Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own the Twilight series, just a fan having fun. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 8

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Nessie's POV

Going to school became a daily struggle. Jacob and I had been together already for 3 weeks, and I found it hard to remember the time when we hadn't been together, at least not like this. These 3 weeks had been pure bliss, except for the unfortunate circumstance called "school". Like I said, everyday was a struggle, because going to school meant spending entire mornings without him. I envied my mom profusely, because she got to go to school with dad every day back when they attended; how she passed her classes I have no idea.

However, in the afternoons and weekends we were inseparable, even at nighttime when Jacob would sneak into my room; out of pure show of course, because we both knew my dad had long ago figured it out. As long as we didn't break any rules, he would pretend not to know and Jacob would pretend to sneak in; that way we were all happy.

The only small unhappiness in the situation: Aunt Rosalie. She still wouldn't talk to me and it started becoming harder every day. I needed her, this was an important moment in my life: full of changes and questions and excitement, and I yearned to talk to her about it. Sure I have my mom, but it's not the same, it would never be the same. Back before the whole Jacob thing started, Aunt Rose was my confidant, my guardian, my spoiler. Whenever mom got mad at me about something she would always take my side and negotiate with momma on a lesser punishment. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but feel that somehow I deserved this, because nobody should be this happy without having to pay a price for it in some way. Sure Jacob was worth ten aunt Rosalies, maybe even more, but her silence still hurt me and put a damper in an otherwise perfect situation.

"What are you thinking about?" – His voice brought me back from my sulking. We were hanging out on one of the trees next to the cottage. I was perched up on one of the top branches; face down with my legs dangling from the sides, while Jacob was laying on a lower and much sturdier branch with his hands behind his head, looking upwards at me. My aunt Alice would kill me if she saw what I was doing to the new dress she bought me, because it was already really wrinkled and had tree bark all over it.

"Um… nothing much."

"You're thinking about Blondie again, aren't you?"

"I don't want you to worry about that, ok Jake? I would hate if you felt remotely guilty and besides, it's not something for you to be concerned about."

"Whatever concerns you, concerns me Nessie; I would expect you to know that by now. I never thought things would turn out this way, I mean, she always fought with me and hassled me; but I honestly thought she'd be alright with this; even Emmet isn't talking to me."

"Uncle Jazz has been tuning into her emotions and says she's not nearly as upset as she's letting on, but he feels she's just too proud to accept things. And dad says she's been blocking her thoughts, so he's really not sure what's going on in her mind, but he thinks she'll come around, just like she came around with mom." – I remembered how my mom would tell me the story about how Rosalie never accepted her as a future sister, back when mom was human. I always found it hard to believe because they get along so well, obviously not nearly as well as momma and Alice who sometimes seem to be joined at the hip, but enough that anyone would think they're real flesh and blood sisters. Maybe this was just my auntie's MO, hate someone and then love them like family.

"I could go talk to her if you like."

"Mmm Jakey… I kind of like your head were it is, thank you." – We both laughed.

"Hey, you haven't called me "Jakey" since you were a toddler."

"Would you like me to start calling you that now?"

"Nope, I like better what you do call me now."

"What?" – It was an honest question, because I didn't have any new pet names for him.

"Hot Stuff"

I started laughing harder than I'd ever laughed in my life, making the entire tree shake, tears dripping from my eyes. Jacob was laughing too, his barky laugh scaring the small animals around us. He started tickling and pulling my feet, saying in what seemed to be his impersonation of a parent: "come down here little girl, I'll show you to laugh at me!!!"

I finally gave up and threw myself on top of him.

"So, are you going to spank me, Mr. Hot Stuff?"

"Mmm, as I recall, you were the one that was going to do all the spanking." – I leaned closer to him and kissed him, he kept laughing quietly as I did, the vibration of his chest tickling me. He started pulling me closer to him by the back of my thighs, his huge hands making my dress rise up as he adjusted me higher up on his body. I knew things would get out of hand pretty soon, so I did the only thing I could think of to keep his hands from roaming; I bit his lower lip, hard.

"Ouch Ness." – He was sucking his lower lip like a baby and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Ahww, did the little half vampire hurt the big bad wolf?"

"Careful Nessie, if you keep biting me I won't have any more lips to kiss you with, and then what will you do?"

"Mmmm, I guess I'll have to find me some other puppy to smooch." – He barely let me finish my sentence, he pulled my face and kissed me with such passion that I forgot where I was, who I was. His hands were caressing me up and down my back, his touch hard. A moan escaped my lips and I felt him pull me even closer. He wasn't kissing me anymore, he was biting into me, ravishing my lips to the point I wondered if I would ever be able to use them again… I really didn't care.

And then, without warning, he stopped. He laid his head back down, put both hands over his face and groaned.

"What's wrong?" – I barely got the words out through all my panting.

"Dammit Nessie… I can't do this." – He was still covering his face. His words scared me, didn't he want me?

"You… don't want to?" – I couldn't hide the hurt from my voice.

"No baby… the problem is I do want to… God… you have no idea how hot that was!!! Edward's really going to kill me!!! I didn't think I'd have these thoughts, but I'll be dammed if they didn't just show their ugly face just now. I'm a pervert."

He finally took his hands from his face and looked at me. He seemed ashamed.

"Jake, there's nothing wrong with that, I know you love me, having those thoughts just comes with the territory. You don't think my dad had those thoughts about mom? Sure he did, he just didn't act on them. Please Jake…" – I couldn't bear to see him so mortified, I figured this was probably the first time he actually felt all the urges I had been feeling all these days, all the urges I had felt the day before in his kitchen. Funny… you would think a guy like him would be the first one to want to take things to another level, but all along it had been me; my puppy had actually maintained innocent thoughts about me until now. Were these the kind of thoughts my dad said he knew Jake could be capable of? Is that why he felt guilty, because he was letting my dad down?

He pulled some loose strands of hair out of my face, tucking them behind my ear and half smiled. "I guess you're right, it's just difficult for me. I've been used to seeing you like a little girl for all this time; even as you started growing up, it would piss me off when guys looked at you. It made me sick to my stomach to think that maybe they were having bad thoughts about you, I wanted to kill them, and now I've become one of them."

There was sadness in his voice, disappointment. I put my hand on his cheek and projected all the wonderful things I see in him, the man I think he is, how proud I am of him, how loved I feel by him and how I know he truly respects me; every encouraging thought I could muster. He wouldn't let me finish, gently taking my hand from his cheek and kissing my knuckles.

"I don't deserve you Nessie."

"Yes you do Jake!!! There's nothing wrong with your thoughts, I'd be worried if by now you didn't have any!!! It's good that you want me, I want you too!!! If you pull away from me Jake, I swear to God this time I will spank you!!!" – I didn't mean to shout but his self loathing was upsetting me.

"That's twice now that you've threatened and I haven't seen a thing." – He was teasing and yet I could still see the sadness in his eyes. I couldn't understand why he thought having sexual desires toward me would diminish his love for me, as if he were cheapening our relationship with lust. I hungered for him too, and in no way did that make my love less truthful, on the contrary, it made me love him even more; it meant that I just had a whole other dimension to love him in.

I wasn't in the mood to retort to his "spanking" comment and tease him back, his sadness and worry had invaded me; because I couldn't be happy if he wasn't, couldn't be funny if he had lost his humor. Instead, I kissed him softly over his puppy dog eyes and whispered in his ear "cheer up, silly boy".

We stayed in the same position for a while, me on top of him with my head resting on his chest, trying to figure out a way to help him sort out the confusing thoughts in his head. As we were lying still, I heard my parents talking inside the cottage; I wondered if they had overheard our conversation and if that would cause more trouble to an already complicated moment.

"Come on, I'm hungry… let's go tell Bella to make me something to eat." – It was obvious he wanted to change the subject and move on, so I let him. We got down from the tree and made our way to the cottage.

We came in and already I could smell something cooking in the kitchen. My dad was playing the piano and as soon as we walked in he smiled at Jacob, something he rarely does.

"Hello Jacob, it's good to see you. Hi darling." – He winked at me. Jacob turned and gave me a questioning look. The whole point of Jacob and my dad's relationship is that they both really like each other but never show it, pretending to fight and getting on each other's nerves. My dad's visible pleasure in seeing Jake was off.

"I suspected you might be hungry Jacob, so Bella decided to cook, pork chops and smashed potatoes, is that ok?"

"Ok, hold on a second… who the hell are you and what have you done with Edward?"

My dad chuckled. "What? I can't be nice to you?"

"Why start now?"

"Let's just say I've come to realized just how similar we are, I'm sorry to say that I've underestimated you Jacob… yet again. You must forgive me, I'm only a century old, there is still much for me to learn and you are truly full of surprises."

Before either of us could formulate a question, my mom came in with the food.

"Oh Edward… I think you'll get to be 200 years old and Jake will still achieve to surprise you."

"I think you might be right love, I just hope it's always in a good way."

They seemed to be oblivious to the fact that both Jake and I were standing right there. Finally my mom acknowledged our presence. She kissed my cheek, the coolness of her lips comforting me as always, and then went to do the same with Jacob, who was looking at her with suspicion.

"You heard our conversation?" – He was looking at my mom, but really the question was meant for dad.

"Believe me Jacob, its times like these when I really wish I didn't have vampire ears, or the ability to read minds. If I thought having to bear your thoughts about Bella was hard, this… listening to your thoughts about my little girl and this time, knowing she reciprocates, is just about intolerable."

"Ok… then why do I still have a heart beat?"

"Like I said, we're actually very alike. I don't think any other man would have had the restraint to stop things when you did, considering the ideas you're brain was coming up with … I'm sorry Ness, this is awkward for me too…" – He glanced at me, probably reading my panicked brain; this was beyond embarrassing.

"But you did, Jacob, you stopped… and then, even though your actions were trying to be noble, you still felt like a monster, like you don't deserve her. I see now that perhaps you are even harder on yourself than I am on you. Again, we're very alike." – My dad smiled at my mom who was slowly placing the food plates on the dining table, she smiled back, obviously remembering something from their time together as boyfriend and girlfriend.

After everything my father had said, the only words that stuck in my brain were: "If I thought having to bear your thoughts about Bella was hard…" I couldn't wrap my head around it, I immediately felt jealous, sure it's my mom and sure he doesn't feel that way anymore, but it killed me to think that he had actually desired someone besides me; just how much had he wanted her? Did he ever do something to show her? Was he as controlled with her as with me? I would have to work hard at keeping those thoughts out of my brain, otherwise I'll go crazy.

"Nothing ever happened." – Mi dad was looking straight at me, breaking from his repertoire towards Jacob. Sometimes I hated when he did that, but today I was glad, his words calmed my jealousy.

Jacob looked both annoyed and confused, like he wasn't entirely sure what my dad was telling him, and even though he knew it was something good, he seemed irritated by the violation of our intimacy, the violation of the thoughts he was so ashamed of. He seemed to be at a conflict as to what to say next, so much so, that he didn't even notice my dad's comment to me.

"Ok, I know that look on Jake's face… why don't we change the subject, alright love?"

Dad nodded and mom signaled us to come to the dining room. Jake was still looking confused but sat down beside me and began to eat the enormous dinner my mom had cooked. I held his hand under the table, trying to reassure him, while my parents and I talked. Once dinner was over, Jake said he better get going to his patrol. I could sense he needed some time to himself and as much as I wanted to be near him, I wanted even more for him to sort everything out in his head.

He said goodbye to mom very unenthusiastically and then just nodded to dad, who said – "And Jacob, what I said earlier doesn't change the fact that any misbehaving will result in death, just so we're clear."

Jacob growled at dad and said through clenched teeth – "You worry about Bella and I'll worry about my Nessie."

He took my hand and practically pulled me out of the cottage, once we were outside he turned to look at me, with not one trace of the anger he had shown dad. I wondered if he could ever get angry at me.

"I need to go Ness… need some time to think things through… today has been a lot for me, I'm still not comfortable with the idea of thinking of you that way… no matter what the leech says."

"It's ok Jake… so I guess I'll see you tomorrow, it's Saturday so aunt Alice will probably take me shopping, but we'll talk."

"Tomorrow? You don't want me to come over tonight?" – I could see the anxiety all over his face.

"Of course I do… but you just said you needed time to think… I thought you… you meant time away from me."

"Well right now… during my patrol… but I can't really think and sort things out while I'm sleeping, and I can't sleep without you."

"Neither can I." – He smiled for the first time since the incident on the tree and relief washed over me, as if uncle Jasper where next to me. He leaned towards me and I searched for his lips, tilting my head up to reach them, but all he did was kiss my forehead. I pouted and he laughed at my disappointment.

"You can't always get what you want Ness."

"I thought you said my wish was your command… are you saying you lied to me Jacob Black?"

I knew I had him, because he took hold of my waist, far more careful than usual, and lightly kissed me. He then quickly turned away and phased on the spot, not even bothering to take of his clothes, leaving traces of them all over the forest bed and leaving me yearning for more. I went back inside and played the piano with dad for a bit until it was bedtime. I made my way up to my room, put on my pajamas and opened my window, the beautiful portal that allowed my Jacob to come in and be with me every night. Lying on my bed I awaited, hoping he would be in too much of a hurry to bother to go pick up a new set of clothes to put on, a girl could only dream.