Ch. 5 –
July 6, 2010
After my little realization of liking Justin and my thoughts of doubt, Justin came over and sat down on the couch that was in the room we were in. He sat down for a few minutes quietly. He looked like he was thinking something over.
"Are you okay Justin?" worry filling my tone. He looked at me with a smile on his face and nodded, then motioned for me to sit down with him. I maneuvered myself off my chair and sat down next to him. He scooted himself closer to me and put his arm around me. I automatically leaned, as if it were an instinct to me. A song came to mind and I started humming.
"What song is that?" Justin asked. Instead of answering I decided to show Justin my 'hidden talent' and started singing.
"I never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. I only wanted to one time see you laughing. I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain," my voice faded as I held the last note. I looked down at my hands waiting for Justin's reaction, nervous as to what he would say.
Justin lifted my chin, making me look at him. Suddenly I felt his lips on mine. I was shocked for a moment then started kissing him back. My arms went around his neck while his arms snaked around my waist. My body was tingling. I pulled away from him when air was starting to become necessary. My lips were still tingling even after his were off mine.
"I'm shouldn't have, I'm sorry Grace," Justin quickly said after.
"Don't apologize, unless you regret it. Do you regret that kiss? Do you regret what we both felt in that kiss?" I questioned, my eyes pleading with him.
He didn't look at me. All my hopes vanished, tears burned my eyes but I willed them not to fall. He just sat there. My sadness turned into anger the longer he sat quietly. I got off the couch and into my wheelchair. I quickly pushed myself to the other side of the room towards the door.
"Where are you going?" he moved towards me, finally speaking.
"Stay away from me. And where I'm going is somewhere away from you," my voice laced with anger.
"C'mon Rigby-"
"Don't call me that. Just tell me something Justin, I want you to look me in the eyes and answer me," I took a deep breath, "I like you Justin, I really do. You have been amazing to me even after knowing each other for a short amount of time. All I want to know is do you like me back?"
"We can't Grace," is what came out of his mouth while he looked down.
"Can't or won't?" I whispered. I heard my voice crack at the end.
"Both," he sighed. I shook my head le5tign the tears fall freely now. I rolled myself to the door and rested my hand on the handle.
"You've always said you wanted a girl who is down to earth and likes you for you. I'm here, and I don't know what's holding you back. Whatever it is, get over it. I'm here pouring my feelings out for you, I don't know what else to do. All I know is I'm leaving; I have a lot to worry about with my surgery coming up. Come find me when you figure out everything," I looked him in the eyes. I turned the handle and went out the door and down the hall.
Scooter and Pattie saw me; they both asked me what's wrong. I didn't answer them, just asked Scooter if he could get me a ride home. Scooter led me outside to the car that was waiting. When I got in that car I felt complete numbness takeover. I just sat there gazing out the window.
It felt like hours before I got home. I sat on my bed still feeling numb. All of a sudden all my thoughts of my surgery came at me full force. All the thoughts I kept in the back of my mind while I was with Justin came up. The fear of what will change, the fear of going in and seeing the operating room, and most of all the fear of not having Justin there. I cried alone in my room, happy my mom wasn't there to see the state I was in. I only chanted one thing in my mind until I fell asleep.
He will keep his promise. He will keep his promise. He will keep his promise.