Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own any of the Twilight Series characters; I'm just a fan having fun. No copywrite infringement intended.

Chapter 19

Nessie's POV

"Ness… wake up baby."

Jake was still in bed with me, with his arms securely around me and the same distressed face he had on yesterday… yesterday. All the images came back to me in a wave, everything from our fight with the woman werewolf, to almost going all the way with Jake, to watching mom kick the crap out of the werewolves to… to the awful news of Sam's death.

"What time is it?"

"It's eleven am… we slept like six hours."

"Do you want to keep sleeping?" – I was hoping for a yes; anything to keep him in my bed and avoid dealing with the terrible reality out there.

"You can keep sleeping if you like, but I need to go help with the preparations… for the funeral."

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the tears that were eventually going to come.

"Will it be today?"

"Yes… at dusk, Sam's favorite time of day." – I opened my eyes to look at Jake; because it was absurd to waist anytime not looking at him, not contemplating his beauty.

"Are you ok?"

"I don't know… I still can't wrap my head around it."

"I'll come with you, help out… ok?" – I didn't wait for an answer; I just got out of bed and started heading for the bathroom door. – "We should take a shower and then go."

"Together?" – I turned back to him, not sure if he was serious or joking. He smiled teasingly at me but then frowned and looked down, his mask of pain coming back. - "I can't believe I'm even thinking about that in a time like this."

I was about to speak when he got up and headed for the door.

"I'm going home to get cleaned up, I'll be back." – An with that he exited, closing the door behind him.

When Jacob returned half an hour later, he was wearing ripped jeans and a short sleeve black t-shirt, the one that clings to all his muscles and drives me crazy. I was having a hard time as it is trying to breathe with the pressure in my chest from Sam's loss without Jake having to go around dressed like that.

We spend the afternoon running all sorts of errands, from picking up the death certificate to filling out paperwork to renting chairs and ordering a catering service. Quil and Embry came along with us, while the rest of Sam's pack got the word out about the funeral, held a council meeting, took care of the flowers, bought a coffin and filled another set of paperwork. Seth stayed behind with Leah who was too distraught to help out in the arrangements. By five o'clock everything was done, so Jake dropped me off at the big house to get ready.

When I entered, my entire family was already dressed and prepared for the occasion. All the men were wearing designer black suits making them look even more like models or celebrities, if that were possible. Grandma had on a simple short black dress with a cape while my two aunts were decked out in designer dresses with black lace details and elaborates pleading and fringes, complete with stylish hats and veils that covered half their faces, the kind I've only seen people wear in movies. Momma as always went against the grain, opting for pants rather than a dress, a simple pony tail instead of an extravagant hat and black sneakers rather than stilettos.

"Uuuu Nessie… I left something for you to wear; it's on top of your bed!!!"

"Don't you think the two of you have gone overboard?" – I was signaling between her and Aunt Rose.

"What? Of course not, this is proper attire for funerals."

"Yeah, maybe for the queen of England or some swanky celebrity... but this is La Push we're talking about."

"Well, a little bit of fashion wouldn't hurt to cheer up an otherwise heartbreaking occasion."

"But…" – As much as I love fashion myself, this didn't really seem like the moment to flaunt ones outfit.

"Nessie darling, we don't want to be late and by now you must know that she won't give in." – Aunt Alice smiled and stuck her tongue out at dad when he said this, and then motioned with her head towards upstairs, where my dress was waiting.

I reluctantly started up the stairs. – "It better not be over the top." – I threatened her, but as always, she wasn't swayed.

When I made it to the guest room, I was relieved to find a normal elegant black dress. It was short, just above my knee, strapless with a miniature coat. I threw it on quickly, pairing it with black ballet flats, and twisted my hair into a bun, letting some curls fall on the frame of my face, and walked out the door.

When we arrived at the site, I was surprised to see so many people; probably all of La Push and then some where there. It really shouldn't have been a surprise, considering how Sam was a much respected member of the Quileute society. The service was held overlooking the ocean, on the cliff where Sam and the others would frequently go to dive. The sun was already descending, making it look even more breathtaking, with the waves crashing beneath us and the sky giving of a pink and orange tone.

We made our way through the crowd and walked down the center aisle, with the two lateral rows of chairs already full and occupied. I was beginning to think we'd have to stand throughout the service, like the rest of the people in the back, when I saw Jacob reserving an entire row up front for us.

He was wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt that he didn't bother to tuck in and a black tie hanging loosely. I know Aunt Alice was probably cringing, wanting to straighten him out and scowl him for pairing black and white "Converse" chucks with formal wear… but to me… he looked like the hottest thing that ever existed in the universe, apart from the sun that is. He smiled when he saw me and signaled for my family to sit on the empty row behind him. I went over to sit next to him and the rest of the guys in the following row.

After a few minutes the crowd went silent and I saw with great sorrow as all the wolves in Sam's former pack carried his coffin into the gathering. It was an overwhelming moment to watch their mournful faces as they solemnly carried their leader's body and rested his coffin up front over a huge flat boulder that I suspect one of them must have placed there, because I'd never seen it before.

They went to sit in the front row on the left side and that's when I saw her… Emily. There are no words to describe her face. I swallowed hard upon seeing her because she looked absolutely destroyed; her eyes vacant and lifeless, reflecting so much agony and pain that I was surprised she could even sit up, surprised she was still alive. Jared and Paul went to sit on each side of her, holding her hands firmly; giving her the support I knew couldn't possibly make her feel better. She wasn't wearing black, instead, she had on one of her usual native nightgowns; it was obvious this was what she had been wearing when they told her and that she had not cared or had time to change. I watched helplessly as her face distorted with sorrow and wondered what I would do or how I would look if it were me.

I turned to look at Jacob; he was alive and sitting right next to me, making me feel an immense amount of gratitude and happiness. He sensed my eyes on him and turned to me as well, taking my hand in his and smiling; not his usual huge grin but a small contemplative smile, the kind he used to give me before we got together, when I could sense he was considering something but wouldn't tell me. Back then it was whether to declare his love, but now… I don't know.

Old Quil got up from the crowd and walked to the front, wearing a magnificent traditional Quileute garment. The colors were so beautiful, the patterns so intricate and the materials so luxurious that it was obvious that this wasn't your everyday native wear. I then realized that all the Elders, which were sitting on an exclusive row of chairs, were also dressed in similar clothing, all of them looking severely distressed by the loss.

Old Quil officiated the ceremony, or should I say ritual. He spoke about Sam's spirit, and how it had now returned to Mother Earth, how he was now one with the energy and life force all around us. He spoke of honor and love and courage, and of how death is only the beginning, only a step in a continuous life cycle. He spoke in a solemn yet heartwarming way, directing his gaze toward Emily from time to time. His words were so moving and so true that I instantly felt warm tears start to make their way down my cheeks, dripping from my chin.

"Sam is still among us, he is all around us, in the trees and the land and the air. He is also still among us in the way he affected our lives, in the lessons he taught many of us, in the love he had for life and for his people, in his example of a true and righteous leader, because he was a man who never backed down from responsibility, never gave up and always did what was right and expected of him, even when it was difficult."

Old Quil carried on as the sun slowly descended; producing the most beautiful twilight effect I'd ever seen. Jacob was still holding my hand, playing with the bracelet he had given me on my first Christmas, the one I never take off.

"But his most valuable trait was not his skills or responsibility or even courageousness, it was his ability to harbor immense and awe-inspiring love; love of which our dear Emily knows firsthand. Emily my dear… the kind of love that you and Sam had is a love that cannot and will not die, a love that I know transcends life and death and all the elements, a love that will help you get through this."

I turned to watch Emily and saw that her face was calmer, despite the underlining pain still very much visible. I wondered if she would be able to love again, be able to give herself to another man after being privileged to experience a supernatural and unparallel love and commitment. It pained me to realize that wasn't possible, because I know that after Jacob there could be no other man.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't realize the ceremony was over; Old Quill having stepped back to his seat and everyone getting up to pay their respects to Emily.

"Man, I don't know what to say to her." – Quil was pulling at his shirt collar, obviously uncomfortable with his outfit.

"Should we say something to Leah?" – Embry was looking over his shoulder and whispering. I focused my glance past him and saw her still sitting with Seth by her side with his arm around her. Her eyes were red and swollen, but her anguish was absolutely no comparison to Emily's, not in the least, despite her grief-stricken appearance.

"It'll just piss her off… just be extra nice to her." – Jacob answered, looking at her the same way I was.

"What about Emily?" – Quil pressed on again, now playing with the buttons on his jacket sleeves.

"She's practically family, we know her and we knew Sam… don't worry, just speak from the heart. She knows we're here for her." – Quil and Embry nodded and began to walk toward the line of people.

"Hello Jacob… is now the time to give you my condolence?" – Dad was smiling, obviously trying to cheer him up by making fun of Jacob's cutting answer to him after the fight.

"That's for Emily… not me." – Jacob shrugged, having missed my dad's humor.

"Alright."

We got in line and after what seemed like forever, we made it to Emily. Jacob approached her with a bit of hesitation but once she saw him she pulled him into a tight hug.

"Em… I… I'm so sorry… I couldn't save him; I wasn't strong or fast enough… I will forever regret it and will forever be in your debt." – Jake's voice was breaking as I saw Emily's eyes start to water.

"No Jacob… it's not your fault…"

"Is there anything I can possibly do?"

"No, no one can help me. Jacob… I… I don't know what I'll do… I've died… and the pain… I can't bear another moment." – I saw Jacob hug her even tighter as she buried her face in his shoulder. She clung to him, looking so weak and small next to his massive body, that it was hard to watch.

They stayed like that for another moment until Emily pushed him away; her face so distraught that I barely recognized her. Jacob's eyes were red and watery when he stepped back to allow me to get to her.

"Emily…"

"Nessie… do you think there's a way out… please tell me, you must understand… do you think the pain will ever stop?" – I couldn't help myself; I started crying like a baby, holding her close to me when I said. – "Yes, I don't know how… but it will." – I said it and I believed it, something deep inside of me reassuring that I wasn't just humoring her, that it was absolutely true.

She nodded, containing her sobs, and turned toward my family, accepting their condolences with appreciation but avoiding any physical contact.

After we were done we walked to the back of the rows, where we had arranged some tables for the catering service. We mingled for a bit, saying hello to some of Jacob's school friends and having to answer endless prying questions regarding Sam's sudden death. The official story was bear attack, which everyone easily bough.

My family stood out like a sore thumb, looking so out of place I sort of felt sorry for them, because despite their loving caring hearts, they would always be seen as the wealthy conceited strangely attractive family that no one really accepts or likes.

"Did Blondie and Pixie really have to wear that…? I mean… come on, what's with the hats?" – Jacob had his hands inside his pockets and was shaking his head at them. Aunt Rose rolled her eyes while Alice just stuck her tongue at him, their enhanced hearing allowing them to make out his comment even from a good ten feet away.

"I know… I tried to tell them but you know Alice… at least the dress she got for me isn't embarrassing."

"Nope, definitely not embarrassing…" – He was looking at me up and down suggestively and my mind started flashing images from our little tryst in the forest, making me blush slightly.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

"What? What do you mean?" – I was alarmed. I wanted to pick up where we left off too, but now really didn't seem like the time.

He smiled at my reaction and took my hand, pulling me away. I glimpsed at dad who shook his head at us, but kept going to where Jacob was leading me.

"Um… Jake… I mean, I appreciate the impulse… but shouldn't we take your car and go somewhere else? I mean, half the people back there have enhanced hearing." – Now I was really stressing, because Jake was pulling me into the nearby trees and from this distance I was sure all the wolves and my family could hear us if they tuned in. He didn't say anything, didn't even look back at me, just kept going.

Finally, he turned toward me when we were just a few feet into the trees. He was looking at me intensely but I couldn't help but break his gaze to anxiously glance back at the gathering, which I could still see from here.

"Ness, relax…" – He led me to a fallen three so we could sit.

"What's going on?"

Jacob suddenly got very nervous, looking at the ground instead of me.

"Jake… is… is something wrong."

"No… not at all." – He finally looked up and smiled, but then frowned and looked down once more, growling in frustration. – "Why is this so hard?!!!"

Now I was really panicking, was he trying to break up with me or something? That was insane of course, but I'd never seen him so nervous around me, not this kind of nervous. He was running his hands through his hair and I couldn't understand what this was about.

"Is this about Sam?"

"No… well, yes… but not exactly."

"Well then what?"

"Life… it's so… so short. I mean, I always thought that because of what I am, because of what we are, that somehow death didn't apply to us. I was wrong… so wrong…"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying… I don't want to waist anymore time." – He looked at me now shyly. – "Do you?"

"I… no…but, I don't understand what you're getting at."

"I love you so much Ness… love isn't even the right word; you would have to come up with a better word for what I feel for you. I want to be good for you… I'm afraid maybe I'm not… but I still want to try… if you want." – He was babbling and not making much sense, confusing me even more.

"I love you too Jake."

"I'm going to have new responsibilities, probably less time, now that I'm in charge of all the wolves. Things are changing and I want you to be with me… unless it's too much to ask… because you're still young and maybe… maybe you're not ready, or… or don't want to… but I promise to do my best, always… and love you always… and not get mad if you say no…" – He took in a deep shaky breath and smiled at me so nervous it threw me off. I ran my hand through his hair trying to soothe him; he closed his eyes to my touch and took in another deep breath.

"Jake… please just tell me what you need." – I knew he was asking for something, but really didn't get it.

"I need… I need to stop being so nervous." – He got up and started walking in circles in front of me. – "I'm not doing this right." – He said glancing at me, smiling shyly, almost embarrassed. What the hell was he getting at?

"Jake, why are you so nervous? This is me, you can tell me anything." – I smiled reassuringly although I wasn't so sure I wanted him to keep going, his nerves where rubbing off on me making me feel uncertain.

"I don't know… maybe because I don't know your answer, maybe because I'm being rash and crazy, maybe because this will change everything… only not, because you're already the woman of my life, my world."

"Jake, you're really creeping me out… can you just tell me in plain English what you want me to answer to? I mean, that is what you're getting at right… you need me to do something for you?"

He stopped walking and kneeled in front of me looking up in a way I'd never seen before. He took hold of my hands and kissed them both before going on.

"You know what this is?" – He caressed the bracelet he'd given me, his first present ever to me other than his own life, his own existence.

"You gave me this on my first Christmas."

"But do you know what it is? It's a Quileute promise ring."

"Oh." – I looked down at it surprised, because I'd never known.

"I gave it to you because I always knew, always knew you'd be the one I'd spent the rest of my life with. The question is… am I that for you?" – I nodded, still uncertain of his intentions.

"What I mean to say Nessie is… will you marry me?" – He took a tiny wooden box from his pocket and opened it in front of me, revealing a ring. It was sterling silver, with a beautiful irregular oval shaped turquoise stone in the center, accented by its sides by the most intricate stamp work and silver overlay of Quileute symbols in a mesmerizing design. It was so beautiful I had to hold my breath.

I looked up from the ring to see his expectant face. I knew it was my turn to speak, but I couldn't. My throat and vocal cords had decided to stop working in the most crucial of moments. I looked down at the ring again, could it be possible to be this blessed, this happy, this complete? I looked up at Jacob again and knew I had to speak soon, otherwise he'd think the worst, think I didn't love him.

Both our pulses where quick and our breaths were held. I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't say anything. Dammit Nessie, say yes!!! Jacob was already beginning to lower his gaze from mine so I did the only thing I could do, I placed my hands on his face and projected anything and everything I was feeling. I knew he'd have a hard time understanding my confused thoughts, but it was better than sitting there like a mute idiot.

He opened his eyes once I was done and I saw tears in them, mirroring my own. He started laughing and soon so did I. We were wiping each other's tears and laughing out loud, holding our faces close together, examining each other as if it were the first time. He pulled my chin toward him and kissed me sweetly, deepening the kiss as I tangled my hands in his hair.

He pulled away much too soon but I was reluctant to let go, so I used all my strength to pull his lips back to mine. The second time he pulled away I decided to let go, knowing I had the rest of forever to kiss him, just like dad had promised.

"So… you're saying yes?"

"Yes…I'm saying yes."

"So, would you mind putting this on?" – He took the ring out of the box and placed in on my finger, fitting perfectly.

"Where did you get this?" – My real question was "how long have you had this?" something he understood because of what he answered.

"I bought it the first time I realized I was in love with you."

"What? When was that?" – I remembered showing him with my hands the first time I'd seen him differently, when we had declared our love for one another. But all this time I had forgotten to ask him.

"It was on your fifth birthday party. From the moment I got to the house and saw you, man… something came over me. I really lost it, my hands got all sweaty and my heart started beating faster and my stomach was so nervous I thought I'd throw up." – He chuckled, remembering the moment. – "I wanted to hold you and touch you and kiss you like crazy… Edward almost kicked me out of the party, he said he'd kill me if I told you about imprinting, because up until then it hadn't been an issue; I was fine not telling you but right then and there, I was just about to burst out into a full love confession. I have to tell you, it took every bit of will power to not declare my love, especially when you looked so good and insisted on keeping me with you even after the party was over."

"That was because by then I was already crazy about you." – He smiled at me and kissed me one more time, stopping only to continue his story.

"So that day, after your party, I ran like crazy to the jeweler and drew up this design."

"You mean you designed this?" – How could this ring be anymore perfect?

"Yeah, it's handmade too… and the carvings on it, they're Quileute symbols… they mean "eternal love", I know it's kinda cheesy, but it was the only thing I could come up with."

"I love it, it couldn't be more perfect. So, you've had it this entire time?"

"I was just waiting for the right moment, I thought I'd wait a few years, wait till you got done with school and college, wait till I could afford a place, until I got a better job… but with Sam's death…" – He paused, his mask of pain returning slightly. – "I thought, why wait… if Sam and Emily would have waited, they would have missed so many years being married. Do you think I'm crazy, because if you're not ready… we could wait?"

"I don't want to wait… I have nothing but time to finish school and college; I practically know everything they'll teach me anyway. And money and a place… we could practically live in a teepee and I wouldn't mind, as long as I can be with you, call you mine."

"I've always been yours, since before you were born." – My heart was throbbing with happiness at his words. But then I remembered reality and slightly panicked.

"There's only one problem… who's gonna tell dad?" – Jacob's face radically changed, whether truthfully or for dramatic effect, I don't know.

"I'm so dead."

Thank you so much for your reviews, they brighten my days, seriously.

Hope you enjoy this chapter!!! I thought I'd bring some hope and good news into the mix, plus these two are about ready to burst if they don't get together so I figured they do it the "right way" (just paying my respects to wonderful Edward's wishes)