A/N: I have been so incredibly not inspired as far as fan fiction is concerned, so... hope you don't mind! It's better to wait and get something good, yes? I'm having some difficulty incorporating Kisame's odd speech pattern into the fics I have with him in it. In the anime, I noticed he says "so desu ne" quite a bit, which would be an affirmation of the previous statement in the form of a question like "Isn't that so?" or "You suppose?" I don't know how to do this without making it awkward. We'll see.
Was that the moon you saw,
that made such a spark come to your eyes?
No, it was that fire,
burning forever on the horizon.
Sakura woke to the earth shaking violently, feeling hands suddenly around her waist. She barely managed to register sleepily that Kisame had grabbed her, jumping out of the way before their campsite was demolished. As soon as she could form a coherent thought, the first thing on her mind was Kisame was right, there really is a giant sand worm here. The sand worm of Suna was hardly a legend, the enormous beast's jaws opening wide right in front of her. Thousands of teeth seemed to rotate, grinding the dirt to pulp, its head twisting furiously as his prey escaped. In the east, the sun had barely just risen, casting an orange light on the already hideous monster.
She was fully awake now, twisting in Kisame's grip until he let her loose, falling down to meet the monster. It had grown to unbelievable proportions, as long as a small village. Kisame landed nearby, ready to summon his sword to hand, but she motioned him aside. No, she could handle this just fine. Sakura charged forth, barely the size of one of the monster's eyes, fist charged and ready to strike. It struck at her quickly, but she dodged both that and a lash from its tail, ducking before launching her fist into the side of its jaw. The earth shook as the beast took the impact, launched to the side heavily. As tempting as her chakra may have seemed, the worm knew when to let it go, retreating deep into the sand once again.
From the back, Kisame muttered to himself as she dusted herself off nonchalantly. "So much for chivalry."
She soon returned to him, looking back at where the monster escaped nervously. "I... guess you were right about the sand worm."
He looked just as puzzled. "You know, I never believed it either, but old habits die hard, don't they?"
A strange look crossed her face before she schooled it away. "I guess they do. What do we do now?"
"I don't know. Quite a puzzle, isn't it? All this time I've just been trying to get by, to survive in this desert. What should I do, now that I have company, huh? Maybe I've been out here so long I've forgotten my manners, maybe I'll scare you off!" He added a wide grin for good measure.
"That's ridiculous, you never forget your manners. Let's head north, there should be an oasis nearby."
He twisted himself in a mock bow before following after. "Whatever you say, Sakura-hime."
Her feet moved faster, pace increasing indignantly. "Bastard."
The journey continued in an uneasy silence, the desert around them suspiciously quiet. Few people wandered out here in these wastes, though they encountered stray missing nin from time to time, wandering with glazed eyes. Sakura wondered, every time she looked in their eyes, if that was what Kisame had seen when she stumbled into his shelter. They looked wild, frightened, jumping at every scuff in the sand. However, there were those that didn't even look at anyone else, completely ignoring her even if she came quite close. Kisame blatantly ignored them, moving on without hesitation. He probably saw them all the time.
Distorted waves in the air obscured whatever lay ahead, the desert mirages flickering into whatever the mind desired. Their midday meal was unplanned, but when they found a patch of wild cactus growing in a flood ravine, both hunger and thirst were taken care of. Late afternoon came, the deep oasis in sight and very welcoming to their parched throats. During the day, the journey itself took all of their concentration but now, with water, desert melons and shade in good supply, the conversation abruptly started again when Kisame sat down with a heavy thud.
"I hate this stupid place."
Sakura sat with a bit more decorum next to him, brushing the sand off of her clothing. "I do too."
He sighed heavily, leaning against a nearby palm tree. "Then why are we here?"
Her eyes closed for a time, and he didn't question whether she had heard him or not. He knew that she would answer when she had the right answer. It was one thing she liked most about him. No relentless questions, he would wait as long as it took to get the desired result. Maybe that came from dealing with Itachi all those years. She could relate to that somewhat. "You know, Kisame... I thought that I fled to the desert to get away from enemy ninjas, but now that I think harder, I've been lying to myself. There are still plenty of enemies here, we encountered at least five wandering bands today. It was a complete lie. All this time, I've been running away from the truth. Most of the people I cared about are dead now. Itachi is gone. These rings..." The Void sparkled dully in her hand as she opened it. "These are useless now. The forehead protector on my head, what is it, aside from a functional defense? It symbolizes what I was, but not what I am. What am I, now that these signs, these proofs of purpose, are gone or completely void?"
Kisame thought this over carefully, fiddling with a piece of a stick he found in the sand. The contorted root was oddly comforting to look at, giving him something to puzzle over. "No, those things aren't what we are now, but they are still pieces of us, you know? Whatever they were meant to be, whatever they are now, they still hold significance, if only as a reminder. For example... Itachi's ring is my reminder that there's always something bigger than you out there. The shark might be the king of the ocean, but then Man comes from above with his spear, proving it wrong." His silvery eyes flicked to hers suddenly. "You remind me of that, too, although in a different way."
"I do? Why is that?"
He jabbed a finger at her pack. "You and your medical stuff. You said that little shot of minerals was enough to kill me, and you reminded me that it's not always the big stuff you should be afraid of. Sometimes it's the smallest things that are the real danger."
She turned her face up at him, a small smile on her face. "Yeah, you're right."
The glare of the setting sun reflected in her eyes and on her face, the fiery shade contrasting with the green glimmer in her eyes. For the longest time, he hadn't the slightest notion of why Itachi had picked her of all people, after years of abstaining. He understood now, at least somewhat. Her intelligence was above that of the usual female, perhaps exceptional, and she had the capacity to understand even very difficult rationalizations. Along with that, well... He turned away from her gaze, glad that the hazy color of the sunset covered up the fact that he was blushing slightly. Why did she have to look at him like that?!
Her hands went to her arms, brushing away the cold and bringing him back to attention. "It gets cold so quickly out here. I don't think I'll ever get used to it."
He held open his cloak again to invite, and this time she didn't hesitate to take shelter against him. Though it wasn't required, he tightened his grip slightly, sighing into the air. "I really hate this place."
"It's not so bad... if you have company." She leaned back closer, a move not required of her either, but she seemed unperturbed about being in his company. Oddly enough, she seemed quite content, though he knew that if things had gone differently in the past, they would have not given up the friendship they had formed years ago.
It had been so long since she felt compelled to act in the company of a man. However, something old and forgotten stirred, a longing for closeness, for understanding. She understood how deep he ran, how behind the jokes and the laughter was a quiet intelligence, trying to gain sense of this world they were stuck in. Had he come out here to find truth, while she had come to run from it? She wanted to know what that kind of communion with one's self felt like, what it would feel like to need that truth, to face a possible finalization of all she had experienced. Maybe they could help each other understand. Her hand drifted to find his, feeling the roughened texture of the back of it, cautiously lifting his hand until she could hold it with both of hers. She had an odd fascination with hands, every pair was different, each one told a different story. Whether it was the mangled hand of an ancient ship captain or the heavily calloused one of the farmer, they all were different. His hands showed the heavy wear caused by years of holding his heavy sword, pricked with scratches here and there from more recent cactus stripping. Other marks looked to be from thistles, and only the older scars looked to be from battle. Nothing recent.
Kisame leaned closer, wondering at what could hold her interest so intently. She was only touching his hand, but the look of fascination on her face said much more. He knew that a person's hands said much about their life, both past and present, and he could tell she was somewhat reading his life's story in a strange way. Perhaps she wanted to know more, her tendency to be overly curious overcoming her usual reserve. Though it may not have seemed so, he too had a natural curiosity towards the unknown. Without thinking, his free hand graced her cheek, wanting to know if it was as soft as it looked. Sure enough, it was, and when she didn't resist his touch, he threaded through a small part of her hair. As unkempt as it may have been, it still felt soft, though it needed a thorough combing.
Her hands shortly abandoned his, one reaching tentatively for his face. He leaned close, his cheek brushing against hers as he allowed the exploration, feeling her surprisingly delicate fingers brush his jaw. When her hand brushed against his throat, she could feel his pulse pounding through a wide artery, getting ever faster with each graze of her fingers. His skin didn't feel as rough as it looked, just normal, though the gill markings on his face were quite real and functional. Her breath caught when his hand went down her shoulder slowly, brushing down her arm. It was ridiculous, the way he was making her feel. They were hardly doing anything, just the slightest touches, but it was the way he was doing it that was making her breath shaky, her heartbeat race. That night with Itachi had been bittersweet, left no chance to explore the emotions she had felt back then. His mission had been first and foremost, it mattered more than the possibility of such things as attraction or even love. As much as they may have wished for it, it was impossible. However, these memories stirred again in Kisame's presence, her old, fond connection with him deepening into something she felt scared to acknowledge.
He stopped abruptly, sensing her hesitation, slowly figuring out why she seemed so... afraid? Not afraid of him, certainly, but afraid of being left behind again by someone she deeply cared about. From what little he could figure out, Itachi left her right after the fact, off to his death. Then her friends, one by one, picked off and away from her. She was afraid of losing him too. Though she squirmed in his grasp, trying to get away, for once he didn't give in to her whims and only held her tighter. "Sakura..." he started, surprising her by using her name without honorifics, "You're scared, aren't you?"
To her own surprise, she clung tighter to him instead of fighting. Her throat clenched with tears unshed, her hands gripping him roughly. "I'm... terrified."
He reached out and tipped her chin up to look straight at him. "I'm scared too. But you know what? Living in fear ain't living, and I think he knew that. He was terrified of dying, I'm sure he didn't tell you that. I think he was more scared, though, of losing the courage to go through with it. You did something, shook his resolve, made him think harder in the end. Once he even wanted to abandon the mission to get you to join us because he was in too deep, but I encouraged him to go through with it. I knew it would be hard on both of you, but it was better than living and wondering about that what if, what if things had gone differently. I've avoided so many things because I was afraid of doing something wrong, and every time I regretted it. You know what I mean?"
"I think I do." She closed her eyes briefly, pondering before looking back with more confidence. "He spoke with me about not having any regrets. It's just hard to get beyond that point, you know? No, I don't regret what I've done, I'm just... having a hard time going forward from there. And you, Kisame..." She turned around in his grasp, sitting on his lap and facing him fully. "Whenever you were around to help, whenever I was confused about something, I didn't ask anyone else. In that place, I was so uncomfortable, and nobody would talk to me about the things we did. With you there, I had a friend to rely on when I needed help. Near the end I... even grew fond of you, but things with Itachi had gone so out of proportion. I... couldn't think of anything else, but now... it's different." Her hand reached out again to touch his face gently. "I thought I was in love with him, and maybe I was, but I knew it was a futile love nonetheless. I wanted so badly to go and talk to you about what happened, but so much happened after I woke. For days I tried to make my way back, but it was impossible."
"The base was under complete lock down after that, you couldn't have gotten in anyway." He lightly brushed away a stray strand of hair from her face. "So I guess you didn't find me unbearable after all, huh?" A slight smirk spread across his face before growing serious again. "What could you have possibly wanted with me? I didn't do anything special."
"That's just it, Kisame, you didn't have to. All you had to do was be yourself. If I was feeling down, you'd crack a joke to make me laugh. If I was scared, you'd wait until I was ready to talk about it. There wasn't much I could depend on in that place, but I knew you'd be there to make sure it wasn't unbearable. But even more than that..." her hand moved up to brush through his hair lightly, finding it oddly soft. "You understood what it was like to feel left out. I know that you, and... well, probably Zetsu too, felt out of place even in an organization full of people with unusual talents. I feel out of place no matter where I go, I've just never felt like I could fit in. There was always something more out there to me, something I just couldn't place in my mind. I thought about you a lot in the days leading up to and during the war, wondering what you were doing and if you were alright. I didn't think much about the others."
He chuckled lightly, arms around her waist. "Funny, I thought about you too, you know. Don't know why I'd be worried about you of all people, Miss Creative with Potions, but I did." His eyes darted to the side uneasily before darting back to hers. "I guess I was growing to like you too, but i knew there was no point in someone like me getting that sort of attention. Believe me, I've been trying for years! But I kept away from you, I knew it was best for Itachi, and for you. I wanted all kinds of things back then, but I got over it. Hell I probably wanted you, too, but it was the wrong time, huh?"
She considered this for a short time before glancing up at him. "Maybe. But we're here now, and I still want you."
As badly as he might have wanted it, his conscience won in the end. "No, not yet. You gotta have some time to think, you know? Give it some thought. One thing I learned is not to do things too fast. Just think it over a bit, alright?"
"I've been thinking of it a lot! Before I blanked after the war, it was on my mind a lot more than it should have been. I won't change my mind!"
He gripped her shoulders firmly, asserting himself. "Alright, don't do it for yourself, then, do it for me. I don't exactly know how to process this either..." His hands held her at that distance until she reassured him with a nod and a small smile, understanding his need for time. No, he wasn't new to the art of romance, but this was far different from his first encounter, for certain. It would take some getting used to. "Thank you."
Her smile grew even wider. "This time around, I'll be the one to be around when you're confused, to help with whatever I can. I'll give that much back to you." He didn't respond to that in words, only holding her close to him, thinking over everything that had been said. Yes, maybe the roles had switched this time. He couldn't help but laugh at himself for that one.
A/N: And... I have made some progress on a fan fic, the only progress I've made on ANYTHING in an absurdly long time. Hope I'm not too rusty.