My baby's baby is hard work, -_-.
17 – Hold Me Tight
Jeff's body burned with guilt but Matt deserved it, did he not? And why did he care? Did he not just profess that he wasn't in love with Matt anymore? But in truth, saying that did set his soul free, almost if he was trapped within the lie of thinking that Matt and him could actually be together…
Jeff moved away from the stove, pressing a hand against his forehead where the sweat was seeping through. Not long now until Gilbert came home and Jeff had to say something...to try and cover up Matt's absence. Just as Jeff was making up various excuses in his head, a voice startled him. "Jeff?"
Jeff spun around to look at Shannon's face, who was standing there, looking apathetic while Jeff's heart banged violently in his chest. "Where's the dog?" Jeff asked.
"She left me." Shannon's voice was softer now. "Just ran away from me. You think after years and years…" Shannon just shook his head.
Jeff just stared at Shannon. He had no father, and he watched his mother die and now, his dog left him. He felt a pang of pain for the younger child as he embraced him, softly brushing his hand against Shannon's back. "God, I don't know what I'd do if that ever happened to me."
Shannon blinked. "It's okay…but I miss her. I'm alone now…" Shannon's voice went softer with every second. "Nobody wants me anymore."
"That's not true!" Jeff exclaimed. "You're smart and funny and…"
Jeff stopped in mid position and leaned to lock his lips with Shannon. It was an impulse, his heart was beating so insanely two minutes ago and now, that was just an impulse of the moment, something he never would've planned on doing if his head wasn't spinning with the pressure and then he could hear Gilbert walk inside of the room, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. "Does Matt know?"
That was when Jeff pulled away from Shannon, just to stare at his father standing by the doorway. Jeff opened his mouth to speak but then, heard a voice from the doorway. "No! I don't know…" Matt's eyes were hard brown, full of fury. "Care to explain to me, Jeff? That you broke up with me for a guy you don't even know?"
Jeff would've said that he didn't mean to. He wanted to but just as the words were supposed to roll of his tongue, he realized that there was one thing he couldn't let Matt know: that he did do that on impulse. That he didn't mean to kiss Shannon - he had to keep Matt thinking that he wasn't just a slut. Jeff stared at Matt for a moment. "No…I do know him." Jeff tried to make up a few thoughts in his mind. "I'm crazy about him. He's an awesome guy with a good heart and he needs to be treated right! So if you think that he's not worth it…"
Matt just stared at him. "I never said that!"
Jeff just glared at Matt. "From the tone of your voice, I'd say that you implied it! You implied that you were better than Shannon-"
"OF COURSE I AM!" Matt exclaimed, turning to look at Shannon, whose face was crumpled with pain and agony but for a moment,, insanity danced into Matt's eyes and he didn't care - not for now. "This thing in front of you, Jeff, wouldn't know a normal human being if one hit him in the face! He's alone and nobody wants to be around him! Much less be WITH him. That's why he's so fucking upset that his dog ran away. Hell, I don't blame Blink. I'd run away too if Shannon kept me hostage."
Jeff's eyes were bubbling with fury. "You can't talk about him like that! Come on, Shannon. Let's go. You know you're more than that."
Shannon, now shaking and trembling from Matt's words, was being pulled away by Jeff. Shannon knelt to the floor and let the tears prick into his eyes, burning. "He's right, Jeffy…he's right…I'm alone…"
Jeff shook his head, pressing a soft, chaste kiss onto Shannon's lips. "He wouldn't know a normal person either. Considering that he's crazy."
"Fuck you." Matt snapped.
Jeff let his hand go through Shannon's hair and he did feel sorry for Shannon but he didn't want to be together with him! The thought burned through him as he thought of what to do…he had to make Shannon hate him…
Ian's eyes are staring at a crystal ball as he watches all of this unfold.
"I thought you were a Devil. Not a fortune-teller."
Ian's honey eyes turn from the crystal ball, towards the female standing there, Isabella, holding his baby for a moment as she grips onto Monique. "I want the baby girl."
Ian mercilessly laughed. "You want her? Oh no…sweetheart, that's my next heir and I need her, to be the next generation and the first generation of female Devils. It's harder for a girl to be the Devil, you do realize that…since of the sexual discrimination and all, but I know that my baby girl will grow up into one of the best Devils in the world—can't you see her? Growing into this creature of the night…"
Isabella just glares at him. "She came out of me. I have the right to keep her if I want to!"
Ian just shakes his head. "No! You're wrong. For you see…this baby girl…this creature of the darkness, she won't only grow into her title, whether I'm there or not, but if you grow her in a proper shelter and then have her realize that she's the Devil's daughter…that will not only torture her, that part I don't care about—but there's the fact that it'll take years and years until she gets used to this world and if she grows here…then she has a better chance of being something dark and mystical."
Isabella's eyes fixated on Ian's eyes. "You're a murderer."
"I'm more than that!" Ian laughs. "I'm the Devil. I do more than just murder and slaughter people…no, darling, I'm worse than that. I make them regret every single sin, every single mistake, every single second they remained breathing…"
Isabella flinches away. "You want the girl? Fine…but I don't wanna be a part of watching my own daughter grow into the princess of darkness."
"Who said you had to? Now get out of here before I burn your body." Ian snaps, as he grabs onto Monique's tiny silhouette, watching the child stare at him, as Ian smirks and the child just stares at him for a moment, expressionlessly while Ian stows her away into a dark violet blanket and sits down beside the globe again to see what he can do to make the situation worse…a dozen ideas hit his head instantly and a smirk splashes across his face…oh, he knows what to do.
Matt's fingers trace along the notebook of his.
After this morning's events, he's forced to go to therapy to the very man that's made him this way…the man who raped him, the man who made him think every single day of his life that he was worthless…and he is worthless…if so, then why isn't anyone on his side anymore? Why does he have to battle to keep these thoughts of sweet suicide from bubbling into his mind…?
Matt lets out a soft sigh, trying to hide away the tears, the tears that are caused from all this agony and desolation as it all ebbs into his body. Matt looks down at his body, his figure, shattered, as shattered as he is, his head is out of control and he finds himself staring at the door. In moments, Gilbert walks in and looks over at Matt, who has a suitcase packed.
"…hey, what's all this?" Gilbert asks.
Matt laughs, a sad laugh filled with bitterness as it echoes. "Hmm…my psychologist is taking me somewhere. He says that I have too much on my head and wants me to go to a more advanced clinic for the remainder of the week." For the next four days.
"Oh." Gilbert says, confused. "Are you okay with this?"
Matt nods his head. "I wanna be fixed."
'HA! Like that's ever gonna happen.'
Matt bites down at his lower lip and nods towards himself, agreeing with the voice as he looks at the clock before letting a smile cross his face. "I think I have time to make dinner right now."
"Oh, Matthew, that isn't necessary-"
"It is." Matt's voice is stern, as if he's ordering his father to believe it as Matt pushes his way downstairs…going through a bunch of stairs and trying not to slip, only to walk in onto Shannon and Jeff in the kitchen. Shannon onto Jeff's lap as Jeff strokes the right side of Shannon's face, Shannon asleep, and pressing his face against Jeff's chest. Matt looks away, revolted.
"…what, Matt? Jealous of me and Shannon?"
"…why would I be jealous of him?" Matt snaps, turning towards the stove and taking a black pan out of the cabinet, and setting it down onto the stove, allowing the oil to settle onto the pan as it burns. "…and you two, you're not even gonna see me for the week. I bet that when I come back, you two are split and Shannon's kicked out of the house."
Shannon, grips onto Jeff hard, tears pricking into his eyes.
"…it's the truth." Matt whispers into Shannon's ear, causing Shannon to jump up, hitting his head over the table, and Matt just watches as Shannon collides towards the floor. Jeff stares at the injured Shannon, as tears continue to cascade down his eyes. "…just. Leave. Him. Alone!" Jeff exclaimed.
"Why in fuck's name do you have to be so mean to him, Matt? Don't you think he's had enough?"
Matt just turns around, fury raging into his eyes.
"This is between you and me." Jeff says. "Not him and you. Shannon doesn't deserve to be in pain just 'cause I don't love you anymore."
"You never did." Matt spits out. "It was all a lie. All 'cause you felt sorry for me."
"Well, I'm not sorry anymore." Jeff lies, his eyes fixated on Shannon, trying to keep his voice steady. "I'm just sorry that I ever thought I could be together with my own brother…I was crazy and insane and I'm not in love with you. I never will be. Not anymore. It's all gone, Matty…and it's all your fault. You're the one who made me feel like this! You don't treat me like I'm your boyfriend. You treat me as if I was just your brother…"
"You are my baby brother." Matt spits out, just staring at him while Shannon holds onto Jeff, smart enough not to get into this conversation.
Jeff places Shannon onto the table, kissing onto his cheek. "It's gonna be okay, Shanny…"
Shannon nods his head as Jeff just stares at Matt. "You know? Maybe I did love you. But not this Matt. I loved the Matt that would sit beside my hospital bed, and hold my hand and kiss me and love me…I loved the Matt that would hold me through all those fucking cold nights, that made my bed feel so full but without that Matt, I guess my bed is empty. My heart is empty…I'm empty without him…but you…you aren't the Matty I know. You're some sort of monster that's taking his place, someone that overtook my Matt, and I had to watch my Matt get turned into this thing…that isn't human, nor demon, nor vampire nor werewolf…something completely different, something out of this world…something dangerous." Jeff bites down his lower.
"Something I can't look at without shedding tears 'cause I know that somewhere inside of this thing, under layers and walls, just trapped, is my Matty…I can see him right now…in your eyes…the same glint of hard brown eyes…turning into liquid…turning into the liquid of the ocean, of the ocean in this world I've created for only me and him…in this world I've learned to embrace and it's empty…empty…as empty as my bed…as empty as my heart…as empty as I am…it reminds me of Halloween, when I lost Mom's only silver ring…Holloween—but I've lost more than a ring, more than a person, I've lost the only person in the world I've ever truly and utterly loved. Maybe I did love you…maybe I did care…maybe I'm hurt…maybe I'm dying…just maybe."
Jeff turns around, head on his heels and just stops, clutching his fists and turning around to face Matt. "All that stuff I said…about being empty…I take it back. I'm not empty anymore…I just don't feel like I exist anymore…" Jeff bites down his lower lip. "Just somewhere between dead and alive, something along the lines of the clouds up there…weightless…gone…I'm gone inside…dead inside…and I can't hide…can't hide from the darkness. Can't hide from the night. Can't hide from the garden of my soul, remember…that garden that we used to visit as children, the soil was so brown and the night was so black…the soil—the color of your eyes, the mocha color of the coffee, that was as bitter as you are…the black night, burns…burns through us all and it took my soul as well…and Jeff is gone. His soul…gone…his body…gone…just this waste of space right in front of you…I don't know what he is."
"He looks like Jeffery Nero Hardy but I'm still not sure. I'm still not sure that this empty child that stands right beside you is the same child that used to laugh and scream at you for just being stupid and unfair, the same child that used to paint paintings and write poems about Randy Orton…not the same child that used to steal your underwear and pin it on the wall…not the same child that used to eat macaroni and cheese so fast because he wants to go out and play…that child…he's not here anymore…there's just this unwanted stranger…and he doesn't know where to go…hollow-hearted…and heart-departed…"
Jeff just stares at Shannon, whose heart is pumping violently as Shannon's short and sharp breaths hit at Jeff's face.
Jeff presses his moist lips against Shannon's for a moment. "This stranger that seems to be set up in this place." Jeff continues, staring at Shannon's eyes. "This stranger that seems to fit with Shannon Moore…is lost, and empty…so fucking empty…and Shannon…Shannon keeps his mind off being strange for a moment—leading me back into the night, the night that caught my soul and destroyed it…the night that I hope to catch back my soul before it's faded into nothing."
Matt just stares at Jeff. "So this is it? It's always gonna be Shannon, never Matt again?"
"I love Matt." Jeff blinks. "But you're not Matt. You're as much of a stranger as I am. That night, when I died, when you held me tight…held me so fucking tight…and I can hear your breath…my Matt's…the same Matt that would die for me, the same Matt that wanted sex from me…the same Matt that didn't care about school or brotherhood…just being together…just seizing the night…and all its mysteries. Where is that Matt? I fucking love him!"
"That Matt…" Matt breathes in for a moment, just staring at Jeff. "That Matt is gone. That Matt is long gone because you know what he fucking did? That is the same Matt that used to live on booze and tequila, the same Matt that used to pressure you into sex, the same Matt that used to hold you, is the same Matt that gave you all those suicidal thoughts, Jeff…you got a taste of that Matt and you went insane. You bedded Morrison…you fell in love with me…you lost everything because of that Matt!"
"…for love." Jeff's voice is soft. "…I love him. I'd do anything for him. I'd die for him."
"You did die for him!" Matt grabs onto Jeff's shoulders, looking straight into his eyes. "I don't wanna lose you again…not again! I don't want to suddenly wake up one day, after a night of alcohol, sex and lust, and find out that you're drinking as well…I don't want to smell liquor on your breath. I don't want to taint your body any further. I don't want to turn you into this person that depends only on me…Jeffro, don't you see? I still love you…just…I can't do this to you anymore. I can't make you want something that may kill you any second. I'm a murderer, Jeff…that Matt or this Matt, I'm still the same…I'm still a killer."
Jeff doesn't say anything for a moment as Shannon just stares at them while Matt grabs onto a knife, and turns around to face Shannon. Jeff's body burns with horror. "Matt? What are you doing?"
Matt grabs onto Shannon's wrist, staring at the green eyes for a moment before placing a soft kiss onto Shannon's wrist, then allowing the tip of the knife to gently caress Shannon's flesh…
"Matt!" Jeff exclaims, but finds himself unable to move.
Matt just stares into Shannon's eyes, then the curve of the knife hits Shannon's flesh deeper, harder, causing Shannon's eyes to burn with pain as Matt deepens the slash.
"Matt! You can kill him that way!"
Jeff finally finds out how to move and jumps on top of Matt, allowing the knife to hit from Shannon's wrist, to his stomach, blood seeping from this pores. "I didn't want you to see this, Jeff." Matt says, pulling the knife from Shannon's bleeding stomach as Shannon lets out a high-pitched scream, falling to the table, as Jeff stares at the body, not dead, just bleeding so fast…and so hard…and why in fuck's name aren't they doing anything about it?
"…you see, Jeff? If I can do this, conscious, in my 'non-psychotic' state of mind…imagine what I can do when I tick."
"Matt! He's bleeding! Call an ambulance!"
"…you see…"
"MATT! I don't fucking care anymore! He could be dying and…we're not doing any fucking thing about it!"
Matt nods his head. "And I don't care."
Jeff's hands go underneath Shannon's body, barely able to carry the boy as he calls for help. "HELP! Someone…!" Jeff's pleading eyes staring at Matt as Matt shakes his head.
"I won't call for help. 'Cause you need to learn how dangerous I am."
Jeff's eyes have tears tugging at the corners as Gilbert finally makes his way into the scene where Jeff just holds Shannon for a moment, the blood falling to the floor and no questions are asked…and for some reason, Jeff finds himself in a hospital in minutes. He forgets how he gets there. His thoughts are the only thing he's sure of as he watches Shannon lay on the cot, his eyes onto Jeff…and Jeff sits down beside him, looking at Shannon.
"…you see, Jeff? If I can do this, conscious, in my 'non-psychotic' state of mind…imagine what I can do when I tick."
Jeff's hand presses against Shannon's hot cheek as he kisses Shannon's forehead. "I'm sorry."
"…I-I…" Shannon just stares at Jeff. "I want Blink."
"I want Matt."
Both of them just stare at a moment before engulfing each other into a tight embrace, Shannon not caring about the agony that rips through his body and Jeff not caring about the bandages at all as well…and the tears just seem to cascade and the sobs just seem to fill the room and nothing is left, but the tears and pain…both of them holding each other, trying to imagine someone else…but for now, this is the closest thing they'll ever get to love.
Hmm…so…something about Shannon/Jeff and a bit of Hardycest…and some Ian devilishness…I think I did good. XD. Anyways…you will see Ian more and more throughout these chapters. Oh, you will be surprised at what's going to happen. ;3 I got like an entire twist and everything. :D
X Sam.