Yes, I'm actually alive. Sorry it took me longer than forever to update. Don't you hate how teachers pile loads of projects on you the last month of school?Yeah... then we had a lot going on the last week, with field trips and after school stuff and band stuff (yes, I'm a crazy band kid like the fanpeople). Well, we're here not with the conclusion. Or is it...?
"Well then," Cornflower said, "Now what do we do?"
"Um, well, we need a ride home," Matthias answered, "But SOMEBODY," He paused to glare at Veil and Mattimeo, "Destroyed our old plane."
"I should of stayed with Frank where I was respected," Mattimeo pouted.
Suddenly, Nightshade fell to the ground.
"Eh, she's getting another vision," Swartt shrugged, "She'll be okay in about thirty seconds."
"WHY DON'T I GET VISIONS?" Mangiz shouted. The author ignored him.
Thirty-two seconds later (Swartt was WRONG), Nightshade jumped back up.
"I HAD A VISION!" She declared.
"We already confirmed that fact," Sela grunted, impatient and rather jealous. She didn't get visions.
"It was rather long and depressing," Nightshade said, "Come on, let's get something to eat first."
Sitting at a restaurant (the only one they could find was Captain Kidd's... er... Clogg's), they were hungry enough to choke down the food-like substances. Nightshade was preparing to tell them their vision. Kind of.
"I've grown weak," She said, "Only pudding can fill the void."
"Just tell us the vision," Rose said.
"I MUST HAVE PUDDING FIRST!" Nightshade yelled.
As Nightshade went to the buffet to get pudding, the Redwallers discussed what they should do.
"Well, we don't have to worry about the fanpeople anymore," Gonff pointed out, "That's a plus."
"Or Disney characters killing us," Jodd added.
"Tsarmina and Breeze are missing though," Badrang said, "What are we going to do about that?"
There was a pause. Nobeast really knew.
"And the adders are still roaming around," Martin said, "And Matthias stole my sword again."
"I did not, you liar!" Matthias yelled.
"Great, we lost the sword too," Rose sighed, "You have to keep better track of your things, Martin."
"Stop acting like my wife!" Martin growled.
Rose slapped him.
"Sorry, I got into our weird area, didn't I?" Martin groaned.
Nightshade came back with a large bowl filled with pudding. Slowly, she dug her spoon in and ate a little... Painfully, painfully slow.
"JUST TELL US THE FLIPPIN' VISION ALREADY!" Baby Rollo suddenly yelled.
"Awww," Cornflower cooed, "His first outburst of rage."
"OKAY, OKAY!" Nightshade put her spoon down, "Jeez. Impatient much?"
"If I had a vision, I wouldn't make you guys wait," Mangiz sulked.
"It was calm..." Nightshade began, "Then suddenly, wind started blowing. A dancing cheeto with shades suddenly appeared, joined by two mice dancing in hula skirts waving around glowsticks... Er... anyway, the cheeto gave me a message.
'I am the Might Cheeto... or something like that.
The fate of the world lies in the hands... er... paws
Of the literature world of little brown rats.
Wait... that was bad.
Really bad.
Forget the rhyming, okay?
I'm not much of a poetry guy.
Just listen.
The chain is what locks up... Them.
The worst of all Mary-Sues...
And the worst of the rabid fanpeople...
They live in a castle
But we lock the door up with this chain.
This chain is special.
The chain knows all.
The chain controls time and space.
The chain controls life and death.
The chain knows the future and the past.
The chain is really, really shiny.
So, basically, you guys are supposed to save the world,
From the twin demons Mary-Sue and Fanny,
Yeah, real creative names, no?
Yeeeeaaah...'
And then, I saw a large tower, with a big door that was locked with a chain. But the chain was breaking...
I think we have to replace the chain before whatever is inside comes out."
"Well that was just weird," Cornflower said, shaking her head.
"This is reeeaaaally stupid," Basil grunted.
"Thank you," the author said, "I try my best. Yeah, there is a castle somewhere in the world where Mary-Sue and Fanny are locked up."
"Sooo...?" Korvus asked.
"Ugh. Just save the dang world," the author grunted, "In all books there is something about saving the world, no?"
Suddenly, Grissoul had a vision.
"I had a vision, daddy!" She said to Slagar.
"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not your daddy," Slagar sighed, "Chickenhound and Elisha adopted you, along with the citrus fruit. Chickenhound asked me to hold on to it."
He was holding a plastic bag, which he was keeping said fruit in.
"Whatever," Grissoul said, "It was a giant, blue potato. He told me:
'Oh yeah, there's another part of the prophecy you should know.
A Redwall character you thought you could trust,
Really is partners with the Sue and Fan.
They will betray you,
Unless you stop them.
If you don't, then Fanny and Mary-Sue will be released.
Tell Chickenhound I say hi! Oh, and to protect the chain with his life.
Let nobody else lay a paw on it.
Don't trust anybeast...
Not even yourself.'
"This is like when you told us three of us would die!" Bluefen said to the author, "Which, by the way, hasn't happened yet."
"I feel special," Chickenhound grinned, "And I know that this means I won't be the one to die because I'm the MIGHTY PROTECTOR OF THE CHAIN! TREMBLE BEFORE ME!"
"Wait... this means..." Matthias said, "THERE'S GONNA BE A SEQUEL!"
Everybeast screamed loudly.
"Actually, a trilogy," the author smiled, "I already know what the third one will be like."
Everybeast screamed again, even louder this time.
"You don't have time to do that!" Ironbeak tried to talk her our of it, "You barely had time for this story!"
"True," the author said, "But summer is coming up, so I'll actually have a concept called 'free time'."
Cheerlessly, they walked out of the restaurant and came face to face with Asmodeus and Baliss.
"Hey guysss," Asmodeus said, "Er... Balissss and I felt kinda bad about trying to kill you before, ssso we decided to tell you why we're here."
"Sssee," Baliss explained, "Zasssalissss, Sssesstra, and Harsssacsss were hired by Disssney to kill you, but we were actually hired by a mysssteriousss creature, we don't know what it wasss, to come here and pretend that we worked for Mickey. They weren't Disssney though."
"Sssomeone isss out to get you," Asmodeus concluded.
"Great. Just what we need," Dotti sighed, "More people trying to kill us."
"It's starting to get to me, all of this attempted killing stuff," Veil said.
"Zasssalisss and hisss sssiblingsss left," Baliss told them, "Ssso no need to worry about them."
"Well, we need a plane," Frang said, "We ravens can't fly all the way to Mossflower."
"I have a plane," A voice said.
They turned to see Duchess, along with Tsarmina, Breeze, and Thumper.
"Yeah, since I'm rich, I can afford a private jet," Duchess boasted, "I can lend it to you if you want."
"Thank you so much!" Cornflower was excited to finally leave.
As they were following Duchess to the airplane, Thumper and Breeze whispered to each other. By the time they all reached the plane, they cane to a decision.
"I'm staying here with Thumper," Breeze announced.
Everybeast gasped.
"We can't be separated," Breeze continued, "Our hearts belong with each other."
"No," Dotti said, "I know we hate each other, but listen to me. You're making a mistake."
"I don't want to hear it," Breeze said, "My mind it made up."
"M'kay, let's go," Lady Amber killed the moment, "Plane takes off in five minutes."
Lady Amber had gone to flight school as well as submarine school, so she was the pilot (after they tied Cluny in the cargo hold of course. They didn't want another accident.) Duchess, Breeze and Thumper waved the plane off as it grew smaller and smaller into the sky.
The flight back to Mossflower was long, but they had supplies on the plane (a lot of jellybeans and pillows), which led the passengers to create Pillow War II. As they were passing over a city, Amber noticed that the plane was almost out of fuel. She landed near a gas station, which she later learned was not going to work. After trying to fill the plane up with car gasoline (she couldn't figure out the pump because I don't think squirrels usually have to drive cars, but I wouldn't know), she finally gave up and found extra fuel in the plane.
As they were nearing Mossflower, Warthorn said to the author, "You know, this is almost over, and you still only killed two characters."
"Thank you for reminding me!" The author exclaimed, "Originally, I intended it to be Gonff suddenly bursting into flames when we landed, but I have a better plan now!"
Gonff looked sleepily up when he heard his name, but because he was in the middle of a long nap he didn't think much of the fact that he would have suffered from a spontaneous combustion if it wasn't for Warthorn.
The author cornered Warthorn then pushed him out the window.
"That was a bit rude," Cornflower said.
The author shrugged, "I decided that if he kept reminding me of it, it would be ironic for him to be the one to die."
Everybeast else was silent, either asleep or shocked. Nothing more was said, and finally they landed in Mossflower international.
"I had no idea that Mossflower had it's own airport," Basil finally said to break the silence.
Nobeast answered him. They were used to illogical events.
Everybeast pushed and shoved there way toward the door, eager to escape this story. Swartt accidently-on-purpose knocked rather hard into Veil, knocking him out cold.
Unfortunately, only a few would make it out of the story.
Cue evil, foreboding music.
Yes, there will be a sequel. And I promise that it will be updated faster. How can I promise this? Tomorrow begins my two week long road trip. I'm bringing my laptop, so I can type on those 8-hour car rides. So in about two week, I'll be able to post a bunch. The sequel will be even randomer, because it won't have quite a plot!
Martin: No plot? What about the Mary-Sue and Fanny business?
That was a spur-of-the-moment random subplot. But I suppose now I have to build on that. So, see you in a few weeks!