Rise of the Grasshopper – Part 5

By Ms. Maggs

"There you are." Catherine walked into the break room where Wendy and Mandy were chatting. "It's your lucky night, Simms." She handed over an assignment slip. "Greg's sick, so you get to be him and clock some more field hours in the process."

"What?" Wendy stated with surprise . "Greg never calls in sick. Even when he had the flu, he worked like a dog. He hasn't had a sick day since the beating and even then he returned early."

"It must be serious," Mandy fretted, "is he in the hospital?"

"He'll be fine," Catherine assured the worrywarts. "It's just strep throat, but he's contagious for twenty-four hours so Nick ordered him to stay home. Nicky has it too."

"I know how they caught it." Wendy nodded. "That daycare center robbery we processed on Main. The kids were freaked and you know Nick around little kids, he was handing out lollipops, letting them use his flashlight and wiping their noses. He wanted us to help him calm the masses, but I politely declined because sticky, germy toddlers aren't my thing. Greg helped, because let's face it, he would jump off a cliff if Nick asked him to."

"You want me to jump from all the way up here?" Greg yelled while clinging to the side of the cliff. "Look, the sex was amazing, but I'm not gonna jump off a cliff to get more."

"Wouldya stop whining and get down here already."

"That's part of the problem. I can't even see what's down there!"

"You only have to drop five feet to get to the ledge I'm standing on and the ledge is at least thirty square feet." In his most trust-inspiring voice, he said, "You know me, I'm all about safety, I promise you won't get hurt."

"That's what you said when we were pranking Henry, right before you rolled the car."

"That car we borrowed from the junkyard was a piece of crap."

"And do you remember who got us out of that mess?" Greg muttered. "Me."

Appealing to the geek's logical brain, Nick reasoned, "Honey, why would I risk breakin' your ass when I have a vested interest in it?"

"When you put it that way." Greg let go of the rocks and jumped down. "You were right. That was nothing." Glancing up he saw that he really only dropped five feet. "I kinda feel like a wuss for whining about it now."

"Kinda?" Nick teased.

"Date buzzkill?"

"No."

"Be honest," Greg said, "if we weren't already longtime friends who just had amazing sex and this really was our first date and you knew nothing about me, would you still be attracted to me after the whining?"

"Keepin' it real?" Nick shook his head. "I'd be pretending I got called into work and running for my truck. Explains why I've never had a relationship, huh? I always write off guys before I get to know them."

"Being uber-picky is the commitment-phobe's modus operandi. It's impossible to find someone perfect, so by demanding perfection in a mate, you're guaranteed to remain alone." Greg smiled, "I learned that in therapy when I mentioned that I met a really hot, smart, funny guy at a writer's workshop, but I didn't give him my number when he asked because I knew it wouldn't work out. He hated Disneyland and some of my best childhood memories are of my grandparents taking me to Disneyland, so…"

"What kind of freak hates Disneyland?" The seasoned CSI was instantly suspicious. "Hell, I flew out there last year to meet my sister and her kids and had the best time. It's the one place on earth a grown man can act like a kid and nobody cares." Stuffing his hands on his hips, he emphatically said, "I'm tellin' you right now, that Mickey-hater is hidin' something."

"That's what I thought too."

"Do you pay for therapy?"

"No, if you kill someone in the line of duty you get to go for free as long as you need it."

"Good, 'cause I was gonna say if you're payin' for a doctor to tell you it's normal for someone to hate Disneyland, you're gettin' ripped off." Nick opened his pack and grabbed a flashlight. "Now if you said he hated clowns…"

"I would have thought he was normal." Watching Nick illuminate the ledge, Greg muttered, "I could have used that light a minute ago when I was working up the nerve to jump into an abyss."

"But then it wouldn't have been a true test of your commitment." Nick winked. "Now I know you're willing to overcome obstacles to be with me."

"I'm pretty sure my therapist would think that's far less normal than hating Disneyland."

Nick's laughter echoed in the canyon. "Here." He handed over the flashlight. "Hold that while I use my night vision binoculars to check for bats and scorpions."

"Another line you don't expect to hear on a first date." Greg chuckled, "Sara's going to be jealous when I tell her I got to play with bugs on my first date. I think Grissom made her wait until their third."

"Yeah, and I bet she didn't have great sex with Grissom until…never." After sharing a laugh with his buddy, Nick grew serious. "You're not really going to tell Sara that we…I mean I know she knows about you and she knows about me and she's a trusted friend, but I don't think it's a good idea to tell her about this because..."

"Don't worry, if I get excited and need to tell someone, I'll confide in Mandy, because everyone knows she can keep a secret." Greg shined the light on Nick's face and laughed at his tension. "Now that you've had a panic attack on this cliff, we're even." He rolled his eyes. "As if I'd confide in the lab's most notorious gossip girl."

"Who are you gonna talk to?" The private man anxiously asked while shifting his eyes to the ground and wondering if he had made a huge mistake.

"If I had someone to talk to I wouldn't need a therapist."

"Sorry." Nick lifted his gaze and pushed out a smile. "I had my first 'what the hell did we do' moment of panic, but I'm over it."

"Your first?" Greg's laughter returned. "That makes me feel a lot better, because I've had like fifty."

"Then maybe I'm the one who should be worried."

"No, thanks to my overprotective mother I always get a little neurotic when I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. Growing up all I heard was 'carefully, Gregory', 'you don't need to do that, it's not worth the risk'. That's why my parents didn't know I was a CSI until Grissom called them from the hospital." Greg shook his head. "If I had told her before I did it, my mom would have had a fit and spent every day trying to talk me out of it."

"That bad, really?"

"You know why I picked a turtle for a pet?" Greg laughed at himself. "Empathy. I felt sorry that the little guy was living in a protective shell under the watchful eye of his mommy."

"But you worked up the nerve to come out to your folks, you can't be that worried about what they think if..."

"I didn't come out, I got busted." Still traumatized by the experience, Greg shivered. "I was home on Spring Break my freshman year of college and I thought I had the house to myself for two days before my parents came back from my dad's sales conference. Of course my mother freaked out that something would happen to me if I were alone in the house. Unbeknownst to me, she made my dad come home a day early. When they didn't find me in the house, they went out back and saw me giving the pool boy a hummer."

"Whoa." Nick didn't even want to imagine being in the same traumatic situation happening at his parents' home. "That's the stuff my nightmares were made out of in college."

"Yeah, and the only other person who knows this nightmare story is my therapist, so please keep it to yourself."

"Duh."

"Right, then I'll tell you the rest of the horrifying story."

"There's more?"

"Oh yeah." Greg cringed, "It gets much worse. I had been eating lunch poolside, so my plate and everything was still out there. My mother saw a table knife on the ground where the action was going down and called the cops because she was convinced the Pablo, who was a few years older, six foot two, and totally ripped, had forced her scrawny eighteen year old heterosexual son down to his knees at knifepoint."

"Oh!" Nick slapped his hand over his mouth and vicariously lived the horror.

"So in order to prevent Pablo from getting unjustly accused of a sex crime, I basically had to tell the very burly police officer that my mother had it all wrong. I confessed that I was a horny twink who chose to blow the pool boy, hoping he'd return the favor."

"Hey, at eighteen, in front of your parents, that took a lot of guts." CSI Stokes nodded in approval. "I'm impressed. A lesser man would have sold out the pool boy. Hell, as afraid as I was of my father at eighteen, I'm not sure I would have told the truth until the guilt started eating me alive."

"I never thought of it like that." Suddenly the horrific memory felt significantly less horrifying. "Thanks."

"Ready to make a new and hopefully more pleasant memory?" After tossing his binoculars onto his pack, Nick instructed, "Turn around."

"Is this another test of my commitment?" Greg half-joked as he faced the abyss.

"No." Smiling, Nick wrapped his arms around his friend's waist and rested his head on his shoulder. "Check it out, doesn't it look that photo you have on your desk of old Vegas, but fast forwarded fifty years."

"Exactly what I was thinking." Staring at the twinkling city skyline in the distance, Greg's tension disappeared. "I shouldn't be surprised that your bat cave overlooks the city you protect."

Rolling with the joke, Nick said, "It's no Wayne manor, but it works for me and there's no cell service out here, so Catherine can't call me."

"I'm surprised she hasn't asked Archie to set up a giant 'S' light to flash in the sky when she wants you to cover for her."

"Don't give her any ideas."

Relaxing in the strong arms embracing him, Greg sighed, "It really looks like such a peaceful place from up here."

"Hey!" Catherine yelled over the accident chaos to get the attention of a frantic man trying to catch loose chickens. "Are you the driver of the truck?"

"Yes," the obese fifty-eight year old man covered in white feathers yelped, "please help me. They're getting away!"

"Sorry, I have an unexplained accident and a homicide investigation on my plate right now." Catherine gaped at the dozens of chickens whizzing around. "How many hens were you transporting?"

"I…" The overheated trucker plopped down on the highway and wiped the sweat from his brow. "I think…I…"

"Sir, are you feeling okay?"

"I ate pie," the man announced before falling backwards and slamming his head on the ground.

"I need an EMT at the chicken truck, stat!" Catherine radioed as panicky chickens clucked and darted all around her. "Sir! Can you hear me?" When she knelt down her knee landed in a patch of chicken poop. "Shit."

"The best part is you can't see the crime and the slime from up here." Nick spread out his favorite camping blanket. "Before I got promoted, I came out here to chill at least once a week, but now I'm always working late and bringing work home so I never have time."

"That explains the change in blood pressure." Greg filled his lungs with fresh air and enjoyed the view. "You need stop bringing work home when you're already putting in OT at the lab and don't tell me it's because you're a supervisor, because Catherine never brings work home."

While stoking the campfire he was making, Nick sweetly replied, "Yeah, I realized today there are much better ways to spend my free time."

"Yoga?" Greg joked. "It's great, isn't it?"

"You know, I have to be honest, I really didn't like it all that much." Nick grinned as the fire's flames intensified. "But I loved everything else we've done today."

"Here's my new Zen plan for you." Greg took a seat on the blanket and excitedly shared his idea. "I think we should come out here a few times a week after shift and do Tai Chi in the fresh air. It's even better than yoga when it comes to blood pressure reduction."

"One of my college coaches was really into martial arts and he made us do it a few times." Nick nodded. "I think I'd like that better. Yeah."

"Good. Then after chilling out with Tai Chi we'll go back to your house or mine and you can work out any remaining tension with me in the bedroom. You'll sleep great after all that exercise and rhythmic breathing, so you'll wake up refreshed and better equipped to handle stress on the job."

"Sounds like a plan." Grinning wildly, Nick reclined against his large camping backpack and pulled Greg into his arms. "Except for the frequency, because a few means three and I don't think three times a week is enough to lower my blood pressure that quickly." He grabbed two beers from the cooler and popped the caps. "I'm thinkin' five or six times a week…maybe even twice daily to start."

"And I thought I was a horny bastard." Greg chuckled as he took one of the open beer bottles. "I don't think my body can handle being on the receiving end of that much ecstasy, but there are other mutually satisfying things we can..."

"Sorry, I know I hogged the top spot so far, but I really do like changin' things up." Nick winked and tapped his bottle against Greg's. "I'll prove it to you when I take you home later."

"That's okay."

"You don't want me to come home with you?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I do."

"Then why did you say…"

"Just look at that sky. Wow." Greg shifted his gaze to the stars. "Amazing."

When it was clear that his buddy was changing the subject, Nick only grew more curious. "You told me you like to change things up."

"I do." Greg mumbled into his beer bottle, "in theory."

"Huh?" It took a second to put the puzzle together. "You mean you've never…"

"Look! A shooting star!"

"Ever?"

"And there's Orion's Belt and The Big Dipper."

It boggled Nick's mind that his friend was about to turn thirty-five with his top-ginity intact. "Not even with a girl?"

"With a girl, yeah." Then he thought about it. "Well…does it count if the girl was on top and controlling the shots?"

"Technically yeah, but not really."

"I don't know why you're shocked," Greg shyly remarked while keeping his eyes on the horizon. "I only recently got assertive on the job and I still yell 'how high' when Catherine says jump."

"You never cease to amaze me, G."

"Good." When he resumed eye contact, Greg matched the intensity of his partner's smile. "It'll keep our relationship interesting"

"Relationship?" The commitment-phobe rode a wave of panic. "Is that what we're callin' this?"

Taking a break from the chicken massacre to check her messages, Catherine was happy to see a new text from Lou. Affinity – I definitely have an affinity for your outrageously hot body and your beautiful smile…in that order. Sorry, honey, but I'm a guy.

Eager to hear her man's sexy voice, Catherine called instead of texting. "I have an affinity for fine wine, but I don't want to give it a slow, sensual lap dance like the one I want to give you later…that is if you have an affinity for lap dances."

"I guarantee my affinity for lap dances will be obvious to you." He laughed, "Hell, it's getting obvious just talking about it."

Watching Doc and Ray inspect the bodies they found in the trunk of one of the wrecked cars, Catherine sighed, "You need to take a cold shower, detective. Ray and I are knee-deep in chicken shit and John Does, so it's gonna be a long night."

"How the hell did you get stuck working that mess?"

"My lackey is out with strep throat." Realizing she smelled like a chicken coop, Catherine grumbled, "Sanders better be on his death bed."

"When was the last time you used this blanket?" The CSI in Greg inquired when he discovered an interesting piece of evidence stuck to it.

"Last time I came out here. Why?"

Greg shined the flashlight's beam on a silver hoop earring. "You said you never shared this place with anyone."

"I meant romantically." Nick lunged forward and grabbed the earring. "This belongs to my sister. I never noticed it was in the blanket. She thought she lost it back at my place." Smiling, he slipped it in his jacket pocket. "I'll mail it to her tomorrow."

"Your sister, huh?"

"Doncha think it's a little early in our relationship to accuse me of lyin'?"

"Sorry."

"The explanation is a little morbid, but I know your curious mind won't rest until it has an answer, so here it is." Nick put his empty bottle in the cooler and took a deep breath. "Karen was out here on business..."

"Karen, she's the one who is a year older than you, right? The one you were closest to growing up?"

"Yeah, and the only one in my family who knows the score." Rolling onto his back, Nick stared at the stars. "After 'Rick was killed I got to thinking about what would happen if I died. Karen's a lawyer, so when she came out here, I asked her to help me write a will. I told her I really didn't care who she gave my money or my stuff too, that she should give everything to whoever needed it at the time, that there was only one thing I absolutely needed her to do on my behalf, even if it meant standing up to the family, which it would." He motioned to the landscape around them. "She's gonna make sure I'm cremated and scattered here, because as far as I'm concerned, I've already spent eternity in a coffin and the idea of goin' underground in the Stokes family plot makes my skin crawl."

"No doubt."

"I drew a map and took her out here to make sure she could find it when the time comes."

"I'm not surprised you want to watch over the city after you die." It fit well with Nick's tortured superhero vibe. "What if your sister goes before you?" His analytic mind had to ask. "You should have a back up plan."

"Doin' the work we do in this crazy town?" Nick grabbed a second beer from the cooler. "Hell, we both almost died on the job already. I'm sure she'll outlive me."

"You're right, this is a morbid conversation." Greg leaned in front of his date. "But for the record, even though you've made me jump off a cliff, confess embarrassing sexual secrets, and face my own mortality, I'm having a great time." He stole a kiss and cracked a smile. "If we had stuff to make s'mores the night would be perfect." Just saying the word made the craving stronger. "I love s'mores."

"I know."

"Papa Olaf and I used to…"

"I know. You used to make them every Sunday in your backyard. You've only mentioned that a hundred times over the years and because you have..." Grinning like the cat that ate the canary, Nick ran his fingers through Greg's hair. "Guess what I bought at Circle-K and snuck into my pack when we stopped to get gas?"

"Seriously?" With the zeal of a five year old, Greg opened up the back pack and discovered a plastic bag filled with graham crackers, marshmallows, and Hershey bars. "Yes!"

"I think I just hit a first-date bull's-eye." Getting up to break a couple of sticks off the desert brush, Nick beamed with satisfaction. "It's so much easier dating someone you've known for years."

"I don't know how to date someone I know," Hodges lamented to Sara. "Honestly, I was never very good at dating strangers either."

"The biggest mistake you can make is trying too hard." Drawing from first hand experience, she shared, "When a guy who doesn't normally give off a romantic vibe tries too hard to bring the romance, it seems contrived and makes things awkward."

"Every aspect of dating seems awkward to me."

"Then you need a paradigm shift." Sara suggested, "Don't think of it as dating. Drop the formality and just think of it as hanging out with your best friend."

"Great, but how do I get from buddies to…" Hodges fidgeted and ultimately folded his arms across his chest. "I think you know where I want to go."

"Yeah." Sara felt her cheeks flush. "And I really want to help, but..."

"When the going gets tough…"

"Okay, okay." Sara pushed beyond her comfort zone. "The next time you're together in private make a small romantic gesture, something that shows her that you've been paying attention to her – rent a movie she's been dying to see or bring her favorite dessert or the book she said she can't wait to read. Nothing turns a woman on like knowing they've been heard."

"She has mentioned an affinity for daffodils on more than one occasion." He pondered out loud. "And she loves the Belgian chocolate croissants from the bakery around the corner."

"Perfect." Sara encouraged him with a smile. "Bring one or both over to her place and when she thanks you with a hug, return the embrace, gaze into her eyes, and go for it." When she reached the door, she turned to offer another morsel of encouragement. "Admitting everything and acting on the feelings is the toughest part, but the good news is when you finally admit you're in love with your best friend and fall into bed together, you realize you've been in love for a while and everything feels incredibly right."

After tossing the last of the bags in the back of Nick's truck, Greg said, "Best first date ever."

"I was thinkin' the same thing."

"I'm never relaxed on first dates." Greg explained, "I hate all that small talk you have to do to find out if the person is a weirdo."

"Me too." Nick winked. "Already knowing you're really weird made things much easier."

"Yeah, and we've already farted in front of each other a bunch of times, so no pressure there."

"And having sex up front was a stroke of genius." Nick's sweet laughter pierced the night sky. "Usually I spend the whole time pent up and wondering if I'll see any action."

"Romp?" Catherine laughed out loud as she walked into the break room reading Lou's latest suggestion. Taking a seat on the couch she typed, Romps are short-lived. I plan on having my way with you for a while.

She grinned at his reply - I love when you get all Dom on me.

The toughest guys always do. She wrote back. After the night I've had, I'll definitely need to work out some aggression in bed. Closing her phone, she dreaded the pile of paperwork waiting for her.

"Willows!" Ecklie marched into the break room. "Stokes was supposed to have the updates to the Martinez file complete and a formal report done. All that's in here is chicken scratch."

"Please don't mention chickens…"

"This isn't funny, Catherine!" Under tremendous pressure from above, Ecklie vented, " I have a meeting with the DA later this morning and I need that information."

"Sorry, we got swamped yesterday and today is Nick's day off."

"You shouldn't have let him leave without it being done."

"Come on, Conrad, he already worked fourteen hours and..."

"So? I would have told him, 'welcome to management, Assistant Supervisor Stokes'." He tapped his watch. "It's four in the morning. Do you think I'm supposed to be here this early? No, but there's work to be done and the Sheriff is all over my ass. Since you didn't have Stokes do his job, this becomes your problem."

"But I hardly know anything about the case."

"You're an intelligent woman, I'm sure you'll figure it out." He slapped the file on the table. "Have it completed and on my desk by eight."

As soon as her boss left the room Catherine pulled out her phone and called her man to vent. "I just got chewed out by Ecklie, so now I'll need to work out a lot of aggression."

"Leather items are twenty-five percent off at Pleasure Castle this week, maybe you should stop there on the way over."

Her brow wrinkled. "And you know this how?"

"I saw the sign in the window when I was working a 419 across the street."

"Mmmhmm." She picked up the Martinez file and headed for the door.

"What about 'liaison'?"

She pondered the choice and replied, "Sounds appropriately risqué for our libidos, but aren't liaisons usually a secret? From the looks I'm getting from your cronies, I can tell the cat's out of the bag"

"Okay, how do you feel about 'venture'?"

"Venture?" Catherine smiled into her cell phone as she strolled to her office. "Read me the definition."

Vartann cleared his throat and replied in the voice of a college professor. "A venture is an adventurous undertaking, something worth taking a risk on."

"I think we may have a winner," she excitedly replied while sitting down at her desk and opening the Martinez file. "Because so far you're proving to be well worth the risk."

"I feel the same way about you, honey." He chuckled into the phone, "Good thing you liked this one because the next one on the list was commitment."

"A commitment is something only crazy people do." Putting on her reading glasses, she said, "That's why they call being put in an insane asylum being 'committed'."

"Did you know that a venture can be short or it can last a lifetime?"

"So can incarceration."

Vartann whispered, "Is that your subtle way of telling me I'll be wearing cuffs later?"

"And nothing else."

"I'm starting to enjoy this conversation too much."

"Me too," she snickered. "So I'm hanging up."

After returning her phone to its clip, she tried to make sense of Nick's notes. "I couldn't figure this out in four days and he wants a formal report in four hours." After pondering the problem for a minute, she jumped up and grabbed her purse. "Ray!" she flagged him down in the hall. "I need to get some time-sensitive information on a case from Nick and his signature on a report. Would you hold the fort down while I go to his house and bribe him with chicken soup?"

Always willing to pitch in, Ray nodded. "Tell him I hope he feels better soon."

"If we don't get this report to Ecklie, his throat will be the least of his problems." Walking away, Catherine grumbled, "Our asses will be in slings."

"You sure you don't need anything from your condo?" Nick asked when he parked his truck in his driveway.

"I don't know," Greg joked, "Do I need any special clothes for what you have planned for phase II of our date?"

"Only if you insist on playing Wii Golf in a polo or hate skinny dippin'."

"No, I'm good."

"Let's go then." Nick enthusiastically led the way to his front door.

Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter! I'm glad you're enjoying the boys as well as Cath and Vartann.

Part 6 next week : )

Maggs