Disclaimer-I don't own Twilight.
Edward~
The days following the shooting were strange to say the least.
When I woke up I was informed that my mother was asking for Charlies resignation as chief of police. I also learned Jake was in serious condition after being shot in the leg.
He didn't require surgery but lost a lot of blood.
He would recover and stand trial as far as anyone could tell. The entire town was pretty much rocked by what happened.
No one ever thinks there will be a hostage crisis in there local coffee house. Rose was fine but she and Emmett had been suspiciously absent since she was released from the hospital three days before me. She wasn't seriously injured but they were being careful.
Jasper was mum on there sudden absence.
A week after my surgery I was released to go home. My mother wanted me to go home with her. I was all for it until she said Bella and Alice couldn't visit. I declined her offer politely.
Bella wanted me to come and stay with her but she had Charlie and Lilly to attend too.
Plus, we didn't want to confuse Lilly any further. She was having a hard time with all the sudden changes and no one really having answers to her questions.
Jasper offered to take me home with him but when Bella and Alice declared his bachelor pad a pig sty the idea was quickly panned.
That left Alice. I was more then happy staying with my sister and she seemed more then happy to have me.
Staying with Alice was something I really did enjoy.
It was nice being with her all the time. I couldn't believe I had been friends with her my entire life but there was still so much about her I didn't know. For instance, she eats ketchup on her eggs. I eat ketchup on my eggs too and the little things like that really made me feel bonded to her.
I knew I should tell her about our Dad and seeing him. I didn't know if what I saw was a hallucination brought on by the drugs or if it actually was a near death experience.
Every time I tried to tell her something got in the way. She needed to know Dad loves her or at least my hallucinated Dad loved her.
Every time I closed my eyes, which was a lot because being shot and having surgery really takes it out of you, I saw my dream all over again.
My finished house, Lilly and her little dog. Bella so beautiful and care free. I wished I could make Bella feel that way now but with everything going on we barely got two seconds alone. She was blaming herself for what happened.
I wasn't guessing that from her fatigued eyes or the five or six pounds she'd lost since it all happened. She actually told the police investigator from the State of Washington that this was all her fault.
I wanted to hold her.
I wanted to unburden her mind and just be with her for a while.
Away from my mother, her father, our daughter with to many questions and not enough answers.
Bella wasn't sleeping because Lilly wasn't sleeping. She was having nightmares about the stand off almost nightly. She only slept soundly when her poor little body was to exhausted to stay awake.
She hadn't returned to school because she didn't want to face the questions and stares of her classmates. We didn't want her to have to either.
We both knew eventually she would have to go back but we were hoping we could let this blow over first. Bella brought Lilly over daily to visit.
My arm was in a sling and I was to exhausted to walk over and visit them so they came over for a couple hours everyday.
Most of the time we ate dinner and then Lilly would curl up on my good side and watch a movie until she fell asleep. We left her that way as long as we could just so she could get some kind of rest. While Lilly slept Bella would sit by the side of Alice's couch with her head on my stomach. I would stroke her hair and take joy in the comfortable silence.
Tonight was no exception. We were alone after dinner because Alice was meeting with Carlisle to deal with all the legal issues regarding the will and our inheritance.
It needed to be done but I didn't want to be bothered with it. Alice had agreed to manage it and I was more then grateful. Lilly was asleep in my lap while the end of Cinderella played on the TV screen. Bella was doing dishes in the kitchen.
I moved Lilly onto the couch with my good arm and covered her up. It was slow going but I was so tired of asking people to do things for me.
When Lilly was situated and covered up I walked into the kitchen.
Bella's back was to me, she was standing with her palms on the counter head bent over. Her body shivered and shook. She was crying.
"Baby, what's wrong?" I asked her from the door way. She turned to me wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands.
"Nothing. I'm fine." she lied. I walked over to her, tipping her face up to meet mine.
"You aren't fine. Why wont you tell me what's wrong?" I pursed my lips waiting for an answer. She turned her face from me closing her eyes.
"I'm fine. I have to be fine. I'm sorry you had to see that." she whispered. I was dumfounded.
"I want to see that! Not that I like it when you cry but it's at least some show of emotion. I've been so worried about you since..." I didn't need to say it. We both knew what had happened. She groaned grabbing a tissue from the counter then wiping her eyes.
"I have to be fine because I have a little girl who's terrified to sleep. She's sad all the time except when she's with you. I can't break down right now because if I do I don't know when it will stop. I have to be strong. I'm the mom here and There is no losing it in front of the kid." she said sternly.
"You don't have to be strong all the time. I can bare some of the load. Aren't we equals? Isn't that whats supposed to happen when she has a mom and a dad?" I was new at parenting but not new at Bella. She was trying to take all of the burden on herself the way she had for seven years.
"Edward, I can handle all of this! I'm fine." she screeched but then started to cry again. I walked over placing my good arm around her neck bringing her against my chest. I kissed her forehead gently.
"Bella why don't we call Charlie, have him come get Lilly and we can talk. I mean really talk. I know everything has moved really fast. Maybe to fast..." I was worried she was regretting her decisions about me being Lilly's father. Like maybe she thought all of this could have been avoided if I had just stayed gone. She nodded, pulled out her cell and made the call. Charlie and Sue came fifteen minutes later to take a still (thankfully)sleeping Lilly home.
Bella and I sat on Alice's deck steps enjoying the autumn night not really sure where to start. One of us had too I just didn't want to be the one.
"I'm sorry." she whispered so low I almost didn't hear her. I looked at her puzzled,
"Baby, there's nothing to be sorry for. Jake was delusional. He had issues. No one knew. It's over now." I assumed she was talking about the shooting. When she started to bawl I knew it was something else.
"I have to tell you because I don't think I can live with myself if I don't." she wiped her hand down her face.
"Nothing you can say will make me stop loving you." I told her. She laughed syncially,
"I wouldn't say that." she said. She blew out a deep breath, "I knew where you were." she said to me. I didn't understand what she meant at first but then it clicked.
"When I was in New York?" I asked. She nodded, "When Lilly was born your dad came to see me. He gave me everything I needed. Home phone, cell phone, address. He told me he knew the truth and when I was ready he knew I would call. I was ready that night but I never made the call." she said her eyes over flowing with tears.
"Why didn't you?" I was staring at her fighting off the tremble I was feeling. It wasn't anger or rage. It was sadness. All these years she knew where I was.
"At first it was fear. I thought you would of found someone else and I couldn't deal with that at all. Then it was rage. I was so angry with you for everything. Getting me pregnant, breaking up with me in that damn letter. And then at the end it was punishment. I think part of me was punishing you for leaving and writing the book and everything." her honesty was shocking to me but I didn't let it show.
"Bella we both fucked up here. We can play this game for the rest of our lives. Blaming ourselves, blaming each other. It's fruitless. We can't change it. We can only move forward." I spoke to her softly and placed my finger under her chin, making her look at me. I stared deep into her eyes, "If there is one thing this whole mess has taught me it's that life is going to keep moving whether you want it to or not. I want my everything to keep moving with you. I want us to be a family but we have to forgive each
other first."
"How can you forgive me? I cost you the last seven years of your Dad's life!If I had just called you, you would of come home. You wouldn't of been dragged back here for your dad. You would have had years with him. I would of never dated Jake. We might have had more kids by now."
Bella stroked my sling gently her lower lip shaking, "this is all my fault."
I couldn't tell her I wouldn't change any of it because I would, in a heart beat. I would of come home, not kicking and screaming but for her. For my family but it was to late now. I shook my head, "I can't say I wouldn't change it because I would. I miss my Dad every single day. I miss him so much but this isn't your fault. I could of come home. It's not like I didn't have the time or the money. When the book came out I could pretty much guess how it had gone over around here. I wasn't an idiot. I stayed gone to avoid facing what I had put in print. Plus I thought you had moved on. That killed me. I couldn't come home." I smiled in spite of the conversation we were having, in spite of my throbbing arm and my aching head. " but now I can't imagine spending one day away from you. I love you. I live for you. I'd die for you and I almost did. I would do again in a heart beat if it meant keeping you safe for one second. You are my life." I felt the tears run down my face. Bella leaned her forehead into mine. I caressed her face with my good hand and smiled.
"I love you so much and I almost lost you. I don't sleep at night because every time I do I replay everything in my dreams but you die and I feel so empty and so alone. I just got you back and I almost lost you." she sobbed. I wrapped my arm around her bringing her into my chest. She wrapped her arms around me.
"I'm not going anywhere. I love you and I'm going to be right here forever. As soon as that damn house is done I'm moving into it and I want you to live there with me. I want to...."I stopped before it could come out. This wasn't the right time or place. Bella sat up looking into my eyes,
"You want to what?" she asked. A little half smile playing at her lips.
"I want to marry you." I whispered to her. Her eyes twinkled for the first time in a week,
"Are you asking me?" she said shyly. I kissed her forehead and inhaled her scent.
"This isn't the right time." I sighed. She caressed my face and the light hit the gold chain around her neck. I gently slid my finger down the chain until my class ring popped out of her shirt.
"You kept it?" I held it up between us.
"I couldn't part with it. Every time I tried I nearly panicked and gave up."she blushed. I leaned in and kissed her full lips. I slid my hand into her hair bringing her closer to me. She groaned low in her throat when I licked her lips looking for entrance. Then our tongues moved together over and over again. Her fingers wound into my hair. She moved up on to her knees then straddled my lap. My mind was running over all the ways I could make love to her with the stupid sling on but none of them did her justice. I slid my hand down her side, cupping her ass in my hand dragging her closer to me. She broke the kiss by kissing over my jaw and down my neck. She remembered every little sweet spots, every little place that made it infinitely harder to stop. Luckily I didn't have to stop her. Alice's garage door went up signaling us to disengage.
"I've never wanted you more then I do right now." she admitted with a little sigh. I smiled,
"When this stupid sling comes off I am going to whisk you away somewhere with no phones and no clocks then it's going to be enough loving to make up for seven years apart." I whispered in her ear.
She sighed, "Oh that sounds like heaven." I grinned know ing exactly what my heaven was like. I smoothed her hair away from her face and ran my finger down her delicate little nose.
"So will you move in with me?" I asked hopefully already knowing the answer but like always Bella surprised me.
"I can't. I have to think of Lilly. She's never been away from my Dad and she's so confused already." I saw the nervousness and panic come back to Bella's eyes. Our fleeting moment of happiness over with.
"What if we talk to her? You know let her ask her questions and give her the best answers we can." I cocked my head to the side and waited for her answer.
"We can try it but I don't make any guarantees. She comes first, remember?" I did remember and she was right, Lilly had to be the priority. Shortly after that Bella and I were bot exhausted. I kissed her goodnight and she left. I missed her the second we were apart.
That night in my bed at Alice's I ran over the day's events in my mind. I smiled over a memory not forgotten but deeply buried in my mind. Sometimes it was to vivid and sometimes it just hurt to much to remember but tonight was different. I closed my eyes and watched it play out again in my mind.
It was the night of the prom and while the rest of the senior class was partying Bella and I went to our meadow. We laid there under a blanket we swiped from her house. Her bare body was so warm next to mine. She was so beautiful, so perfect. I rolled us over on to our sides. I smiled at her and ran my hands into her dark soft hair. She smiled back at me, "I love you." she whispered like it was a secret. Anyone that looked at us together knew we were in love. I didn't say it back, something else was swirling through my mind.
"Edward, do you love me too?" she asked sweetly. I nodded, "Oh god yes, I love you." she giggled happily and rolled herself on top of me. I loved the feel of her body on top of mine. She was so perfect.
"Bella if I asked you to do something crazy, would you do it?" I was being serious. Her face dropped a little. I rubbed my palms up and down her bare back. "Edward, I'd do anything for you. I love you, I live for you, I'd die for you." I sat up guiding her legs around my waist. I kissed her passionately. She tangled her hands in my hair. I groaned loudly as our kiss broke, I never wanted to stop kissing her.
"This is going to sound nuts but I have to ask you something." I laid my forehead on hers. I watched as her eyes fluttered closed, "Anything Edward, I'll do it." she whispered.
"Will you marry me?" I held her tighter to me. I couldn't let her go right now. Her eyes popped open, a surprising happy grin spread across her face, "YES! OH MY GOD, Yes!" she threw her arms around my neck. I turned us back. I ran my lips gently over hers. She giggled happily beneath me.
"Oh god Bella, we did this all wrong. My parents will kill us if they find out and Charlie will shoot me. I know it. I don't have a ring for you!" I panted against her lips. She reached for my right hand and pulled off my class ring.
"I'll wear it around my neck. We won't tell anyone. Well I have to tell Alice but she won't tell on us. Oh Edward, it will be so perfect. I love you. I can't wait to be your wife!" I took my ring from between her fingers and slipped it on her left hand ring finger, it was much to big but it was more about the gesture.
"I can't wait to be your husband. We're going to be together forever." My words echoed in my head. Bella laughed happily, "Forever and forever and forever!" I kissed behind her again and again never wanting the moment to end.
I climbed out of bed and went over to my sisters bedroom door. Before I could knock she was there in a faded ac/dc tee and guys boxers.
"It's like 2 am, whats up?" she asked half asleep. She went back to her bed waving me in.
"I need your help." I said softly. I couldn't keep the dumb grin off my face.
"Can it wait until day light?" she mumbled. I laughed,
"It's going to have too I'm afraid. Jewelry stores aren't open at night."
"Jewelry?" Alice said her interests peaked.
"I was wondering if you'd help me pick out an engagement ring." I watched Alice sit straight up in bed.
"You're going to ask Bella to marry you?" her voice was thick with emotion.
"Well you know I figure I took a bullet for her. She owes me." I down played it because if Alice started crying I would to and I had had enough tears for one day. Alice sprang from the bed and hugged me a little to tight.
"I'd be so honored! We'll go tomorrow! Oh my god and then we can go to the house afterwords and get it organized, then we can go see Carlisle! Oh my god, an engagement ring. This will be the biggest wedding this town has ever seen! I mean it! No rinky dink wedding for my brother, huh uh. First class all the way." she was rambling now and pacing. Never a good thing for Alice.
"Sis, that might not be what Bella wants. She might not even say yes." I hated to reign her in but I had too.
"Like she's going to say no. please. Have some faith." she rolled her eyes at me. I smiled hoping she was right.
A/n-Hey guys. Thanks for waiting for the update. My personal life is crazy. I just wanted to let every one know this will more then likely be my last update for 2009. if I get another one out that's great but probably not. Have happy holidays and a great new year!