AN: No idea when I will update next, but I hope that you enjoy this chapter. Sorry I am leaving Leah to be this complete anxiety case, but I promise I will explain it in future chapters to clarify.

Chapter 2. All Of Life Wondering

Leah fumbled with the phone five minutes later, realizing her mom's invitation was true, and yet doubting it all the same. When her mom picked up after the third ring, her voice groggy, Leah immediately regretted calling so late… or early.

"Mom?" Leah inhaled slowly, staring down at the letter. "You said I could call no matter how late."

"Leah?" her mom's voice suddenly woke up and became concerned. "What happened? Is something wrong? Do I need to drive down?"

"It's just…" Leah closed her eyes, her heat beating faster as she thought about it. "I got another letter today."

"A letter?" her mom's voice softened instantaneously. "Oh Leah, I thought that he wouldn't find you there. That's why you moved. Do you know how he found you?"

"How would I know?" Leah questioned defensively. "I thought you would know."

"I'm driving down," Leah bit her lip as her mom noted off the plans she would do today to insure she would be able to come. "…and I will call my lawyer. Our lawyer. If this is some load of legal business, we will give him a fight. Maybe I will pick up the lawyer on the way."

"Mom…" Leah closed her eyes, breathing very slowly. "It's going to be alright. I'll be fine. You don't have to come down to Mrs. Hendrickson's. I'll just forget about it. Maybe he will too."

"But he should take the hint. Realize you have no intentions of contacting him or meeting him."

"He probably thinks he deserves that much, at least."

"Not with my baby," Leah could picture her mom protecting her, wearing large red boxing gloves, ready to macerate any person that might possibly hurt her daughter. "He walked out on you, Leah. I think you should be able to decide if and when you want him in your life, if ever you do."

"I know, mom." Leah turned on her side, hugging her pillow. "Mom… I think I am going to go now. I haven't exactly slept tonight quite yet, and it's starting to take its toll on me right now. I feel half out of it at the moment."

"You haven't slept?" her mom's voice rose, about to start some sort of lecture regarding Leah's health, but then it softened. "You know that is not wise for your health, Leah. Maybe I should come down anyway…"

"Mom, I'll be fine." Leah stated sternly. "I was… I went out with Jay last night to a party. It took awhile to leave. I got back about five minutes before I called you."

"A party?" her mom sounded relieved at the thought of her partying and doing God knows what over Leah being safe at Mrs. Hendrickson's, not being able to fall asleep. "That must've been fun. That's good. Go out and have a good time, Leah. I always knew Jay would be good for you."

"Oh yes, Jay was very good for me." Leah pictured Jay laughing boisterously last night, leaving half-way through with some fellow she had been kissing flirtatiously for about an hour after their first hello. "She had a great time too."

"That's always great to hear, Leah."

"Mom, I need to go." Leah yawned, drifting in and out of consciousness. "I really am falling asleep."

"Alright, sweet dreams."

"I'll try…" Leah turned off her phone, drifting away into sleep.

"It's not much, but it will give you something to do until you find a real job." Mrs. Hendrickson explained to Leah when she returned from the house in back of the picket fence. "The Gorgon's are a very friendly family, and it will be good for you to meet new people. Your only visitor has been Jay, and it would probably do you some good to get a few other friends. The Gordon's have a son your age, you know. He's off in college right now though. A medical student. Imagine that. He'll be quite a success once he graduates and does his internship and is on his own. His parents could not be prouder, I am sure."

"I don't know…"

Something about the idea of spending her afternoons in a boarded up stable, the only thing more unbearable than the heat being the stench, did not sound very inviting to Leah.

"Just give it a shot," Mrs. Hendrickson coaxed. "If worst comes to worst, you can just tell the Gordon's you are not interested after the first few tries. They're very understandable, and cleaning stables can be tedious work."

"I don't know."

"Come now, Leah." Mrs. Hendrickson looked over her shoulder from where she stood at the counter, chopping vegetables from her garden. "It can't hurt to give it a try, you know."

"I know," Leah looked over at the stables she had came from, completely visible since only a small picket fence separated it from Mrs. Hendrickson's. "It just… gives bad memories, I guess."

"Sometimes it is best to face your demons, deary."

"I know."

"Did you ever read your letter?"

"What letter?"

"The one that came in yesterday."

"Oh," Leah fumbled with the bottom of her t-shirt, already smudged with some dirt from her venture in the stables. "It wasn't important. Just junk-mail, really."

"Feel free to tell me anything, if you need to talk, Leah dear."

"Thank you," Leah said before walking upstairs.

For hours she would spend her days staring at the blank paper on her desk, chewing on the top of a pen. Figuring out which small thought within her mind she could possibly use to write out what she felt seemed far more arduous than anything else. It was surprising how rapid time flew by when you were lost within your own thoughts, swirling in your head like a hurricane as you struggled to grab a piece of hair flying in the wind.

Even now, gazing at the paper and strumming her fingers on her desktop, she sighed in frustration. There was so much she could say. So much that had occurred over the years. Why could she not bring herself to say it?

Because I do not want him to think that it all meant nothing because he wasn't in my life, Leah breathed deeply, chewing her pen top like a ritual. That I would give up everything for the chance to be with him again.

"Leah!" Mrs. Hendrickson called. "You have another visitor!"

"When did I suddenly become the popular person?"

Leah questioned to herself as she descended the staircase to find Jay standing in the entrance once more, dressed more appropriately in a beige skirt that ended at her knees with a white blouse. Jay reached for Leah and dragged her outside, slamming the door behind her.

"We need to talk," Jay said, pulling her into her car once more.

"Where are we going?" Leah asked, watching the scenery they passed.

"No idea," Jay replied, grabbing her sunglasses and putting them on. "Just driving around aimlessly, while you talk to me."

"About what?"

"About Will, who else?" Jay looked over at her now, her eyes staring at her from atop her sunglasses. "I saw you both last night, sitting on that bench. You were crying. And don't you tell me it was for no reason, Leah Lewis-Hall. I can read you like a book and even if I might not know what has you feeling like you do, I know when you are down. Which is basically most of the time right now."

"I really can't help it, Jay."

"Yes, you can."

"I just can't get over it…" Leah closed her eyes. "I thought that he was out of my life for good. Why is he trying to come back?"

"Ethan?" Jay took off her sunglasses now, holding them out with one hand on the wheel. "Leah, I thought you had gotten over him ages ago. In college, you never thought about him. We were the life of the party. Something happened when we graduated. What?"

"Not Ethan," Leah shook her head. "Although I have been thinking about him a lot lately, but not because I haven't moved on or anything, Jay, if that's what you think. He kind of went through something similar that I am going through, and I was wondering what he would do in my position."

"And what position is that, Leah?" Jay groaned. "You keep evading the question that I want, you do know that, right?"

"I don't know if I can bring myself to say it," Leah said. "I think that maybe if I don't say it or bring it up, maybe it isn't really there."

"Not the way to handle it, Leah." Jay corrected. "And I know that you know that. Come one, you are a complete bull when something comes up. Just flash your horns, maybe give them a butt or two with them to keep them away, and you will be fine, like always. We all miss you."

"I know. I just wish it was that simple."

"Simple?" Jay laughed. "Honey, you can't get any simpler than this. The sooner you can come to terms with whatever it is you are going through, since I don't think you have any intention of telling what it is that is bothering you, the sooner you can move on with life. The sooner you'll be out there, finding a job and kicking butt, ready to seize the topin whatever it is you're doing. The sooner you might put forward more effort to make your life the best it can possibly be. The sooner you can spend more time with Will who is head over heels, as we both know, with you and just waiting for the day you will give him a second glance. Come on, Leah. I would try to help you all I can. Beneath this party girl is someone you can take serious, and you know it. We could talk about anything in college. All of our embarrassing moments, doing I don't even remember half of the time. Can it be any worse than accidentally setting someone's dorm room on fire by knocking over a candle on a table that was pretty much full of spilled alcohol?"

"Jay," Leah looked over, pain clearly painted upon her pallid face. "Please. I will tell you when I'm ready to, but right now, it's just something I need to keep to myself. I am still sorting it all out and figuring out what I want to do. I need time."

"Well, you have your life ahead of you." Jay reminded. "Be sure not to spend your whole life dragging this around with you."

"I don't think it will come to that…" Leah's voice faded, as uncertainty passed over her.

Will I spend all of my life wondering about all this? Leah frowned. I can't. I won't.

But the more she thought of it, the more her hope seemed to fade.