Disclaimer – Please see chapter 1
A/N – Thank you so very much to those of you that left me reviews, as always I really do appreciate them. My usual apologies again for not having the time to reply to them all, but I have been flat out dealing with troll (Trouble making members who join just to cause trouble) problems on my site all weekend. Your all great! Story is beta'd by myself so any remaining mistakes are all mine, so I apologize in advance. R & R Enjoy!
Fall Out Boy – Chapter 18 Talk
"Okay" he said letting out a long controlled breath "I'll make us some tea first. It should help you relax a little" Gil said grasping for a little extra time to get his thoughts and words organized in his head, this was the kind of area of personal stuff that always scared him the most when being called upon.
Sara smirked as he walked of, she knew full well he was diverting to gain some more time to think things through, she herself didn't like to put him on the spot like this, nor delve into the realms of personal feelings, her or anyone else's for that fact, but this was needed between them, so she could clear the confusion she was experiencing with his recent change of behaviour towards her.
This private and personal conversation, she felt had been a long time coming, maybe now she would be able to understand why she was given hope all those years ago in San Francisco of the prospect of them entering a romantic relationship, to the stark realization of her coming to Vegas, to only be frustrated by his constant and confusing mixed signals, for the past five years.
Over in the kitchen, Gil waited nervously as the kettle boiled, hoping for the first time that it would take much longer so he had more time with his preparations to open himself up privately, willingly and honestly to her.
Taking a few slow easy breaths, Gil counted up to ten in his head closing his eyes to try to steady his nerves, then the kettle whistled, so he set about making the drinks, took one final deep breath, then walked over to the couch.
Sara sat up straight and pulled her legs up to make room for him to sit beside her, which he did after handing her the hot drink and a moments hesitation.
Gil actually thought Sara's subtle hint for him to sit beside her, rather than opposite facing her, was a deliberate attempt by her to ease any problems he may have had looking at her as he spoke, which earned her a small smile of thanks.
For a whole half minute they sipped on their drinks in silence, until Sara cleared her throat then put her cup on the coffee table "Soooo........." she breathed out extending the word as she sat back, not really comfortable herself, or sure of how to prompt him to begin, other than what she had just done.
Holding the cup in both hands he settled it in his lap, if only to have something to occupy them right now to avoid any nervous mannerisms from showing "Where do you want me to begin?" he asked shakily, keeping his eyes on the cup, then adding "This......This really is new territory to me right now Sara.....I'm not good at this sort of thing....I never was......And your going to have to be patient with me while I try to explain, the best way I know how" he said taking a quick glance at her to see if she was looking at him.
Locking her eyes briefly with him before he diverted them again, she smiled understandingly "I know, neither am I, so if we just allow each other time to listen and respond, we should be fine" she said "Start where you feel most comfortable Griss, and I wont interrupt you. Okay".
"Thank you" he took in a slow breath, then decided where to start "When I met you that very first time at the academy, your intelligence and obvious enthusiasm to want to learn all there was to know about the seminar subject made me notice you right away. The way you almost badgered and bombarded me with such well thought out and considered questions, had me struggling to conduct the rest of my delivery of information to the rest of the students in the hall" he chuckled at the memory of it.
"Then when the seminar had ended and you still had many more questions to ask of me, it struck me how happy I was, to be able to share my passion for my work with another person who I felt was on an intellectual par with myself" he turned to her then hoping she got the compliment.
Her smile and nod told him she had "That's why I offered the invite to get a coffee, so I could spend more time with you discussing all the things you wanted to know, that I really wanted to share with you" he went quiet for a moment, then spoke again "The longer we talked, as I sat facing you, I soon realized I was not only attracted to your mind, but to your natural beauty, inside and out, but I was also very much intrigued and enamoured by the attention you were lavishing on me as you held my eyes, listening enraptured by my explanations and theories of my work" Gil let out a short huff of air "You awoke something in me that day Sara, and made me look for the first time in a very long time, at something other than science. You made me think about my life in general, past and present, about the endless possibilities of being with a woman again. About the wonderful idea of someone so young, vibrant, attractive intellectually, and physically, someone giving me the signals that she too was attracted in the same way" he looked at her then "Sara I was completely enthralled by you, almost hypnotized by the way we seemed to connect on some unspoken level I still can't even begin to explain" Gil chuckled then a little nervously, then brought his cup up to drink.
"I saw a huge enthusiastic potential in you for the future, not just as a CSI, but as my companion or partner in my life".
Recounting their time in the quiet off campus coffee shop, Sara grinned "So why did you abruptly make your excuses and leave suddenly? I thought we were both enjoying the time together. I certainly was" she asked gently, still a little confused by his actions that day.
Shaking his head, he placed the cup back in his lap "That's exactly it. I was getting far too comfortable with you, and yes, I more than enjoyed our time together as well" he sighed "But then it hit my how young you were, how you were just starting out in the pursuit of you own career, that I. A man approaching middle age was your professor, someone in a position of responsibility who was supposed to be teaching you, not thinking of the possibilities of a romantic liaison with you, or even a relationship" he said derisively.
"I just had to get away from you, and put an end to all those idiotic foolish thoughts that had taken over my brain while watching you across the table" rubbing his temple he then added quietly "In truth, I was also so very scared that you'd evoked so much feeling and emotion in me too" he turned to see her staring at him shocked "No one else had in my life up until that point, or have ever since Sara" he admitted, feeling a strange sense of achievement at his confession.
Stunned by his very emotive words, Sara was almost speechless but managed to look at him and utter in response "Griss........" before trailing off at a loss of what to say.
Gil chuckled at the thought of making Sara Sidle speechless for once, but then something struck him that he'd been meaning to request of her for some time now, so he seized the opportunity while he still felt he had enough confidence to do so "About that Sara....Calling me Grissom, your nickname for me Griss too. Can we drop them when we are away from work please" he let out a long sigh "I'd much prefer it if you called me by my given name" he asked with a half smirk her way, she still looked a little dazed at his previous confession.
Frowning slightly at this new seemingly more confident, and almost teasing side of the man beside her, Sara shook her head perceptively before speaking "Urm, Err. Yeah, If that's what you want" she managed to get out before averting his gaze as his smirk grew into a smile.
"I do" Gil said letting the smile disappear now, and getting back to where they were, he didn't really want to continue, but felt he had to in order for Sara to understand his reasoning for putting the breaks on any would be relationship in the past "You asked me why now" he stated, gaining her attention to the matter at hand again.
"Well as I was saying previously, being your professor was just one of the many reasons why I had to put a stop to what was happening between us. There are other factors that I can elaborate on if you'd like later, but right now I need to continue on this line of reason" Gil said taking another sip of the drink then placing the cup back on the table".
"Okay" Sara said copying his movements, then sitting back again waiting.
Taking a deep breath Gil paused a few seconds "Up until more recently when you started to mentor Greg through his CSI training, I had not only been your supervisor, superior here at the lab. Yet another obstacle in our paths I might add" Gil shook his head again, his train of thought going off track for a few seconds "But for the last five years I have been your mentor too Sara, teaching you all I know, just like when we first met. So I've never really been able to treat you any other way than just my student morally, and comfortably enough for me to accept. Can you understand my dilemma?" he asked her gently as he now looked at her.
Sara looked in some thought, but nodded "I guess so" she said still a little confused by his explanation.
Seeing her uncertainty he explained further "Sara your the teacher now, by mentoring Greg, but also knowing virtually as much as I do about being a CSI, and teaching me things I never knew about before. You certainly surpass me at times with the way your wonderful mind works through all the theories and puzzles we come across investigating crimes" Gil added truthfully, hoping she would believe his sincerity "I now lack that constant morale feeling of being just your teacher, I feel that we are more on an equal par in the academic field of our chosen careers" he said finishing, but hoping she wouldn't feel like he had always looked down on her academically.
Sara still looked unconvinced by his reasoning, figuring there would be a hell of a lot more for them to discuss in the coming days, she accepted it with a small smile "So all this time you felt morally bound as an educational provider to me, not to take this any further" she clarified making sure she understood correctly.
Smiling now and looking at her, Gil answered "Yes. But that isn't the only reason, just one of many more that arose from the beginning, and along the way" he now averted his gaze from her as he reached for his near empty cup from the table "The fact that I am fifteen years older than you Sara, am a workaholic loner who has a deficiency in social skills, not to mention relationships of the heart, were some of the other issues and factors I've had to rationalize" he now stood gathering her cup as well as he stepped away from the couch not looking at her "Plus we both had our own obstacles to overcome too" he added meaning among others, Hank, Heather, and his genetic medical condition.
"I had, and still have a whole range of personal insecurities that have prevented me from taking the chance on 'this', and letting you get closer to me like you've always signalled to me that you want to" he said more quietly as he walked off towards the kitchen.
"I'm gonna wash up, then I think we should take a break so you can grab some sleep" Gil said a little louder signalling the conversation was over for now, but with a hint that it would continue later.
Sara beamed a huge smile as she revisited some of his spoken words in her head, recalling the compliments he'd just paid to her, ones she had longed to hear from him for years.
For the first time since meeting Grissom, Sara finally had some solid and reassuring hope that there might yet be a romantic future for them after all, making her happier than she'd felt in a long time.
But there was still that wonderful, deep longing, sensual kiss he'd given her just before he left her with his contact details, and took his flight back to Vegas, to discuss. She made a personal promise to herself to ask him when she felt the time was right to do so, but for now she would enjoy remembering the conversation and storing it in her memory forever.
Deciding to now follow up on her promise to him, to get some much needed sleep, she stood and placed the throw back over the couch, as she walked towards the short hall leading to the bedrooms, she remembered his recent reference to 'This', what she'd termed as their relationship whatever that was before, and recalled her subtle threat when asking him to dinner,when he replied, that he didn't know what to do about 'this'.
He had is back to her rinsing the cups in the sink, but he felt her closer than before when she was on the couch alone, so he busied himself trying not to drop the cup in the sink with his soapy hands.
"Gil?" Sara said softly to get his attention.
Clang went the cup in the stainless steel sink, he cursed inwardly before turning around, her use of his first name, and the tone in which she used as it rolled of her tongue had shocked him momentarily "Yeah" he almost squeaked out before clearing his throat, then connecting his gaze with her.
"It's not too late you know" was all she said with a soft smile at him as she turned and sauntered off toward the guest bedroom, giving a little extra emphasis on her swaying hips in her wake.
A/N – To be Continued – No I haven't finished with their talk just yet, Sara will get her nap, there will be a little Kye/Grissom interaction, then the spilling of guts will be taken up again. Besides I think Grissom has done well for all that he's confessed for one chapter, don't you think?next posting will be Friday with my current schedule of work. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter and, that I managed to keep pretty much in character with the couple!
Please take the time to review, I really am curious as to what you all thought to my attempt at the Grissom/Sara talk. They really do help me keep on writing.