabbed Rick and slung him over one shoulder.

"Hey guys!" Elisha said, "Come with me! I know where we can hide!"

Veil had nowhere to run. He did not have any idea if Baliss was still behind him or not, but he decided not to take any chances. But he saw no hiding place... none, except for what looked like the entrance to a ride. It was his only chance! But he read the sign... it was A Small World... he decided he'd prefer to face the adder than go on that again.

He kept running. He heard the adder slithering not to far behind him. He was out of breath and tired- maybe cutting gym class in the Abbey school wasn't such a good idea... Then he saw a river with a boat! It was an escape!

He did not stop to read signs or anything. He jumped the fence and jumped into the boat. Unfortunately, he did not see any way to control the boat, having no prior experience with boats.. He got out and kicked it in frustration, which sent it floating down the river.

"Come back!" He yelled to it, and tried to swim for it. He got in quickly, afraid of water ever since the Pirates of the Caribbean incident.

Soon he was riding the Jungle Cruise, even though he didn't have the tour guide. When he saw the animatronic elephants, he screamed. He had never seen anything bigger than a badger before, except for the adders. From his experience with large creatures, he decided that the smaller, the better.

He was so frightened, he fell backwards, tipping the boat over onto him. He flailed around pathetically until he realized the boat was not crushing him. He swam out from underneath it, saw the elephant again, yelped, and swam back to the safety of under the overturned boat.

"Are you sure this is a good hiding place?" Ironbeak asked.

"Yeah," Elisha said, "It's a brilliant idea, right? We can just go in there, sit down, and forget our worries."

"This isn't going to work," Simba said.

"YES IT WILL BECAUSE I SAID IT WILL!!!" Elisha yelled.

They were standing outside of the Finding Nemo submarines.

"IT'S ON A RAIL!" Simba yelled.

"They'll never think to look underwater!" Elisha declared.

"But-" Simba started to protest.

"NO TIME!" Elisha yelled rather loudly, "AND BE QUIET, THEY MIGHT HEAR US! HURRY, LET'S GET INSIDE!"

Everyone ran inside of a submarine. Cluny volunteered to be the pilot. The rest of them tied him up in the back of it, no longer trusting him after the plane crash. The submarine was moving by itself. They ignored the Finding Nemo show that was happening outside of the windows because they were worried about dying, which seems to occupy your mind sometimes. Baby Rollo and Clogg, however, weren't so worried. Clogg was drunk (when isn't he?) and singing. Rollo was singing along. Sadly, Clogg has never been a good singer, and Rollo was a bit young.

"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!" Clogg shouted rather loudly.

"Yellow submarine! Yellow submarine!" Rollo echoed.

"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!"

"Yellow submarine! Yellow submarine!"

"As appropriate as this song is for this occasion," Warthorn said, "SHUT UP!"

"Is there something wrong with the Beatles?" Clogg growled.

Before Warthorn replied, Sela interrupted them. "Speaking of bands," she said, "What happened to Green Day?"

"Last I saw them, they were running away from Zassaliss and his siblings," Elisha answered.

"Oh, great," Sela sighed, "So what are we supposed to do on this dumb submarine? You do realize that we can barely stand each other, right?"

"MOVE OVER!" Jodd yelled at Basil, "I HAVE NO ROOM!"

"NEITHER DO I," Basil yelled back, "STOP SHOVING!"

The small seats were very crowded for the Redwallers.

Suddenly, the submarine began to rock. It then began to fall through the water, which wasn't very deep, but the impact still knocked a few creatures off their feet. Unfortunately, they were at the top of a dip, and the submarine began to tumble downhill.

"W-what's going on?!?!" Dotti screamed.

"Someone cut the rail!" Pocahontas yelled.

The submarine rested at the bottom of the pool of the ride. Unfortunately, they landed upside-down.

"So... we're basically trapped in here?" Dotti asked, trying to get out of the mass of creatures.

"Looks like it," Bluefen sighed.

"Guys," Sela gasped, "I think one of the doomwytes died from the fall."

No one really cared, except for the remaining doomwytes.

"Which one?" Murig asked.

Korvus Skurr flew over to look.

"It's not a doomwyte, idiot," Kovus said, "It's a crow. It's-"

"IT'S NOT MANGIZ, IS IT?!?!" Mangiz screeched.

"No, it's Veeku," Korvus finished.

"Oh, he was in this story?" Purz asked.

"For about three seconds," Korvus said.

"He wasn't needed for the plot," the author shrugged.

"This means only one more character is going to die!" Orlando yelled.

Everybeast stared at him. They all forgot he was there.

"Is anyone else concerned that we are in an upside-down submarine at the bottom of a pool?" Murig asked, "And the only means of escape is the hatch at the top- which is buried in the ground."

"That is a bit inconvenient," Rick agreed.

"Why did we come with them, Jack?" Tanya asked her boyfriend.

"Because we're associated with them and didn't want to be killed by angry Disney characters," Jack answered.

"That's no excuse," Tanya growled, "Find a way out of here or we're breaking up!!!"

"But-"

"NOW!"

"O-okay," Jack backed away.

"We could break the windows and swim for it," Warthorn suggested.

"Of course you'd suggest that, considering you're an otter," a voice said.

They looked around. Where did that come from?

"Hi guys!" Lady Amber emerged from the shadows.

"AHHH!" Everybeast screamed. They forgot all about her.

"We thought you were kidnapped by the Disney characters!" Warthorn exclaimed.

"No, silly," Amber giggled, "Remember? I suddenly disappeared right next to you? I fell through a plot hole, duh!"

"There seems to be a lot lately," the author sighed.

"They're like portals. I teleported in here and was trapped..." Lady Amber continued, "Sorry if you thought I was kidnapped by the Disney characters. Oh, I also found this."

She held out a weird piece of paper. Before anyone else could read it, the Doom Bunny grabbed it and hid in the corner of the submarine.

"What are you doing?" Lady Amber asked him.

The Doom Bunny was reading it intently. He protected it from anyone who tried to take it away. When he finished reading it, he stuffed it in his mouth and ate it.

"Okay, what was that?" Skarlath asked.

"It was the author's notes on the plot," Lady Amber said, "I didn't read it yet though... What did it say, Doom Bunny?"

"DOOOOOOM!" The Doom Bunny hollered, "DEATH TO US ALL!"

"What is the author planning?" Rose asked.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!"

"This is going nowhere," Martin sighed, "Let me handle it."

He grabbed for his sword, but noticed it was missing.

"MATTHIAS!" He yelled.

"What?" Matthias asked.

"You took my sword again, didn't you?" Martin growled, "GIVE IT BACK!"

"I don't have it!" Matthias insisted.

Martin tackled him. While they were wrestling, everyone else questioned the Doom Bunny.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!" The Doom Bunny screamed.

"That's exactly right," the author smiled.

Suddenly, something swam by the window. Everybeast froze. Another figure swam by on the other side. Something was outside the overturned submarine.

"Hector," Lauren said, "You know we're friends, and I respect you, right?"

"Yeah," Hector answered.

"Would you mind if I ask why Tsarmina and Duchess are tied with yarn to two chairs stuck together and there is catnip sprinkled all around the room?"

Lauren was still running around with General Shang and Mulan, and dragged them into Hector's hotel room, where Tsarmina and Duchess were being held captive.

"Because I like kitties," Hector answered.

"HELP!" Duchess yowled.

"Nah, Mulan and I are going to shop for kimonos," Lauren said.

"Kimonos are Japanese though," Tsarmina said, "And Mulan is from China."

"Not in Disney!" Lauren insisted, "C'mon Mulan!"

She had chained Mulan and Shang to both of her wrists. When they left, Hector turned back to the cats.

"Which one of you has a cuter purr?" He asked.

Suddenly, his cell phone rang.

"I have to take this call," he said. He left the room to talk to whoever actually wanted to have a conversation with him.

"We have to escape this," Tsarmina whispered, "We might have to work together for this."

"Yeah right," Duchess hissed, "I've always seen stuff like this in movies and books happen where two characters have to work together. It's not gonna work, okay?"

"Fine," Tsarmina said, "I'll just save myself then."

She held a knife in her tail. When Lauren was in the room, she stole it from her sock.

"Uh, can we have a truce?" Duchess asked.

"Maybe," Tsarmina answered. She used her tail to cut the yarn that was binding them.

"Okay, now what?" Duchess asked, "Hector's outside the door."

Tsarmina looked around. "The window!" She exclaimed.

"Yes," Duchess sighed, "That is, in fact, a window."

Tsarmina ignored her and ran over to it. They were on the twentieth story of course...

"There's a ledge we can climb on," Tsarmina said.

"Uh, queens first," Duchess mewed.

Tsarmina was very close to pushing the aristocat out the window, but restrained herself.

"Whatever," Tsarmina sighed. She made a movement toward the open window, but then stopped and in one motion pushed Duchess out onto the ledge.
"HEY!" Duchess screamed as she scrambled to get a hold on the ledge. Tsarmina had pushed too hard, almost making Duchess fall out completely. Tsarmina made no effort to help Duchess as she regained her balance on the ledge.

"Come on, he sounds like he's almost done with his phone call!" Tsarmina hissed.

"I'LL GO WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY!" Duchess hissed back, her back against the wall, staring horrified at the ground below.

"MOVE!" Tsarmina yowled, stepping out onto the ledge. The door to the room was opening.

She began to edge along the ledge away from the window. She saw Hector coming toward them. He was about to pull both cats back into the room when Tsarmina decided to do something totally insane.

She grabbed Duchess (who was still whimpering and cowering on the ledge) and jumped off the ledge, down to the street twenty stories below.

Anything was better then being trapped with Hector.

"It's not very nice to end it there," Tsarmina told the author.

"Shut up," the author said, "It's Veil's scene now."

Meanwhile, Veil was hiding under the boat of the jungle cruise. He cautiously peeked out from under it. The elephant was still there. He didn't realize it was fake, but remember who this is.

He decided to make a mad dash for the opposite bank across the river. He took a deep breath and swam as fast as he could, splashing wildly and finally scrambling onto the dry ground. He tripped and fell flat on his face into a puddle of mud.

"Blah, this is just like my senior prom," Veil grumbled. He got up and wiped the mud out of his face. When he saw what was standing in from of him, he panicked and jumped back into the mud. He was dragged out by the baby elephant that he saw.

He dared to glance back at the elephant. It was small, with freakishly huge ears.

"Um, hello... you don't look very scary, at least," Veil said.

The elephant stared at him blankly.

"I'm Veil," Veil continued, "What's your name?"

The elephant continued to stare blankly.

"Uh, so what are you doing here?"

Blank stare.

"I'm gonna go now..." Veil said, beginning to walk away.

"Yo dude, it ain't my fault that I didn't get no speakin' part in the movie," the elephant said.

"Oh, you can talk," Veil said, "Well, I'm sorta lost."

"Mah name's Jumbo, homez, but mah peeps call me Dumbo-Dizzle-Fazizzle-Mahizzle. Dumbo, for short. Whaz up?"

"Um, okay," Veil said, "Can you just tell me where-"

"What are you, homie? Some kinda talkin' weasel or somethin'?" Dumbo asked.

"I'M A FERRET!" Veil growled, "And I'm lost, so please tell me how-"

"There ain't no difference, homez," Dumbo interrupted.

"JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS STUPID JUNGLE!" Veil yelled.

"No need to shout, homie," Dumbo said, "So what's yo name?"

"I already told you, it's Veil," Veil sighed.

"Veil-Rizzle-McIzzle-Vizzle. I like it," Dumbo said, "Oh, and the exit's right over there, homez, yo standing right in front of it."

It was true; the exit gate was right in front of them.

"Uh, I knew that," Veil said, "Thanks, I think. I gotta go."

"Yo joinin' that battle, right?" Dumbo asked, "I'm too busy to do it, it sucks don't it, homie? Well, you 'ave fun. Hey, mind if I come with you, just to watch the fight?"

"I thought you said you were busy," Veil said.

"Shuddup, I says what I mean and I mean what I says," Dumbo said, "C'mon, let's just go, homie."

"PLEASE stop talking like that," Veil begged.

Yeah, they're still a lot of stuff unanswered. Don't worry, it'll all make sense eventually. Hopefully. Nothing makes sense in this story. Also, the next chapter is almost finished, so expect to see it up soon! That's when Ice's plan will come into action... Be afraid, Elisha, be very afraid.