Chapter 18. Hopeless Dreams

Will had spent his evening at home before Jay had called, her voice as loud as the wind blowing on the highway. He had taken upon himself to a few wine coolers and had settled for a beer, watching baseball on the television downstairs. Empty rooms of his large home reminded him of his loneliness, and he guzzled down another beer before Jay came jumping up to his doorstep.

"I just thought I would steal my two favorite people in the world for a night on the town. Sound good to you?"

"Anything is better than what I have been doing."

"God, did you decide to wash your mouth with alcohol?" Jay reached into her purse. "Check some gum or something. You smell terrible, and I doubt that's the impression you want to give Leah when she's in total rebound.'

"Rebound?"

"That was the good news I was trying to tell you on the way over here before I gave up, honey." Jay laughed. "But of course you were too heartbroken then to pay attention to anything old Jay might possibly have to tell you. Well, Mr. Heartbreak, this perfect fellow of Leah's took it upon himself to take the fastest train out of here, and left poor Leah to her lonesome. She is upset, depressed, and in need of some major fun."

"That doesn't sound like good news to me."

"No? Well, dear, did it ever occur to you that perhaps this would be the golden opportunity to finally win Leah over and have her realize that the Mr. Perfect in her life was here all along?"

"I cannot think of romance when Leah's feeling so down."

"Now that is when you can tell a fellow is in love," Jay shook her head with another laugh. "Alright, how about we go and join our Ms. Leah Lewis-Hall before she spends the entire night in the passenger seat of my car."

"We haven't been talking too long, have we?"

"Or… better yet… how about she takes the passenger seat of your own brand-spanking new speed machine?"

"My new viper?" Will took a deep breath. "I just got it yesterday."

"I'm sure mommy and daddy would like to know their little boy is putting all his money's worth into the car."

"I've been drinking all night. I cannot afford to drink after…"

"My Lord, when did you become so responsible?" Jay rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll drive, but at least if you drive, you would have Leah sitting next to you the entire night. It gets pretty lonely in the back seat."

"Okay, I'll drive."

Though Will knew his alcohol intake would do little to nothing to impair his driving skills since he had developed an iron stomach in drinking from a young age, he could not help swerving as he stole glances at Leah. She sat with a solemn silence that seemed to preserve her beauty in time. Jay had convinced her to change into the traditionally little black dress, a halter top that exposed a good deal of her skin and showed off her fair complexion. She wore no make-up, but the passing streetlights cast a glow across her skin that no amount of shimmer or glitter might portray. Had he not been driving, he would have reached over and touched her, to ensure that she was not some statue of an angel or a goddess, some surreal, celestial being that might vanish before his very eyes. As rigid as she stood, her eyes cast her face in a softness that made her seem fragile, as if the slightest flutter of a touch might shatter her into pieces on the floor.

"Where are we going, Jay?" Will asked, unable to acknowledge Leah. "I have been driving down the main road for five minutes, and I don't have a clue where I'm going."

"I heard there was supposed to be some local band having a gig at the park?" Jay suggested with a twisted smile. "Leah is a fan of parks. Did you know that?"

"If I didn't before, now you've told me." Will took in a breath, remembering his last visit when he had spied on Leah and Ethan. "I guess we're going to the park tonight. Hope you're up to it."

"Always, you stud." Jay laughed. "It'll be just like old times! The two wild girls out into the night! I guess it's great to know we're still looking fabulous, if I may point that out."

"You okay, Leah?" Will suggested, when Leah continued her gaze ahead, unmoved by Jay's remarks. "If you would rather we do something else, you just have to tell me and I'll turn around."

"No," she turned slightly and gave him a weak smile, sucking in her lips so she appeared more fragile than before. "It sounds like a plan. I'll be fine."

The band was called Last Dance, and the concert had started half an hour before Leah, Will, and Jay had arrived. The crowd was composed mainly of older teenagers who needed an excuse to get out of the house and meet up with friends. The older crowd had faded to the edges and were congregating together, eating food or flirting.

"Can you believe all the people?" Jay bounced with excitement. "Alright, as much as I love you two, there's some lookers over there that are gazing my way, and I don't want to neglect them for too long. You guys okay with me going off and having some fun?"

"I wouldn't want to be the one to deny you that, Jay." Will answered.

"That's why I love you both so much," Jay laughed and walked over to a group of five men whose smiles widened the closer she came.

"I guess we can always count on Jay to seize the moment," Will shrugged and frowned at how Leah remained unresponsive, her head lowered in sadness. "Leah, would you like to go for a walk?"

"A walk?" she looked up briefly. "Didn't we come here for the band?"

"Jay came here to meet some men," Will answered. "I came here as an excuse to be with you."

"Oh, Will…" Leah closed her eyes. "We can't."

"I did not come here to hook up with you, and you have my word that I am not going to put any moves on you. I came here because you are upset and I know that being in nature calms you. It would be selfish of me to think that getting you alone would have you pounce on me for a rebound. I have more respect for you than that, Leah. I hope you realize that."

"I'm sorry," Leah wrapped her arms around Will and trembled. "I just can't believe he's gone."

Leah walked beside Will down the dirt path of the park. The dark forests that surrounded the vicinity appeared like black voids at night, and the random lampposts that were scattered far apart cast flickering lights on the dew of the grass, providing faint illumination. Will watched the shadows that passed over Leah's face and not even his want to have her for himself could surpass his genuine concern towards her well-being. Walking alongside him, her eyes lowered as if she has accepted her inevitable fate, Leah appeared defeated. There was no denying how fragile she was, and he feared she would come crashing down before his eyes with every step she took.

"Does the lake look beautiful?" Will stopped and turned towards the lake, which he had thought, as a boy, as a grand ocean. "It is not as big as I had once thought. It's actually kind of small, if you think about it."

"I took Ethan here," Leah sat on the ground, her chin resting upon her knees. "It had been so perfect, watching the lake and just talking about us. That day I could picture us doing that for the rest of our lives. Walking through the park and watching the sun set over the lake. I would do that with him until the day I die, and the magic would never go away. I could just tell then…" Leah sighed. "But I guess I was the only one who felt like that."

"The man must not be that smart, Leah, if he let you go." Will sat next to her. "I cannot imagine another woman out there in the world that is as perfect as you."

"I am far from perfect, Will." Leah shook her head, her eyes fixated upon the lake. "I don't think there's a moment that passes by where I am anything relatively close to being perfect."

"You're as close to perfection as they come," Will responded. "Leah, let me help you."

"I cannot even help myself," Leah laughed dryly. "I am sitting here, heartbroken from some guy that I should've known would do this to me. I mean, he had done it once, so why should it surprise me that he would do it again? And then, men are the least of my worries. I was already in a hole before Ethan came. It was stupid of me to dig it deeper."

"We do stupid things when we are in love," Will shrugged. "This guy is just one of those jerks out there not worth your tears. Don't be too upset over him, Leah. He never deserved you."

"You know, Will, I am always count on you being there." Leah turned to him and smiled.

"Damn right you can. And don't you forget about that."

"You've put up with me through my ups and downs, and lately there have been not many moments of high spirits."

"But I enjoy the bumpy roads when they come if we share them together."

"I wish Ethan was half as determined as you to stick by me."

"The fellow is dumb as a rock, Leah, if he leaves you like that."

"I wish I could find someone that wouldn't hurt me like that again. I feel so stupid for putting myself through it every time. Why am I always left like this?"

"Left like what, Leah?"

"Left to be alone."

"But you're not alone, Leah."

"I was just left alone, Will. Did you miss that part of my day?"

"I'm with you, Leah."

"Oh Will…"

"I will always be there for you, Leah."

"Will, I…"

"Why can't you have me?" Will questioned. "I know I must be an ass right now, pushing myself towards you right now, but I need to know. I need to know why I will never be good enough for you."

"Will, you are more than good enough."

"Then why can't I ever have you?"

"Because I will never be good enough."

"Good enough? Leah, you're all that I could ever ask for in this world. All that I can hope to have in my life."

"Will, there is so much out there that is greater than me."

"None that I have ever encountered, and none which I wish to ever know, Leah. You are all that I have ever wanted."

"Will, you don't know what you're saying."

"I know damn well what I'm saying, Leah, and I'm saying that I love you." Will stopped there for a moment, unable to believe he said it, until he decided there was no use in withholding his feelings any longer. "I've always loved you. I mean, I could wait my entire lifetime for you, Leah. I will sit on the sideline and watch every guy that enters your life eat you and spit you out because they are all clueless and unable to realize how great you truly are. I will help you put yourself back together. But, please, Leah, don't you think that I never loved you. That is all I ask."

"Why do you tell me this, Will?" the tears in her eyes were accentuated by the light the lit them up. "Why, on the day that Ethan leaves me, must you tell me all this?"

"Because, Leah, I want you to know that there are better men out there than the likes of him." Will answered. "I want you to know that I am willing to wait for you. That you can always count on me being there because I never want to let you go."

"Will, I do not deserve you."

"Never say that, Leah, when you are the greatest thing life has to offer me!" Will replied angrily. "Leah, why can't we be together? Why must we go through life side by side alone when we can just be together and enjoy one another's company? Why must we be indifferent acquaintances?"

"But I do love you, Will."

"Not in the way that I want, Leah. Never in that way."

"I don't understand why you love me."

"Can't you see why?" Will looked into her eyes. "Leah, you are unlike any woman I have ever met. You have captivated me from the first moment I met you. Nothing in my life brought me as much happiness as my time with you, spent with you, when we dated. I love that there is more to you than what people thought you to be. I hope you know that there is more to me as well. When we broke up, I knew I would never be happy unless we were together again. Why can't we be together?"

"Will, please don't ask it of me."

"I don't even need to ask," Will stood up and looked down at her. "I know the answer already."