Warning: This chapter gets very technical, especially in the begining. But it's (the whole chapter's) quite short. Thanks for hanging in there (:
Ulquiorra made his best attempt to calmly study the diagrams the woman drew. His cool demeanor did manage to pull through, as his head was clear enough to register each figure and description.
Figure 1 was a simple yet scientific sketch of him, complete with the hollow hole and broken helmet. An arrow pointed to the hollow hole. It's description box read "Lack of physical heart".
He was not amused that there was an additional arrow pointing to his tattooed tear tracks, reading "Eyeliner Stage Cosmetics".
Figure 2 was the same sketch of him, but instead, a messy circle, drawn in haste, surrounded the sketch. At the bottom of a circle, the woman scribbled, "Hypothesised emotional heart. Is the very being of the model, and possibly extends a bit from the model, giving the model an aura of emotion. However, hypothesized heart is currently dormant ".
Ulquiorra read the description of Figure 2 one more time. He decided that he did not understand what the woman was saying. The woman must have predicted his confusion beforehand, because Figure 3 was a detailed flow chart. The very top box read, "What is the emotional heart?" Its large sub-box said "An emotional heart is unofficially defined as an abstract organ that allows humans to feel and empathise. It is the centre of a human's first instincts and personality, though these instincts and personalities differ from person to person. It has been said that the heart is the opposite of the mind, the center of intellect."
The next main box went, "Why the emotional heart exists". The box below it read "Humans are the opposite of hollows," followed by a sub-box, "The difference between both groups is that humans have the capacity to empathise and feel secondary emotions". The next box, drawn with thicker lines of finality, read "Thus, one can conclude that arrancars must have some form of aforementioned emotional heart, because arrancars are a hybrid of humans and hollows."
Ulquiorra paused, trying his best to digest these huge chunks of new information. Well, scientifically, he had to admit that the woman's structure of argument was sound. She managed to state each point clearly, bolster them with enough reasoning, and then draw a sensible conclusion from the point.
Yet the content of her argument was something else. He could feel himself rejecting every word she said with cynicism. Pathetic. The woman was really out to make him a weak human. He glanced up at her briefly, to find that she was watching him with bated breath, yet also with some sense of determination and triumph.
He did his very best to ignore her bright, silvery eyes, and glanced back at her diagram. It turned out that he was not finished. The woman had more arguments on her… pathetic hypothesis of the human heart. Yes, pathetic.
"The capacity to love and feel is more complex than the capacity to inflict pain." This is followed by, "The very fact that you're reading this and the fact that I had to create this flowchart to explain the concept of hearts proves this point." (The corners of Ulquiorra's lips jerked downwards in a strange spasm.) "Mentioned above, humans are the most complex living beings. What gives an arrancar the factor of being human, is most definitely, the heart." "If you're not convinced, right now, you're probably annoyed." Yes, he was. "Mentioned above, the heart is the abstract organ that feels emotion. Annoyance is an emotion. So you do have a heart." Damn the woman.
The final boxes, meaning her final argument, had bolder lines. It probably meant that they were the more important points. "The opposite of love is not hatred. It is indifference." Exactly, was that not Ulquiorra? Indifferent and apathetic? "However, based on the previous arguments, a human without a heart is not a human, but more like a hollow. So a human that cannot love, nor hate, is not human." "Therefore, the idea of being absolutely neutral—indifferent, is a paradox, because one would cease to exist if one were always indifferent. The result of indifference is an empty shell of a person."
"Because being absolutely indifferent is theoretically impossible, it can be concluded that indifferent people only pretend to be so, rejecting all opinion they may form in order to not seem weak. However, indifference is in fact a weakness, as people who lack in emotion lack in complexity; thus they constantly view the world from a morbidly one-dimensional perspective of monotonous sadness and dullness."
Ulquiorra, again, had to reread the last three boxes. After that, he read the whole flow chart yet again. Maybe more than twice. The information would simply not sit. It would not digest. It simply was there without any form of absorption, swimming about in his head.
Orihime looked at Ulquiorra. Her smile was fading. He had been standing very still for the past ten minutes, and she aching to know what was going on in his head. Unless he suffered from complete sensory overload, and his reflexes have malfunctioned, leaving him just standing there.
"… Ulquiorra-san? You're alright, aren't you?"
Ulquiorra snapped back to attention. He was as confused as he was before, if not more.
"I thought the whole point of this nonsense is to get me to smile, woman, not to force large tracts of information down my throat."
When Orihime heard that, she suddenly had the urge to hit her head against the table repeatedly. He still didn't get it. She spent a lot of effort in making that wordy flow chart, and while she was good at logic when she wanted to be, she didn't like being so serious and detailed about something so… natural. Seriously. How difficult is it to just smile?
At that thought, she forced herself to relax. No. She cannot be angry. After all, the thing she wanted most was Ulquiorra to understand human emotion, so that he would not be the one-dimensional empty shell of a human. No, this whole "Get Ulqi-chan To Smile Quest" was not about getting him to smile. It was to save him.
"I will remain cynical about this matter. You should know that after so many thwarted attempts." Ulquiorra added calmly, even though Orihime saw thoughts swimming about in his green eyes.
Something suddenly popped up in her brain. A quote.
"… You know, I heard somewhere, that if you scratch at the surface of a cynic, you'd find a frustrated idealist," Orihime said quietly. She twisted her hands together. She didn't like arguing philosophy with Ulquiorra, especially when he was so much smarter and cynical than she was.
"How surprisingly profound on your part, woman. Yes, that is what I am, I suppose. I believe that all emotions are unnecessary and are a direct manifestation of weakness, and am frustrated at people, specifically you, that do not comprehend my ideals." Ulquiorra replied.
"… That's not the end... The next part is, cynics make the mistake of converting their ideals into expectations," Orihime finished. Ulquiorra remained silent.
"… You see, the problem, Ulquiorra, is that you expect yourself to constantly be the emotionless person you want to be… when… it's not always possible, or necessary, to be that person you idealise as perfect…" Orihime fell into silence herself. She had just honestly said whatever she thought about Ulquiorra.
"You get that, right? I'm saying that you try so hard to be what you think is perfect, but you can't. I'm not really sure how you got the idea that being emotionless is being strong... but that's beside the point. What I mean is... why be in a state of denial? Why do you want to fool yourself into thinking you're something you're not? I mean... I'm sure people would soon see through your façade of indifference… I mean, I did… But what I'm saying is that you don't have to constantly try… because… aren't you sick of being... jaded? Aren't you sick of seeing only black and white? Don't you want to see… what's in between?"
Orihime paused. She suddenly had the urge to giggle. So she did. She was wearing her heart on her sleeve. But she wanted to do that, because then, Ulquiorra would finally see.
"You may wonder why I just said all that... and I would say it's because I don't like seeing people suffer... but I think it's more than that, you know? I really care about you, Ulquiorra. You don't judge me and you think that I'm capable enough to do... stuff by my own. The thing is, I'm really... jaded myself... I don't want to see you suffer when you don't have to, I guess. You shouldn't be someone you're not." She paused for a bit, before slowly continuing, "And I guess, if you still don't believe me, this is the heart I talk of. ... It's caring for people, even if they don't want to believe, even if they are the enemy. ... I care for my friends, but that doesn't mean I can't care for my enemy."
She knew she was going way out of the line on this one. That is, if she hasn't yet. "And I hope... you learn to care for other people, if not... me."
Orihime stopped. She cast her gaze at her hands, clasped tightly at her mid-abdomen. She closed her eyes, dreading whatever would happen next.
Ulquiorra just watched, in silent amazement, at the woman before him. He could not believe that he used to think that she was human trash, and that he nearly killed her. The thought repulsed him.
The irony in the woman was shining through and through. He thought her as ditzy, clumsy, but here she was, saying the most profound things of him that he never thought himself.
Finally, he saw. He saw why the world was so dull. He saw why everything was the same to him. He saw why he did not derive any joy from the world.
But from his new perspective of blooming colour and liveliness, something still dazzled brilliantly. The woman, her sunshine locks, her moonlight eyes. She made him see.
Things were falling in place. The complexity of the heart… reflects in how the woman functions. That is the exact reason of why Ulquiorra could not fathom her at all. It was because he did not comprehend the convoluted layers of her beating heart. But now that he was enlightened, he saw all the layers: determination, sadness, power, tenderness, but most of all… just pure heart.
Ulquiorra's heart may be dormant, but he definitely felt the presence of another heart, something so… alive and passionate, he felt it beat opposite him, around him, and maybe even within him. Or maybe it was his own heart, the one pulsing dully in his chest. Where his heart lay matters not. What matters is that the woman gave him a heart.
Suddenly, the woman opened her eyes, thick eyelashes fluttering up. Her moonlight eyes caught his forest ones, and then, they crinkled at the corners in the most radiant smile that seemed to burn into his very being. This time he did not feel a tug. He felt a skip.
It was the same smile she used wear to look out of the window, in wait for her friends. But this smile was different. Because it was for him.
The woman took up the abandoned piece of paper. She flipped it over. The picture of him smiling suddenly did not look pathetic.
"You're about to smile," She stated. "And it's as beautiful as I imagined it would be."
The woman took a step so close that her warmth seeped into Ulquiorra's previous coldness. Their bodies were almost touching. She lifted up her two fingers slowly, but without any trace of hesitation.
"Step one, put two fingers at either corner of your mouth." Everything felt like it was going twice as slow as it should be. Her fingers made contact. "Step two, pull both fingers up." The woman did just that, but with gentleness so powerful, Ulquiorra offered no resistance. No, he was still amazed, and his newborn heart was pounding so hard he knew it wasn't natural.
"… Step three, repeat until smile looks natural." Ulquiorra slowly finished.
She flashed a smile so stunning, it just shushed Ulquiorra into submitting and watching what would happen next. Moreover, it was racing in his chest.
Leaving her fingers there, she leant in, closing the remaining distance between them. She pressed her soft lips gently into his, as if sealing the smile in. Her eyes fluttered close, and so did his, and they both witnessed an overwhelming rush of dizzying emotions. They both let the rush take over them. After a while, she removed her slender fingers, and wrapped her arms around Ulquiorra's slender body. He did the same, slowly but without fumbling.
Soon, they broke apart. The smile remained on her face. Brilliance, elation, pride, yet with that devastating tenderness that made everything pale in comparison against it. But Ulquiorra was unsure that tenderness of such magnitude was simply, tenderness.
No, it could be love. The capacity to love.
The smile remained on Ulquiorra's face.
YAY! END OF STORY! I is happy!
... Actually, not really. I don't think I was very clear on how Orihime gave Ulquoirra a heart. Well, I guess, she did not just HAND it to him, per se, but just by her words and her general tenderness, Ulquiorra just... realised. What a heart is, that is. I don't really mean that he suddenly HAD a heart.
I'm sorry if it wasn't a very satisfactory ending. I mean if it's that bad I'd rewrite it, because I was actually considering doing that. The story got so serious at one point I didn't enjoy writing it, so... I dunno :/ You tell me.
So yeah. This is my first romance fic, and I hope I didn't screw it up with my ending. Though thinking of a suitable one was very hard to do in the first place.
Anyway, enough with the regret stuff. Thanks to all the reviews/alerts/favs/hits, from the bottom of my heart! Having you read is the highest honour you can bestow on me, so I'm very happy if you're reading up until here!
I would really appreciate criticism of all sorts, because hey, I'm learning (: Thanks again!
19/7 (MAN I NEED TO STOP UPDATING THINGS!): Thanks to Blackcat90 for pointing out my flawed argument! So I rewrote that part a bit, and tried to make it a bit more clear.