Grey Flower

"I hate you, and then I love you... It's like I want to throw you over a cliff, and then rush to the bottom to catch you."

Chapter Sixteen

"Takuma!" At the sound of my voice, heartbroken, scared, and shaken, Takuma turned, allowing me directly into his arms. He didn't say anything, just let me stand there in his warm embrace as I desperately burrowed closer to escape the cold. My feet were now pulsing beneath me, but I didn't feel the pain that should have been there from running over hard, rocky ground. I shivered hard against him, and he tightened his grip. Before I knew what I was doing, before I could stop myself, I was letting hot tears run down my face as agonizing pain ripped through my chest from the relief of just seeing him again. Takuma brought one hand up to cradle the back of my head and forced me to relax against him, which I was all too grateful to do. And we just stood there for a moment, familiar as ever.

"Hey, Senri..." His greeeting was weak. I knew this was the voice of a traitor, as soft and gentle as it was, as comfortable... I had no reason to trust him now. But I couldn't help it; I loved him too much to care about the fact that he had helped pay for my death. I wanted to show him that I had forgiven him... And apparently... he was trying to forgive himself as well. His voice shook slightly, and he laid his head on my shoulder, where I felt tears of his own hit and run off. It made me forget my own pain for a moment. And then, something struck me... something Shitsuren Fuyuki had said to me, of all people.

"Love is blind." I realized... I didn't care that Takuma had betrayed me.

"Takuma?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered against hard, shaking breaths, brought in laborously and released slowly to try and steady them. His grip tightened again until it was difficult to breathe, but I just stood there as his whole body trembled with mine, but not from the cold. I knew that, emotionally, Takuma was weaker than I was, but the fact that he was crying was still important to me. It meant that he carried a guilty concious for what he was doing... Or, rather... "I didn't know that this was what Kaname meant when he said that he wanted to revive your Pureblood ancestor. He said... He said he had found Shiki Kuronue's resting place and wanted to revive him... I was a little hesitant at first, but I couldn't say no to him... He was my best friend for along time... And I thought that it'd be a nice surprize for you..." He paused for a moment with a sniffle that he tried his best to cover. "Well, a damn nice surprize it turned out to be for you... Hey, Senri! I got you a present! Death!"

His sarcastic ending almost made me laugh, but I held myself, aware of the danger of the situation. The very real danger. "You mean... you didn't know?"

He shook his head, and slowly, the tears came to a stop. "No... But Kaname practically begged me to sign on to the project as a funder. I just... I couldn't help it. I thought it might be a kind of 'Welcome to the Family' present for you... I didn't think I should read too much into it." But as quickly as they had stopped, a fresh batch fought their way out. "You must hate me now... so much. And I'd understand it if you did. I hate myself right now... I'd ask you to take me back, but—"

And then... a little later Shitsuren had said something else that struck me now... "I've been there for him whenever he needed me. I was thrilled when he told me he loved me for the first time. Now that I can't save him from whatever trouble he's in... do you know what that feels like?" No, I didn't. But I had a feeling that Takuma did. A very strong feeling.

"Takuma." My voice was slightly stern and I pulled back from the blonde to stare into his emerald eyes. I smiled slightly... He really felt bad about this, didn't he? Just like Takuma, he was certain that this was all his fault. But now, it was my turn to shake my head. "You should know better by now, dumbass. I love you."

Takuma just stood there, completely dumbfounded, as if there was no way in Hell I was supposed to forgive him. Given typical Takuma behaviour, he probably thought that I'd be so angry at him that, no matter what he said, I'd kill him in a blind rage, and we'd meet up together in the Afterlife, or something like that. That sounded like him. Personally, I didn't believe in Afterlives. Really, when you're dead, you're dead and that's all there is to it. Of course, that's only my opinion. Takuma's is obviously radically different and far-fetched; but his parents were actors, they were like that too, so I couldn't blame him. It was all in the bloodline. Just like, for a Shiki, being as close to Pureblood as possible is part of bloodline, drawn closer by our own Pureblood lines.

Finally, Takuma broke down in front of me and I watched as he lost the strength and will to stand, collapsing as if someone had struck him from behind. For a fraction of a second, I watched him before I was on the ground with him, this time the one providing the comfort. I held him, and listened to him cry, all the while wanting to cry myself; but I knew I had to stay strong for Takuma, appear as if I weren't too concerned about this... as if it'd just blow over... Or that this was all just a big joke. That's what he wanted to hear, what he wanted to believe. I know — that's exactly how I felt, and while we were just about as polar opposite as lovers can get, we felt very strongly together on important matters... such as death. Soon, he forced his tears back and looked up at me, almost wondering how I could forgive him, and I only smiled at him.

"You're supposed to hate me," he told me after a while, his voice hoarse and weak. Despite this, he was smiling as well, and as puffy, red, and tear-stained as he was, he was still beautiful. I reached up to brush away a stray tear, letting my hand linger on his soft skin for just a moment before tracing the curves of his face down to his chin. Before giving any answer, I moved forward and gave him a long, slow kiss. I felt him relax against me, and then press back. His response, I knew, meant that he had forgiven me for forgiving him. And strangely, I felt bad, because I knew that if it wasn't me that killed him now to wait for me, he'd probably do it himself. I couldn't imagine him living without me; and maybe it was just me being conceited. Maybe it was just me thinking more of myself than any one person, human or vampire, really should. And maybe it was wrong of me to believe something like that. But really, it would never have come to mind if Takuma hadn't told me so damned much that he loved me, that he needed me... that he couldn't live without me... So, maybe, it wasn't just me.

I pulled back, only a breath away from him, as I rested my forehead against him. Periwinkle eyes met emerald and locked, both glassy and full of emotion in this small, secluded area among the crowd that gathered around the sacrificial alter. "I will always love you." And it was a promise.

And then, something seemed to strike Takuma and he sat up, seemingly refreshed and forgetting about the event that was about to occur. "By the way, I was talking to Miyabi. She said she's sorry."

"A likely tale," I hissed, feeling a slight anger rise. "She's the one who sedated me after all I did for her."

"In all fairness, love, you didn't really do anything for her."

"I did, too!" Instant offense. "I signed her copy of Knights."

"As if that really counts," Takuma rolled his eyes at me. "You sign all those creepy little love letters you send me all the time."

For a moment I was silently stunned... Had I ever...? "What love letters?" Instant outrage.

"Just joking. I know, if you thought someone was sending me cheesy love letters with your name on them, you'd have a heart attack! You're so awkward with those things, Senri!" He laughed then, and it took me a minute, but I laughed as well. How was he in such good spirits all of a sudden? It was for me... to keep my spirits up; and it was working. "Anyway, she said she had been speaking to a beautiful lady with silver hair and red eyes before she woke up. She doesn't remember anything that happened, but I explained as best I could the details of her attack. She is sincerely sorry for what has happened, and believes it's her fault."

"Shirabuki used Pureblood Will on a human girl?" I asked, not surprized that she would do something like that. Purebloods will do anything to anyone that they have power over... They're manipulative, selfish bastards, and for once in my life, I was glad I wasn't one. "That is sick, and wrong."

"It's so Shirabuki," Takuma corrected, and I nodded in agreement. "Anyway, it's not like I expected anything more from her. She's just jealous because her family isn't on top, unlike the Kurans. She's been looking for a way to put her family first for a while now. I think she plans on manipulating Shiki Kuronue's weakened mind with her Will just after he's awakened. Then, she'll probably set a time bomb to go off as soon as he's regained his strength. She probably wants your ancestor to kill Kaname so she can take over as the High Princess, and her father as the king. Unfortunately, there's still Yuuki to consider."

"She's a woman. It's not like she can rule on her own. Really, without Kaname, she's nothing. I suppose you'll take care of her for me, will you?"

"I guess so. If you really want me to." Takuma shrugged, almost uninterested. "But you are aware of Yuuki's situation, aren't you? If the child she carries is a male, then there's a little more of a problem than just getting past Kaname. Yuuki, as the mother of the Pureblood Prince, would have more power than any other vampire alive, and she's going to use it to guard her son without any holes whatsoever."

"I know that," I told him, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. "But what does that have to do with all of this?"

"My guess is that Shirabuki is the one who originally found out about the site of the grave and decided that if Shiki Kuronue could be revived, then she'd have all her dreams in the palm of her hands, and I think she'd even be cold enough to kill an infant to ensure a sustained rule. Given the actions she's planned on taking up to this point, I think we'd all be in very grave danger if Shirabuki ever reigned... And as it stands now... Yuuki is beginning to look weaker. Kaname didn't want to let her come here in the cold, but she insisted... I'm not certain I want to know what kind of a guilt trip she put him through, but here she is, right?"

"So? I don't get it. What's the point of making her stay home? We were never fond of eachother, so why does it matter?"

"Because Yuuki is sick, Senri. I've heard from Kaname that she may not even live to see her own child's birth."