After Raiden had cried in Solid Snake's arms the two came up to my kitchen. There I waited quietly drinking some heated tea. Back in my day heated tea was all the rage, though, I'm not sure what it is you kids drink these days. I remember it being extraordinarily quiet. The only noise that filled the room was Raiden's sniffling and blubbering.
Five minutes passed, what seemed like twenty, then Snake spoke.
"I think… I've come at a bad time. I should get going." He grumbled turning for the exit.
"Just like every time… you're going to leave me in my most dire moment…" Raiden said in between sobs.
"Oh boy…" Snake stopped and cleared his throat. "Look Raiden…"
"What Snake? Am not man enough for you anymore? Do I have to be dying to get your attention? Do I have to be armless?"
"This is getting way to weird for me." Snake said looking at me.
I nodded in response, "Agreed."
"You two… are just like him! Just like the colonel!"
Remember, Raiden had never acted this wildly before. This was the first time I had seen him so off the wall. It concerned me, that perhaps his nano-machines were finally calling it quits. Or maybe he was just having an emotional breakdown, to this day I'm not sure.
"How are we like the colonel Raiden?" I questioned in a monotone voice, checking my voice mail as I did so.
Snake slowly inched his way to front door of my house, Raiden was in too much hysterics to notice. He jumped up onto my dining room table and began to strip.
"Look at me! Look at my body! Its perfect isn't it? ISN'T IT? Just the way you like colonel…" Raiden stared at me intently as he undressed.
"Raiden… you've done some creepy stuff in the past… but this tops the cake."
"Seriously, this is too weird for me. Sorry Raiden, but you're on your own." Snake said as he finally reached the door. I tried to say goodbye to him, but he was already long gone before I could say anything.
Raiden was now completely naked, "You're gonna torture me aren't you? Aren't you? Just like Solidus Snake… well… if I could survive him, I can survive you!" Raiden let out a blood curdling screech and dived off the table.
His quick moves made me jump back. After all, the man was naked. Now, if you recall the title of this story, the main event is actually shopping with Solid Snake himself.
So why do I bring up this peculiar tale about Raiden undressing? My good sir this moment defines the whole story! If Raiden had never attempted to put me in a sleeper hold completely naked, I would've never left my house that day. If I had never left my house that day, I would've never discovered Snake walking home along the street side.
Yes, thanks to Raiden's queer outburst I found myself the opportunity to spend time with Snake. I drove a very small sedan. It wasn't anything special, a four cylinder, tan little car built sometime in the early two thousands. Its detail is important however, so take note of it. I will explain later on.
Anyway, I pulled over to the side of the road and stepped out of my car. Snake looked up from the gravel he was walking on and caught my eyes.
"You." He growled.
"Yeah…" I replied. I did my best to think of something clever to say, really I did, but when standing directly in front of a legendary hero your mind can go blank.
"Did Raiden send you back here to get me? Cause I'm not going back, no way." Snake coughed and pulled a cigarette from his pocket.
I took a deep breath and scratched my head, "No he didn't, just figured you might need a ride somewhere."
Snake a silent for a moment, "I can get around on my own."
"Well, all the same, thought I'd make things a little easier for a hero like you."
"I'm no hero." Snake shook his head, "Never was."
Of course, I should've known the man would say that. Despite his self demoting words, I could tell my compliment got to him. He tossed his cig to the ground and walked over to the passenger side of the car.
"What's your name kid?"
I couldn't believe it, Snake asked for my name. I smiled and spoke, "My name is…"
"Tommy, got it."
My smile dimmed at Snake's words. There was no arguing with the man however, I knew that much. So from this point on my name would be Tommy, at least to Snake.
"I've got some shopping to do Tommy, you mind taking my where I need to go?"
Those were words I never thought I'd hear Snake say. Shopping, it just didn't fit his persona. Still it was an opportunity to spend time with such a legend, so I agreed.
"Absolutely, where am I taking you?" I asked walking to the driver's seat. Snake didn't reply, he actually didn't reply till I had spent twenty minutes driving without directions. When we passed a best buy he finally spoke.
"This is good stop here."
"We're going into best buy?" I asked him curiously.
"Why not? It is the best buy…"
"They don't… mean that literally Snake."
"What do you mean?" Snake looked at me with innocent eyes, and I realized then that Snake was actually extraordinarily uneducated in the ways of everyday living. Imagine that, a superior war solider, completely lost in the world of the everyday American. Perhaps that's for the best however, as it created an excellent story for me to tell, at least a mildly strange one. So we parked our little car and walked towards best buy.
Snake seemed slightly impressed, I could tell because he was grumbling a lot more than usual. There wasn't anything special about the best buy really, like every other I've been to.
"Let's talk to the man in charge here, he can help me find what I need…" Snake grumbled as he picked up a PS3 game entitled, Metal Gear Solid 4, His eyes widened when he saw his face on the cover, "What the?"
I took the game from his hand quickly and led him over to one of the employees. "Let's go this way Snake, this guy will help you figure out what you need."
"Is he the man in charge?" Snake asked me curiously.
"I… yes he is." I figured he wouldn't be able to tell the difference, so my worries fleeted quickly. The employee spotted us quickly, and quivering smile formed on his face.
He slithered toward us, his motions fluid and abnormal, "How… can I help you to?" Now this guy had the strangest way of talking. He would flutter his eyes and wiggle his ears while he almost hissed every word he spoke. If I thought the day had been normal, now I knew for sure it wasn't. His actions scared Snake some, who immediately placed his hand inside his tuxedo jacket, I can only guess what weapon he had concealed inside.
"My… friend here needs some help finding things." I said pointing to Snake. He looked to me, I nodded encouragingly.
"I need… some supplies." Snake said.
The employee nodded, I looked at his name tag, it was blank. "I see, looking to build a computer of your own perhaps?"
"No, not at all. Look kid, I need some C4." Snake said cracking his neck.
Both me and the employee stared at him blankly.
"Uh sir… this is Best Buy." The employee answered.
Snake looked at me, then at the employee, "Uh… I see. So you don't have it?"
"No."
"Oh, would that be more of a thing I'd find at Jewel maybe?"
"That's a grocery store sir."
"So, it wouldn't be there either?"
"No." The employee was getting angry by this point. I cleared my throat and placed my hand on Snake's shoulder.
"Come on Snake, let's go."
"I'm not finished shopping!" He snarled. I let him go immediately.
"Ok, so no C4. What about five millimeter bullets?"
The employee let out a low growl, "Get out of my store! This is best buy! BEST BUY!"
"Could I find those at Ace hardware?" Snake asked curiously.
"Out!" The employee shrieked.
At this point security had started to encircle us two. I knew they would simply ask us to leave, Snake however, did not. So as soon as one of the plump guards stepped forward he made the first move, throwing the big boy directly to the ground, all the others soon followed. I eventually was able to explain to Snake that they meant us no harm, and quickly we both left the store quietly.
So, there you have it. This was my first experience with Solid Snake, and I must say it was nothing like I expected. He did ask me a few more questions on our way out of the store about weapons purchasing in America. I told him the only place he'd find weapons would be Bass Pro Shop.
After I'd said that he began to walk away on his own, and I didn't see him for a long time after that. So ends another strange tale of my life. Yes, there's so many I could speak of, this was the first I wished to cover though. Oh, you recall when I told you to remember the color of my car? It wasn't really important, I just wanted you to focus. So, I suppose this concludes our story hour. If you wish to hear more of my tales, I will happily be waiting you on my home page.
Till then – Adam Gilbert